Ahhhh. There was a time, not so long ago when 5pm meant something, and 5pm on a friday meant something rather spectacular! Not so today though... not so today. Sadly, I am chained to this desk for hours more yet. Hours. And not because I want to work, oh no, but simply because working seems to be the most interesting option to me for now. How sad is that?!
It isn't all bad, this sad state of affairs has come about because I am 'in the zone' which is meant to be a good thing really. There is no point me leaving work now to hang around on my own somewhere else. I could go into town but I am too lazy. Toooooo lazy. I shall plod on! I don't even have any rebellious bones either, am not fussed! I think to myself 'ooooh! why don't you have a cigarette!' But, nahhh. Then I think 'ooooh! Why don't you have some crisps?' But, nahhhh. So docile! I am boring my SELF. This is not good! I have to hang around with me for ages yet!!! I must be more naughty and fun.
It is a strange time of the week to be working. The internet world goes very quiet as people are commuting home and going to the pub... Facebook gets very quiet indeedy but may rev up again about 7ish...
I am sad there is no scrabulous any more on facebook. I have reopened my account on the PhD forum for some nosiness and company!
Outside has been simply grey for days. It's like smog. Is there a sun?! *tut*. I am so glad I am off to sunnier climes soon or I would be going insane. Or I could just lok forward to christmas...
Hmmm. back to it. I will stop around 7ish.
I can't stop stretching today. Am very stretchy.
Happy weekends everyone!
x J
Friday 29 August 2008
Friday AGAIN?!
I swear it's groundhog day. It's always Friday! And I always go on facebook and am greeted by lots of status updates of people sighing with relief that it is Friday while I am sure it is Wednesday?! I have my friend coming tomorrow and ought to get something in to feed her with... And tidy up! I am such a slob when I am at this stage of work. Work takes up all my thoughts and cleaning the bathroom seems a bit pointless, I would rather be working, or doing nothing...
And so to today! I have been working hard all morning and am being very anal about... my introduction. I know! I am mad. But it is soooo important! And whether I use the word 'demonstrate' or 'evidence' or 'illustrate' is very very sticky because they are very influential words. So there. Then, when I am clear about what I am doing, I am going to go through and delete a lot of repetition and make the final analysis nice and tight. Then I will have finished (most of it. Still the intro and last section to go). I guess I shan't be working tomorrow as my friend is coming round and I think that later I shall go into town and get some nice food. So I may be working on Sunday afternoon. Am not sure.
My knees are clicky from my run yesterday. This, I believe, cannot be good.
I am getting a dvd of curb your enthusiasm and prime suspect two out today. The only thing about lovefilm is that they don't post things in necessarily the right order. Prime suspect one would have been nice first, even if I had to wait for it. I am now in a quandry about whether to watch 2 or just send it straight back and wait for one. It doesn't make much sense watching them in the wrong order, but then maybe I am taking it a little too seriously... And they email me a lot asking me to top up my rental list but, with box sets having like twenty DVDs in them each I am not sure I want MORE, and also, there isn't anything I desperately want to watch. Even getting Curb was a bad idea cause DB loves it, loves it. And will be sad I watched it without him. But then he is with his friends and I am on my toddins so, I guess, he will have to get over it. ;0)
Wellllllll... am off. More editing must be done!!
x J
And so to today! I have been working hard all morning and am being very anal about... my introduction. I know! I am mad. But it is soooo important! And whether I use the word 'demonstrate' or 'evidence' or 'illustrate' is very very sticky because they are very influential words. So there. Then, when I am clear about what I am doing, I am going to go through and delete a lot of repetition and make the final analysis nice and tight. Then I will have finished (most of it. Still the intro and last section to go). I guess I shan't be working tomorrow as my friend is coming round and I think that later I shall go into town and get some nice food. So I may be working on Sunday afternoon. Am not sure.
My knees are clicky from my run yesterday. This, I believe, cannot be good.
I am getting a dvd of curb your enthusiasm and prime suspect two out today. The only thing about lovefilm is that they don't post things in necessarily the right order. Prime suspect one would have been nice first, even if I had to wait for it. I am now in a quandry about whether to watch 2 or just send it straight back and wait for one. It doesn't make much sense watching them in the wrong order, but then maybe I am taking it a little too seriously... And they email me a lot asking me to top up my rental list but, with box sets having like twenty DVDs in them each I am not sure I want MORE, and also, there isn't anything I desperately want to watch. Even getting Curb was a bad idea cause DB loves it, loves it. And will be sad I watched it without him. But then he is with his friends and I am on my toddins so, I guess, he will have to get over it. ;0)
Wellllllll... am off. More editing must be done!!
x J
Thursday 28 August 2008
endofday
I am feeling understated and a bit blue because DB has just gone away for the week. I always feel sad when he goes! I will cheer up in a bit. This is a bit of a doldrum time of the evening as well, BB will take my mind off it in an hour or so...
I had a really good work day today though! Although I say that but think I will actually take out a lot of what I wrote today. Oh well, it's all progress of some form or other! And I went for a five mile run. I get a stitch even when I am walking now so DB thinks I have pulled a muscle... This is really annoying because in myself I can run easily and fluidly and breath easily but this darned stitch makes it so difficult! Bums.
Hmm not much else to say. Tomorrow I will work hard and I may even do some work tonight. I will work very hard tomorrow actually, it isn't difficult to finish this section, just time consuming because I can't leave anything alone. I will also go to the shops so I get out and don't stay sitting in the housey all day like a lonely spinster. Perhaps I shall go to m and s and get some treat dins!
Ok dokey then.
x J
I had a really good work day today though! Although I say that but think I will actually take out a lot of what I wrote today. Oh well, it's all progress of some form or other! And I went for a five mile run. I get a stitch even when I am walking now so DB thinks I have pulled a muscle... This is really annoying because in myself I can run easily and fluidly and breath easily but this darned stitch makes it so difficult! Bums.
Hmm not much else to say. Tomorrow I will work hard and I may even do some work tonight. I will work very hard tomorrow actually, it isn't difficult to finish this section, just time consuming because I can't leave anything alone. I will also go to the shops so I get out and don't stay sitting in the housey all day like a lonely spinster. Perhaps I shall go to m and s and get some treat dins!
Ok dokey then.
x J
Eek, Thursday 28th August, 2008
Arf it's late in the week. Yesterday was my final, final deadline of all deadlines and... I am still working on it.
I had a thought this morning though... well two actually. One, I thought well, I am working on it every day and some weekends - albeit some days better than others- but I am working, and it just *is* taking this long. It is a BIG chapter. Bigger than I ever thought. So big that if I had known it was going to be this big I would never had started it. Oh no, wait, that's the whole PhD.
My second thought was whether this time next year, when I am revisiting this chapter, I will be really pleased that I met the deadline and didn't finish the chapter, or would I not give a flying fig about the deadline and just give myself an enormous, grateful cuddle for having finished it, not hving left me hanging in the middle of a whole load of seemingly 'good' ideas?! I think the latter.
My third thought is, my Sup doesn't care and is happy to let me carry on, so I am obviously not doing anything 'wrong'.
My fourth thought (wow! I was really going for it! All this thinking) was that I do have two months before I leave to go on my big ol' trip, so another week won't hurt.
But even though I have had all of these very reasonable thoughts, I do still feel like somewhat of a failure for still being on it. I think I just really am getting tired of it now and want to move on. Which is a really good thing. I seriously do not want to be doing this toward the end of next week. I am really looking forword to planning my methodology and my trip and am eager to get to it!
DB is going away today so I shall be working on it this weekend I reckon. I am detoxing while I can. Speaking of which we went out for some grub last night at this chinese retaurant down the road and get this: we had soup, mixed starters and three mains to share with a huge bowl of rice for £13.50 each?!! We saw the offer and were very confused. But it was true. Funnily enough the place was packed. The food wasn't that great to be honest - as you would expect though really at that price! This says a lot about British cultural dining I think. That a place would be packed because of the volume and cheapness of the food, whereas our continental cousins would probably baulk and hand over the cash for some decent grub. I am not complaining though, I had a lovely time and I am quite a food snob. It was lovely just being me and DB (as it is all the time admittedly) BUT without the laptop or the tele or booze. Just fun chats. Ahhhh.
I saw the double BB last night too. I am very angry with the blatent misogynism on the show. The 'race-row' last year I swear was over less, which shows that how women are treated and abused simply for being women is way down the British political agenda. Darnell, a complex, intelligent man but with a penchant for using this intelligence to expound his woe on his sad life (he is a black albino which I know must be confusing and can't judge him on his life but it's no excuse for bullying others) and overanalyse any fault in any other human being that he feels 'let down' by. So we have Sara who is a mouthy but essentially kind and gentle Aussie who, admittedly, has constantly transferred her attentions to different men in the house although not once committed herself to any or led them on in any serious way. However, Darnell uses this to argue that she 'swings from d*cks' and that she is a 'sl*t' and a 'sl*g' and because she wouldn't get her boobs (tit*ies in Darnell's vernacular - but only when talking to her) out for him she was the biggest sl*g in the universe. THEN he went on to say behind her back that it's not him, it's just that she represents all the women he has known and how they treat him, 'dude'. He said this in the diary room as his justification for his behaviour! Then he said it again outside to other women who sat quietly, listening and giving advice. He said that he doesn't even 'rate' Sara and is frustrated because even though she is beneath him she won't be grateful for his attention and get with him. He finds it irritating because 'it' is out of his 'control'. Hello?!! Did they not hear him?! How awful is that? It brings up this whole issue of how womens behaviour is open to interpretation by men, and if they see it in a certain (sexual) way then the woman 'owes' them something, or is a 'c*ck tease' and should put out. What is this?! He talks as if all women 'owe' him something, as if they keep letting him down and he's 'fed-up with it, dude'. He sounds, to be honest, scary.
