Woah I am a busy lady at the mo!
We are moving house on friday so we are packing packing. well, I say 'we', I mean 'me'. I have been packing for a couple of weeks, and cleaning as I go so am pretty on top of it all. I think - I am waiting to realise that I have fogotton a whole room or cupboard fromo hell! I have decided to work today and the tomorrow and thursday I shall pack while Bean is at the childminders. Hopefully I shall be able to work too, if not I shall work in the evenings (energy levels willing ;0)). I can't really pack in the evenings because downstairs is largely done and obviously upstairs is where the child is... Cannot wait to have more room! And an office! A garden with a lawn for paddling pools and hide and seek! A patio for a table and umbrella for working outside!
House move is not going smoothly with the estate agency - the estate agent is a right old get, seems to think that the oven being cleaned ('cleaned', not 'clean' - it's on its last legs) is a plus point we should be impressed by, amongst other trivialties. I commented on the grubbiness of the house, the woodlice upstairs and the fact the the door on the downstairs cloakroom doesn't shut and he got defensive. Seems like we are going to have a strained relationship which wouldn't bother me if the winters up here weren't so profound at the mo and the appliances (incl boiler) look so old... anyway, anway let's not make worries for ourselves ;0)
Erm, yes wedding is looking like it will be cancelled in favour of something a little more Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz... hehe. I have found a wedding dress but am scared to get it. It is a beautiful, floaty very simple purple maxi dress that would be perfect for a wee ceremony and then to go on a plane on holiday afterwards... DB has gone to see about rings and the 'honeymoon' and I have found us a possible register office. But we still haven't cancelled our big wedding. Am so nervous because it is *such* a big decision! I just can't stop thinking what an absurd waste of money following it through would be. But then, organising a wedding just is stressful and I know the day would be fun in the end. Hmmm. Now is just the worst time to be trying to organise it, it is not fun. But if we wait until we are in a better place (ie I am not trying to be a stay at home mum and a full time PhD student) then it will be years away and we want another bubba. So that is sitting on our shoulders at the moment. I told my ma yesterday that we were going to cancel it and she was shocked but supportive. I hate lying to her, even though am not lying technically just not being honest that we are actually going to get wed in a couple of months... I would have her come in a shot but then DB's family would want to come and he doesn't like a few significant members. Then friends would be hurt if they aren't invited and before we know it we are back to square one! better to invite no-one.
And my little sis was in a proper car crash at the weekend. Harrumph. She is ok so haven't gone to visit - with her lupus her bieng in hospital doesn't have the drama it would do if she was a normo. Sounds a bit harsh but she has her friends, girlfriend and family, twill be cool.
And work - work is stressing me out and encouraging at the same time. I realised at the weekend that my Sup kind of washing his hands of me has actually hurt me deeply and in a way I have had to sort of grieve and get over it. know it sounds dramatic but my Sup has been a profound and rather parental figure in my life for about 7 years and all of sudden he just cut the apron strings and it made me sad. I pretended it didn't but when talking to my (rather insightful) PhD friend the other week she said I sounded sad about it which I realised I was. It did undermine my confidence and I know that I have to get on and make my confidence my own, rather than dependent on pats on the head from authority figures... but that is academia for you, it's what we all want and thrive on really! My reading is carrying on and articles I find that scare me becuase they seem too close to my ideas are actually supportive but not quite my ideas which is good. I am now reading a report that I can analyse and am feeling much happier, rather than reading the dry academic articles on economics and ethics. I still have a lot more of that to read but will go and get all that from the library when we have moved. I did go to the library on saturday only to find that there were no staff so I couldn't pay my fine to get any books out! All that effort and travel for nowt! Was right miffed!
Anyway, today am reading this report which I intend to thoroughly slag off and am looking forward to picking it to pieces - doing something active and using my brain, rather than passively absorbing other people's opinions. I am going to smoke a naughty cigarette and havea cup of tea. And I am going to grill some salmon and have it with salad for lunch. Am de-blubbing in anticipation for a wedding you see.
