Mamallapuram

Vanakkam!!

I have been away and now I am back... I am now in mamallapuram, a coastal town that was badly affected by the tsunami but doesn't really show any sign - except I got a ganders at my first aid-boats. We got here yesterday and boy it is HOT!! I also have an alarming tummy ache today which is worrying me a little!! I will get some Coke - apparently it helps kill germs?! I have heard this from a doctor and from a traveller here so think there may been a ring of truth to it - but then again it does interfere with my ethics somewhat. Yes, I abstain from Coke because of human rights abuses. Liberal hippy I am, but evangelical protester-activist I am not, so never fear.

Anyway, this town has quite a few local aid agencies aroundabout so I shall go for a wander tomorrow I think and maybe introduce myself and have a chat with some people. I haven't heard back from the guy I emailed about maybe chatting with specifically, but will pop into the org anywho. I have yet t0 work out my patter and am starting get a wee bit nervous and shy!!! Silly me. I keep having to remind myself that I am supposed to be easing my way in for these few weeks and getting an idea of my general surroundings, rather than starting interviews straight away! I will need to come back to this area anyway for a longer period and may even volunteer here for a while. Which is a terrible hardship because there is a lot of seafood, and palm trees, and traveller haunts (toast and jam anyone?!), and the beach and the sun, sun, sun. Oh dear, pity poor me!! Well, I will put in my man-hours in Chennai so think I will deserve a break of scenery!!

Even if I don't get to interview anyone as such, I will pop in to a couple of the organisations. I just need to work out what to say and how... how on earth do you introduce yourself as a researcher without being all long-winded and confusing?!! I need to sort this out asap!! I keep being stricken with fear that I am naturally going to be rubbish at this lark and fail and come back home with nothing. Although chatting to my friend who went to Sri Lanka to do research for her MSc was reassuring. She said that while she was away she felt that she should always do more and find out more, but when she came home she realised two things: 1) that she didn't actually want to know any more info as she had a LOT (a common piece of advice I am finding); and 2) that whatever information she managed to get, she worked with and wove into and around her thesis. She said that there is no 'perfect' information that you come away with - it is always going to be a hotchpotch of information that you really wanted, didn't want, and missed altogether. But you work with what you have and somehow, it will be ok. I cling to this in my dark moments of paralysing fear, when I wonder what the heck I am playing at and how on *earth* will I come home with any useful and - horror - 'valid' - thoughts and, ug, 'data'... !!

HOWWWW! I don't actually even know how many interviews I should maybe look to do?! Or if i should use them at all?! grr, I am panicking now and seem to keep forgetting that i have only been here for a WEEK. It feels like we have been here for so long because we have learnt and done so much!!! I feel like I am ready to start working now, when really, I am not. I should at least wait until I have been volunteering for a month or so, then review the situation. Plan of action then:

* Don't do anything today except work out a friendly, general patter for tomorrow with the intention of maybe someone having half an hour for a chat about their org, what I could do for their org and what their org could tell me about their experiences of the Tsunami aid-effort.

* Pop into a place tomorrow, and maybe another if I am raring for it, or go into anther on Friday. ease yourself into it, don't do it all in a manic scared rush.

* Don't try and do work when you aren't ready for it - this is easing in period remember. the hard work starts in a month or so.

* Aim to know more about the lie of the land and who may be approachable interview-wise by the beginning of Jan. A month is a LONG time remember.

Beginning of Jan sounds scary though - too far away and too close to leaving in April. Eek!

I am being overly worried.

Maybe I should go and eat something. A lot of something, rounded off with some ice cream.

I haven't found a pool yet btw. There is a massive one with our hotel here - but it is CLOSED and has no water in it. then we found another but there were a LOT of pool cleaners and one man in it. It was so blue, and wet, and cool-looking and inviting. But despite the fact that lots of western traveller/tourists here are wearing vest tops and shorts, I am not, and am reluctant to get into a pool unless there is a sizable western-female contingent also frolicking, in clothes/bikini's/tankini's, i dunno, and till I find out I am NOT getting in. It would be like swimming in my underwear and if I want to work here it ain't good. DB and I are doing everso well here culturally. Being from Chennai dealing with people here is a doddle and any Tamil we speak is received really well and seems to give us some local respect and opens us up to be people, rather than tourists simply to tout to. yesterday we went to what I call 'Tamil beach', which is a beach next to 'traveller beach' but only populated with Tamils and the usual beach fanfair of horse rides and big family groups and chai and kites. We sat down and were left alone really, then a Chai man came over and after a cup we were all chatting away and he was teaching us more Tamil and it was really fun. We are to meet his wife today at her new food stall (!!). This morning we were lounging on traveller beach (in all my clothes, very hot indeed and the sea looks so inviting!!) and a hawker lady came up and we chatted in Tamil (I am saying chatted but really just saying 'no thanks') and she sat down and introduced herself and her selling was rather half-hearted really but we seemed to be friendly with each other. I really feel that the local people treat us better because we speak the smallest amount of tamil. So the stress and effort at home paid off!!

Anyway, I better go as I feel a bit sick - think I need some food and the Coke!!! Evil Coke, but ah! So niiiiiiice.

Bye chums! wish me luck for tomorrow... I wonder if anyone else gets nervous doing research or if I am just the biggest scaredy-cat loser in the world. Whatever, 'tis me!

x J