I was fuming. They did get a talking to by BB (another housemate, Rex was supporting Darnell though not actually implicating himself. As a group of men they ganged up on her and it was nasty viewing) but really, it's an outrage. Then, which was really sad, her close female friend nominated her in front of her face, but not this caveman, despite the fact that he had been nasty to her too! ?! In fact, the whole house put her up for eviction while the caveman sat pretty. I cannot believe that the girls are allowing this misogynistic vileness to happen around them - even support it! They could have condemned him without actually giving any reason or getting into any confrontation, by simply nominating him. Am I being too sensitive? I would say not, especially because DB was equally as outraged. Sara has treated this bullying with a lot of strength and I hope she is not evicted and I hope she wins. That'll show 'em.
Rant over. better work.
Change of mind, am emailing Channel Four my disgust. Rock on sisters.
Laters!
x J
I had a thought this morning though... well two actually. One, I thought well, I am working on it every day and some weekends - albeit some days better than others- but I am working, and it just *is* taking this long. It is a BIG chapter. Bigger than I ever thought. So big that if I had known it was going to be this big I would never had started it. Oh no, wait, that's the whole PhD.
My second thought was whether this time next year, when I am revisiting this chapter, I will be really pleased that I met the deadline and didn't finish the chapter, or would I not give a flying fig about the deadline and just give myself an enormous, grateful cuddle for having finished it, not hving left me hanging in the middle of a whole load of seemingly 'good' ideas?! I think the latter.
My third thought is, my Sup doesn't care and is happy to let me carry on, so I am obviously not doing anything 'wrong'.
My fourth thought (wow! I was really going for it! All this thinking) was that I do have two months before I leave to go on my big ol' trip, so another week won't hurt.
But even though I have had all of these very reasonable thoughts, I do still feel like somewhat of a failure for still being on it. I think I just really am getting tired of it now and want to move on. Which is a really good thing. I seriously do not want to be doing this toward the end of next week. I am really looking forword to planning my methodology and my trip and am eager to get to it!
DB is going away today so I shall be working on it this weekend I reckon. I am detoxing while I can. Speaking of which we went out for some grub last night at this chinese retaurant down the road and get this: we had soup, mixed starters and three mains to share with a huge bowl of rice for £13.50 each?!! We saw the offer and were very confused. But it was true. Funnily enough the place was packed. The food wasn't that great to be honest - as you would expect though really at that price! This says a lot about British cultural dining I think. That a place would be packed because of the volume and cheapness of the food, whereas our continental cousins would probably baulk and hand over the cash for some decent grub. I am not complaining though, I had a lovely time and I am quite a food snob. It was lovely just being me and DB (as it is all the time admittedly) BUT without the laptop or the tele or booze. Just fun chats. Ahhhh.
I saw the double BB last night too. I am very angry with the blatent misogynism on the show. The 'race-row' last year I swear was over less, which shows that how women are treated and abused simply for being women is way down the British political agenda. Darnell, a complex, intelligent man but with a penchant for using this intelligence to expound his woe on his sad life (he is a black albino which I know must be confusing and can't judge him on his life but it's no excuse for bullying others) and overanalyse any fault in any other human being that he feels 'let down' by. So we have Sara who is a mouthy but essentially kind and gentle Aussie who, admittedly, has constantly transferred her attentions to different men in the house although not once committed herself to any or led them on in any serious way. However, Darnell uses this to argue that she 'swings from d*cks' and that she is a 'sl*t' and a 'sl*g' and because she wouldn't get her boobs (tit*ies in Darnell's vernacular - but only when talking to her) out for him she was the biggest sl*g in the universe. THEN he went on to say behind her back that it's not him, it's just that she represents all the women he has known and how they treat him, 'dude'. He said this in the diary room as his justification for his behaviour! Then he said it again outside to other women who sat quietly, listening and giving advice. He said that he doesn't even 'rate' Sara and is frustrated because even though she is beneath him she won't be grateful for his attention and get with him. He finds it irritating because 'it' is out of his 'control'. Hello?!! Did they not hear him?! How awful is that? It brings up this whole issue of how womens behaviour is open to interpretation by men, and if they see it in a certain (sexual) way then the woman 'owes' them something, or is a 'c*ck tease' and should put out. What is this?! He talks as if all women 'owe' him something, as if they keep letting him down and he's 'fed-up with it, dude'. He sounds, to be honest, scary.
I was fuming. They did get a talking to by BB (another housemate, Rex was supporting Darnell though not actually implicating himself. As a group of men they ganged up on her and it was nasty viewing) but really, it's an outrage. Then, which was really sad, her close female friend nominated her in front of her face, but not this caveman, despite the fact that he had been nasty to her too! ?! In fact, the whole house put her up for eviction while the caveman sat pretty. I cannot believe that the girls are allowing this misogynistic vileness to happen around them - even support it! They could have condemned him without actually giving any reason or getting into any confrontation, by simply nominating him. Am I being too sensitive? I would say not, especially because DB was equally as outraged. Sara has treated this bullying with a lot of strength and I hope she is not evicted and I hope she wins. That'll show 'em.
Rant over. better work.
Change of mind, am emailing Channel Four my disgust. Rock on sisters.
Laters!
x J
Wednesday 27 August 2008
Hurray Hurray I worked today...
I worked! I am still working! Obsessively! I can't leave! Although I must, for my handsome man is taking me out for some grubalub! I am ravenous. I am in that state of intense hunger where your wits seem really sharp and you know you MUST NOT STOP at any cost. For then all will be lost and you will be nothing more than a shell of a person staring into the fridge but thinking about something entirely different.
Needless to say I have practically totally rearranged this section and all the words in it, although I feel at peace with it now and am ready to come back and fight with it again tomorrow. Maybe we will cooperate?! Woo, now there's a thought. Only problem is that I have gone massively over my word limit, again. I am currently looking at 10,500 words and I haven't even done the next bit yet, or the conclusion. Oh dear. It is an ENORMOUS chapter though. I wonder if they all aren't enormous though. Eek.
I better put some make up on or sommat.
Ooh I went for my run too! It was a rubbish run, I was hating it and sulked all the way round. I had to run half of it with a parcel in my hand for the Post Office which made me feel like rather a plonker and so that probably didn't help my motivation. Still, I went.
And I bought some linen troosers on ebay. For TN. Fablass.
Have to go. So hungry.
Must. Wait. Till. Dinner...
x J
Needless to say I have practically totally rearranged this section and all the words in it, although I feel at peace with it now and am ready to come back and fight with it again tomorrow. Maybe we will cooperate?! Woo, now there's a thought. Only problem is that I have gone massively over my word limit, again. I am currently looking at 10,500 words and I haven't even done the next bit yet, or the conclusion. Oh dear. It is an ENORMOUS chapter though. I wonder if they all aren't enormous though. Eek.
I better put some make up on or sommat.
Ooh I went for my run too! It was a rubbish run, I was hating it and sulked all the way round. I had to run half of it with a parcel in my hand for the Post Office which made me feel like rather a plonker and so that probably didn't help my motivation. Still, I went.
And I bought some linen troosers on ebay. For TN. Fablass.
Have to go. So hungry.
Must. Wait. Till. Dinner...
x J
New Leaf
Right. I am not turning over a new leaf as such, because it isn't *that* bad, but I am clearing new space on it... I am sick of my recent slovenly, unmoderated behaviour and henceforth seek to remedy it.
Today I will:
Finish this section (which, as per, has turned out to be a lot more complicated than I thought) and finish it well
go for a 2 mile run (hard, I feel knackered but won't the second I am outside. I just have to remember this)
post things that have needed posting for a while
stay away from the internet
drink lots of water
I think DB and I are going out for dinner tonight... He is off away for a week tomorrow. Boooo. Being on my own is going to be toss. I haven't thought about it really. I am in denial. My friend is coming round for lunch on Saturday and a walk which will break up the monotony of, er, me.
It's so windy and grey outside. I say we give summer a miss and move straight onto christmas. Oh! Saying that, apparently Selfridges in London has! They have decorations up and everything!
silly people.
x J
Today I will:
Finish this section (which, as per, has turned out to be a lot more complicated than I thought) and finish it well
go for a 2 mile run (hard, I feel knackered but won't the second I am outside. I just have to remember this)
post things that have needed posting for a while
stay away from the internet
drink lots of water
I think DB and I are going out for dinner tonight... He is off away for a week tomorrow. Boooo. Being on my own is going to be toss. I haven't thought about it really. I am in denial. My friend is coming round for lunch on Saturday and a walk which will break up the monotony of, er, me.
It's so windy and grey outside. I say we give summer a miss and move straight onto christmas. Oh! Saying that, apparently Selfridges in London has! They have decorations up and everything!
silly people.
x J
Tuesday 26 August 2008
Rubbish
Today has been awful! Total rubbish. Am just tying myself up in knots and overcomplicating my work. I know I should just leave it and call it a day but I can't. I have to get this sorted out, although I think I am just creating more work for myself in the long run.
Doofuss.
x J
Doofuss.
x J
Monday 25 August 2008
Monday bank hols: end of?
Ach I have been working for hours! I keep meaning to stop and slope off but I have reached a crucial point of jiggery-pokery with the text. I am fairly sure that if I copy and paste it round just right then I shan't have to do much more editing to this section. It's just a case of getting it right so the text flows and the arguments make sense! I wonder if I need to do some deleting...
Hmmm.
I keep thinking it's sunday and feeling very proud of my determination to work, then realise it's Monday and a normal day really. I do feel quite bank holiday-ey though, though I can't say why seeing as I have spoken or seen no-one but DB (who is working) and haven't even watched tv or heard the radio. And to think I should be in a field at a festival.
Am I really old to say that I won't go to festivals any more because of the over-inflated price and the commercialism?! I think I am. Roll on 30...
LOL! LMAO! Oh PLZZZZZZZZZ. OMFG.
See, am not *that* old.
