I have tried working this weekend but I think I have writer's block!
I am stuck because The last THREE chapters I have written have been wrong for different reasons. Now, I know this sounds ridiculous - all chapters are wrong on some level in the first draft. But when you learn *you didn't need to write them* then it is depressing and worrying and not conducive to creativity and productivity!
I spoke to DB last night and cried a bit (sobbed a lot) and he was utterly gorgeous, saying that I am nearly there and it is only a dip, not a nightmare, and to email Sup and see what he wants from me re: the wordcount and thesis outline. And he reminded me that when I am working well I enjoy what I do. This is true! and lovely to remember.
So I emailed Sup today but he is away until Weds so will hear from him Thursday hopefully. I reminded him of the chapter structure and word count for each and illustrated how this only adds up to about 65000 words, so asked where the difference will be made up. I don't want to write a 10000 words intro or 15000 word conclusion to be told again 'you should only write 8000 for these'. I sat up late, I worked weekends, I worked through Bean's naptimes, I ATE my way through those chapters I DIDN'T NEED TO WRITE! I don't want to do that AGAIN!
I have to remember that a) doing a PhD is an apprenticeship and about making mistakes; b) making mistakes is not a problem as long as you learn from them and; c) I DID NOT KNOW I wasn't to do a lit review or methodology chapter :( No fucker told me and really, this could have been brought to my attention YEARS ago. grrrrr.
I am thinking to myself that this situation is like being injured for an athlete. I am on the sidelines, having to nurture my injury (my shit chapters) and have physio (work out how to make the work useful and good again) and in the meantime and frustrated that I am not out there running like everyone else. Instead I am sat watching everyone else apparently get on with their practice with ease and I am a jumbled up bag of nerves, fretfulness and anxiety. However, I will get fit again, and maybe come back stronger (with moer knowledge and understanding of my subject and how to write my PhD). It will be OK.
So. I have decided I can do an intro of sorts, and will send Sup everything I have written before I write too much more. Then we can go through together where I need to make it better.
Only three months to go. Shit and thank fuck :)
x J
I am stuck because The last THREE chapters I have written have been wrong for different reasons. Now, I know this sounds ridiculous - all chapters are wrong on some level in the first draft. But when you learn *you didn't need to write them* then it is depressing and worrying and not conducive to creativity and productivity!
I spoke to DB last night and cried a bit (sobbed a lot) and he was utterly gorgeous, saying that I am nearly there and it is only a dip, not a nightmare, and to email Sup and see what he wants from me re: the wordcount and thesis outline. And he reminded me that when I am working well I enjoy what I do. This is true! and lovely to remember.
So I emailed Sup today but he is away until Weds so will hear from him Thursday hopefully. I reminded him of the chapter structure and word count for each and illustrated how this only adds up to about 65000 words, so asked where the difference will be made up. I don't want to write a 10000 words intro or 15000 word conclusion to be told again 'you should only write 8000 for these'. I sat up late, I worked weekends, I worked through Bean's naptimes, I ATE my way through those chapters I DIDN'T NEED TO WRITE! I don't want to do that AGAIN!
I have to remember that a) doing a PhD is an apprenticeship and about making mistakes; b) making mistakes is not a problem as long as you learn from them and; c) I DID NOT KNOW I wasn't to do a lit review or methodology chapter :( No fucker told me and really, this could have been brought to my attention YEARS ago. grrrrr.
I am thinking to myself that this situation is like being injured for an athlete. I am on the sidelines, having to nurture my injury (my shit chapters) and have physio (work out how to make the work useful and good again) and in the meantime and frustrated that I am not out there running like everyone else. Instead I am sat watching everyone else apparently get on with their practice with ease and I am a jumbled up bag of nerves, fretfulness and anxiety. However, I will get fit again, and maybe come back stronger (with moer knowledge and understanding of my subject and how to write my PhD). It will be OK.
So. I have decided I can do an intro of sorts, and will send Sup everything I have written before I write too much more. Then we can go through together where I need to make it better.
Only three months to go. Shit and thank fuck :)
x J
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