I just don't want to go! :0(

I am pretty ready to go now, most of the stuff packed - not much of it to be honest!

Mot things are work but DF is carrying that for me ;0) I am really upset, I didn't realise how much I don't want to go, I have been in total 'it will be fine!' denial. And now I have to leave in a couple of hours and it is just... I dunno. I just don't want to go at all and just burst into tears at my desk. Is so dramatic, is only three weeks!

I suppose it can *only* be better than I am anticipating. I just can 't get my head around the fact that tomorrow I am flying to India and will wake up on Friday to a crazy, hot, loud, colourful world. One I was so happy to leave tbh. Maybe because when we left I was at the end of my tether, was sick *again*, was really weak and tired, work was stressing me out and my Dad died. It is such a sh*t thing to say but I dread the filth, the smells of sewage, the dust and heat and, most horribly, the poverty. Why? I can only imagine it is to do with Bean. I have no energy for the unknown right now - the unknown is going on right here, in my body! I don't really want any more stimulation or to be out of my comfort zone. I heart my comfort zone. The thing is, for a long time I *loved* it and wanted to stay for longer than my allocated 5 and a half months. Seems crazy to me now and I hope that is the feeling that comes back.

Remember:
It is only three weeks
It will definitely be better when I am there
It will definitely not be as bad as I think
Just do what you can

Next post will be from India!

x J