Although I will accept arguments that knowing the vocab (or lack of... hehe I can't be saved) isn't the problem, it's all in the eye of the beholder. My beholder is holding their over-foundationed/self tanned, tiny, teenage face and wailing *cringe*.
Cringe indeed.
x J
Hmmm.
I keep thinking it's sunday and feeling very proud of my determination to work, then realise it's Monday and a normal day really. I do feel quite bank holiday-ey though, though I can't say why seeing as I have spoken or seen no-one but DB (who is working) and haven't even watched tv or heard the radio. And to think I should be in a field at a festival.
Am I really old to say that I won't go to festivals any more because of the over-inflated price and the commercialism?! I think I am. Roll on 30...
LOL! LMAO! Oh PLZZZZZZZZZ. OMFG.
See, am not *that* old.
Although I will accept arguments that knowing the vocab (or lack of... hehe I can't be saved) isn't the problem, it's all in the eye of the beholder. My beholder is holding their over-foundationed/self tanned, tiny, teenage face and wailing *cringe*.
Cringe indeed.
x J
Snoozy Bank Holiday Monday
Helloooo
I am snoozy. I will tell you why, because like the laziest non-childered person in the world, I didn't get out of bed until 11. This is because I set my alarm for 8.30 on a bank holiday -I was rebelling. Bad bad person. Although I don;t care really.
DB seemed depressed this morning as well, he has been working no-stop recently. So, generously, I offered to take him out this afternoon. We have decided to work until 3ish and then will go out and be bank-holidayers for a couple of hours.
So I am working now. Am going through some suggested corrections/pointers my sup gave me re: my intro and then am on to the next part of my chaoter. If I can get this edited today then I would be two thirds down. And I only need a couple of days to do the last third. This should definitely be done for Friday. I know, I knw my deadline was for weds, and so far this has worked a treat but Friday won't hurt anyone.
I can't wait to start my methodology. Because then I can start thinking of other things like clothes and packing, and everything. And get my TN house in order. It is in a metaphorical MESS! Well, I say 'start' thinking - more I can work on my thoughts. As it is I am starting to lie awake at night with imaginary packing and flight and accomodation thoughts. Silly.
My ma wants to come out and see me in TN! I am so happy! better email her now actually and tell her just to book a ticket for the end of Feb. Lord knows where I will be but I shan't know until, well, the end of Feb so may as well make my plans around her. Is just fab she will come and see our life in TN!
Better go and email Ma and then do some work. COOL!
x J
I am snoozy. I will tell you why, because like the laziest non-childered person in the world, I didn't get out of bed until 11. This is because I set my alarm for 8.30 on a bank holiday -I was rebelling. Bad bad person. Although I don;t care really.
DB seemed depressed this morning as well, he has been working no-stop recently. So, generously, I offered to take him out this afternoon. We have decided to work until 3ish and then will go out and be bank-holidayers for a couple of hours.
So I am working now. Am going through some suggested corrections/pointers my sup gave me re: my intro and then am on to the next part of my chaoter. If I can get this edited today then I would be two thirds down. And I only need a couple of days to do the last third. This should definitely be done for Friday. I know, I knw my deadline was for weds, and so far this has worked a treat but Friday won't hurt anyone.
I can't wait to start my methodology. Because then I can start thinking of other things like clothes and packing, and everything. And get my TN house in order. It is in a metaphorical MESS! Well, I say 'start' thinking - more I can work on my thoughts. As it is I am starting to lie awake at night with imaginary packing and flight and accomodation thoughts. Silly.
My ma wants to come out and see me in TN! I am so happy! better email her now actually and tell her just to book a ticket for the end of Feb. Lord knows where I will be but I shan't know until, well, the end of Feb so may as well make my plans around her. Is just fab she will come and see our life in TN!
Better go and email Ma and then do some work. COOL!
x J
Saturday 23 August 2008
Happly clappy
I heard from my Sup about my Intro! I told him not to read the chapter work I have sent him so far and to take a chill pill (in a professional, academic way of course... !) as I will send the lot over on Weds and thankfully he read that before he did sit down and waste his bank holiday reading the rubbish. Phew!
But he read the intro and said that it was excellent! Excellent! And that he wished all PG work was like mine! I am blowing my trumpet so hard I think I will pop my ears but am sooooooooo pleased. I was so worried and have been winding myself up being all concerned about whether I am just talking pointless rubbish or whether I am being a good student and writing good things. And, happily, I am the latter. DB will be cross with me cause I always get into a negative fug if I haven't been patted on the head for a while for, as far as he sees, no good reason. And he is the one subjected to my soliloquys of woe and fear, which is a burden he bears with utmost grace. And furrowed brow, and tut of tongue. And it is true that it is silly to think that all of a sudden I would be getting it so wrong, as I haven't actually had anything but positive criticism since I started. But rather than thinking this is because I am naturally f.a.b, it is more because I am always frightened of getting it wrong, so need to work hard so they think I am ok, ergo, I suppose I get good results.
I am so pleased though and so will take the rest of the day off to celebrate. Well, I stopped work at about two anyway, but would have worked tonight if I needed too, but gladly I don't! I shall work tomorrow a bit though.
Am so pleased!
I am not pleased though because I am stuffed with pringles, a bacon sarnie and too much flapjack. Although now I can attribute this gluttony to retrospective celebration.
Am off to read the paper in front of Hollyoaks omnibus. Yes, yes, I am that highbrow. Be afeared!
x J
But he read the intro and said that it was excellent! Excellent! And that he wished all PG work was like mine! I am blowing my trumpet so hard I think I will pop my ears but am sooooooooo pleased. I was so worried and have been winding myself up being all concerned about whether I am just talking pointless rubbish or whether I am being a good student and writing good things. And, happily, I am the latter. DB will be cross with me cause I always get into a negative fug if I haven't been patted on the head for a while for, as far as he sees, no good reason. And he is the one subjected to my soliloquys of woe and fear, which is a burden he bears with utmost grace. And furrowed brow, and tut of tongue. And it is true that it is silly to think that all of a sudden I would be getting it so wrong, as I haven't actually had anything but positive criticism since I started. But rather than thinking this is because I am naturally f.a.b, it is more because I am always frightened of getting it wrong, so need to work hard so they think I am ok, ergo, I suppose I get good results.
I am so pleased though and so will take the rest of the day off to celebrate. Well, I stopped work at about two anyway, but would have worked tonight if I needed too, but gladly I don't! I shall work tomorrow a bit though.
Am so pleased!
I am not pleased though because I am stuffed with pringles, a bacon sarnie and too much flapjack. Although now I can attribute this gluttony to retrospective celebration.
Am off to read the paper in front of Hollyoaks omnibus. Yes, yes, I am that highbrow. Be afeared!
x J
Workin'
Here I am! Working! Well I haven't started yet and I am in the bedroom with the tele on so it's not all bad.
I heard from my Sup today - he has been terribly ill and had a bug on his mem stick too! Rubbish! Now he is saying he will read that chap I gave him and I am like, nooo! chill out man! And anyway I will have the whole thing, undoubtedly re-jigged, completed for Weds. I just wanted to show him I was being productive really. Ach.
I watched Nicole get kicked out of BB last night and think Davina did quite a good interview actually, and I agree with big D that Nicole will learn quite a lot about herself from watching it. Which is a Good Thing. If I had a daughter as selfish and nasty as her I would be mortified... Then we watched 'Saw' in bed - and it was great! What a good film! I have scorned it twice before and not finished watching it but... wow. I was freaked out properly.
I have been thinking very hard and I have decided that I am going to try and buy a house when I get back from TN... I may be able to get a loan for some of the deposit of an average two bed... and I think I will ask my Ma for some money too. I will say it is a loan, and when we sell the house after uni then she can have some profit back from it... Asking one's paretns for nmoney at my age is so tacky and unpleasant. Burt I don't think I have much choice and it's worth an ask. I really really want a house - I just hate renting and really need to feel I 'belong' somewhere. I don't want to move or to travel or anything at the mo. I am tired out of it. If we get a house that needs some love... that has, like, blue carpets and a naff marble fireplace and dado rails hither and thither and a tatty garden and knackered kitchen - you know, needs TLC and painting... and then sell it on and we can get some money. I am *sick* of renting and seeing my deposit money everywhere, worrying about being diddled when we leave, worrying about when they are going to fix this or that, being irritated when handles fall off the kitchen doors because they are so old and worn, fed up of other people's tiny fridge/freezer combos that overfreeze, tired of dirty ovens... I want my own housey! I would be in heaven if I had my own house. I would belong somewhere! I would be able to paint it and put plants outside and have shelves! shelves! For my books! And DB can have his american style fridge freezer (not for me, and it has to fit into my rustic style kitchen... !). And I can get a doggy for it. and get rid of my charity shop tat (not all of it is tat but there is a lot) and buy nice framed pics to put on MY wall... Ahhhh. I think I could use my womb to get us some leverage. I would far more likely to start a family in my own place. Renting I would feel very unmoored. I think both potential grannies would buy us a house each if it meant we filled in the grandchildren gap!!! heheheheee!
So I have been daydreaming about that! I have always thought that there will come a time when I *can* get on the property ladder and see other people my age have homes and don't think anything of it. And now I think, well, apart from the fact I am a student with no money and a lot of debt I could have that! I just need some help from my ma. Too many people do these days it's so silly. I wouldn't be able to afford my own, with them saying her! take my money! Until I am late thirties which is too long. I always assumed that I would want to keep on travelling and moving too so didn't see it as being practical, owning ahome in one place, but I am not like that now. After TN I think I will be truly travelled-out for a while. I would like to go away for three weeks here and there and go somewhere exotic, but currently don't want to do any massive monthly trips, or move around the UK as much as we have been chasing my education!
It's a lovely day outside. I will go and read the paper outside in a bit. I really want to sort out this particular section of my work then, hopefully, instead of being a third of the way through I would have lnked it together and be two thirds of the way through. I have thousands of words of text, I just need to link it in. Hurray!
