So the in-laws left today which heralds the end of my lovely LOVELY week off; doing nothing but making cakes and stews and cleaning my house and pottering and reading :0) How lovely - lord knows when I shall be abel to do such things again with a baby on the way and a PhD to finish...
So am pretty refreshed and my mind has put my last chapter to bed properly - am a lovely clean slate for the new chapter... Was meant to work today but spent the day sorting the house out from our guests and getting the spare room back to being my office! Tomorrow I am working from 9.30 - 1pm and then off into the City to see DBs new office! He has got an actual office, no more working in the same house together! Am sad about this as I will miss his company (though he is only going in to it about 3 times a week) but is great if it means he leaves his work outside the front door, can work when we have Bean and it will help me work too as I wil be bored on my todd otherwise. No one to distract me or for me to make cups of tea/fancy lunches for!
I have about 3 weeks of full time proper working left before I reconsider according to how I am feeling and it is all going. I will then go part time until the end of term - which is the 18 Dec! So late, is a bit annoying really. On the one hand I am wanting as much time as possible to work, on the other I am so keen to have at least a week to myself again before we are on popping duty - what if I have the baby before the 18 Dec? I would then be going from work to baby without any kind of break which would be sad. So beginning of Dec I think I shall relax more than I work, but keep my hand-in...
Anyway... is so hard not to just be pregnant all the time now - am the size of a bungalow and growing all the time! It is dark and wintery and I am adoring cooking and cleaning and being terribly domesticated. Work doesn't really fit into it! Eek! Don't tell my Sup!
Will work hard tomorrow am - may not be online as I have reading to do that is offline, and thinking too, and don't want to be distracted. Every minute counts at the mo!
x J
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
Thursday, 5 November 2009
love time off :0)
Just popping in to brag about my lovely time off (not entirely guilt free but whatever)...
It is working a treat! Managed to get out for a walk today which I never feel I have time for when am working as it makes me sooo tired, and have been daydreaming and being all pregnant. Realised today that I am finally forgetting about my paper and last chapter topic as well as the chapter I want to start - this is great news. Great I am forgetting about the last chapter as it means it won't be cramming my mind any more, and fine about forgetting the new one as it means I am not stressing about it or getting confused about the different strands of it. I am a clean slate.
I am also becoming resigned to the fact that there is no way I am going to be as ready to go on mat leave as I hoped/anticipated. All I can say to make myself feel better about this is that the work I *have* been doing is of good quality and won't need much attention on my return. Is no point having done lots of chapters that then need a heck of a lot of revision, that actually would be worse than having done a few well. Am sad for my Sup as I worry he will be disappointed but then DB reminds me that he hasn't worried before, wasn't worried recently (in fact the opposite, was keen reassure me I was doing fine) and if he *was* worried now he hasn't piped up! Am really very sad though because I only have 6 odd weeks of him being my sup left. Gosh this makes me sad. End of an era for me, he has been my mentor and friend in all this since I was 25 :0( Oh well, I was always going to have to say goodbye at some stage.
Have also realised that I think I may be a bit more pregnant than the docs think, so due around xmas rather than new year. After a girl that is a month ahead of me preggers-wise popped her bubs surprisingly yesterday I am thinking that maybe I should start realising how close to the end I really am! I could go any time from early Dec and not be considered unusual! So I will really work hard from next week and then pack everything up and go seriously part-time in Dec until I feel I can't work any more/have finished this chapter (hope, hope) whichever comes sooner...
Anyway, am sloping off now to hunt down some dins!
x J
It is working a treat! Managed to get out for a walk today which I never feel I have time for when am working as it makes me sooo tired, and have been daydreaming and being all pregnant. Realised today that I am finally forgetting about my paper and last chapter topic as well as the chapter I want to start - this is great news. Great I am forgetting about the last chapter as it means it won't be cramming my mind any more, and fine about forgetting the new one as it means I am not stressing about it or getting confused about the different strands of it. I am a clean slate.
