ARRRRRRGGGGGGGG!

Hmmph I am annoyed and cross! I have done virtually nothing today, and not by virtue of not trying or being motivated, I have just nothing to show for my day. Basically I think I have been suffering mild writer's block. My mind is colicky; it won't settle whatever I try and do and is just plain playing up for no reason. I have tried sitting in all different positions in my room, I have tried leaving my computer, I have tried reading notes, I have tried reading books, I have tried staring at what I have written so far, I have tried editing what I have written so far, I have tried more brainstorms. And I still have no idea what I want to write about.

Well, I do. I do, I do, I DO! But I can't seem to find it. It is somewhere in my brain and I just don't know where I left it. What is it all about again? On the one hand I think it is simple; 'it is this, this and this ta-da! Now write it.' On the other hand I go to write it and then think 'hmmmm. Is it not more complicated than that?' And I am in living in a confused jumble of not knowing whether I am just being a pain out of laziness, or whether I am actually, secretly knowing that there is more to this than I have worked out so far.

So what to do? I am having a mini-tantrum but talking about it is making me feel better. I think it is on days like this when working on your own so much is totally rubbish. Today I could do with a coffee and a PhD mate who is in the same fix so I feel better. But anyway, it is the end of the day and I am now going to go for a run. I don't want to go for a run in any way shape or form - I feel too miffed and a bit sorry for myself. If I could I would go straight to the booze. But I am NOT spending my Friday night in this mood. If I go for a run at least I would have achieved something today and it will probably perk me up afterwards too - running's meant to do that. Nice run, nice bath then a glass of wine and a whine at poor DB. He know's what's coming though, I have prepped him (by humphing and grumping my way round the house all day poor mite).

I am not working tomorrow any more, I will work on Sunday instead. DB was playing tennis tonight so it was going to be a dry night but has had to stop because of his neck poor love. So he is allllll mine. Hurrah! (Didn't have any boozy last night, I was denied. Thank goodness, or today's productivity would have been seriously compromised...)

(warning: J's rant is not over... I repeat, it is NOT over...)
I just feel so disappointed! And I know that on Sunday I will probably come in and just start working on my different themes and there won't be a problem. I wonder sometimes whether you need these periods of frustration and inactivity because they make you think and read to work out the problem, then you don't work out the problem in a 'eureka!' way, but do feel more confident to start writing without really knowing why. All this goddarned subtlety. I wish it would be more blinkin' obvious!

Am offffffff. Speak Sunday folks! Enjoy your Friday funtimes!!

x J