Am going to the gym later. I will cross train and cycle and then tomorrow I will go for a 6 mile run...
Ah bank holiday.
speak soon!
x J
I heard from my Sup today - he has been terribly ill and had a bug on his mem stick too! Rubbish! Now he is saying he will read that chap I gave him and I am like, nooo! chill out man! And anyway I will have the whole thing, undoubtedly re-jigged, completed for Weds. I just wanted to show him I was being productive really. Ach.
I watched Nicole get kicked out of BB last night and think Davina did quite a good interview actually, and I agree with big D that Nicole will learn quite a lot about herself from watching it. Which is a Good Thing. If I had a daughter as selfish and nasty as her I would be mortified... Then we watched 'Saw' in bed - and it was great! What a good film! I have scorned it twice before and not finished watching it but... wow. I was freaked out properly.
I have been thinking very hard and I have decided that I am going to try and buy a house when I get back from TN... I may be able to get a loan for some of the deposit of an average two bed... and I think I will ask my Ma for some money too. I will say it is a loan, and when we sell the house after uni then she can have some profit back from it... Asking one's paretns for nmoney at my age is so tacky and unpleasant. Burt I don't think I have much choice and it's worth an ask. I really really want a house - I just hate renting and really need to feel I 'belong' somewhere. I don't want to move or to travel or anything at the mo. I am tired out of it. If we get a house that needs some love... that has, like, blue carpets and a naff marble fireplace and dado rails hither and thither and a tatty garden and knackered kitchen - you know, needs TLC and painting... and then sell it on and we can get some money. I am *sick* of renting and seeing my deposit money everywhere, worrying about being diddled when we leave, worrying about when they are going to fix this or that, being irritated when handles fall off the kitchen doors because they are so old and worn, fed up of other people's tiny fridge/freezer combos that overfreeze, tired of dirty ovens... I want my own housey! I would be in heaven if I had my own house. I would belong somewhere! I would be able to paint it and put plants outside and have shelves! shelves! For my books! And DB can have his american style fridge freezer (not for me, and it has to fit into my rustic style kitchen... !). And I can get a doggy for it. and get rid of my charity shop tat (not all of it is tat but there is a lot) and buy nice framed pics to put on MY wall... Ahhhh. I think I could use my womb to get us some leverage. I would far more likely to start a family in my own place. Renting I would feel very unmoored. I think both potential grannies would buy us a house each if it meant we filled in the grandchildren gap!!! heheheheee!
So I have been daydreaming about that! I have always thought that there will come a time when I *can* get on the property ladder and see other people my age have homes and don't think anything of it. And now I think, well, apart from the fact I am a student with no money and a lot of debt I could have that! I just need some help from my ma. Too many people do these days it's so silly. I wouldn't be able to afford my own, with them saying her! take my money! Until I am late thirties which is too long. I always assumed that I would want to keep on travelling and moving too so didn't see it as being practical, owning ahome in one place, but I am not like that now. After TN I think I will be truly travelled-out for a while. I would like to go away for three weeks here and there and go somewhere exotic, but currently don't want to do any massive monthly trips, or move around the UK as much as we have been chasing my education!
It's a lovely day outside. I will go and read the paper outside in a bit. I really want to sort out this particular section of my work then, hopefully, instead of being a third of the way through I would have lnked it together and be two thirds of the way through. I have thousands of words of text, I just need to link it in. Hurray!
Am going to the gym later. I will cross train and cycle and then tomorrow I will go for a 6 mile run...
Ah bank holiday.
speak soon!
x J
Friday 22 August 2008
Ah ha!
I am pleased with my work today! I have done some, for a start. And also, I realised that so much of what I have been worried about in this chapter has already been written! By me! Great stuff. I have also managed to get the wordage down to about 9000 and think the rest looks pretty well written. So that is a HUGE relief.
I am going to carry on doing this bit until half six then I will slope off downstairs and call it a day for today. Depending on how this goes I may not work tomorrow. I will work either tomorrow or on Sunday... I need to go for a huge run tomorrow so may work on Sunday because doing both may be asking a bit much of myself.
BB eviction night tonight... I will be scoffing an Indian take away as *hopefully* the spiteful, selfish evil that is Nicole is disposed of. Finally. I did feel very sorry for her crying the other night and appreciate that she is in a difficult situation. But at lunchtime I saw some of the episode from last night and seriously, that girl is rather a cow. The way she shouted at Mikey was horrible! So I hope she gets kicked out, I hope she gets booed (I hate booing normally) and I hope Davina (rubbish interviewer but hey) shows her how horrible and selfish and moaning and ungrateful she has been. Then hopefully she can learn from it, grow up and live a better life for the experience.
I am still very amused as well because I am working in front of Richard and Judy's last ever show (!! Noooo! Who will cheer me up at fivepm with their amazing blunders?) and Richard asked John Leslie (in a clip... he was up for rape a few times if you aren't from the UK btw) if he had ever liked, or could be known to like, rough, or forceful, sex! I am so amused. Like the man who has been up in court for being a rapist and has had his life ruined becasue everyone thinks he did it/them is going to cave in to Richard's curveball, his so-subtle journalistic probing, and say 'Yes! Yes Richard I do! You got it out of me'. ?!! What was Richard thinking?!!
Glorious television.
Well, I digress. Back to the politics...
I hope everyone has fantastic bank holidays btw!! Fun times ahead! (Unless like me you are working! Working!!)
x J
I am going to carry on doing this bit until half six then I will slope off downstairs and call it a day for today. Depending on how this goes I may not work tomorrow. I will work either tomorrow or on Sunday... I need to go for a huge run tomorrow so may work on Sunday because doing both may be asking a bit much of myself.
BB eviction night tonight... I will be scoffing an Indian take away as *hopefully* the spiteful, selfish evil that is Nicole is disposed of. Finally. I did feel very sorry for her crying the other night and appreciate that she is in a difficult situation. But at lunchtime I saw some of the episode from last night and seriously, that girl is rather a cow. The way she shouted at Mikey was horrible! So I hope she gets kicked out, I hope she gets booed (I hate booing normally) and I hope Davina (rubbish interviewer but hey) shows her how horrible and selfish and moaning and ungrateful she has been. Then hopefully she can learn from it, grow up and live a better life for the experience.
I am still very amused as well because I am working in front of Richard and Judy's last ever show (!! Noooo! Who will cheer me up at fivepm with their amazing blunders?) and Richard asked John Leslie (in a clip... he was up for rape a few times if you aren't from the UK btw) if he had ever liked, or could be known to like, rough, or forceful, sex! I am so amused. Like the man who has been up in court for being a rapist and has had his life ruined becasue everyone thinks he did it/them is going to cave in to Richard's curveball, his so-subtle journalistic probing, and say 'Yes! Yes Richard I do! You got it out of me'. ?!! What was Richard thinking?!!
Glorious television.
Well, I digress. Back to the politics...
I hope everyone has fantastic bank holidays btw!! Fun times ahead! (Unless like me you are working! Working!!)
x J
Friday AGAIN?!
I swear it is always Friday - proabably because I am spending my weekend working... yaya!
I managed to send my Sup lots of work (7500 words) on Weds but am really wondering how this chapter is going to come in at 10000?! This 7500 isn't much of it - about a third. I wonder if this is the bulk of empirical info I need and then the remaining 3000 words is all concentrated analysis... I hope so! I can't go much over this! I don;t have time if nothing else!
My time away was ok. I am deeply worried about my dearest but I am seeing her again in a month or two and if she hsa lost more weight I will have a word. For now though, it is ok. We had a lovely time though! I ate the most delicious spare ribs I have ever had in my life. If I were my brother or sister I would be just so poor and fat, having handed over my small monthly stipend to the nice chinese ladies in Manchester...
Ah! I just remembered it's bank holiday this weekend! This is what it means to be a student deep into your dissertation or PhD chapters - you don't even KNOW it is a bank holiday! I didn't know! What on earth. I used to feel quite glum when I was working on my todd over a bank holiday but not now! I shan't even know - it is just a Monday to me. Hehe. I am working all this weekend! Rubbish. I have to go for a run too my my lungs are full of nicotine and my head of cotton wool. I think it would be unwise. I shall be slovenly today and go tomorrow.
And onto today!
I am formatting and alphabetising my bibliography for my Sup. It is annoying because I uise word 2007 which is ace, but have to change it to normal so my sup can read it... and it makes it all less jazzy and responsive so I end up doing a lot by hand. And the bugbear is that I will need to to it all again from scratch when I have finished! Rubbish. I shall just have to hope this isn;t true.
I haven't heard from my Sup yet about the chapter or introduction. I shall continue to see this as no-news-is-good-news.
I can hear a sheep very loudly outside. This is confusing seeing as I live on a main road opposite a park. Not a field. Curious.
We went to see a bgeautiful village with a view to moving there when we have left India but... it is too small. I think we are going to move to the first place we saw in March. Always the way.
Better go and do this bibliography... And then I am going to carry on grafting on this chapter analysis. Wednesday is the deadline!
x J
I managed to send my Sup lots of work (7500 words) on Weds but am really wondering how this chapter is going to come in at 10000?! This 7500 isn't much of it - about a third. I wonder if this is the bulk of empirical info I need and then the remaining 3000 words is all concentrated analysis... I hope so! I can't go much over this! I don;t have time if nothing else!
My time away was ok. I am deeply worried about my dearest but I am seeing her again in a month or two and if she hsa lost more weight I will have a word. For now though, it is ok. We had a lovely time though! I ate the most delicious spare ribs I have ever had in my life. If I were my brother or sister I would be just so poor and fat, having handed over my small monthly stipend to the nice chinese ladies in Manchester...