I am also becoming resigned to the fact that there is no way I am going to be as ready to go on mat leave as I hoped/anticipated. All I can say to make myself feel better about this is that the work I *have* been doing is of good quality and won't need much attention on my return. Is no point having done lots of chapters that then need a heck of a lot of revision, that actually would be worse than having done a few well. Am sad for my Sup as I worry he will be disappointed but then DB reminds me that he hasn't worried before, wasn't worried recently (in fact the opposite, was keen reassure me I was doing fine) and if he *was* worried now he hasn't piped up! Am really very sad though because I only have 6 odd weeks of him being my sup left. Gosh this makes me sad. End of an era for me, he has been my mentor and friend in all this since I was 25 :0( Oh well, I was always going to have to say goodbye at some stage.
Have also realised that I think I may be a bit more pregnant than the docs think, so due around xmas rather than new year. After a girl that is a month ahead of me preggers-wise popped her bubs surprisingly yesterday I am thinking that maybe I should start realising how close to the end I really am! I could go any time from early Dec and not be considered unusual! So I will really work hard from next week and then pack everything up and go seriously part-time in Dec until I feel I can't work any more/have finished this chapter (hope, hope) whichever comes sooner...
Anyway, am sloping off now to hunt down some dins!
x J
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
Transition week
I have decided to have a transition week, which is basically a nice way of saying I am having it off ;0)
We were meant to be going to cornwall this week but DB decided not to... so we went to my mums last night and went out for beeday dins for my sis and came home today. Thought this was a good idea as it gives me more time for my work until I realised this am that actually I was dreading coming home - the whole house is like my office and the thought of coming home just to sit at that desk and try and work out what the heck is going on with chapter was awful! So talked with DB and decided he will work upstairs and I will take off two days fully, to slob about and get my head and motivation together. The last chapter and presentation and paper etc was a *big* deal, and the culmination of a lot of work and concentration, I am not a robot and can't really expect to be able to just sit down again a week later and just start working really hard on a new chapter. I need a bit more time than that, to exorcise the last chapter and focus on the new one. So am not working this week! Will chill until Thursday properly, then may do some planning work on Thurs/fri - not in my office though - and come back on Monday raring to go, with the whole climate change malarky behind me and fieldwork analysis in front. It is not about being bored or procrastinating, is an active break away to recharge my batteries. Hurrah!
I am confident this will work so am determined to make my house my relaxation space again - not my office!
x J
We were meant to be going to cornwall this week but DB decided not to... so we went to my mums last night and went out for beeday dins for my sis and came home today. Thought this was a good idea as it gives me more time for my work until I realised this am that actually I was dreading coming home - the whole house is like my office and the thought of coming home just to sit at that desk and try and work out what the heck is going on with chapter was awful! So talked with DB and decided he will work upstairs and I will take off two days fully, to slob about and get my head and motivation together. The last chapter and presentation and paper etc was a *big* deal, and the culmination of a lot of work and concentration, I am not a robot and can't really expect to be able to just sit down again a week later and just start working really hard on a new chapter. I need a bit more time than that, to exorcise the last chapter and focus on the new one. So am not working this week! Will chill until Thursday properly, then may do some planning work on Thurs/fri - not in my office though - and come back on Monday raring to go, with the whole climate change malarky behind me and fieldwork analysis in front. It is not about being bored or procrastinating, is an active break away to recharge my batteries. Hurrah!
I am confident this will work so am determined to make my house my relaxation space again - not my office!
x J
Friday, 30 October 2009
Am orf
Hmmm, I did a bit of reading but nothing worth mentioning really...
