End of an Era

Oh I am sad :0(

I am finishing Uni soon. Seeing my Sup yesterday confirmed it, the way we talk and chat, the way I know everything about my work, the way I have no more research to do, they way we talk about the chapters I have to write and when I will complete them for... It is all coming to the end! I can see the fencepost! I don't like it! Not one jot. I will be so sad when I finish. Happy and delighted and FREE but sad.

I also found out that my Sup is leaving me :0((((( I adore my Sup, we have been together since the beginning of my foray into politics and he is my Mentor and my friend and a lovely Grandad all in one. He is so clever and kind and manages me perfectly - by seemingly not managing me at all. Like that perfect teacher at school who brings out the best in you by simply believing in you. He won't be there when I finish and this makes me feel even more like it is the end of an era and like I have to work as much as possible to use him while he is here. In a strange way him leaving will make me finish even more quickly because I won't enjoy it as much without him. My other Sups will be lovely and my associate Sup is a great guy, and by then I should be racing toward the finishing line anyway and not need steering as such... But it won't feel as fun. I will almost feel that I too have outstayed my welcome.

So yesterday was a sad day. But also really reassuring! Because we didn't have a stack to talk about I could ask lots of 'silly' questions like 'is it ok that my ideas are starting to feel quite stale to me and uninteresting?' which, when you are meant to be working on something that is an' original contribution to knowledge' is not a good thing. But it is entirely normal at this stage, phew! I said about how even the most exciting ideas I had now seem really obvious and unoriginal and I keep trying to find other people who have said it too. I also came clean about a couple of possible conspiracy theories I have (a danger in the world of critical political commentary) and he completely agreed with me and said that is quite the line in the department! I was so happy and felt like my mind was still working a-ok and am not so much of a hermit that I have stopped thinking and that I am still in a common ground of thought (if a rather controversial one but that is fine)

We also talked about the conference and what to expect and he told me that this paper should only be in draft, and not to worry about dotting all the 'i's' and crossing all the 't's' as only a handful will be chosen for publication anyway. References don't need to be perfect and some of it can even be in note form! This is *brilliant* news and am totally chilled with it all now, I will just get it done without worrying that it is an MA dissertation or something. He also gave me tips for the presentation which souds very relaxed. People will wander in and out of the presentation room during the panel and people will flick through their manuals and papers and stuff and not be completely focussed like the most riveting lecture in the world ever - (or uni presentations!). I will have three main points, will outline them at the beginning and go through them and before I know it my ten minutes will be up. Super! And breathe...

SO I have to get my skates on! I have decided to start working more in the evenings - being pregnant has had the bizarre side effect of making tele really boring and inane so doing some work in front of it will be good - mainly lit review readings that I can't fit into the day.

I have to start work then. Lots of reading to do today.

x J