Arg the sun has come out! I hate it! It fills me with guilt at being a recluse and makes me feel that I ought to find a field riddled with daisies and cavort wildly in a white cotton dress and some long blonde hair... See me dance my pagan dance!
I have met this compulsion halfway and got out of my pyjamas and into clothes. But I will not shower. I refuse! Hmmmm. I think I will go out and get some thank-you cards for DBs family - they looked after my plants and they are lustrous! Well, apart from the two in plant hospital but they are tricksy bug*ers anyway. Maybe I will just wander around - my village is a bit pretty and has great little vintage shops and a canal to wander by. I feel like everyone will stare at me though. And I might smell. So I would have to have a shower. And then, if I have had a shower I might as well admit my commitment to the land of the living and go for a jog or do some work. Gosh being on holiday is confusing.
I haven't cried yet today though! Wooty!
I think I will go out; just do it and get rid of this obsessive feeling that I ought to take advantage of the sun. And sun is suppoed to cheer one up is it not? And I haven't actually left the house since Saturday. Yes, I know.
I wish I knew how to do gardening! how do I do that? All I know is it involves money, and heavy things like compost and tubs and so I would need the car and I don't want to drive anywhere at all. Otherwise I would do some pottering in my yard. Tidy it up a bit. Arg but then I meet the neighbours and what if I start crying? Yes, I am actually concerned I may do this because I have already done this. My poor supervisor.
Maybe I shall bake something or something. Or maybe I shall do some uni reading/organising! At this rate it may actually turn into a preferable option to all these choices I seem to have, which are rendered impotent by my sincere and chronic laziness. At least then I have a reason to stay in and just sit!!! Oh, the irony.
x J
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