So obvious but hey...

Not working properly is rubbish. I can't work properly but think about it all the time. I start to forget what the notes I spent a week or two writing and reading and trying to internalise are all about and know I will have to re-read them if I carry on being so slow (ugh). Reading other people's work is disheartening because a) it is better than anything I could write, if I could write at all and b) it is evidence of someone else's wondrous productivity and professionalism right there in my face while I am being slow (of both mind and impetus) and lazy.

THEN, I do some work and magic! The work starts to have shape again and isn't just a random scrawling chapter of 7000 words (what words?!), the notes come together and synopses of books are useful friends rather than intimidating and reproaching evils. In fact, when it starts to come together again it is quite exciting! You know the next two paragraphs and general structure of the chapter again. It has a point! It isn't doomed! It is interesting!

Thank goodness.

And this, dear friend, is what happens when you work. Of course, you all know all this already (or don't because you are the productive creatures of which I am envious) and so it is rather a lonely epiphany but very pleasing nonetheless.

I am a bit worried though as this 8000wd chapter is now happily at 8200 and I am far, far from finishing. I haven't been this bad for EVER, I normally fit very merrily within my word limit. I am concerned. But then, I am also writing everything I know to later slim it down and jiggle it into themes once I start to more clearly see what they are... Hmmm I hope this tactic works.

Also, I have come to realise that perhaps this chapter is meant to be AFTER the chapter I have just written, rather than before, as a lot more of the analysis is drawn from it than I anticipated. It is hard to not sound like I am premeditating my own very important future arguments, or they sound like asides 'oh I just happen to think this' when in the next chapter they are given considerably more status. Hmmm. Changing may be a good thing, but at the mo I am just confused.

So anyway, you may have gathered that I did some work! Yay! 2 hours or roundabouts. I have got over a small impasse that has been depressing me every time I have sat down to work and now have something relatively fresh to write about. Goodo.

Am off to hang some clothes up and prepare myself for that glass of wine... ...I almost feel I deserve it!

HURRAY!

x J