I'm such a dolt

What is a dolt?! Well, from what I understand of the word, I am one.

I had my existential (in the work-sense only!) crisis, then went to my desk to start a plan only to realise that I had actually planned it all as I went through the reading. Idiot. As I read each article and report I added the title of it to my brainstorm and a list of its main points, so when I come back from India I can just look at that and immediately know who said what. So instead of writing this out again in longhand which is the task I set myself (and found myself unable) to do, I wrote out the main points of my abstract (a lifesaver this abstract, keeps me focussed and on course - and reminds regularly of what this whole enterprise is meant to be about) which were about 6, and then for each listed evidence I would use to illuminate the argument. This drew together the various sources I am using, as I have notes from way back in Feb/March when I started thinking about this idea, as well as other theses from my PhD that I would like to put in. Now it is a pretty messy but coherent plan and each point is backed up with discursive evidence, it has a theoretical focus, and an extended reading list should I need to read more when I get back.

Apart from searing the information into my memory a la clockwork orange so I don't dare to forget it, there is not much more I can do at this point apart from write the blasted thing. Which, you know, having the days I do I *could* start, but it would be a mistake. On my return to this work I will need to read through the notes again (arg, my most hated task ever, re-reading notes of books etc), add stuff to the plan and make sure it makes sense, commit the main stuff to memory (from shear repetition while reading) and then write it. I shall have 6 weeks in total to write it, but only 5 weeks should I want my Sup to read it, and only 4 weeks if I take into consideration the first week of head bashing that will inevitably take place when I come back.

I don't think it will be ok, but I think it is the best that I can manage for now (which is usually just about ok).

So, for the rest of the day I shall tidy up my desk and notes so they are accessible when I come back, probably peruse a few of the refs I neglected to put on my original brainstorm as I put them away, and realise I have missed out a whole swathe of literature or something equally as horrible and sh*t myself again.

x J