Up early again

Was up easily at half eight this morn, with a lie-in actually! What is happening to me?!

Having weighed myself over these past few days I am unnerved at how quickly the scales are going up so am on a healthy eating plan from now until Sat, when I will reward myself with some nasty food in front of Britains Got Talent. I am going to deal with my massive hunger by eating little and often and not dipping into the biscuit/sausage roll/crisps barrel. I am craving sweet or fatty stuff though so shall have a biccy or half a doughnut (I bought yesterday!) to calm self down at the end of the day. Is such a pain, normally I would ignore it and be very strict but being hungry is Bean telling me it needs energy and also the hunger is just *vile* - proper shaking and can't concentrate which is no good for work. Well, have had a grapefruit for brekky and will continue in this fruit and veg-laden vein!

I have the Nursey to register at the docs at half ten, should take about five minutes and then hope to get my first docs appt for baba. I am reading the parts of the manuscript that I need to - being quite ruthless really. If a sentence isn't going into my head then I move on. I have a phenomenal amount of reading to do in a week! Last night I worked until 7.30... After nursey I shall go for a brisk half hour walk around the canal, then come home, eat a piece of toast (!will be starving by then) and then sit and work for a couple of hours until about 1.30. Will whizz through this manuscript then have some lunch and come back and work until 7.30 again. Is footy on tonight so may work this evening and give DB the tele. Or may just read and go to bed early!

So that's my plan!

I am so glad my Sup has given me a serious deadline - am so motivated now I have some pressure. No pressure, no result.

Oh! Sup told me yest that it is common in the Viva to be asked what you want to do with your PhD. I don't like this question as I sincerely lack any ambition! I suppose I want to work for an NGO or charity in Cornwall, doing policy and you know, important work organising people and the motivations of the charity or helping peeps... Or working for the council in policy (boring), or working for myself being an 'artisan' and writing. And being a Mum. Somehow, I think these answers fall short of what is expected of me - I think for Uni only academia or the spires of Westminster beckon. And Sup has helped me so much -I am unbelievably priviledged right down to the references I will get when I finish - really big names in my field. But I have a family to think of and DB really wants to go to Cornwall where we will have support and family and can all be settled, and my Mum actually wants to move there too. Would be great! And I can work for a charity and also be a Mum and artisan! Woo!

BUT... didn't I ought to 'use' this amazing opportunity to work for lots of money in a posh office in London?! Moving and shaking?!

Nope. I *hate* London. Hate, hate, hate. Never. I don't even want to visit ever again and it's where all my dearest friends live!

Cornwall, green fields, and a lovely job with cool people and no fancy clothes but a lot of responsibility. All our friends... Some of whom also have families... Ahhh. Sounds good to me. Though I would have to be prised out of the lovely cottage and village I live in now. I love it!

x J