Thank goodness

PHEW is all I can say.

I emailed the conference organiser to say, in a friendly chatty way 'shit, I am not nearly ready to hand this in on monday' and ask where I send the paper... and she emailed back to say she hasn't started hers, nor has another major contributor (my associate sup actually!) and she doesn't think the deadlines are that strict. As long as we have it ready to hand out to each other for the 10 Oct all is fine by her. But she said to check with my Sup in case. Sooooo, I shall have a skeleton draft done for Monday and then shall buff it up for two weeks time, as planned anyway. I should check with Sup but am scared of him for some reason, like he will know I am being a slackbum just from the way I say 'hello'. (I never talk to my sup when I am not on top form. Ever. I never show any weakness or that I am not top of my game - and this really, really works! If I am going through a rough patch/need reassuring I wait it out, work and get some good stuff to him (usually before he asks for it) and if I have any worries, talking about it when I am confident in general and have done lots of work just looks like me addressing concerns and being thorough, rather than me whining or needing support.)

Am so glad though still worried. Had a wee meltdown earlier, I was really upset trying to work out how I would get this down without working 17 hour days, which I just can't do - I just wouldn't be able to concentrate! It will be fine after Beanie is born, but right now, especially today, I am a total doofuss. DB asked me to write a shopping list and I just couldn't work out what to write on it and burst into tears! He took me away from the laptop, love him, and gave me a cuddle and we talked it through and I confessed to him about the new deadline and on top of that my ma is coming to stay on Saturday so the house needs to be so clean, plus I just don't have time to be cooking two gourmet meals a day, which I am doing because I need good nutrition. Otherwise I eat toast all day which is cr*p. Anyway, big hugs all round, a good cry and some washing up done and am much better now. Oh, and I got the email from my lovely conference organiser.

Am actually going to do some work now. For the first time today. I will work until 5.15 thenh slope off and rest and tomorrow... Tomorrow will be exceptional. Watch this space!

x J