Ah! I just remembered it's bank holiday this weekend! This is what it means to be a student deep into your dissertation or PhD chapters - you don't even KNOW it is a bank holiday! I didn't know! What on earth. I used to feel quite glum when I was working on my todd over a bank holiday but not now! I shan't even know - it is just a Monday to me. Hehe. I am working all this weekend! Rubbish. I have to go for a run too my my lungs are full of nicotine and my head of cotton wool. I think it would be unwise. I shall be slovenly today and go tomorrow.
And onto today!
I am formatting and alphabetising my bibliography for my Sup. It is annoying because I uise word 2007 which is ace, but have to change it to normal so my sup can read it... and it makes it all less jazzy and responsive so I end up doing a lot by hand. And the bugbear is that I will need to to it all again from scratch when I have finished! Rubbish. I shall just have to hope this isn;t true.
I haven't heard from my Sup yet about the chapter or introduction. I shall continue to see this as no-news-is-good-news.
I can hear a sheep very loudly outside. This is confusing seeing as I live on a main road opposite a park. Not a field. Curious.
We went to see a bgeautiful village with a view to moving there when we have left India but... it is too small. I think we are going to move to the first place we saw in March. Always the way.
Better go and do this bibliography... And then I am going to carry on grafting on this chapter analysis. Wednesday is the deadline!
x J
Wednesday 20 August 2008
Hmm
I am not a happy bunny today. I am working away and the work is actually going well. I am at a stage where I have lots of material already written, I just need to edit it and so it isn't that bad. I do have 6000 words to send my sup but they aren't very interesting. I think he will be a bit disappointed or not read them. I will get this chater done by weds I have decided. If it is not done then then I will have to leave it because I must start on my methodology.
I am off to see my family later. I feel sick to my stomach with nerves. I can't really talk about it though I know that is no good and not very helpful or sociable. I wrote about it in my post from around the 26 July if that's any help. I want to put an exclamation mark there to jolly it up a bit but it is all wrong. All wrong. Today is no day for exclamation marks.
Am off. I have not much to say today, a lot of work to do, a lot of primping to do for dinner and a smile to paste on. I hope it stays and with good reason!
Wish me luck. Familes eh?
x J
I am off to see my family later. I feel sick to my stomach with nerves. I can't really talk about it though I know that is no good and not very helpful or sociable. I wrote about it in my post from around the 26 July if that's any help. I want to put an exclamation mark there to jolly it up a bit but it is all wrong. All wrong. Today is no day for exclamation marks.
Am off. I have not much to say today, a lot of work to do, a lot of primping to do for dinner and a smile to paste on. I hope it stays and with good reason!
Wish me luck. Familes eh?
x J
Tuesday 19 August 2008
Ug
I worked until gone half six today and worked very hard this afternoon indeedy! Was completely knackered when I finished... watched tv for about ten minutes then did some washing, washing up and cooked dinner. It is now half eight and have just sat down really. Plomped down in front of the tele and what is on? A programme about reconciling builders with their angry customers. For what purpose?! they just whine! Rubbish.
I am very miffed because I really fancy a treat. I have been extraordinarily well behaved since Thursday and am getting bored of it all now! I want biscuits! chocolate! cake! wine! Chocolate wine!
But I am behaving because I have had to be exercising and also tomorrow is a bit of a deadline for my Sup. I edited and proof-read up to 6000 words today so I at least have that to give him, which is quite a lot but still only the beginning of the chapter! Oh dearie. Tomorrow though I am starting (finally! finally!) on the analysis. I have a lot of this done so hope to speed through this a bit. I always forget about how I have to sort my work out so much for my Sup though -provide caveats and links where I have been lazy and not explained things properly and a proper bibliography etc. We are leaving at 3 tomorrow to go and chill with my mum so that will be a nice deadline. Although I don't really want to go, as I am sure anyone may remember if they have been reading for a while!
Anyway, less of those thoughts.
am off to wonder and wander and try not to talk myself into buying biscuits...
x J
I am very miffed because I really fancy a treat. I have been extraordinarily well behaved since Thursday and am getting bored of it all now! I want biscuits! chocolate! cake! wine! Chocolate wine!
But I am behaving because I have had to be exercising and also tomorrow is a bit of a deadline for my Sup. I edited and proof-read up to 6000 words today so I at least have that to give him, which is quite a lot but still only the beginning of the chapter! Oh dearie. Tomorrow though I am starting (finally! finally!) on the analysis. I have a lot of this done so hope to speed through this a bit. I always forget about how I have to sort my work out so much for my Sup though -provide caveats and links where I have been lazy and not explained things properly and a proper bibliography etc. We are leaving at 3 tomorrow to go and chill with my mum so that will be a nice deadline. Although I don't really want to go, as I am sure anyone may remember if they have been reading for a while!
Anyway, less of those thoughts.
am off to wonder and wander and try not to talk myself into buying biscuits...
x J
Busy bee
Hello there, hello,
I have been working already this morning... I decided that the head-in-the-sand approach I had yesterday was not going to endure today so opened up my chapter and gamely read through the introduction that I have sent my Sup. And it is pretty ok. I was starting to panic that it was all awful and derivative and pointless, and that Sup will email to let me know this later. However, it is just fine and yes, it may be derivative, but I would think this because these ideas are so old and ingrained in my head I can't remember if they are original or not. So there.
I expect him to get back to me today. This makes working hard because I am reluctant to work on something that he may tell me to stop working on or tell me it needs serious revision. However, I will have to halt these negative thoughts and just get on with it. Have some faith. Anything that I write will be useful somewhere in the PhD anyway, even if, eventually, not in this chapter.
Plus I said I would have a lot of work for him by tomorrow avo. Eek! This means I have to spend this morning revising the agency synopses I did last week which is BORING and I am sick of it. I would rather move on to the analysis. But I will be sending him these synopses for sure and they are 5000 words worth so better be readable!!
I went for my run last night! I really, really, really didn't want to at all. I had run two miles and I was tired and bored and just realised that I still had another mile to go, then had to do it all again on the way back and wondered if I would make it... But I did, in record time even! So I have now run nearly half of a half marathon... and was too tired... It is going to be HARD. Really hard. Today my shins, thighs, back, arms (arms?!) shoulders - everything - hurts. I did that long hike on Sunday too so am sore from both of these activities. I am meant to be going for a 2 mile run tomorrow but I think I would be better off skiving that and going to the pool for a brisk half hour instead - take the weight off my ankles and shins.
So today, today...
I will revise the writing I have done so far. And then move on! No exercise today so will stay at my desk until 6.
I hope my Sup is nice about my work! *bites nails*
x J
I have been working already this morning... I decided that the head-in-the-sand approach I had yesterday was not going to endure today so opened up my chapter and gamely read through the introduction that I have sent my Sup. And it is pretty ok. I was starting to panic that it was all awful and derivative and pointless, and that Sup will email to let me know this later. However, it is just fine and yes, it may be derivative, but I would think this because these ideas are so old and ingrained in my head I can't remember if they are original or not. So there.
I expect him to get back to me today. This makes working hard because I am reluctant to work on something that he may tell me to stop working on or tell me it needs serious revision. However, I will have to halt these negative thoughts and just get on with it. Have some faith. Anything that I write will be useful somewhere in the PhD anyway, even if, eventually, not in this chapter.
Plus I said I would have a lot of work for him by tomorrow avo. Eek! This means I have to spend this morning revising the agency synopses I did last week which is BORING and I am sick of it. I would rather move on to the analysis. But I will be sending him these synopses for sure and they are 5000 words worth so better be readable!!
I went for my run last night! I really, really, really didn't want to at all. I had run two miles and I was tired and bored and just realised that I still had another mile to go, then had to do it all again on the way back and wondered if I would make it... But I did, in record time even! So I have now run nearly half of a half marathon... and was too tired... It is going to be HARD. Really hard. Today my shins, thighs, back, arms (arms?!) shoulders - everything - hurts. I did that long hike on Sunday too so am sore from both of these activities. I am meant to be going for a 2 mile run tomorrow but I think I would be better off skiving that and going to the pool for a brisk half hour instead - take the weight off my ankles and shins.
So today, today...
I will revise the writing I have done so far. And then move on! No exercise today so will stay at my desk until 6.
I hope my Sup is nice about my work! *bites nails*
x J
Monday 18 August 2008
Monday? Done.
Ah phew, today is over!
I haven't done much but then the day has gone very fast anyway. I read some of the book I wanted to go over again, worked out where we may want to move to when we get back from TN (another thing to organise before we go! Reccying the local area in TN may prove a tad expensive... !!) and learnt some language. This language is incredibly hard and whenever I try I just feel so useless and glum about it all. And I *love* learning languages. I really feel that learning when we are there is the way forward (and that coming from me - uber organised control worrying freak!) It is ridiculous trying to learn something that you have never heard spoken before! I just have no confidence that I am not just making it up.
Other than that, I have done nowt on my chapter. Just couldn't face it today. Maybe I just need a bit of time off from it. I will come back tomorrow raring to go I hope.
Off for my run now. Bleugh I really can't face it. No choice though!
Hopefully tomorrow will be more productive...
x J
I haven't done much but then the day has gone very fast anyway. I read some of the book I wanted to go over again, worked out where we may want to move to when we get back from TN (another thing to organise before we go! Reccying the local area in TN may prove a tad expensive... !!) and learnt some language. This language is incredibly hard and whenever I try I just feel so useless and glum about it all. And I *love* learning languages. I really feel that learning when we are there is the way forward (and that coming from me - uber organised control worrying freak!) It is ridiculous trying to learn something that you have never heard spoken before! I just have no confidence that I am not just making it up.
Other than that, I have done nowt on my chapter. Just couldn't face it today. Maybe I just need a bit of time off from it. I will come back tomorrow raring to go I hope.
Off for my run now. Bleugh I really can't face it. No choice though!
Hopefully tomorrow will be more productive...
x J
Haha! Carstoppers evilness in Haworth
Our clampers!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/west_yorkshire/3238972.stm
They made a heavily pregnant woman walk TWO MILES to the closest cash machine to get the fee! And clamped a man asleep in his car!
