Even' then

Arses, back to evening working.

Taking some adjusting!  My brain has died too; I was just on a friend's facebook page having a nosy at her new baby and scrolled down and after a while thought it was strange that my facebook was all about them.  D'uh, completely forgot that I was on their page.

And now I am to do PhD work!

Because I am tired and it is my first day back, and I want some time to think, I am going to do 'easy' stuff tonight, sorting out basic editing issues, and do thinky stuff tomorrow when I have a whole day to tackle it.

Amusingly earlier I thought my very straight, very old school Sup was drawing shocked emoticons on my work, when actually it turns out he was trying to point out that I had forgotton to put umlauts on the 'O' of someone's name!  His drawing of the 'O' with umlauts looks just like a shocked face emoticon :)  So funny!  (and quite a relief!)

So, on with editing.  Am so very worried about how on earth I will get this all in for Friday.

x J

Testing your mettle

Just to say, that a huge thing at this stage is having your work heavily critiqued - not critised, my sup hasn't come back to me saying it is shite or anything but it has been worked over like a good 'un - and coming back from it straight away to write more.

To be honest my confidence is shaken and normally it would take a few days and a minor meltdown to get over this but I don't have that time!  So I am right back in the thick of it, writing away and adding stuff where it needs to go and, basically, I am just not allowed to think it is shit!

Is so weird, like having to stay and fight when all you want to do is run away and hide under the covers and sob that you just can't do it.

I have to do it!

UG.

It is nice now it is formatted though as Sup has suggested rather than my way, it does look rather posh and proper-like.

All fur coat and no knickers at this stage tho!

x J

Fucktits

And so phase two of evilness begins.

I have cried over it already this morning and think this is probably a good sign, but yes, the work is starting to take on monstrous proportions.  Having a good cry here and there is probably par for the course now and as long as I don't let the worry and fear and horror overcome me too much and just keep ploughing on, head down, shoulders hunched, it might be ok.

The chapter, basically, is shite :)  I have a LOT to add, a lot to subtract and basically every page has been scrawled over.  Eek.  I have three days to do this which is causing me to panic.

However, I have crisps, I have yum yums, I have biccies; Bean is usually asleep by 7.30 now so I have a few hours each evening to work; and i have the motivation of not wanting to be weeping on xmas day!  And, if nothing else kicks my butt, the fact that Sup is working so hard on it surely must guilt-trip me into doing something!  My poor Sup.

He said he is on chapter 6 now (of eight and the last will be a shocker - he will hate me) and it is very repetitive which doesn't surprise me but if that is the most remarkable thing about it I am delighted.  Repetition I can deal with - not having a thesis or having to rewrite the whole thing again - notsomuch!

x J

Chapter One ready for me!

Eek and phew!

Sup has sent my abstract back that I sent him, is done to the final edit.  So, I have an abstract to hand in!  How exciting! 

He also scanned and sent me every page of chapter one with his (many, many) comments, question marks and crossings outs on them.  How kind is that?  He wants it fixed by the end of the week; thank the LORD for childcare.  I will be up and at this asap tomorrow and will work my socks off tom, weds, thurs to get it done as I need to send it by the end of the week.  Then hopefully that might mean a chapter down?  Dunno, I have to sort out the lit review (again, again, again) and structure it properly so no doubt it will still be shite.  He is sending the rest of the manuscript in the post...

The emails from my sup about it all were warmer so am feeling like less of a twat, am ready to get on with it!  (tomorrow!)  Is lovely working from suggestions and help in this chapter as I have no bloody idea what to do with an intro tbh.  He is apparently on a warpath for scholarly rigour and is taking him AGES to go through it.  Oh dear.

Though, to be fair (I have to find positive points - if my confidence goes at this late stage I would be buggered!) this is the first and only time Sup has stepped in to firmly direct me and it does need some shaping up from someone wise.  I don't think anyone can really write a PhD thesis all by themselves can they?  Like, for instance, I really didn't know that all footnotes have to start from number '1' on each chapter, or that it should be double spaced, or that titles need to be in capitals.  Or that 'British' should be 'UK'...  And I can't see where I have forgotton to explain bits because to me it is obvious!

At least my writing hasn't be ripped apart yet like it was about three days before I was meant to hand in my MA dissertation (it was 'grotesque'!)

All round happier and excited about getting closer to getting this fecker FINISHED!

laters yo.

x J

Phew (still bad tho)

It is all still bad BUT I have managed to sort out the work he sent. 

It was just a case of me being an editing twat really for the abstract, not noticing that I had written the number '3' instead of the word (I was tired but oh, the shame) and stupid long sentences.  The content was ok tho and I take a teeny bit of heart from that.

In a way I am glad this phase has started and that I have been thrown into it - and that so far i don't need to drive to the other side of the country to have a face to face about how dreadful it all is.  And it is lovely he is editing it for me (am jammy, yes, but he is Very Cross about it and really, Sup never, ever gets cross with me) as I have no brain and am not a brilliant writer (hello, blog).

Arf.  After i stopped weeping with shock and sorted it out I felt ok again.  All that in 20 mins of drama.

Am dreading what tomorrow will bring.

Oh, and my footnotes are a shambles.


x J

Oh dear

I am in trouble.

My work is a bit rubbish it seems!  After a lovely day watching silly tv and eating I have opened my email to find a very abrupt email from my Sup with scanned pics of the abstract and annotations I have to fix 'by the end of today' (I have to get bean in an hour!) and he will send my first chapter tomorrow, which he 'expects to have revised by the end of the week.'

Oh dear!  It is is good to have help and really it seems like he is so exasperated with how rubbish it is he has marked it and edited it himself (sad face) so I just need to swallow my pride really and get on with it...

He is half way through it tho and these seem to be the major sticking points so far, so maybe the other chapters aren't so bad (so far).

ho hum, week off cancelled! ;0)

x J

OMG I wrote a PhD Thesis!

So yesterday I was a bit stressy and sort of nonplussed by having time off and waiting for the draft to be marked...

And then this morning I was feeling stressy again and thought about it while cleaning the kitchen and all of sudden it occured to me: I have written the thesis!  I have done it, and if I needed to I could just hand it in as it is!  It is written!  It has an intro, an abstract, it has contentions and it has a conclusion.  It has a bibliography that is neatly formatted (thanks endnote).  It needs editing and a bit of TLC which, thankfully I have a month to do and the motivation of christmas with my family to see me through the long nights of work ahead of me.  But that is all polishing.  I don't know what Sup will have to say, but as far as I am concerned it is generally ok - the text is FINE.  And this is really important - I have finished writing.  Sup may decide I need to make two big chapters into three, need to re-write the concl and intro etc but that will be ok and not need new writing or ideas and with some direction I will be able to do that a-ok. 

This is really, really exciting!  I had it in my head that handing in this first draft was just one step of many, or that it was only the little brother to the Big Brother of Submission.  But actually, it is the other way around!  Getting to this stage is the Big Brother, the next stage is much easier (boring and tedious, but not difficult).

I have a PhD thesis!  I have something that, even if we all are stuck down with norovirus etc for a month and i have no childcare bla bla, I can hand in.  even if it is rubbish, it is MY rubbish and it is complete.

And for that I am incredibly happy and feel MUCH lighter of heart.  I will happily have my time off while sup casts his clever eye over it and then get into editing and POLISHING something I have already done.

Most pleased!

x J