Am going to leave it now and just see it as one of those weeks - part of the messy, incoherent transition from one chapter to another. Is so hard to just jump straight into another chapter - they demand so much creativity, work and commitment each that is pyschologically impossible to just start a new one without a break. What counts as a break is hard too, I had last week off in the lake district so that should have been enough... but wasn't. This week I have sat at my desk from 9.30am to at least 4.30pm each day and done little other than planning and realising this chapter will not be as quick as I thought but needs proper commitment and time. I am off to see my folks on Sunday and then to Cornwall to see the in laws for the last time before popping and will be back on Thursday. I will do planning and organising on Friday and then work properly on Monday. It is annoying and makes me stressed that I am wasting time and have too much work to do for a week off... but then again maybe it is exactly what I need, to get away from it and come back to it having had a decent stretch of a few weeks to put the previous chapter to bed and start this new one. I can hardly remember what this chapter is on, I am still half in and out of my old one!
Is only because I have the deadline of my Maternity leave that I am stressy. But then again, I can only do what I can do - I say this time and time again and always, *always* get the work done. Not to the inital schedule, admittedly, but I reach the desired standard which is more important and anyway, I have never ever been reproached for tardiness.
Righty. Am going to try and believe all this so I can spend my weekend and week off without flogging myself with guilt. Bah, it'll be fine. I'll do a little plan for myself now to prove it ;0)
x J
Am going to leave it now and just see it as one of those weeks - part of the messy, incoherent transition from one chapter to another. Is so hard to just jump straight into another chapter - they demand so much creativity, work and commitment each that is pyschologically impossible to just start a new one without a break. What counts as a break is hard too, I had last week off in the lake district so that should have been enough... but wasn't. This week I have sat at my desk from 9.30am to at least 4.30pm each day and done little other than planning and realising this chapter will not be as quick as I thought but needs proper commitment and time. I am off to see my folks on Sunday and then to Cornwall to see the in laws for the last time before popping and will be back on Thursday. I will do planning and organising on Friday and then work properly on Monday. It is annoying and makes me stressed that I am wasting time and have too much work to do for a week off... but then again maybe it is exactly what I need, to get away from it and come back to it having had a decent stretch of a few weeks to put the previous chapter to bed and start this new one. I can hardly remember what this chapter is on, I am still half in and out of my old one!
Is only because I have the deadline of my Maternity leave that I am stressy. But then again, I can only do what I can do - I say this time and time again and always, *always* get the work done. Not to the inital schedule, admittedly, but I reach the desired standard which is more important and anyway, I have never ever been reproached for tardiness.
Righty. Am going to try and believe all this so I can spend my weekend and week off without flogging myself with guilt. Bah, it'll be fine. I'll do a little plan for myself now to prove it ;0)
x J
Umph
Well, yesterday was rubbish, so rubbish I had nothing to post.
Just sat around procrastinating really, really hard all day. I didn't have much sleep and just couldn't be bothered. Then comes along today... Thanks to my blooming pregnancy I went to sleep at 1.30am, woke at 5am and got up at 6am, unable to sleep at all - wide, wide awake. 3.5 hours sleep. Why? Whyyyyy? We all know I don't get up until 9am! Wasn't the Bean, he was fast asleep until 8am bless him.
So I am shattered, having had to spend the morning in front of GMTV - a televisual phenomenon hitherto foreign to me and boy I am glad I don't have to watch it every day. What drivel! They are so gloomy! Just talk about tragedy with no positive spin on anything. A good example is a random section where a girl who had had a negative reaction to a hair dye kit from Boots (Boots, you know - they made a thing about that like Boots had done it On Purpose) was on, with a picture of her (now healed and just dandy) burnt face. Well, the interviewer wasn't letting her tell her 'it turned out ok' story, no, instead she kept pointing out little scars on her face and drawing attention to how vile it all was. For what purpose? And Dr Hilary Jones was on whining about the automated services on phones. Why Dr? Why? And in between these things was the weather. Lots of weather. And adverts for CDs of music from soldiers in honour of those fallen in Afghanistan. UG.
Anyway, rant over.
Am completely starving.
I have all this work to do and I can honestly say I can hardly bear to look at it, let alone do any of it. Please let it be 4.30! I just want to slump in front of the tv with lots of food that is terribly bad for me. Pizza and chippies! yes, yes.
