I sat down to work on Thursday night and DB came home with some dreadful news about our friends and so I didn't work. Not then and not all weekend. Once I stopped working on it I lost the flow and going back to it, particularly when I wasn't really in the mood and, once again, work seemed so trivial in the grand scheme of things, was very difficult.
However, I just made myself do ten minutes and am just delighted with myself. Am so, so, so pleased! I have to go to hosp later to talk about some test results and altho it is nothing life threatening it is pretty worrying and it is taking up all my energy at the moment. But I worked, I am continuing to work, and this is really something to be pleased with.
I have to keep telling myself, when I have left my work under a rock in the garden, locked all the bolts on the door and am hiding in the cupboard under the stairs, that it isn't the bogeyman, really. The bogeyman is NOT DOING IT and the guilt and fear I feel from leaving it. It becomes monstrously frightening, it rattles around in my head and doesn't let me enjoy anything or even sleep well.
I have to tame the beasty, and the ONLY way this can happen is by confronting it. When even ten minutes seems too daunting you know you are in a bad place! But momentum is the ONLY way that work can be my friend. So I have to do it. In a paradoxical way, working is my way of relaxing. I cannot relax if I haven't worked - although I can kid myself that it doesn't matter.
I am off to make a cup of coffee and then shall come back and do another ten minutes of editing my theory chapter (yes, I am allowed and supposed to write this chapter). I am trying not to think about deadlines and how much work I have to do in such a small space of time because that will definitely send me scurrying back to my cupboard under the stairs. I am just thinking about the next ten minutes and getting this chapter finished this week (was meant to be done last week). Friday I shall start something new.
x J
However, I just made myself do ten minutes and am just delighted with myself. Am so, so, so pleased! I have to go to hosp later to talk about some test results and altho it is nothing life threatening it is pretty worrying and it is taking up all my energy at the moment. But I worked, I am continuing to work, and this is really something to be pleased with.
I have to keep telling myself, when I have left my work under a rock in the garden, locked all the bolts on the door and am hiding in the cupboard under the stairs, that it isn't the bogeyman, really. The bogeyman is NOT DOING IT and the guilt and fear I feel from leaving it. It becomes monstrously frightening, it rattles around in my head and doesn't let me enjoy anything or even sleep well.
I have to tame the beasty, and the ONLY way this can happen is by confronting it. When even ten minutes seems too daunting you know you are in a bad place! But momentum is the ONLY way that work can be my friend. So I have to do it. In a paradoxical way, working is my way of relaxing. I cannot relax if I haven't worked - although I can kid myself that it doesn't matter.
I am off to make a cup of coffee and then shall come back and do another ten minutes of editing my theory chapter (yes, I am allowed and supposed to write this chapter). I am trying not to think about deadlines and how much work I have to do in such a small space of time because that will definitely send me scurrying back to my cupboard under the stairs. I am just thinking about the next ten minutes and getting this chapter finished this week (was meant to be done last week). Friday I shall start something new.
x J
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