Might as well stop stressing

I have had some serious thinking time and realised something quite important - and it is nothing new. In fact it is a quandary I have for nearly every assignment!

I have realised that I am not not working because I am lazy or I don't care, or because I can't concentrate (even though I can't) - but because the child in my brain knows I don't have to. I started on the work at 12. After much faffing and huffing and puffing, I opened it up and read and did some editing then got down to the bit where I am meant to be writing - and then left it to wander around the internet. And why? Because whenever I see it I think, 'Oh! Excellent! Is really easy, I have plenty of time'. Which is the truth! Even if I get it done early, for when Uni starts two weeks on Monday, I have plenty of time - I can get this done in two weeks no worries. Add in the factor that this only has to be rough and I am doing it actually to be better than rough *and* it will be a big chunk of a chapter and I am steaming ahead! I have it planned to the bottom line - I don't even need my plan any more as anything but a prompt for extra info and nuggets and I know exactly which references each idea and argument will draw from. I am unbelievably organised: this is a *good* thing! And I can't concentrate because *I don't need to*. I know this, I know I can get this done in time, I even know that should the deadline change to be Tuesday, and not Oct 10th as I hope, then I can also meet that with a rough draft and some hard graft. I *also* know that when it comes to the wire I shall work and concentrate because I will have to, and because I do really care. I have cared enough to get to this stage with it. The only thing I cannot seem to achieve is getting it done really early. For me deadlines = motivation. When I know the deadline is ages away and am confident I will meet it then I skip off until I have to come back and do it, I don't sit and do it early. Is a huge fault and I wish I could get stuff done early but is not a terribly bad one. Not a damaging one anyway.

I am *always* like this. I always stress that I am not working and finally realise I just don't have to and am inherently lazy so will leave it until I do have to. This doesn't mean I want to skive off for the day and watch tele, far from it, I will sit here until 5pm like a good girl. Well, maybe 4.30. I will flick the work open every so often to reassure myself it can be done in the time I have subconsciously allocated to it (now consciously) and then leave it and work the internet looking for somewhere to take DB for his beeday next month. See, I will be too busy next month to do this so wil do it now while I have time - it makes sense really.

Is just the way it is and no point getting stressy over it. I wish I could get it done earlier, I wish I could start on another chapter and hand the PhD in in December. But it wil happen as it happens, and not a minute sooner - or, importantly, later.

And relax.

x J