BYE!
x J
We are moving house on friday so we are packing packing. well, I say 'we', I mean 'me'. I have been packing for a couple of weeks, and cleaning as I go so am pretty on top of it all. I think - I am waiting to realise that I have fogotton a whole room or cupboard fromo hell! I have decided to work today and the tomorrow and thursday I shall pack while Bean is at the childminders. Hopefully I shall be able to work too, if not I shall work in the evenings (energy levels willing ;0)). I can't really pack in the evenings because downstairs is largely done and obviously upstairs is where the child is... Cannot wait to have more room! And an office! A garden with a lawn for paddling pools and hide and seek! A patio for a table and umbrella for working outside!
House move is not going smoothly with the estate agency - the estate agent is a right old get, seems to think that the oven being cleaned ('cleaned', not 'clean' - it's on its last legs) is a plus point we should be impressed by, amongst other trivialties. I commented on the grubbiness of the house, the woodlice upstairs and the fact the the door on the downstairs cloakroom doesn't shut and he got defensive. Seems like we are going to have a strained relationship which wouldn't bother me if the winters up here weren't so profound at the mo and the appliances (incl boiler) look so old... anyway, anway let's not make worries for ourselves ;0)
Erm, yes wedding is looking like it will be cancelled in favour of something a little more Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz... hehe. I have found a wedding dress but am scared to get it. It is a beautiful, floaty very simple purple maxi dress that would be perfect for a wee ceremony and then to go on a plane on holiday afterwards... DB has gone to see about rings and the 'honeymoon' and I have found us a possible register office. But we still haven't cancelled our big wedding. Am so nervous because it is *such* a big decision! I just can't stop thinking what an absurd waste of money following it through would be. But then, organising a wedding just is stressful and I know the day would be fun in the end. Hmmm. Now is just the worst time to be trying to organise it, it is not fun. But if we wait until we are in a better place (ie I am not trying to be a stay at home mum and a full time PhD student) then it will be years away and we want another bubba. So that is sitting on our shoulders at the moment. I told my ma yesterday that we were going to cancel it and she was shocked but supportive. I hate lying to her, even though am not lying technically just not being honest that we are actually going to get wed in a couple of months... I would have her come in a shot but then DB's family would want to come and he doesn't like a few significant members. Then friends would be hurt if they aren't invited and before we know it we are back to square one! better to invite no-one.
And my little sis was in a proper car crash at the weekend. Harrumph. She is ok so haven't gone to visit - with her lupus her bieng in hospital doesn't have the drama it would do if she was a normo. Sounds a bit harsh but she has her friends, girlfriend and family, twill be cool.
And work - work is stressing me out and encouraging at the same time. I realised at the weekend that my Sup kind of washing his hands of me has actually hurt me deeply and in a way I have had to sort of grieve and get over it. know it sounds dramatic but my Sup has been a profound and rather parental figure in my life for about 7 years and all of sudden he just cut the apron strings and it made me sad. I pretended it didn't but when talking to my (rather insightful) PhD friend the other week she said I sounded sad about it which I realised I was. It did undermine my confidence and I know that I have to get on and make my confidence my own, rather than dependent on pats on the head from authority figures... but that is academia for you, it's what we all want and thrive on really! My reading is carrying on and articles I find that scare me becuase they seem too close to my ideas are actually supportive but not quite my ideas which is good. I am now reading a report that I can analyse and am feeling much happier, rather than reading the dry academic articles on economics and ethics. I still have a lot more of that to read but will go and get all that from the library when we have moved. I did go to the library on saturday only to find that there were no staff so I couldn't pay my fine to get any books out! All that effort and travel for nowt! Was right miffed!
Anyway, today am reading this report which I intend to thoroughly slag off and am looking forward to picking it to pieces - doing something active and using my brain, rather than passively absorbing other people's opinions. I am going to smoke a naughty cigarette and havea cup of tea. And I am going to grill some salmon and have it with salad for lunch. Am de-blubbing in anticipation for a wedding you see.
BYE!
x J
2 comments:
Hi,
As a PhD student just starting their fourth year of their PhD I found your blog really useful!!
Aw thanks! Good luck with it!
x J
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