A room with a view

No I am not going to postulate on E.M forsters classic, but simply show off about how I now have a room, with a view. Hurray! We have been moved from our pokey, dark den with it's only window facing the window of the gym next door... which blasted the same ten songs again and again from 6.30 to 9.30 am... to a corner room, with a window! it is perfect and at last, we are starting to feel settled.

And the sun has come out! The rains are nearly at an end! Thank goodness. DB and I have been frequenting 5* hotels in a bid to find a beer and some non curry tucker... I have been wandering round in circles wondering about my research... Usual, usual...

Work is going ok. I should have gone in today but I didn't because I just can't think of another story and needed a day off. No one talks to me there either so it is as if I am invisible anyway. I don't mind as I am quite quiet anyway, but it is a bit lonely (violins please)... a day off has refreshed me though! I have also been feeling a little confused about my work - I am running out of time rapidly - I barely feel like I have been here two seconds and I have to start researching, but I just don't feel ready. I don't mean as in a cowardly or can't be bothered way - just in a 'it's just too early' kind of way. I feel like I would go headfirst into interviews with little time to look around me, and this will show up as ignorance. I just am not ready. I want to get another volunteer place/knock on some doors but not be doing the hardcore research part yet... I think the fact that I perceive it as the 'hardcore' part is telling in itself - when I am ready it will just be the next stage and spmething that I am prepared for, like this settling-in stage. In an ideal world I would wait until feb to leave the big city and start talking and working more directly in smaller areas directly affected by the Tsunami. By then I would have been here networking, thinking, reading and working/volunteering for 6/7 more weeks and would know so much to be able to go south. Plus, my Tamil will be better (it is coming along!! I have even got myself an indian accent doncha know!!! I just *wish* I could do the head wiggle - it is so profound! It has so many meanings and all of them really nice and warm). SO I think that I will think in my head that I am probably staying until June (or will go home and come back again maybe if no visa in Sri lanka - not likely though) and then I can chill out and not be trying to do three things at once (learn my way around TN, culturally as well as physically; volunteer; do research) and none with any real commitment. The volunteering at the mo is not a waste of time, if I have the time for it. If I have to leave chennai in Jan then staying where I am is a waste compared to what else I could be doing (knocking on doors - trying to find shorcuts to info). Where I am, I am sure that if I actually get hold of the 'english team' who also do teaching, I will be more likely to make friends (they speak really good English and are more my age and friendly) and and learn something about the aid-effort - or at least who I can talk to. I have other agencies to contact too, which I am starting this week but I don't know when they will respond - december is the holiday season here (whole month). These actions will get the ball rolling though.

All I want for now is to get the ball going - although what this ball is and how it will roll I have no clue! Doing this research is actually really good for control freakery - I have so little control, but am also aware that slowly but surely info crops up - and in the most unlikely of places. And so you have to go with the flow. I think my primary job is to ensure that there is a flow to keep going and that it doesn't turn into a trickle (or dry-out altogether), and to take advantage of info and leads as they turn up. Other than that, I watch, I wait, I learn, I try to be in the right place at the right time and I ask questions. I can't possibly work out how I will get the info I need to head south and be confident of where I am going and why and who I may know there (contacts-wise) but as I read and watch and learn and ask questions, these things come up from people. I follow them up and roll along with mah wee ball. That for me is the nature of research. Obviously this is all very romantic, in reality I spend a lot of time looking for the ball and wondering if I am following the flow or just being lazy and watching the discovery channel too much.

I suppose you have a goal and just trot along its path until you feel you have achieved it. At the mo though I feel quite content. If I can stay until June. Else I am in trouble.

x J