Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Onwards (again)

Ok.  Yesterday was a write off. 

It was my first day back and on my own for nearly a month and yes, I spent it all in a daze, floundering about in the silence of my house and my new found freedom.  The fact I could go to the loo with the door shut and no toddler shouting at me was dazzling and unnerving.

Today I am over it!  I was pretty miserable about the whole thing too, but at some point I have picked myself up off the floor, dusted myself off and am willing to have another crack at finishing this bloody bloody bastard. 

I just managed to do ten minutes of work and in that time wrote down all the action points I have to work on from the communications with my Sup over the past few weeks re: lit review, introduction, and methodology.  I have then worked out how long it will take me to do them and this is just over two weeks, which means I should have a rough first draft (minus one chapter, yet to be arranged) for my meeting with Sup at the end of Oct.  This is exciting and motivating.  I have also realised that although the lit review is damned to hell as a chapter in itself, actually it means I have half of the introduction written, which I had planned to spend all of this week and next week working on.  I now do not need all this time, a week should suffice so that is grand and shows that my work before the holiday was not, in fact, a total waste of time.  I also have the methods part of the intro written, so that means, bar the chapter outline sections, that chapter is done.  It just needs assembling as I take the parts from the other defunct chapters!

Over the next few days I am revisitng my theory chapter and tidying it up.  Then that chapter will be complete.  Good stuff.

However, as I said earlier, I actually have to write another chapter to add to my research section.  I emailed Sup and told him I was going to be about 10000 words down and he said I should do another research chapter.  I don't know what to write about this, tbh it has been a long, long while since I properly looked at any of my research stuff.  And it takes me months to write chapters from scratch, whhich concerns me but I am going to try and just let this come to me as things do.  If I mull it over in the back of my brain.  I have ideas about what I can write about but nothing that warrents 8000 words yet, maybe at our meeting Sup will help me with this.

So it is ok.  I have done my first 10 mins of work and didn't cry and feel ok.  I can only keep trying, and if I hand in something dreadful, well, at least I didn't give up.

But fuck ME I am sick of getting it wrong all the time!  revise, edit, re-write, re-jiggle...  oh it is depressing!  :)

x J

 

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