Disappointing!

Ah well, today was rubbish. A really bad monday. I spent the day half-working, half-trawling the internet and generally giving in to my love of daydreaming and marvelling at the rain. In my world I have had a really nice day: I worked out how to get my passport money so I can send that form off (a huge thing for me, this needs to be done NOW so I can then get my visa, and then book my flights in time for oct!), I booked a hair cut (I am going to grow up and get over my hairdressaphobia and am going to get it cut into a crop with a big fringe - really funky - so I can wear it with a big fringe, back in little clips or up in the air. Woo! I am really excited about it. I hope it works...) and spent the day in a very pleasant reverie planning my outfit and make up for this weekend's fantastic shindig in London (bumpkin goes to the city...). This was not productive in my PhD-world though, which, obviously, reigns supreme during the weekdays. I have been a very bad rabbit and am not proud of myself. Writing it in here does highlight my failure to concentrate rather too starkly and I feel quite ashamed. In my defence I got way too little sleep, woke up in a skitty mood, and couldn't carry out my day in the way that would make me work well. This makes me sound like quite a cranky stick-in-the-mud, and I suppose in a lot of ways when it comes to working I am reather inflexible. I like routine I suppose, and I do wonder if when you have no one to impose routine on you you are much stricter and more inflexible with it to yourself... To the point that should it be compromised a lot of concentration goes out of the window. I just knew I would be interrupted soon by the plumber etc and so couldn't settle down. I am also aware, however, that before I had sat down today I probably made some kind of subconcious pact with the devil not to do much work today because I wasn't in the mood. This will go as I have to mature and work harder; I think my inner child is playing up again and knows it doesn't have to work anyone's socks off right now so a day of nonsense if I am not feeling tickety boo won't hurt. Darned thing.

Tomorrow though (ahhhh tomorrow), it will be a different matter! I shall read lots - skim reading - I shall get my hair cut and I shall go for a swim whether I like it or not. It has rained too hard for running today, plus we have no shower and a strange man in the house.

I have done some reading though! Just not as much as I would like. AND I discovered that I can import references directly onto endnote from my uni library catalogue... and so spent half an hour thinking of all the authors I love, and sticking them in folders. This was a fantastically exciting find! Still don't know how to enter edited books though.

I am on my todd tonight and am most pleased. I shall spend time looking at my potential new hairstyle and working out if it will suit me. And I shall make some soup I think and some chips. I like having time to myself. Worryingly (to others) I chat to myself quite a lot and also worryingly (for me) I seem to be doing this increasingly while I am in company. This is not good and I wonder if it has a direct correlation to PhD pressure. I externalise my thoughts constantly, be it on paper or, as I said, vocally. DB said sometimes I actually sound like I am debating with someone. Uh oh. I will even tell myself things that I obviously already know but as if I am telling someone. I wonder who this person is?! I had invisible friends when I was little... I use to pretend I was called Ben and lived in a boarding school - the consequence of having too many friends that were boys and being a tomboy myself, mixed with too much Enid Blyton. I wasn't a racist though...

Until tomorrow then dear readers. I hope your days were more productive than mine!!

x J