Cognitive dissonance...

A surefire way to stress yourself out.

On the one hand I am sick to death of work, am tired and really can't read another thing. I want to sit in a room with NO books and never read again, let alone internalise info and think 'Oh! How interesting!' and write notes with fervour and flourish. On the other hand, however, I HAVE NO TIME! No time not to work, to decide that I shall laze around this afternoon staring out of windows! NO no ononononoooooooooooooooo do not do this to me.

Although, thinking and writing that makes me realise that actually, the best thing I can do is leave it as I am clearly reaching that stress threshold when one cannot concentrate anyway for being stressed and so races through reading thinking that is 'work' when in fact it is skiving - just really boring skiving.

So that's that. I shall work on Sunday but not tomorrow when I will try and refresh my batteries for Sunday's reading. Shall do about 4 hours on Sun, then DB's sis is coming to stay for a few days. She is going through a hard time with her hubby so is a beer and sympathy visit, and my first preggers trip to the pub will be on Sun with people who are going to get drunk. I may sneak a glass of wine and savour its delectable alocoholy-ness. Or not, I dunno. I will probably eat instead ;0) The rest of the week I shall try and work as normal but in the kitchen, as my office will be the spare room... and then they are both going to cornwall for bank jollyday, leaving me here to meet my deadline. Which is a great thing as sitting around in cornwall watching DB try and slowly get as far out of his mind as possible in a beer garden with like-minded peeps sounds just horrible. I shall sit here, watch tv and eat pizza and chat to Beanie instead. And write up my methodology. And try not to stress.

Somehow I need to get back to my happy place, where I tell myself I am not researching or writing this chapter to perfection; I am just trying to get SOMETHING, anything down on paper. It will be at least 5000 wds, even if they are rubbish words. Which is GOOD. It is just a first draft, something to show Sup where you are headed (and that you are working!) and for yourself to refer to and come back to and fill in the gaps later.

It *will* be ok.

x J