Successful day

So the laptop ban worked pretty well...

I did some work this morning and lost concentration after a couple of hours (was incredibly bored) so took Beanie swimming! We had a lovely time and despite being in my fourth month of pregnancy still fit comfortably in the 'fast lane' of the pool and even overtook a few of the men. Haha! Take that! It was great and really uplifting; I think beanie is a waterbaby. We will be going at least twice a week from now on!

DB took us out for some lunch afterwards to refuel and then I have worked until now. It is really hard as I am so tired and really, really bored. I have to read through these blinkin' reports and am just not sure when an interesting note is going to come up so have to read and read and re-read (as I dose off and realise I haven't actually read any of the last three pages) and bah. I have so much more to do! Am reading a pretty interesting report now though so am leaving it to come back to tomorrow. By interesting I mean I know it will have something useful in it, in itself it is not actually 'interesting'.

Keep having evil flashes of lost confidence. It's this conference, it's scaring me to death. I am so scared I don't even know why I started all this in the first place. Who cares?! Sometimes I think I could just up and leave it - the only reason I don't is because my Mum said if I get pregnant I won't finish my PhD and because I have put in so much effort - and so have other people (i.e. Sup). It is perhaps a typical sign of one nearing the end of a PhD - I know it becomes completely and entirely vile and unrewarding for a long time.

I just don't know how I can write a paper to the standard necessary for a super-journal. I don't know why I worry about it, apart from the fact it is a deadline and I have to meet it! I suppose I can always work in India. It isn't the reading so much as the writing that concerns me, I don't know how long it will take at all but am sure I haven't given enough. Maybe I should pull forward my deadline and say I have to have all the reading and planning done for when I return from India, then start writing. I dunno.

Think it may be time to call it a day and sink into some Harry Potter for a while!

Gawd doing a PhD is hard. And scary. What if I am talking complete rubbish?! (In the PhD I mean, not the blog - it goes without saying that the latter is absolute, uncensored rubbish. Brain-vomit if you please.) What I need is to read a lovely report that backs up all my critical neurotic hypotheses about the evil machinations of politicians. Which I know exists because I read it before. Come back to me!

Maybe my concern is symptomatic of a day of reading that has only provided little nuggets of info. On the whole it has been completely shite.

5.30! I'm outta here!

x J