'Eckers

This morning I have been a busy! I have been to the docs and starting packing and started a fight with DB. Woot!

Had our final japanese encephalitus and rabies jabs this morn! Regardless of how I, a lifelong student, feel at having to get up at eight am, having two nasty jabs by half nine is Not Pleasant. So I was grumpy and tired and irritable and then DB told the nurse that we were very unorganised and had loads to do in the house before moving, which made me VERY ANGRY!! I was so angry! HE is unorganised and not doing any packing, not me! I have worked my butt off every day, and sacrificed my uni work to do it, with a view to doing it when we have moved out. But no! we are unorganised i.e. I have done nothing, in his eyes. I was so angry. And then we came home and I came upstairs to stay out of his way if I can't keep a civil tongue in my head. Am just tired and overreacting. Well, I am not, but I am also cross about how - in the future - he won't have finished packing and I will be so frustrated. He is an alien to me sometimes. But being angry about that now is silly, because he may pull something I don't know about out of the bag. Hmmm, I doubt it. When we went to Guatemala he hadn't packed when we had ten minutes to go before our train left. Not a single thing. He was still working. See, he doesn't sit around and scratch his bum but works constantly, but I wonder if he is very efficient in it. Why can't he organise time to work and time to pack? I have! It is a very important life skill. I wonder if because he works for himself he is a bit feral, and not had the necessary work socialisation where people depend on you constantly and you have five o clock deadlines to complete stuff - then go home and do other stuff. For him work is 24/7. Which is admirable and keeps me in grub and socks, but sometimes drives me insaaaaaaaaaane, because I can compartmentalise my priorities and so to him, I think, look like I am not as busy.

Arg, anyway. He looks lovely.


Yesterday I did the housey alll day and then made dinner and then read through lots of my ethics notes in front of the tele. It made me feel much better because there is lots about 'allaying fears' in the research and its unpredictability ('organic' development) which shows to me that at this stage I am not meant to be as chilled out as a sandboy. There is also stuff about how preparing is difficult but when you are there it can be 'very pleasurable'. I hope so!!!!!

So today I am cleaning the bedroom and bathroom for two hours (until 12), then I shall eat sommat and start on the kitchen! Tomorrow we move out all the boxes and then I hope the house will look like we are moving out of it... !!

Gah. Unorganised my a*se.

I wonder if on Friday I shouldn't try and go to the uni library in the city we are staying in. (Are not staying in my uni town.) Then I can spend the day reading about doing research and things to make me feel better. I am *very* anxious, but repressing it for now. I don't think I am prepared enough. I have worked hard on methodology but forgot that that is just the method, but what am I going to *do* when I am there?! What is my plan? What are my ambitions? Where shall I start? I need to purge all this and read about aid and TN and stuff.

Or maybe I am just panicking. This is when a more active Sup might be useful. Am feeling a bit lost but would never in a million years email him for a whine. No way. I will work it out!!

x J