Ummm

Well, I worked yesterday! Worked quite well in fact and wrote out my final work plan for between now and when I stop working on the 18 Dec...

Realised I will only get this chapter done, which means I will have only half of the PhD finished. This is not good considering I was meant to have it *all* done... but is good when you think that it is the 'hard' half of analysis and thinking. I will have the discussion chapter to write, though a lot of that is already written and planned; and the intro and concl, and lit review - not too mentally taxing. So am hopeful and scared at the same time, which is pretty much the story of my PhD life.

Went to a 'bumps and babes' meeting this morning with some other 'bumps', sat a very hot room and had a coffee and chat and it was all very strange. Am really finding it hard to equate Bean with being an actual human being. It was a bit, well, mumsy too but as long as I get to stick with my bump friends that should be ok - they are pretty cool and not at all mumsy - phew! The glimpse of my future was pretty scary out of context... lots of holding of babies, feeding, lots of plastic accoutrements (prams and car seat carrier things and play mats), baggy clothes, big thighs, big boobs, straggly hair and jaffa cakes. This is *not* me. But then, when I have my own bean I may well be that person but just one in a group of many - not to be confused or cameoflaged by them... I can maybe see why women fret about losing their identity when they have a wean. I guess it depends who you hang out with - I don't have to go back to that church hall-style group but maybe find myself a more funky one that includes a glass of wine or a newspaper or something... !!

Workwise I haven't done any today. DB has had to go to cornwall as his grandad is dying. I haven't gone as I am banned by DB as the car is horribly uncomfy for me and bean now, and I really need this few weeks to get my reading for this chapter done. He wasn't very close to the grandad - he is going for formality and to be there for his family really and should, I hope, be home soon. Is a bit of a surprise though and am home all alone for the forseeable. I don't like it much but then again it is a good excuse to hole up and do some work. And I am making friends aroundabout and am off to bumps and babes again next thurs so shall see some people then for a social.

Well, I should try and get back into my work for the last hour of the day! Ug, I really didn't mean to have the whole day off. Tomorrow I will impose my laptop ban again in the morning and get into the swing of work. I find it depends what I start doing in the beginning of the day that sets the tone - if I start it by checking emails etc, that is what I do all day then. If I start by doing work then I will generally work all day. Am officially not seeing a sausage tomorrow, so will get my head down good and proper...

Funny it has taken me three years to work that out.

x J

Ps. I ordered our washer dryer today! Am ridiculously excited about getting my first very own, not second-hand electrical appliance. It will work, be quiet and efficient, will be clean and will be ALL mine! And it is a dryer! So we can dry beanies nappies. Am just stupidly pleased about it ;0)