I am not a very good PhD role model. I am tired and sick of doing it. I don't know if this is representative of a normal student, but I know i am particularly a) reactive to my environment and b) whiny.
I think the fact my colleague got his PhD has totally got my competitive juices flowing, if he has done it I totally can too! Meh. ;0)
I think because of this, and having time off and putting my deadline back, I have a kind of 'this will *never* end' feeling and I really want it to end :) I think I need to actually sit and work out my new deadline times and dates and this will bring the end into sharper focus. At the moment, however, just deciding whether to buy a tin of soup addles my brain and the effort can even bring tears to my eyes in the middle of co-op. Everyone elses normality just really gets to me.
BUT I think I am turning a corner. Even though I am eating crisps in front of This Morning and putting on tons of weight I am a) planning to train for a 10k in July so will have to get my wobbly bottom off the settee soon enough; b) constantly thinking about work; c) bought some healthy lunch today and am going to do a healthy shop; d) managed to post my sick note to uni, with a note; e) have been planning the move down South with DB; and finally, f) have planned a two week holiday to italy starting in Naples and taking in the sights aroundabout (pompeii, amalfi, positano etc) for september time. I feel like I am starting to look around me a bit more and be a bit more positive.
I am unable, however, to consider sitting down to work or think about how to consider concepts and things, my brain is mashed. I also still have to actually, physically miscarry as my body is hanging on to this failed pregnancy with ridiculous fervour. I have a hospital appt on Monday, where i shall jump through some admin hoops and hopefully be allowed to be induced so this will all be over soon. I don't know whether that process will mark an end to this hideous time or a new beginning so can't really guess at when I will be fit to come back to work without just being a total mopey dope.
DB has been completely terrific and kind and gentle with me through this and I am so much better for it. I will get better soon!
Today I will read the paper, watch tv and might have a nap. I'm not sleeping well and am shattered!
x J
I think the fact my colleague got his PhD has totally got my competitive juices flowing, if he has done it I totally can too! Meh. ;0)
I think because of this, and having time off and putting my deadline back, I have a kind of 'this will *never* end' feeling and I really want it to end :) I think I need to actually sit and work out my new deadline times and dates and this will bring the end into sharper focus. At the moment, however, just deciding whether to buy a tin of soup addles my brain and the effort can even bring tears to my eyes in the middle of co-op. Everyone elses normality just really gets to me.
BUT I think I am turning a corner. Even though I am eating crisps in front of This Morning and putting on tons of weight I am a) planning to train for a 10k in July so will have to get my wobbly bottom off the settee soon enough; b) constantly thinking about work; c) bought some healthy lunch today and am going to do a healthy shop; d) managed to post my sick note to uni, with a note; e) have been planning the move down South with DB; and finally, f) have planned a two week holiday to italy starting in Naples and taking in the sights aroundabout (pompeii, amalfi, positano etc) for september time. I feel like I am starting to look around me a bit more and be a bit more positive.
I am unable, however, to consider sitting down to work or think about how to consider concepts and things, my brain is mashed. I also still have to actually, physically miscarry as my body is hanging on to this failed pregnancy with ridiculous fervour. I have a hospital appt on Monday, where i shall jump through some admin hoops and hopefully be allowed to be induced so this will all be over soon. I don't know whether that process will mark an end to this hideous time or a new beginning so can't really guess at when I will be fit to come back to work without just being a total mopey dope.
DB has been completely terrific and kind and gentle with me through this and I am so much better for it. I will get better soon!
Today I will read the paper, watch tv and might have a nap. I'm not sleeping well and am shattered!
x J
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