Tuesday, 2 October 2012

chicken pox!

Ah crikey.  Two, nearly three weeks off and first day back and what happens?  Bean has been struck with the pox! 

Arf.  So I am not at work at all but on the settee in front of Fireman Sam with a snuggly 2 year old.  I won't be able to work properly until at least the weekend, maybe not until Tuesday when hopefully the pox will have subsided and Bean can go to the childminder's. 

Work-wise I feel ace for my time off and ready to get back to it.  However, I am incredibly confused as Sup is adamant that my lit review should be 4000 words tops and the methodology a sentence - not a chapter :(  Which cuts my word count down to about 65000 words!  Wtf?!  How on earth do I make up these words?

What upsets me is WHY OH WHY did my Sup not tell me this like, three years ago?!  I have sent him so many chapter outlines and they all clearly state a chapter for lit review and methodology :(  And WHY OH WHY have I been repeatedly told to keep the chapters I *have* written down to 8000 words if actually they need to be about 12000?

I am ok, and know that it is all fine, but I don't really know how it is fine.  So am not too fussed really that beanie is home poorly (not that I would be anyway, obviously he comes before any stupid degree) but will do 10 mins when he is napping and just sort of try and work out the puzzle.

The thing is I like the methodology chapter and do think it is relevant.  But then again, is it?!  Sup has gone through a third of my lit review and stopped, saying it was beautifully written (hurray) and excellently referenced (twice hurray!) but I haven't related it to the thesis quickly enough.  It is too 'stand alone'.  This is fine and can be changed with editing so am really pleased with that result, better than being badly written and referenced.  BUT obviously about a third of it can be cut out before I apparently start getting to the nitty gritty which takes it down to 6000 words already.  And with heavy editing this can certainly get down to 4000. 

Is so gutting because I worked for hours and hours on that chapter, and if I had known it was only ment to be 4000 words I might have saved some time.  Am so pissed off and feel I have been a busy fool.  But then again, a PhD is an apprenticeship and we can't go into it knowing all the answers or why do it at all?  We are always learning and surely this is all part of learning from our mistakes. 

Anyway, am just chasing my tail at the moment and don't really know what to do next.  Am so fearful of 'wasting' more time, writing shit that doesn't need to be written!  The great thing is that I have a meeting with Sup on the 30th Oct and he said he is happy to go through the lit review with me and get it into shape.  But then again by then I want to be a week away from hand in on my first draft.  Lots of 'buts' and 'whats' and staring out of windows waiting for an epiphany.

It is ok though.  I will go to my desk later for ten mins and just sort of stare at stuff and have a ponder about what is best to do next. 

eek!

x J

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