Ok so I am a bit better today. Feeling more positive although still don't know where to start with work!
DB and I are ok again. Phew. I hate it when we fall out. It is so so hard to organise work and childcare so we both get enough to to alleviate stress, and also try and have leisure time (always individually as obviously someone needs to be at home with bean). Resentment builds up and then POP - massive fight. Anyway, over that wee hill for a while.
Physically I feel better than I did last week. I was quite panicky last week and shaky and kept getting out of breath - not too far removed from panic attacks I think. Work just overtook me and my confidence completely plummeted. Instead of working yesterday I found some other blogs by Mums to try and understand how they cope (or don't which makes me feel in good company) and how I can improve my situation. Didn't learn much but did feel that I am not alone and other women are out there doing it and succeeding, and I take heart in this ;0)
SOOOO for now I am tackling the lit review. Off the top of my head I reckon I want this chapter done to a fab standard by June. Maybe the end of June. I can't see how it won't take me 6 weeks/2 months to do the reading (it really is going to be like a MA dissertation once it's done) and then writing it will be hard. I need to think of the themes of my lit and have these as my subheadings, and I need to discuss each relevant paradigm and the substantive authors within them in relation to each other - and this is the tricky bit as if I know what I am talking about. This knowledge will form the basis of my PhD and at the mo feels more important than any of the other work, which feels comparatively mickey-mouse.
So. For today, work out the themes, work out which one I want to start on, start making a reading list and print off some journal articles to get started on. And work otu a timeline for each theme to end in June. Then do my abstract.
I am really looking forward to next week when I have Tuesdays off! Weds and Thurs I work clear from 10am-4.10. That is so long, I'll be able to seriously switch off mummy-mode and get into work. And because it's only two days I will really understand that I have say, just 'today' and 'tomorrow' to work rather than a few days.
I suppose what has happened is I had a crisis of confidence and couldn't see the wood for the trees, then realised that was what was happening and have faced it and tried to work it out. Is hard though when you feel crap about it all.
x J
DB and I are ok again. Phew. I hate it when we fall out. It is so so hard to organise work and childcare so we both get enough to to alleviate stress, and also try and have leisure time (always individually as obviously someone needs to be at home with bean). Resentment builds up and then POP - massive fight. Anyway, over that wee hill for a while.
Physically I feel better than I did last week. I was quite panicky last week and shaky and kept getting out of breath - not too far removed from panic attacks I think. Work just overtook me and my confidence completely plummeted. Instead of working yesterday I found some other blogs by Mums to try and understand how they cope (or don't which makes me feel in good company) and how I can improve my situation. Didn't learn much but did feel that I am not alone and other women are out there doing it and succeeding, and I take heart in this ;0)
SOOOO for now I am tackling the lit review. Off the top of my head I reckon I want this chapter done to a fab standard by June. Maybe the end of June. I can't see how it won't take me 6 weeks/2 months to do the reading (it really is going to be like a MA dissertation once it's done) and then writing it will be hard. I need to think of the themes of my lit and have these as my subheadings, and I need to discuss each relevant paradigm and the substantive authors within them in relation to each other - and this is the tricky bit as if I know what I am talking about. This knowledge will form the basis of my PhD and at the mo feels more important than any of the other work, which feels comparatively mickey-mouse.
So. For today, work out the themes, work out which one I want to start on, start making a reading list and print off some journal articles to get started on. And work otu a timeline for each theme to end in June. Then do my abstract.
I am really looking forward to next week when I have Tuesdays off! Weds and Thurs I work clear from 10am-4.10. That is so long, I'll be able to seriously switch off mummy-mode and get into work. And because it's only two days I will really understand that I have say, just 'today' and 'tomorrow' to work rather than a few days.
I suppose what has happened is I had a crisis of confidence and couldn't see the wood for the trees, then realised that was what was happening and have faced it and tried to work it out. Is hard though when you feel crap about it all.
x J
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