Monday

My computer is being weird, but for now I shall ignore it... it just shut itself down and started up again with no warning. Eek!

Today is a tricky day. Doing stuff is hard and I feel like rubbish. I have made myself a cup of tea though and got some tabs for my head which is fizzing in a way that usually precedes a lovely migraine. I have tidied the house and have the tv on for company. I never watch morning tv so have been unpleasantly surprised at the vicious, ignorant bear baiting that is the Jeremy Kyle show, and very pleasantly surprised by the thoughtful intelligence on display on the Wright Stuff. DB watches the latter and I laugh at him for working and watching daytime tv - a cardinal sin in my world of home-working - but it is rather good.

I have been wondering what to do with myself today. I am not a happy bunny and reading in my new 'study' seems a bit scary and lonely. I need the tv and chat and noise outside my head. My head is a bit crazy - I think now everything is 'done' moving in wise etc I am starting to feel things that so far I have been too preoccupied to address. I don't like it but know I will be ok when DB is back. Love that boy.

So. I can't take any more time off. I am behind my schedule and starting to become dangerously pressed for time. I hate thinking about India and about work and humanitarianism. Well, my whole PhD. It seems rubbish and pointless. But I have to do it. So today I shall get my books in a bit and try and do some reading. I may go for a walk later to clear the cobwebs and get some enthusiasm for you know, stuff, and should also try and eat once this head calms down. By Thursday I want to be going in to Uni to work. I think I may have exhausted my desire for working at home you know. I think I like the idea of working somewhere else! Away from home and too much privacy. I need people, busyness, change of scenery. To be away from home! So I shall go and do that, which is quite a mind shift. I don't even have a pass for the research room yet I go in so rarely. Well, maybe I will work in the normal library anyway. And I could meet a friend for coffee! How nice.

I am so tired. I don't sleep well at the moment and am getting up at 7/7.30am - hours earlier than my normal 9 o' clock!! And I can't sleep until early hours of the morning - even though I am shattered. I don't like it. I suppose I have two options: I can carry on working through it, or can take a few days off and try to address my personal issues, then get back to work for full speed next week. But it isn't that easy is it? I have to work. I can't be sure that a few days will suffice. I just need some rest and a cuddle.

x J