Oh SO much better

I have woken up this morning and just feel sooooo much better. I feel like I have an iota of verve, of cheer, of 'botheredness'. Thank goodness! I just hope it lasts...

I have planned to clean the bathroom - which definitely means something is up because I haven't even been bothered to clean myself of late - and will do some clothes washing and will then make some coffee and breakfast, then plan some luncheon and come up and... do some work! I think I will do some work today but won't cut my head off I don't. There is a research seminar at Uni that I am expected at and really ought to go to but I am just not there yet. I will go back to uni proper at the beginning of April, when everything is done birthday-wise and also, 7 April is when I was always meant to be home from India, so things should stop feeling so weird and 'why am I here?! Oh yes. Oh yes.' Cue sobbing...

And 30 March I start my new hardcore exercise group and hopefully make some friends, and when I am home most weekends, I can start my dog walking and baby sitting shenanigans and be NORMAL! And I will work every day except Sunday. Week days I will work from 9.30 - 6.30 and Saturday I will work in the afternoon for a couple of hours. Then, most probably, I shall get drunk and then loll around all the following Sunday waiting for someone (me) to make me a roast dinner, and then I shall curl up and watch The Wire with DB in front of my log fire in the living room... What a nice life eh? Just not right now- this is the last day of me being a proper wastrel. In a perverse way I can quite enjoy it, without it being suffocating and miserable like it has been.

I did think yesterday that I should go out today and I will do if I start getting miserable again. I have decided that the moment it starts going wrong and I get miserable I am donning my earphones and am out for a mood-lifting jog. Jogging is supposed to be fabulous for curing mild-misery but the only snag is that when you feel mildly miserable you really don't want to go outside and have people goggle at you. Wierdly I actually forget how to dress for other people and am used to my scarecrow/makeup all over face from days ago/mismatched-two-sizes-too-big clothes/spotty socks-and-stripey ballet-pumps look - but yesterday I went to the shop to get some chocolate and halfway there just realised what I look like. It was very colourful and slightly eccentric an outfit but I just couldn't work out how to fix it - because I just didn't care. But today I hope I do care and these things will come back to me.

I am still not a fan of reading Habermas. Maybe I ought to read something else for a while, or find something else (filing?!) to do that is PhD related. But then again, engaging my brain may be a good thing and get some thoughts and confidence flowing... Yeah, I feel some energy for that.

The sun seems keen to come out again. My new house has back yard terraces just like on coronation street so out of the office window I can see yards for miles, with their clothes drying and wee garden pots, and benches in the sunshine and doggies and children. It looks lovely and I want to join in so much! My yard has some knackered wood plonked in the middle of it and some pots with very unhappy and ugly foliage in. I don't know what to do with them to make them well again, or even if I can use the soil? I would like to garden. My ma is coming to stay at the end of next week and she will show me the way. I am very looking forward to it.

Well, I better surf the internet for a while - DB is organising something beeday-wise downstairs so I am banned! Then as I said, I shall clean the bathroom, drink a cup of coffee (no more than one today please! Then drink water and be good again like the auld days!!), go to the shop and make us some eggs and toast for our lunch. I have decided. Veg curry for tea may be wise, seeing as I have a lot of veg!

See me being coherent!

x J