mitigating stress

I know!  Already!  I only just posted!

Procrastinating hard, I went downstairs to make myself a hot cup of coffee (I already had one cup ut it was lukewarm...  just won't do!) and all of a sudden was overcome by adrenaline/stress/anxiety!  Soooo I did some star jumps to try and get rid of the tension, which has worked well, and had a wee pep talk to myself.  I do always get stressy as I am finishing a big piece of work - just really really tense and shaky!  Is all very exciting and a Big Deal so I get a bit het up.  Anyway, I am a bit like that so I thought well, I should jsut aim to get this chapter finished asap in whatever form I can!  Don't spend hours editing and slaving over a sentence - that is what March and April are for!  This is my first draft, it is a coherent display of my ideas for my Sup to read and for me re-write a million times.  So not to sweat the editing today!  I am going to just blast through it and add in my theory quotes where I feel is best (no faffing and perfectionism!) and then read it quickly and see if it makes sense.  If it does then I shall leave it for today because that is enough I think.  Tues I can do the same again but more carefully and then send it off and start planning the discussion chapter!

I love the beginning of planning chapters.  Brainstorming and being creative.  Colourful pens and big pieces of paper...  It's trying to shape it into an academic essay that kills me ;0)

SO don't sweat it.

Am also very distracted because it is New Years Eve!  DB is cooking a fancy dinner for us all and we shall have cava and jager bombs (jagermeister and red bull cocktail!) and baileys.  Just us two in the kitchen, seeing as we have a Bean asleeping.  It will be nice and silly.  And I am overwhelmed by the fact that 2012 is my PhD finishing year!  So so so so so so excited!  In fact I just opened and wrote it on my new calender.  I get my doctorate this year!  And hopefully a new baby and start a whole new life!

WHOOOOOPPEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

x J

Ps.  Whoopppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Back to reality

So I had a lovely time off on Friday night, drank boozy and told DB all about how wonderfully happy with work I am...

Was all hungover and sleepy yesterday and DB was working so didn't work.  Now I have until 1pm to finishg this chapter proper and I am all worried again!  So silly,  know if I face it then I shall probably be happy.  I hate reading through my work, even when I know it was written roughly!

So I better get on with it.  Today I am going through it and editing, while adding in my theory bits and bobs.  Then I hhope to have draft one *done*.  I shan't post it off to Sup today though, I shall come to it on Tuesday with fresh eyes and read it, do any mroe editing, and then send it off.

I keep thinking I want to make it so all four of these chapters are well interlinked but then realise that I might change my mind and alter the order or change a chapter in which case changing one would mean changing all.  Probably best to leave that until after I have done all the writing and bring it all together then.  Or at least until I have finished the discussion ch.

Oooh the discussion chapter.  Just thinking about it makes my stomach flip!  Scary!

x J

SLLLAAAAAAM!

Woo!  9,000 words done!  Needs serious editing and tidying and tightening but the words are there!  the structure is there!  The arguments are there!

WOOOO!

I am working a bit tomorrow and saturday this shall be DONE! 

Am really excited and a bit gutted I have to finish now to look after Bean but then again it would be good to come back to it with fresh eyes.

Nearly there!  Then I would have done four proper chapters and written 37,000 proper words :0)  nearly halfway...

x J

Working reet hard!

Am working away!

I would say it is because I am a really good, motivated student, but really it is because this is the easy bit so am just freewheeling downhill really ;0)  I have got 7,700 words down and am yet to write probably about another.. hmmmm...  1,500?  I do need some serious editing though, I have got about two introductions!  And then I will need to tighten up my blabberings (am being rather slack with the old academic language) and add in some more theory and it should be ok for a first draft.  Good enough to send to the sup.  I should have the writing done bar the conclusion today I reckon, then will have tomorrow off so DB can work, and will work for about 5 hours on saturday editing and tightening.

Writing is so easy.  I wish it was all about the writing!  It is the reading and the planning and the sorting it all in my head bit that gets me down.  Just goes to show though, that there are good bits and bad bits.  I am currently in a good bit so should relax and enjoy - which I am!  with the help of some mini chedders and some lovely biscuits :0)

x J

Kicking PhD Arse

Ahhhh, it is like the old days chez J towers today!

I took bean to the childminders, came home and woooooooorked!  I knew yesterday I had cracked this chapter and have got it all laid out to just *write*.  So by 11am I was tip tapping away.  Then had a nice lunch with Mr J who is off work this week and came back to it and have woooooooooorked all afternoon.  Now have 6,500 words and a gazillion more to write, looks like this chapter will be about 9,000 words.  Much of it is babble and I really need to get some proper theory and stuff in there but the words are getting down, the flow is there, the knowledge is in place and I am kicking this chapter's arse :0)

My brain has stopped working now so I am going to leave it for today.  I have written about 2,000 words today!  Tomorrow I need to write this last section, then write the analysis of it and the conclusion.  THEN I need to go through and edit the wittering and change it to Proper Academicness, with quotes and info from my theory peeps.  Then I have finished!  I reckon I will do the writing tomorrow, the editing on Friday and send it off on Saturday and then get DRUNKKKKKKKK and be happy :0)  Then I shall have some days off with my family until I return on Tuesday for a new chapter.

Sounds alright dunnit?

I watched a silly tv programme last night and the guy on it was all motivational (army boy) and saying things like 'its the lows that make the highs' and 'anything worth having takes a lot of work to get' and i was thinking oooooh, you are so right.  Dunno about the lows making the highs bit yet, but I can imagine that we have to go through the shit to get the prize or it wouldn't be much of a prize would it. 

x J

Did it :0)

I have worked out what I am going to say, have written it out in my own words (not my complicated intro jargon) and put it in bold as a template to fill in tomorrow.

All of a sudden I know what I want to say, where the evidence is I need to substantiate my claims, and what my conclusion is and how it fits into the thesis as a whole.

And the thing is, it is just the same as weeks ago.

I am so thick.

NOW, time to go and drink tea, clean my house and cook dins for my wee family xmas :0)  Am going to be very good and sober to be tip-top for tomorrow.  This chapter will be written!

x J

jiggery pokery AGAIN

Christ alive.

I have just spent the last few hours bloody moving words around again.  I am trying to get a good, clear order that I recognise and can follow but then another quote comes and buggers it all up and so I end up moving quotes around and still not really writing anything new!  It is so annoying! 

I am going to finish today's jiggery pokery soon and go downstairs and unpack Bean's gazillions of presents and do some cleaning.  I want to work but have the distinct feeling I will never feel like today's work is done!  So best to go down and consolidate in my mind what I have (not) done today and what I will do tomorrow before bean comes home and chats my head off ;0)

I cannae wait for me roast dinner!  Won't be cooked till blinkin god knows when as the boys have only just gone out to buy it.  Oh well, I shall just have to come down a gear or two and let my head get into holiday slo-mo.

Bean is in with the childminder tomorrow and thursday so work continues as normal...  I do feel better for getting back to it, but not... because I am in the SAME SITUATION and have made no progress. 

Two steps forward, one step back...

 x J