Oh. My. God.

It is worse than I thought.

I emailed my RA yesterday to ask definitively if he wants me to bring a tape recorder out with me and if he will then have time to complete the interviews during the time I am in India. I get an email back today and it sits there in my inbox and I open it with dread and beating heart - a common side-effect to much of our recent correspondance I am afraid to say. And in it he has put that I will need to bring a tape recorder out with me and that he has some 'friends' that we can meet for a 'group discussion' and apparently we can do the two in one day and, lucky me, he will prepare the material for the discussion.

I say this: I don't want to interview his 'friends'. I don't want to interview them at all - that is what I am paying him to do. I don't want to do TWO interviews, in one day or a gazillion days, I want to do ten at least. And I don't want him to prepare any material - I emailed him the questionnnaire and details of how to carry out the interviews a MONTH ago.

I am going spare. He hasn't read anything I have sent him, it is obvious. He has just decided to do two interviews, with me (what's the naffing point?!) and decided to do some material WHAT?!

I am sooooo frustrated. The bright side is that I may get two discussions out of it. The shite side is that he is my only basket, he carries all my eggs in it, and he is driving me mental. I need to get out there, NOW and talk to him and he will tell me it isn't possible to do anythihng I want - which is fine as long as I know! I will struggle not to get angry and just ditch him altogether. In so many ways having him as my RA is such a pain as I will be tied in to him for the duration and will have to spend time with him for niceties, eating local food (which I juse shouldn't eat as I am completely allergic to it as we all know!) and teaching English and wasting a lot of research time and just hating it - I hate schmoozing and using people (I won't enjoy it and will just be there for research purposes, ergo I am using them). In a way maybe I could do these two interviews with him then go off and completely do my own thing, in my own time, with people I come across and choose for myself. It is clear that he is not going to be going and talking to people in villages that he works with, like I hoped. Instead he is hand-picking a few 'friends' to talk to. He wants to do a PhD for goodness sake! He has a Masters in social work and has, apparently, done research! Jeeez.

In a way I suppose at least now I know the dreaded truth, have probably known it all along. I just didn't count on him a) not reading anything I have sent him but pretending he has and b) not having any common sense - let alone initiative to help shape and inform the work! HA!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Workwise though, everything is grand! I have finished my first reading and now have another 10 reports to read which will take my total to nearly 40 which will be great. I would feel confident that I have a general impression of the discourses with 40 reports. Only issue is that they are BIG nasty reports and I have to read them on my laptop instead of on paper. I will have to be so stern with myself so I don't wander off and end up on facebook or something.

I am sooo disappointed. I didn't have the highest hopes, but didn't think he would be this stupid either. Why didn't he just *tell me* he couldn't help me?! Why didn't he tell me he didn't understand?! Worryingly, I think he thinks he does understand. Hmmpph.

Ok, *dust self down*, plan B. Do not rely on Kuna, do the interviews he has set up and go with anything else he can do - once we have spoken face-to-face he will understand better and I will know for once and for all where I stand. It is only a week away. I will go out and just talk to who I can and their families and wander round and make it up as I go along. I will be able to do things in my own time, to my own tune - and this actually relaxes me more than the thought of having to dance to Kuna's. It can only get better eh?!! I have all the info I need, have done all the questions - all I need is people to talk to. I can do this! And if I can send Kuna out to talk to people all the better. It will be fine.

Back to the reports. Sweet, predicatable reports. And self-reliance. Sweet control. I'll never give you away again!

x J