It's so hard!

Hmm, today is not going too well. For some reason I seem to be in a very good mood and find it very hard to work when I am in such a mood. Generally, I just want to have fun chats with friends. This morning I got all fretful (wilfully distracted? who knows) about upcoming vaccination and passport expenses and spent some time trying to work out how I was going to afford it, plus social engagements (weddings, 30th birthday parties in London etc). Generally, with a bit of help from DB for a short interim period, managed to work this out. I hate being so in debt and am climbing out of it, but painfully, excruciatingly slowly. Then I was all of a fluster and so decided to go out swimming to clear my head and chill out a bit. Had a brilliant swim for 45 minutes, then came home and had some fried eggs and toast. And a tommie and a cuppa tea. Yum. While having lunch I played my scrabulous move and read the paper and had a brainwave. I shall leave my laptop downstairs while I am working, then when I am upstairs in my room I shan't be so distracted and will have to come all the way downstairs to get on t'internet. This actually turned out to be a fine plan and one I shall continue with. But then I got all distracted by my mobile, texts flying about everywhere. My little sis has been ill again so texting her is fine, (texting about preferred types of tea though?! Lame excuses) but not that much and also, why now? Why not later when I am watching Kirstie and Phil (property icons on British tele, love 'em) and a bit bored? Also, have decided to make a pudding for a dinner invitation I am off to on Friday night (part of my new sociable self). Normally I would die rather than make something for fear of getting it wrong but am a newly confident person who doesn't worry about such trivial things, and anyway it will probably be just fine. I was thinking of doing banoffi pie. I think this is very easy and a good place to start as it will be sufficient, sickly and seems quite fun to make. This for me is an odd thing to do - I cook every day but have never made a pudding. Well, I made a terrible cake which I ate a slice of then realised that just because I was making my own desserts this did not mean they were more healthy. So I didn't eat any more and it is still in the tin in the cupboard above the cooker. I kid you not when I confess that it has been there for over a year. I know I should move it but just can't. It's like that little scratch on your cupboard or the mildew around your bath: you know it is there, you know every time you see it it makes you annoyed and feel a bit ashamed for being so slovenly, but you also know you aren't going to do anything about it any time soon. Making Banoffi pie is also odd because I have a chronic and well-documented phobia of bananas. I don't touch them and if I have to open one then I do with gloves on and a knife, and I remove its disgusting inner ooze as if it is some form of entrails; in one piece, very, very carefully and holding it away from the body. But for some reason I have seen this banoffi pie on tele twice on a cookery show or two, and it holds complete allure for me. So I have to make it and eat it. I would say I am generally ok these days, last year I did have a banana in a shake with yoghurt, oatmeal and honey. And it was delicious. Just eating a banana in itself will not do it for me. Wish me luck.

Right, I am going to go back to work now. Procrastination over. I shall work until 5pm. Then maybe I will come back and report again. I told you I was feeling chatty...

x J