Vile creatures.
x J
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/west_yorkshire/3238972.stm
They made a heavily pregnant woman walk TWO MILES to the closest cash machine to get the fee! And clamped a man asleep in his car!
Vile creatures.
x J
Academic Freedoms
The story of Hicham Yezza, who was held under terrorism charges for downloading a 'politically sensitive' document at Nottingham Uni for his PhD/magazine research continues... It is so scary...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/aug/18/terrorism.civilliberties
How is everyone today?! It is raining raining here. As per!
I am really tired out today! I want my bed. Our hike yesterday was amazing and completely beautiful. It started in an irritating way (to be calm and understated about it), as we went to get our ticket for the car parking and realised we were 60p short between us but had notes. We went over the road - literally, over the road - to get some change, came back and bought the ticket, and there the car was - clamped. And some red-faced bug*er was taking pictures of it and writing out our ticket. We were *furious*! We had been 5 minutes to get change! He wouldn't take it off and charged us £75! In a tourist car park - easy pickings with ramblers being late off the moors and a bit too relaxed. Apparently we were told that one of us should have stayed with the car. How did he know there were two of us? What if there were only one? Also, the ticket on the car is the same time as my receipt for the (very expensive in the end?!) toffee I bought to get change - and the car parking ticket was 3 minutes later! Three minutes! He was such a vile man. We took his name and photo and are going to appeal but I won't hold my breath. Council traffic wardens have to take a picture of the vehicle and then wait five minutes for the owner to turn up (as they could be off buying a ticket?!) before issuing a fine. But these guys were total cowboys working for a private company. He had clamped numerous other cars while we were getting our change! Busy man! He even said he didn't know how long the car had been there - he just turned up and whacked the clamp on! Cheek. We were very angry when we started our hike! But then the weather closed in sympathetically and our wet, windy and dramatic walk cheered us up (!!). Finally, the sun came out and was just beautiful on all the bracken and heather. Ahhhhh. Then we moved the car from the car-park-of-hell and went for a lovely coffee and piece of cake! Perfect.
I got to play my new computer game over the weekend too!! Hehe, such a child. It is great fun. The one that I bought was broken though! It worked for all of five minutes then stuck and i realised it was unbelievably scratched. After a bit of a sulk DB took me off to blockbusters were I managed to find another one... Hurray! So we played that and I was most pleased.
My Sup emailed me yesterday as well to let me know that he hadn't been able to open my word doc as it was my new fancy word 2007! so he hasn't read it. Actually, I just realised writing that that I think that is the reason I am reluctant to work on it today, in case it is all wrong and need to start again. I may read some books today instead. I am just not feeling very 'writey'. Like I have no real knowledge or brain-energy to write. Does this sound stupid?! There are a couple of books analysing humanitarianism that I wish to re-read in the light of my thoughts for this chapter - I think I will do this for a bit today.
I also need to do my 6mile run today. I am surprisingly tired from my exertions yesterday (7 mile round hike, plus major hills (and views to match!). I will go out though.
I need some brekkers.
I can't get on the forum any more - the new site won't let me sign in. Oh well. End of an era?
x J
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/aug/18/terrorism.civilliberties
How is everyone today?! It is raining raining here. As per!
I am really tired out today! I want my bed. Our hike yesterday was amazing and completely beautiful. It started in an irritating way (to be calm and understated about it), as we went to get our ticket for the car parking and realised we were 60p short between us but had notes. We went over the road - literally, over the road - to get some change, came back and bought the ticket, and there the car was - clamped. And some red-faced bug*er was taking pictures of it and writing out our ticket. We were *furious*! We had been 5 minutes to get change! He wouldn't take it off and charged us £75! In a tourist car park - easy pickings with ramblers being late off the moors and a bit too relaxed. Apparently we were told that one of us should have stayed with the car. How did he know there were two of us? What if there were only one? Also, the ticket on the car is the same time as my receipt for the (very expensive in the end?!) toffee I bought to get change - and the car parking ticket was 3 minutes later! Three minutes! He was such a vile man. We took his name and photo and are going to appeal but I won't hold my breath. Council traffic wardens have to take a picture of the vehicle and then wait five minutes for the owner to turn up (as they could be off buying a ticket?!) before issuing a fine. But these guys were total cowboys working for a private company. He had clamped numerous other cars while we were getting our change! Busy man! He even said he didn't know how long the car had been there - he just turned up and whacked the clamp on! Cheek. We were very angry when we started our hike! But then the weather closed in sympathetically and our wet, windy and dramatic walk cheered us up (!!). Finally, the sun came out and was just beautiful on all the bracken and heather. Ahhhhh. Then we moved the car from the car-park-of-hell and went for a lovely coffee and piece of cake! Perfect.
I got to play my new computer game over the weekend too!! Hehe, such a child. It is great fun. The one that I bought was broken though! It worked for all of five minutes then stuck and i realised it was unbelievably scratched. After a bit of a sulk DB took me off to blockbusters were I managed to find another one... Hurray! So we played that and I was most pleased.
My Sup emailed me yesterday as well to let me know that he hadn't been able to open my word doc as it was my new fancy word 2007! so he hasn't read it. Actually, I just realised writing that that I think that is the reason I am reluctant to work on it today, in case it is all wrong and need to start again. I may read some books today instead. I am just not feeling very 'writey'. Like I have no real knowledge or brain-energy to write. Does this sound stupid?! There are a couple of books analysing humanitarianism that I wish to re-read in the light of my thoughts for this chapter - I think I will do this for a bit today.
I also need to do my 6mile run today. I am surprisingly tired from my exertions yesterday (7 mile round hike, plus major hills (and views to match!). I will go out though.
I need some brekkers.
I can't get on the forum any more - the new site won't let me sign in. Oh well. End of an era?
x J
Saturday 16 August 2008
Finished!
I managed to finish both my last agency synopses! yaya! I don;t know how good they are - first draft and all that, so will leave it now and come back on monday, read through and tighten up as needs be. Then I can carry on to the next stage. I am never going to have this finished for weds like I suggested to my Sup, but I will have something (quite a lot!) to send him. This is all about getting it down on paper anyway - next year I am sure it will be changed like crazy!
I am really in a quandary about going for this run. I know I *should* but really don't want to. REALLY don't want to. Instead I really want to make sausage and mash with spring greens and gravy and just relax and enjoy the rest of my day off. Tomorrow I am out allllll day walking around and then can I not go for my long run on Monday? Yes I can. I say I can!
Monday it is then.
I am off to make sausage and mash.
Bye!
x J
I am really in a quandary about going for this run. I know I *should* but really don't want to. REALLY don't want to. Instead I really want to make sausage and mash with spring greens and gravy and just relax and enjoy the rest of my day off. Tomorrow I am out allllll day walking around and then can I not go for my long run on Monday? Yes I can. I say I can!
Monday it is then.
I am off to make sausage and mash.
Bye!
x J
Saturday
I am working away!
I started at ten with a view to finishing at 2... 4 hours doesn't sound that long but then I shan't finish until 2... which is very long! I have been pretty engrossed though so the time is, unfortunately, flying by. I say unfortunately because I am not likely to get the last agency synopsis done. I have to write about 1000 words for each - so for this chapter that is going to be 5000 words before virtually any analysis has been done! As a consequence, although I am aiming for an 8000 word chapter, I think it is more likely to finish at 11,000, and then 10,000 with some ruthless editing. Basically I have to summarise their presented sense of 'self' through discourse, and then overview all of their reports and evaluations for this particular issue and then analyse what this represents for the agencies as a group. And this is just one third of the chapter! The rest is more analysis again. So I think one starts to see why it is taking soooooooooooo long to do! Each agency takes about 4/5 hours to write out. Not including the fact that I can't just sit down and dive in but always have to re-read previous work to edit and see how the chapter is flowing.
I haven't heard from my Sup today yet which either means he has a life and is out and about away from the computer, or means that he has read the intro I sent as he said he would yesterday avo and is fine with it so not keen to send me an email saying as such. I think in this case it is no news is good news - if it was tosh then he would have emailed me and stopped me in my tracks I am sure.
Maybe I am just deluding myself though?!
After 2 I have to go for a run for 6 miles. I don't mind but if I didn't have this half marathon coming up I probably wouldn't go. I am a very lazy person on a Saturday and like nothing more than to eat eggs and toast in different combos, read the paper and watch tele. Today is like the antithesis of this! And tomorrow I am off hiking for the day. I normally have very subdued weekends but this one is full! Bizarre. I will probably be cross on Monday that I haven't had sufficient lazy-time.
Righty, better get back to it. My work at the moment makes me such a grouch. Being critical all the time is a bit misery-making. But then, at the end I will get to be more sweetness and light.
x J
I started at ten with a view to finishing at 2... 4 hours doesn't sound that long but then I shan't finish until 2... which is very long! I have been pretty engrossed though so the time is, unfortunately, flying by. I say unfortunately because I am not likely to get the last agency synopsis done. I have to write about 1000 words for each - so for this chapter that is going to be 5000 words before virtually any analysis has been done! As a consequence, although I am aiming for an 8000 word chapter, I think it is more likely to finish at 11,000, and then 10,000 with some ruthless editing. Basically I have to summarise their presented sense of 'self' through discourse, and then overview all of their reports and evaluations for this particular issue and then analyse what this represents for the agencies as a group. And this is just one third of the chapter! The rest is more analysis again. So I think one starts to see why it is taking soooooooooooo long to do! Each agency takes about 4/5 hours to write out. Not including the fact that I can't just sit down and dive in but always have to re-read previous work to edit and see how the chapter is flowing.
I haven't heard from my Sup today yet which either means he has a life and is out and about away from the computer, or means that he has read the intro I sent as he said he would yesterday avo and is fine with it so not keen to send me an email saying as such. I think in this case it is no news is good news - if it was tosh then he would have emailed me and stopped me in my tracks I am sure.
