I am aiming to submit on Nov 12th.
I have decided I really want to have this done and have moved South for Bean's Birthday in Dec, I really don't want to have it up here, or xmas. We don't really know anyone up here now, all our NCT friends have faded away slowly, back to work and old friends, and my only friend up here is due her second bubs any day now, when everything will change and doubt we will get to hang out much. Bean is also becoming keenly aware of what a birthday is and is already talking about his birthday party (is not till Dec!). Would love to be South with family and friends and able to have a wee party for him.
If I hand in on 12 Nov this also means that I can hand in my draft just before we go on holiday on the 13 Sept. My Sup can have it for the 2 weeks I am away, while my brain chills and comes back refreshed and hopefully with new perspective on it all, ready for editing. I will then have 6 weeks to edit :) This is a lovely amount of time. November was also the due date for the baby I miscarried so would be nice to have something else to celebrate to take the sting out of it, and a sense of control and moving on in my life. Moving house etc would take my mind off it.
It means my deadlines are still tight. but I have an extra week for the lit review, methodology and 10 days each for the into and concl. Unfortunately the childminder is off for two consecutive weeks in August which is a fucker and will bugger up my momentum, although I plan to try to work through this time and keep it up.
So all in all, is grand!
However, however, I can't be motivated now! Am being shit and haven't actually worked for a week. A whole week - when last Thursday the childminder cancelled and I was gutted at losing that day!
This is such a problem with having a child and trying to do a PhD. It isn't the child per se, but having to rely on people to help you get on and stay in the PhD frame of mind... otherwise it all goes to shit! You take a day off when you are meant to work, the momentum goes as does the interest and it is so hard to get back into :(
I just really, really don't want to work.
Am starting to have onset of panic attack feelings when am coming back from the childminder's too. Am pretty stressed and in a fug about it all, and not sure how to work it all out. I just wish I had a supervisor at Uni I could go and see every couple of weeks, you know, to keep tabs on me. I feel quite un-moored.
Pretty sure working would be the best thing! Am glad I have Monday next week... Bean will be with the childminder for Mon through to Thurs which is a long time for him, but will be good for me to get some stuff done.
I think today I should just try and start writing one of my subsections. Any one of them; just find the relevant pile of subnotes (!) and leaf through them, re-familiarise myself with the literature and start, if possible, writing some of it into the chapter. I also have to feed in the writing from my old shit draft. Maybe I shall put on the radio. I feel pretty lonely and think this is what makes me skive on the internet a lot (eek, mumsnet!) so I can have a 'chat' or feel included in something. DB is very very busy with work at the mo, working late and coming back tired and not in the mood for chat. So am pretty isolated and meh. However, getting into work would make me feel better (which even though I know this, doesn't make me motivated!) and he will have finished the evil work tomorrow night. We can have wine and chill.
I would like to be able to come back on Monday and know where I am at, rather than be as I am now where I am sort of staring at the intro again, not really comprehending or able to visualise the whole chapter, feeling overwhelmed and negative and pootling off to the loo/make coffee/mumsnet.
I also have to remember that this is a rough draft. Just writing is the main thing, not 'getting it right'. I also have to remember that after I have submitted the first draft I have six weeks after holiday to edit, and if it takes longer because the draft was a bit shit, it takes longer. But getting the first draft surely has the be the toughest task. Editing is easier.
hmmm!
TBH I just want to read my book and feel chuffed about having until dec to do it all!
x J
I have decided I really want to have this done and have moved South for Bean's Birthday in Dec, I really don't want to have it up here, or xmas. We don't really know anyone up here now, all our NCT friends have faded away slowly, back to work and old friends, and my only friend up here is due her second bubs any day now, when everything will change and doubt we will get to hang out much. Bean is also becoming keenly aware of what a birthday is and is already talking about his birthday party (is not till Dec!). Would love to be South with family and friends and able to have a wee party for him.
If I hand in on 12 Nov this also means that I can hand in my draft just before we go on holiday on the 13 Sept. My Sup can have it for the 2 weeks I am away, while my brain chills and comes back refreshed and hopefully with new perspective on it all, ready for editing. I will then have 6 weeks to edit :) This is a lovely amount of time. November was also the due date for the baby I miscarried so would be nice to have something else to celebrate to take the sting out of it, and a sense of control and moving on in my life. Moving house etc would take my mind off it.
It means my deadlines are still tight. but I have an extra week for the lit review, methodology and 10 days each for the into and concl. Unfortunately the childminder is off for two consecutive weeks in August which is a fucker and will bugger up my momentum, although I plan to try to work through this time and keep it up.
So all in all, is grand!
However, however, I can't be motivated now! Am being shit and haven't actually worked for a week. A whole week - when last Thursday the childminder cancelled and I was gutted at losing that day!
This is such a problem with having a child and trying to do a PhD. It isn't the child per se, but having to rely on people to help you get on and stay in the PhD frame of mind... otherwise it all goes to shit! You take a day off when you are meant to work, the momentum goes as does the interest and it is so hard to get back into :(
I just really, really don't want to work.
Am starting to have onset of panic attack feelings when am coming back from the childminder's too. Am pretty stressed and in a fug about it all, and not sure how to work it all out. I just wish I had a supervisor at Uni I could go and see every couple of weeks, you know, to keep tabs on me. I feel quite un-moored.
Pretty sure working would be the best thing! Am glad I have Monday next week... Bean will be with the childminder for Mon through to Thurs which is a long time for him, but will be good for me to get some stuff done.
I think today I should just try and start writing one of my subsections. Any one of them; just find the relevant pile of subnotes (!) and leaf through them, re-familiarise myself with the literature and start, if possible, writing some of it into the chapter. I also have to feed in the writing from my old shit draft. Maybe I shall put on the radio. I feel pretty lonely and think this is what makes me skive on the internet a lot (eek, mumsnet!) so I can have a 'chat' or feel included in something. DB is very very busy with work at the mo, working late and coming back tired and not in the mood for chat. So am pretty isolated and meh. However, getting into work would make me feel better (which even though I know this, doesn't make me motivated!) and he will have finished the evil work tomorrow night. We can have wine and chill.
I would like to be able to come back on Monday and know where I am at, rather than be as I am now where I am sort of staring at the intro again, not really comprehending or able to visualise the whole chapter, feeling overwhelmed and negative and pootling off to the loo/make coffee/mumsnet.
I also have to remember that this is a rough draft. Just writing is the main thing, not 'getting it right'. I also have to remember that after I have submitted the first draft I have six weeks after holiday to edit, and if it takes longer because the draft was a bit shit, it takes longer. But getting the first draft surely has the be the toughest task. Editing is easier.
hmmm!
TBH I just want to read my book and feel chuffed about having until dec to do it all!
x J
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