Hormones :0(

Arg hormones are making me a right grumpy, moody, crying wench. I am NOT impressed and want my old brain back! Or maybe a pint of cider and a fag to help me cope?! Nope? Ok then, I shall sit and carry on being grumpy.

I know, I am so ungrateful! I have a wondeful healthy baby growing away and all I do is moan these last couple of days. I am horribly needy and whiny and feel just awful about it, even though I know it is hormones (kick in supremo at 9/10 weeks) and not me at all. Poor DB. Plus I am knackered and feel like I am constantly changing beds and washing up and cooking for peeps and all I want to do is sit and eat chips off my massive belly and stare at Britain's Got Talent. See?! I am whiny!!! All I want is a hug and to be looked after but I can't bear to be touched by anyone and all that comes out of my mouth is horribleness! ARG!!

I have a Uni friend coming to stay tonight - more because I couldn't let her sleep in the street rather than a genuine desire to reach out and share my abode. Again. She wants to go to the pub tonight for a big Uni reunion and I tell you now, I ain't going. Before, I needed wine; lots of wine to cope with the geeky tedium of these people but now I have no defenses, plus am feeling horribly sorry for myself PLUS I am not sharing my lovely Beanie with these people so they will have to be perplexed by my rudeness. Or not, because I am not going. I shall claim tiredness (true) and pregnancy (also true) and sit on my fat ass and watch tv. Then tomorrow I shall be free! My house shall be my own! I can take my bra off!! (They really hurt me now but not wearing one is not very sociable if you know what I mean.) I won't have to cook proper meals at normal times and worry about whether peeps will like them, then wash up and la la laaaaaaa. No sir! And I shall have my office back. I miss my wee room.

Arf, I am such a grump and it frustrates me that it isn't even my fault. At least being such a mardy wench means that bean is growing big and strong. We have our next scan on Thurs! Woo! I had a dream last night that I was so grumpy I wished Bean away and she was born early and died. It was horrible, and makes me feel like a dreadful person. oh :0(

Erm, yes, the PhD. Well, I didn't work yesterday and today have been a weirdo so far... so am trying to sit and do it but am finding it hard to give a toss. Really, I just don't care. And I hate thinking about the methodology today because I am in knots about going to India. I can't go. I can't!

x J

Ps DB just came in and I whined at him and he made me feel better and told me not to worry about going out tonight and to just relax and be moody because it is all very normal. :0) I shall do some work now then.