Maybe I am just deluding myself though?!
After 2 I have to go for a run for 6 miles. I don't mind but if I didn't have this half marathon coming up I probably wouldn't go. I am a very lazy person on a Saturday and like nothing more than to eat eggs and toast in different combos, read the paper and watch tele. Today is like the antithesis of this! And tomorrow I am off hiking for the day. I normally have very subdued weekends but this one is full! Bizarre. I will probably be cross on Monday that I haven't had sufficient lazy-time.
Righty, better get back to it. My work at the moment makes me such a grouch. Being critical all the time is a bit misery-making. But then, at the end I will get to be more sweetness and light.
x J
Friday 15 August 2008
Friday even'!
Ahhh it's Friday evening. Am not finishing yet though! I have worked hard today again. This Wednesday deadline plan and my lego-game bribe are working their magic! I have realised that this section is going to take longer than I thought - there is so much information to include so I can analyse it all later. It is boring, time-consuming work. I will carry on until 6.30 whereupon I shall leave for the day. So I want to get this done as much as possible! I am about half way through which sounds bad but the last bits should be quicker. I hope to work for about 4 hours tomorrow and should have this done then - and then I can go a play my new computer game! Yay!
I have got my spaced box set to watch too, and have got Saw to watch! I have seen half of Saw about twice, and each time thought it just gets silly. However, people look at me in shock when they hear this confession and have told me I should carry on watching it. So I shall!
I have a six mile run to do tomorrow! Eek!
Better go and finish my work. Also heard from my Sup who will read my intro (which I have changed again but the ideas are the same) tonight in the pub over a half of ale.
Are having a take-away tonight. I think Indian or Thai. I am getting seeing as I am a jammy bug*er with the old ESRC monies. I could never do this PhD if I wasn't funded. In fact I wouldn;t do it. I would have tried but not got very far. I have sooooo much respect for people who do unfunded PhDs - their commitment and motivation and sheer blo*dy mindedness to complete! My experience would be so different without the funding. I suppose that's why I make myself sit here day-in, day-out trying to work. If I was unfunded I would definitely feel that my time was more mine. I am beholden to my funding for sure.
Not complaining though.
Have lovely weekends! (don't know why I am saying that as I am bound to post again tomorrow)
x J
I have got my spaced box set to watch too, and have got Saw to watch! I have seen half of Saw about twice, and each time thought it just gets silly. However, people look at me in shock when they hear this confession and have told me I should carry on watching it. So I shall!
I have a six mile run to do tomorrow! Eek!
Better go and finish my work. Also heard from my Sup who will read my intro (which I have changed again but the ideas are the same) tonight in the pub over a half of ale.
Are having a take-away tonight. I think Indian or Thai. I am getting seeing as I am a jammy bug*er with the old ESRC monies. I could never do this PhD if I wasn't funded. In fact I wouldn;t do it. I would have tried but not got very far. I have sooooo much respect for people who do unfunded PhDs - their commitment and motivation and sheer blo*dy mindedness to complete! My experience would be so different without the funding. I suppose that's why I make myself sit here day-in, day-out trying to work. If I was unfunded I would definitely feel that my time was more mine. I am beholden to my funding for sure.
Not complaining though.
Have lovely weekends! (don't know why I am saying that as I am bound to post again tomorrow)
x J
WOOOOO!
Today I am very happy! BECAUSE...
*I have got my overseas fieldwork allowance! YAYAYAYAAAAA! This is fabbins and as soon as I get the money that cheap flight is MINE! I have so much debt that it means a lot to not get in any more for TN. I will get an extra £200 a month when I am there too which should go a long way. It also means I can pay off my Alliance and Leicester overdraft and get away from them. I haven't heard from them since my last letter of complaint and it is hanging over my head - particularly with going to TN. I will pay them off and just leave it. Sometimes you just won't win.
* It is SUNNY! sunny sunny sunny sunny. (For now. As I wrote that the sun went in for the first time all day)
and stuff generally.
Yaya! so happy. and relieved.
I have a bit of a hangover I have to confess. But it doesn't matter. I am going to get this section finished today!
Let's go!
x J
*I have got my overseas fieldwork allowance! YAYAYAYAAAAA! This is fabbins and as soon as I get the money that cheap flight is MINE! I have so much debt that it means a lot to not get in any more for TN. I will get an extra £200 a month when I am there too which should go a long way. It also means I can pay off my Alliance and Leicester overdraft and get away from them. I haven't heard from them since my last letter of complaint and it is hanging over my head - particularly with going to TN. I will pay them off and just leave it. Sometimes you just won't win.
* It is SUNNY! sunny sunny sunny sunny. (For now. As I wrote that the sun went in for the first time all day)
and stuff generally.
Yaya! so happy. and relieved.
I have a bit of a hangover I have to confess. But it doesn't matter. I am going to get this section finished today!
Let's go!
x J
Thursday 14 August 2008
Phew! Another day of proper work!
I am so pleased! I have worked hard again today!
I didn't finish all the work that I wanted to do but not out of not trying - it is just taking longer than I thought it would. Having told my Sup I will have the work for him on Weds has spurred me on! I will probably have to work one of the days over the weekend... Oh well. I am having Thursday off instead because am off to stay at my ma's for her b'day. I suppose that will mean I am working Saturday as am off hiking all day on Sunday... Hmmm. Hopefuly tomorrow I will get this section finished and start on the enxt one - I will know better then how much I have still in front of me to do.
I didn't hear from my Sup which I am not worried about - if he thinks it is dreadful he won't hold back. If he does think it is dreadful then that is fine because I will learn and produce better work from it. This is good thing that one learns doing a PhD - that criticism is useful. Disliked, certainly, but useful too.
I did here from the visa office and my concern has been moved to the relevant dept. This is pleasing.
I also went for my run! Got a stitch *again* which is soo annoying as I warmed up carefully and ran so slowly, and then there it was. I think it may have something to do with the fact that over half of this 5m run is uphill, and the beginning is up a steep hill. I will run my 6m on Saturday on the flat and see how that goes. I have a weird spooky story to say about my run but my back is hurting so I am off to stretch it a bit. Have been hunched over this laptop for hours (yay!).
Other than that little has happened.
DB has decided to feed me some wine tonight and I have decided to comply. Tomorrow's work should be easy enough and then I will be sprightly for my run and hike this weekend, and my day of work on Saturday. Saturday is actually a very important day for breaking in quite a bit of this work and getting my head around how to argue certain points...
Ok! Byeeeeee!!!!!!!!
x J
I didn't finish all the work that I wanted to do but not out of not trying - it is just taking longer than I thought it would. Having told my Sup I will have the work for him on Weds has spurred me on! I will probably have to work one of the days over the weekend... Oh well. I am having Thursday off instead because am off to stay at my ma's for her b'day. I suppose that will mean I am working Saturday as am off hiking all day on Sunday... Hmmm. Hopefuly tomorrow I will get this section finished and start on the enxt one - I will know better then how much I have still in front of me to do.
I didn't hear from my Sup which I am not worried about - if he thinks it is dreadful he won't hold back. If he does think it is dreadful then that is fine because I will learn and produce better work from it. This is good thing that one learns doing a PhD - that criticism is useful. Disliked, certainly, but useful too.
I did here from the visa office and my concern has been moved to the relevant dept. This is pleasing.
I also went for my run! Got a stitch *again* which is soo annoying as I warmed up carefully and ran so slowly, and then there it was. I think it may have something to do with the fact that over half of this 5m run is uphill, and the beginning is up a steep hill. I will run my 6m on Saturday on the flat and see how that goes. I have a weird spooky story to say about my run but my back is hurting so I am off to stretch it a bit. Have been hunched over this laptop for hours (yay!).
Other than that little has happened.
DB has decided to feed me some wine tonight and I have decided to comply. Tomorrow's work should be easy enough and then I will be sprightly for my run and hike this weekend, and my day of work on Saturday. Saturday is actually a very important day for breaking in quite a bit of this work and getting my head around how to argue certain points...
Ok! Byeeeeee!!!!!!!!
x J
Eek
I just sent my (overlong but thorough!) intro to my Sup. I thought that I may as well so he knows what this chapter is going to be about and can critique it in advance if needs be! I also said I would have the first draft to him by Weds avo. Seems as good a time as any...
Fingers crossed...
x J
Fingers crossed...
x J
Thursday 14 August, 2008
It's Thursday?! Already?! This week has gone soooo fast I can't believe it.
I have started a new healthy eating regime (because of the take aways) - well I say 'new healthy eating regime' but actually I don't believe in them. More, I am mitigating bad habits. So this morning I decided to have some porridge and oat bran and couldn't eat it all, I am stuffed! And then I decided to have a muller pro bividum digestivum thing (lord knows) to see what that is about (DB bought them. I try and avoiud these 'gimmicks' but then on tele the other night someone said it does actually work - nooooo, not on the advert, on a proper programme - so why not try) and now I am VERY full indeed. And now I have a cup of coffee to get through (my usual breakfast).
I am going for a five mile run today. I think will go before lunch and work off all this weight and energy in my belly. It doesn't look like it will stop raining. Good! I bet the actual day will be steaming hot... ug, can't think about that.
Some facts about running to please me and anyone who fancies a go:
* It burns more calories/minute than any other exercise, apart from cross country skiing. From total beginner to 6m in an hour would take about 5 months? Then you would be burning at least 600kc in that hour. Great stuff!
* It has a very good habit of drawing its energy from your fat, not your carbs, keeping your glycogen stores quite happy and your body running efficiently - and losing you fat.
* You can get better at it quite quickly and can compete/have fun with it - unlike swimming (shame).
* It's free!
*you exercise all your muscles and your core stability muscles and get interesting new definition quite fast too.