So, today my mission is to do *any* work!
Ug, hate it.
x J
Just sat around procrastinating really, really hard all day. I didn't have much sleep and just couldn't be bothered. Then comes along today... Thanks to my blooming pregnancy I went to sleep at 1.30am, woke at 5am and got up at 6am, unable to sleep at all - wide, wide awake. 3.5 hours sleep. Why? Whyyyyy? We all know I don't get up until 9am! Wasn't the Bean, he was fast asleep until 8am bless him.
So I am shattered, having had to spend the morning in front of GMTV - a televisual phenomenon hitherto foreign to me and boy I am glad I don't have to watch it every day. What drivel! They are so gloomy! Just talk about tragedy with no positive spin on anything. A good example is a random section where a girl who had had a negative reaction to a hair dye kit from Boots (Boots, you know - they made a thing about that like Boots had done it On Purpose) was on, with a picture of her (now healed and just dandy) burnt face. Well, the interviewer wasn't letting her tell her 'it turned out ok' story, no, instead she kept pointing out little scars on her face and drawing attention to how vile it all was. For what purpose? And Dr Hilary Jones was on whining about the automated services on phones. Why Dr? Why? And in between these things was the weather. Lots of weather. And adverts for CDs of music from soldiers in honour of those fallen in Afghanistan. UG.
Anyway, rant over.
Am completely starving.
I have all this work to do and I can honestly say I can hardly bear to look at it, let alone do any of it. Please let it be 4.30! I just want to slump in front of the tv with lots of food that is terribly bad for me. Pizza and chippies! yes, yes.
So, today my mission is to do *any* work!
Ug, hate it.
x J
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
Printing and organising
I have spent the day printing out reports and finding info and am getting quite a reading list...
I didn't want to have to print lots out, will use up all my ink! But then again, I can't read it all off the internet, it will take at least twice as long to write it all out as highlight it, let alone hving the temptations of the laptop!
Will carry on printing for a bit then head off. Is so weird working when it is so dark outside! feels really late!
x J
I didn't want to have to print lots out, will use up all my ink! But then again, I can't read it all off the internet, it will take at least twice as long to write it all out as highlight it, let alone hving the temptations of the laptop!
Will carry on printing for a bit then head off. Is so weird working when it is so dark outside! feels really late!
x J
Why oh Why
Is it never easy?!
After mulling over the future of this chapter last night I spent the whole evening in a total sulk having realised there was no way out of it: I am going to have to start this chapter again from scratch. That I have lost the notes doesn't really matter, reading the reports again is a very good idea anyway. I haven't looked at them for about 2 years so need to reaquaint myself with them and write better notes more suited to the way/direction in which I think now. (Still sulking about it though.) I have my original chapter and the references which are all online so know where to start. It will take me ages though, although I know it will be worth it and I will have a very good chapter to come back to. But it is sad that I will probably have half of the PhD done instead of the 'most' I wanted. Crippins.
I do know that I would rather come back and have the discussion chapter to do as that is actually interesting and the point of the whole PhD, rather than facing this chapter. Again.
Hmmph.
x J
After mulling over the future of this chapter last night I spent the whole evening in a total sulk having realised there was no way out of it: I am going to have to start this chapter again from scratch. That I have lost the notes doesn't really matter, reading the reports again is a very good idea anyway. I haven't looked at them for about 2 years so need to reaquaint myself with them and write better notes more suited to the way/direction in which I think now. (Still sulking about it though.) I have my original chapter and the references which are all online so know where to start. It will take me ages though, although I know it will be worth it and I will have a very good chapter to come back to. But it is sad that I will probably have half of the PhD done instead of the 'most' I wanted. Crippins.
I do know that I would rather come back and have the discussion chapter to do as that is actually interesting and the point of the whole PhD, rather than facing this chapter. Again.
Hmmph.
x J
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