Apologies, just like swearing.
Well, I have had a spanking day off eating doughnuts and fish pie and drinking tea. Am now very fat, very thirsty and very tired :) way to go!
I have been thinking, and really, I think I might quit. I know, I know it is crackers, I am two months away from finishing. But let me say this: working is a constant battle. It creates friction between me and DB, who needs the time to work and can't see why I do this; creates friction between me and the family (DB and Bean) because I take so much family time at the weekend to work; friction because I have no spare time to recharge my batteries, friction because Bean gets upset when DP and I argue and when he doesn't see me much. Not working these past two weeks has completely changed our family dynamic - I have time off when Bean is with DP or at the childminders so don't need it at the weekend, I am not shouting at DB for working all the time when I need to work and passing bean around so we can do said work; DB can work when he needs to and we *still* have time to go to a car boot sale or out for some lunch. Bean is so much happier and more settled having me around more too and not being with the childminder so much and me not being so stressed (am unhappy but not stressed).
I could finish but for what and for whom? Why do I want a PhD - I don't need a PhD to work at the CAB which would be my favourite job of all time. I don't need a PhD to work at the council. In fact, with a PhD I would be overqualified for these jobs! hehe. I have three degrees as it is :)
Arf, i just don't bloody care. I just want to look after my family and have a nice life not making people around me miserable.
PLAN:
My plan is to mull this over for a couple of weeks during my sick leave and not make any rash decisions possibly based in hormonal imbalances and grieving ;0). I shall look at the chapter Sup is posting to me (clearly so full of errors he cannot point them out on an email like usual) and see if I can fix any of it. This is a big issue. I shall also talk to DB. If he is wholeheartedly behind me finishing then I shall be able to do it. I cannot and will not finish with all the fighting going on, I just don't care enough.
Am off to run my son's bath now. See, my DB is at work still and because I don't have to work this evening I don't mind at all. In fact, I feel sorry for him and want to support him whereas normally I would be Very Angry and Shouty. Life is for living and I wonder whether I have had my priorities up my selfish ass for all this time. Making everyone drop eveything for me and my course when I don't even need the qualification, my family needs me, and DB, who pays the bills, puts food in my mouth and a roof over my head, needs the time.
Life was so very different when I started at 27 years old.
x J
Well, I have had a spanking day off eating doughnuts and fish pie and drinking tea. Am now very fat, very thirsty and very tired :) way to go!
I have been thinking, and really, I think I might quit. I know, I know it is crackers, I am two months away from finishing. But let me say this: working is a constant battle. It creates friction between me and DB, who needs the time to work and can't see why I do this; creates friction between me and the family (DB and Bean) because I take so much family time at the weekend to work; friction because I have no spare time to recharge my batteries, friction because Bean gets upset when DP and I argue and when he doesn't see me much. Not working these past two weeks has completely changed our family dynamic - I have time off when Bean is with DP or at the childminders so don't need it at the weekend, I am not shouting at DB for working all the time when I need to work and passing bean around so we can do said work; DB can work when he needs to and we *still* have time to go to a car boot sale or out for some lunch. Bean is so much happier and more settled having me around more too and not being with the childminder so much and me not being so stressed (am unhappy but not stressed).
I could finish but for what and for whom? Why do I want a PhD - I don't need a PhD to work at the CAB which would be my favourite job of all time. I don't need a PhD to work at the council. In fact, with a PhD I would be overqualified for these jobs! hehe. I have three degrees as it is :)
Arf, i just don't bloody care. I just want to look after my family and have a nice life not making people around me miserable.
PLAN:
My plan is to mull this over for a couple of weeks during my sick leave and not make any rash decisions possibly based in hormonal imbalances and grieving ;0). I shall look at the chapter Sup is posting to me (clearly so full of errors he cannot point them out on an email like usual) and see if I can fix any of it. This is a big issue. I shall also talk to DB. If he is wholeheartedly behind me finishing then I shall be able to do it. I cannot and will not finish with all the fighting going on, I just don't care enough.
Am off to run my son's bath now. See, my DB is at work still and because I don't have to work this evening I don't mind at all. In fact, I feel sorry for him and want to support him whereas normally I would be Very Angry and Shouty. Life is for living and I wonder whether I have had my priorities up my selfish ass for all this time. Making everyone drop eveything for me and my course when I don't even need the qualification, my family needs me, and DB, who pays the bills, puts food in my mouth and a roof over my head, needs the time.
Life was so very different when I started at 27 years old.
x J
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