Fridaaaay

At last it's Friday! This week has not gone as fast as previous ones. In fact, I feel like I have worked for days and days and days and can barely remember last weekend... And then remember that I had it off. So I haven't worked that hard at all?! Anyway, I am reaching burn out and am knocking off today at 2pm for a long self-indulgent weekend. I didn't realise how stressful getting your head round the finish of one chapter and the start of another would be... It takes a while to put the last to bed and to take the new one on fully, cause in the meantime you have both of them there, jostling for attention. No good! NOOOOOOOOOOO! You need time off just to foget that last one and not have it there, whining at you. SO, be warned. Time off peeps!!

Went to the docs this morn and got my rabies and Japanese encephalitus vaccines! I pick them up on Thurs so need to book nursey appts for those jabs from then... Soooo Thurs 18th. Ok. Will get DB to book those later. Also asked about my stitch pain and general crampiness and he said I could have pulled something but it sounds like my tummy is in some kind of spasm and may be stress-related. Haha! I knew it. So this is also why I am taking a chill pill. I also feel that I should stop drinking so much and eating bad food. I either seem to eat really well or really badly. Although on the whole I always seem to be losing weight so haven't thought about it too much.


I confess that I am bricking it about going to TN. I have been looking forward to it for so long I hadn't realised that actually I wasn't looking forward to it any more and was actually dreading it. Now iIknow I am dreading it I can deal with it accordingly and pep myself up about it. I was experiencing some kind of cognitive dissonance where one part of me was saying how much I was looking forward to this exciting holiday, while the other side was saying how stressful, tiring and demanding the whole thing is. And I tell you what, it is also super stressful because I feel obliged to show DB a good time. I know he knows I am working but am not convinced he will look after himself sufficiently and may be bored and we end up bickering and him coming home. Which, if it happens would be very sad but also means I could just work wherever, however I wanted and not be beholden to anyone - which would make life easier. And he could take over preparations for our cottage in S, where we plan to move to upon our return. So there would be a silver lining. I don't want him to come home though! It's all so irritatingly unpredictable!! I have *no* clue what TN is like at *all*. We may hate it, we may fall in love with it. Time may drag and be stressful and lonely and miserable, or time may whizz by and be full of new friends, experiences and knowledge. Ahhhh, I hope the latter soooo much.

Also, unnervingly I always assumed that by the time I came to do 'fieldwork' (bah bad phrase must think of new one) I would be this adult, self-sufficient creature with a strong grasp of my topic and confident with strangers and 'doing research'. Not true. I am *just* the same. Well, I have a grasp of my topic (I think - there is always room for doubt on this one) but in myself I am as nervy and unsure as ever. Oh well, I will just have to get one with it! I suppose no one knows how to do anything before they try. So, I am not weaker than anyone in that respect. hmmm.

I am going to read some methodology info in a relaxed, non-target driven way, and then leave I reckon about 2 and watch some mind numbingly bad tele, like Katie and Peter. I find that since starting my PhD some extra curricular activities have become rather base. Like reading 'richard and judy best reads', or watching katie and peter argue for an hour.

Sweet bliss.

x J