Friday, 7 December 2012

Cry a bit more...

I have my intro and concl returned and it is ok but not great.

I think I am nearly there with the intro but not with the concl.  I have personal stylistic issues that need sorting out still; however hard I edit I always miss stuff.  It is demoralising to say the least.  I feel like such a fool!  And some points that are raised sort of dig straight at my arguments and it is really hard to take again and again :(  In defensive moments I wonder why, after five years of working on this project, these huge, glaring ignorances of mine are only being brought up now.  But I also know, deep down, that I would rather know now and deal with them in the privacy of my home than in the viva.

I really am not sure if I can work without crying any more!  I am a clown.  I sit and work and get to the next damning point and yep I get on with it but not without welling up.  Again.  I am, to say the least, dispirited and feel like I am being intellectually mauled.

It's hard work this editing lark!  I can't believe I can be reduced to tears on a friday night because I can't work out whether 'rapid onset' has a hyphen in it or not (it does).  Am just so happy though that I can only do this for three more weeks then, however it is, it will be out of my hair (until the viva.  )  But the examiners would have to be evil to make a heavily pregnant woman cry, wouldn't they?! (joke)

Oh, and my examiners are apparently heavily into gender issues.  I am NOT.  I know NOTHING about gender issues.  But I have to address this somewhere, somehow, to please them.  I will, but I will be thinking FUCK OFF while I do it.

Generally the theme is weep, work, growl; weep, work, growl.  Then eat.

I can tell you now, there is no bloody way I will EVER be an academic.  Do this for the rest of my life?!  No.  Thank.  You.

x J

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