Nearly there...

I can see five o clock. It is in my beady sights, at which point I will stop working. Or stop worrying about not be able to work - a far more truthful account of my day... I am currently sat with laptop in front of the sad spectacle that is Deal or No Deal, a tv programme which has no basis in sense, a dependence on a whole lot of superstition and a fantastic line in rhetoric. Noel's (presenter) job is to strut around the set spinning yarns about 'game play' and positive thinking, instilling the belief in the contestants that they can control what will be inside the boxes they open by dint of positve attitude and faith in fate. If you have faith and the right attitude then you are much more likely to win, to be blessed, to beat the banker - this is 'successful' game play. It is a load of old nonsense but very clever. The lady on the floor is now being advised not to do it but to 'think about it', to really think about it. Think about what you ask? Which, out of the two boxes that are left, to ask to be opened first. It is LUCK lady, no amount of thinking on this earth will change what is in that box. This is science; it is fact. I know this and I'm a postmodernist.

Apparently she deserves the money because 'she played a blinder'. And she did get it - further reinforcing the message that faith and good game play will ensure the numbers in the boxes are the ones you derserve. What is completely vile about this show is when they 'lose faith' and take the banker's offer - and stop opening the boxes and leaving it to fate - even if they have done well, at the end Noel will berate them and shame them for their lack of faith and chickening out, like they are miserable losers who let everyone down and could have won so much more. It's not nice. Noel loves it though. Vile little man.

I do have some good news today though. I emailed my sup - I haven't spoken to him since my transfer meet when I left to work on chapter four and he went on leve for a bit. So I thought I should let him know what I have been up to and said maybe we should meet for chats at the beginning of August, just to touch base. He wrote back (my sup is super-swift at email, it is a blessing I know) and said all sounds good! So I am still on track and all is well in the land of J. This is reassuring today for sure, especially considering my mashed little brain... I am not sure I will ever complete this PhD.

I am really sure I am going to work in an office when I have finished... I was thinking of not doing this and either being a full time mum, writer, artist... consultant... Not being told what to do basically. I posted this a couple of days ago but the more I think on it the better the idea seems to be. I will go to work for a few years I think. I want to settle down... I think I want to go to India and get my itchy feet out of my way. Then I want to finish my PhD without too much faff and maybe create a wee human at the same time. Then I want to either take a year out and bring up one or two littl'uns, maybe two years... (is this too long?) write and publish and tout myself about, then get a smashing job somewhere leafy for 30k odd, work, get a dog and a house and a wedding ring... and then see where I am when I'm about 36... hmmm. I think I am bored of being such a self-reliant nomad. I fancy a bit of imposed structure, someone to pay my wages
and tell me off if I am late. Meetings... Maybe I will be allowed to be a manager. I hope so! wooooooo... I do have issues with being a working mum especially when they are tiny. But then again who know what will really happen and being able to provide for your kiddies is amazing.

Daydreaming, daydreaming.

R and J have a section on turkeys it looks like. Silly R and J. When I was in Guate I was learning Spanish and my teacher, who didn't speak a work of english, tried to tell me what the word 'chompipe' means, which I understood quite clearly to mean 'key'. It was some while later during my stay that I realised it had actually meant turkey. I realised this while I was drinking coffee in a wee restaurant with DB and couldn't stop laughing. Poor chap thought I had gone mad. I tried to explain to him all the hilarious situations that would have arisen if I hadn't worked it out - particularly if I lost my turkey, or wondered if someone had handed in my turkey, or needed another copy of my turkey, or was explaining that I had left my turkey on the table and did anyone pick it up?

Ahhhh. It was very amusing for me. DB was amused, but not as amused as me. But then it wouldn't have been him there trying to convince someone that you had definitely left your turkey in their restaurant...

Kerazy.

Am gonna work tomorrow! I am, I am!

J x