This morning has been great!
I have managed to work out that my original chapter order was fine, and that it is probably not a good idea to meddle with it too much at this stage... BUT that one of my chapters needed to be re-jigged a bit so it fit into the thesis more neatly. I originally wrote the chapter for a conference paper and you can tell - it sort of sits on its own rather too well!
Which meant I got to take 500 words out of it and put it in the chapter I am currently writing, which is totally cheating but makes me feel very productive! I have also re-organised the two intros and now need to make sure the main text is true to they and not wandering off like before. Is more tinkering than anything, but it all brings it together and makes me feel that it is working. Am only a stone's throw away from not knowing what to do next though and that makes me feel constantly queasy. Literally. The stress and pressure is unbelievable. I am smoking again, funnily enough. Anything to get me through to be honest.
Last night I wrote up some references in front of the tele (finally, at half eight, the child was asleep) and went to bed at 11, totally exhausted but, as usual, unable to sleep. I did sleep though and feel better today than I have for a while! About a week actually.
AND DB told me yesterday that he is off down south with bean tomorrow for the weekend! They won't be back until monday night! So I shall have tomorrow afternoon (i hope but knowing DB's organisational and time-keeping skills probably not) and all of Sunday and all of Monday to work ALLLLLLLL TOOOOOOO MYYYYYSEEEEELF! Hurrah! I shall work like a demon. I am going to type up my references in front of the X Factor final with a bottle of red for company and no child to put to bed! i shall go to sleep and sleep alllllll night with no child to need reassuring! I shall wake when I want to with no child saying 'it's 7am mummy, let's get up!' And I shall work like i used to pre-baby, alllllll dayyyyyy long :0). I can't wait. though I shall miss my family, I know it, and the house will be too quiet, but I shall fill it with the sound of mumbling and typing.
So with this in mind, by Tuesday I shall have this chapter written, most refs typed up (in the eveningtimes) and all four chapters (35,000 words out of total 80,000) sent to my Sup for xmas. I shall also have made serious inroads into my discussion chapter... I am VERY scared of my discussion chapter. It is such an important chapter - can I write it without doing more reading? What if there is a key text I haven't read (I know there is but I would have to go all the way to uni to get it and is £50 on amazon and I don't have TIME) is it worth trying to blag it and write it anyway, or should I prepare more? Or is that procrastinating as surely writing *something* is better than nothing because I am planning and preparing *again*... And I don't have time to plan and read all cosy any more. And I do have it pretty much planned out and I even think I might have a couple of thousand words of it written already...
See, am hanging on by a thread.
Anyway, I am hungry and off to make lunch, and a cup of tea, then I shall come back and work on my current chapter, with a view to getting it finished asap.
ASAP is my motto at the mo really. I have to remember that I have from March to June to tinker and perfect. For now I just need to get my ideas down so my sup can see them and tell me they are shite.
x J
I have managed to work out that my original chapter order was fine, and that it is probably not a good idea to meddle with it too much at this stage... BUT that one of my chapters needed to be re-jigged a bit so it fit into the thesis more neatly. I originally wrote the chapter for a conference paper and you can tell - it sort of sits on its own rather too well!
Which meant I got to take 500 words out of it and put it in the chapter I am currently writing, which is totally cheating but makes me feel very productive! I have also re-organised the two intros and now need to make sure the main text is true to they and not wandering off like before. Is more tinkering than anything, but it all brings it together and makes me feel that it is working. Am only a stone's throw away from not knowing what to do next though and that makes me feel constantly queasy. Literally. The stress and pressure is unbelievable. I am smoking again, funnily enough. Anything to get me through to be honest.
Last night I wrote up some references in front of the tele (finally, at half eight, the child was asleep) and went to bed at 11, totally exhausted but, as usual, unable to sleep. I did sleep though and feel better today than I have for a while! About a week actually.
AND DB told me yesterday that he is off down south with bean tomorrow for the weekend! They won't be back until monday night! So I shall have tomorrow afternoon (i hope but knowing DB's organisational and time-keeping skills probably not) and all of Sunday and all of Monday to work ALLLLLLLL TOOOOOOO MYYYYYSEEEEELF! Hurrah! I shall work like a demon. I am going to type up my references in front of the X Factor final with a bottle of red for company and no child to put to bed! i shall go to sleep and sleep alllllll night with no child to need reassuring! I shall wake when I want to with no child saying 'it's 7am mummy, let's get up!' And I shall work like i used to pre-baby, alllllll dayyyyyy long :0). I can't wait. though I shall miss my family, I know it, and the house will be too quiet, but I shall fill it with the sound of mumbling and typing.
So with this in mind, by Tuesday I shall have this chapter written, most refs typed up (in the eveningtimes) and all four chapters (35,000 words out of total 80,000) sent to my Sup for xmas. I shall also have made serious inroads into my discussion chapter... I am VERY scared of my discussion chapter. It is such an important chapter - can I write it without doing more reading? What if there is a key text I haven't read (I know there is but I would have to go all the way to uni to get it and is £50 on amazon and I don't have TIME) is it worth trying to blag it and write it anyway, or should I prepare more? Or is that procrastinating as surely writing *something* is better than nothing because I am planning and preparing *again*... And I don't have time to plan and read all cosy any more. And I do have it pretty much planned out and I even think I might have a couple of thousand words of it written already...
See, am hanging on by a thread.
Anyway, I am hungry and off to make lunch, and a cup of tea, then I shall come back and work on my current chapter, with a view to getting it finished asap.
ASAP is my motto at the mo really. I have to remember that I have from March to June to tinker and perfect. For now I just need to get my ideas down so my sup can see them and tell me they are shite.
x J
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