* You get fantastically fit
* It is quite calming, you see the countryside/new parts of town, and other joggers smile at you when you pass (ahhh, always a nice thing)
* you don't have to go fast. In fact I go veeeeery slowly or I would die. (15 minute mile anyone?!!)
* It builds more muscle on your heart and makes you super fit and live longer.
* It fights misery
And there's more but this is mainly what interests me. It really is enjoyable.
DB isn't going to cornwall any more. I am, obviously, pleased - but annoyed at the same time... I have worked hard to psych myself up for my alone-time and made all these plans and now he isn't going. But when he does go, in a months time, I will have to make them all again. Well, maybe not, I may be very happy to be on my own then. Actually it is a very good thing. I think the only bad thing is that I was looking forward to a *bit* of alone-time where I watch spaced box sets alllllll day and eat fish and chips by myself and have freedom to shout at the tele come BB eviction night without irritating more calm viewers. One day, or a weekend, would be cool. Not lots of days though, oh no. I have to see my family next week as well for my Ma's birthday which is great, but I am really tense about my family member who may be ill (with the ED). I am soooo scared of seeing her. This makes me anxious as you can imagine and I was really worried about dealing with that on my own, especially as I haven't been that hot myself recently. I worried I wouldn't be able to be strong for her. But now DB will come with me which will make me stronger, and I am better in myself too - or won't have been on my own for days and days to get too introspective and dwell on things. This is really good.
A more lighthearted concern: DB is going to want to get me drunk! And so *I* will want to get me drunk - it is the weekend! I have worked hard this week and am partial to a drop of the boozy nectar to relax - but I can't! I have 6 miles to run on Saturday and a 7 mile hike on Sunday. (Am really looking forward to Sunday! We have a map of our route and everything and are going to see waterfalls and some ruins and eat sandwiches on our trail - undoubtedly in the rain. The we will go back to the little village and have tea and cake in a Shoppe! Like tourists! (Or proper English ladies? Does anyone go to tea shops apart from tourists or British people acting like tourists?!!) Cake! Yum.) I will need to think of something to bribe myself with to stay sober... Thinking about doing a 6 mile run in the rain with a hangover should do it. ;0)
I better go. I will work until half 12 today, then go on this run. The I will come back and warm up, eat croque monsieur and salad for luncheon, then work from 2.30 till 5.30. (Hopefully, probably, longer).
Have fun y'all!
x J
I have started a new healthy eating regime (because of the take aways) - well I say 'new healthy eating regime' but actually I don't believe in them. More, I am mitigating bad habits. So this morning I decided to have some porridge and oat bran and couldn't eat it all, I am stuffed! And then I decided to have a muller pro bividum digestivum thing (lord knows) to see what that is about (DB bought them. I try and avoiud these 'gimmicks' but then on tele the other night someone said it does actually work - nooooo, not on the advert, on a proper programme - so why not try) and now I am VERY full indeed. And now I have a cup of coffee to get through (my usual breakfast).
I am going for a five mile run today. I think will go before lunch and work off all this weight and energy in my belly. It doesn't look like it will stop raining. Good! I bet the actual day will be steaming hot... ug, can't think about that.
Some facts about running to please me and anyone who fancies a go:
* It burns more calories/minute than any other exercise, apart from cross country skiing. From total beginner to 6m in an hour would take about 5 months? Then you would be burning at least 600kc in that hour. Great stuff!
* It has a very good habit of drawing its energy from your fat, not your carbs, keeping your glycogen stores quite happy and your body running efficiently - and losing you fat.
* You can get better at it quite quickly and can compete/have fun with it - unlike swimming (shame).
* It's free!
*you exercise all your muscles and your core stability muscles and get interesting new definition quite fast too.
* You get fantastically fit
* It is quite calming, you see the countryside/new parts of town, and other joggers smile at you when you pass (ahhh, always a nice thing)
* you don't have to go fast. In fact I go veeeeery slowly or I would die. (15 minute mile anyone?!!)
* It builds more muscle on your heart and makes you super fit and live longer.
* It fights misery
And there's more but this is mainly what interests me. It really is enjoyable.
DB isn't going to cornwall any more. I am, obviously, pleased - but annoyed at the same time... I have worked hard to psych myself up for my alone-time and made all these plans and now he isn't going. But when he does go, in a months time, I will have to make them all again. Well, maybe not, I may be very happy to be on my own then. Actually it is a very good thing. I think the only bad thing is that I was looking forward to a *bit* of alone-time where I watch spaced box sets alllllll day and eat fish and chips by myself and have freedom to shout at the tele come BB eviction night without irritating more calm viewers. One day, or a weekend, would be cool. Not lots of days though, oh no. I have to see my family next week as well for my Ma's birthday which is great, but I am really tense about my family member who may be ill (with the ED). I am soooo scared of seeing her. This makes me anxious as you can imagine and I was really worried about dealing with that on my own, especially as I haven't been that hot myself recently. I worried I wouldn't be able to be strong for her. But now DB will come with me which will make me stronger, and I am better in myself too - or won't have been on my own for days and days to get too introspective and dwell on things. This is really good.
A more lighthearted concern: DB is going to want to get me drunk! And so *I* will want to get me drunk - it is the weekend! I have worked hard this week and am partial to a drop of the boozy nectar to relax - but I can't! I have 6 miles to run on Saturday and a 7 mile hike on Sunday. (Am really looking forward to Sunday! We have a map of our route and everything and are going to see waterfalls and some ruins and eat sandwiches on our trail - undoubtedly in the rain. The we will go back to the little village and have tea and cake in a Shoppe! Like tourists! (Or proper English ladies? Does anyone go to tea shops apart from tourists or British people acting like tourists?!!) Cake! Yum.) I will need to think of something to bribe myself with to stay sober... Thinking about doing a 6 mile run in the rain with a hangover should do it. ;0)
I better go. I will work until half 12 today, then go on this run. The I will come back and warm up, eat croque monsieur and salad for luncheon, then work from 2.30 till 5.30. (Hopefully, probably, longer).
Have fun y'all!
x J
Wednesday 13 August 2008
Today I am a PhD student!
I have worrrrrked! I worked very hard!
I worked for an hour this morning then had lunch and then came back and at two decided I would work until 3.30 and worked until gone half six! Worked away! I am very pleased. I was getting brain dead and reached a natural conclusion so finished and am now making some grub (tuna pasta bake - student favourite. Not out of a packet mind, oh no... Mature student favourite?!)
I managed to get my fantastic introduction placed at different points in the text I already have so I don't get lost as I am going through/veer off randomly/repeat myself. I also cut out a lot of text on an 'insert' that I will keep on a seperate sheet to re-paste back in in section one as I go along. This means hopefully this section should be completed very soon. (Tomorrow if I work like today again...).
I got an email saying that my lego game has been posted today. Could this have anything to do with it my productivity?! That, and the fact that it is wednesday and I wanted to finish it this week. I don't think that will happen but I am not very far off. I do have 7200 words, they are just all in the wrong place (or were, until this afternoon), they need scrubbing up and putting nice clothes on. A good tight conclusion and then I am done. I think.
It will be harder than that I know. Oh well, just get this section done and then think about the next.
I can't get onto the forum to make any posts which is sad. maybe this has something to do with my productivity?! No, I don't think so really. Although I would like to say 'not a problem' to pamw who thanked me for the link on this site to the forum! And so if you are out there: not a problem! ;-))
Am not going to do any more work this evening.
Tomorrow I have a five mile run to do (which I am bizarrely looking forward to?!) and I want to get the 'insert' part of the chapter filled in to the actual work, which should herald the end of section one...
Oooh, as well - someone on the forum randomly said that they use Word 2007 instead of endnote for their referencing as it is built-in. I have word 2007! So I had a look and it was true! And it puts the references exactly as I like them, and it means I don't have to have endnote open at the same time and flit beteen the two pages (annoying), and you can edit the sources from the actual citation and it Just. Is. Great.
I hope I work tomorrow! For some reason I seem to be much more productive when it is raining... Love the rain.
Have good evenings all!
x J
I worked for an hour this morning then had lunch and then came back and at two decided I would work until 3.30 and worked until gone half six! Worked away! I am very pleased. I was getting brain dead and reached a natural conclusion so finished and am now making some grub (tuna pasta bake - student favourite. Not out of a packet mind, oh no... Mature student favourite?!)
I managed to get my fantastic introduction placed at different points in the text I already have so I don't get lost as I am going through/veer off randomly/repeat myself. I also cut out a lot of text on an 'insert' that I will keep on a seperate sheet to re-paste back in in section one as I go along. This means hopefully this section should be completed very soon. (Tomorrow if I work like today again...).
I got an email saying that my lego game has been posted today. Could this have anything to do with it my productivity?! That, and the fact that it is wednesday and I wanted to finish it this week. I don't think that will happen but I am not very far off. I do have 7200 words, they are just all in the wrong place (or were, until this afternoon), they need scrubbing up and putting nice clothes on. A good tight conclusion and then I am done. I think.
It will be harder than that I know. Oh well, just get this section done and then think about the next.
I can't get onto the forum to make any posts which is sad. maybe this has something to do with my productivity?! No, I don't think so really. Although I would like to say 'not a problem' to pamw who thanked me for the link on this site to the forum! And so if you are out there: not a problem! ;-))
Am not going to do any more work this evening.
Tomorrow I have a five mile run to do (which I am bizarrely looking forward to?!) and I want to get the 'insert' part of the chapter filled in to the actual work, which should herald the end of section one...
Oooh, as well - someone on the forum randomly said that they use Word 2007 instead of endnote for their referencing as it is built-in. I have word 2007! So I had a look and it was true! And it puts the references exactly as I like them, and it means I don't have to have endnote open at the same time and flit beteen the two pages (annoying), and you can edit the sources from the actual citation and it Just. Is. Great.
I hope I work tomorrow! For some reason I seem to be much more productive when it is raining... Love the rain.
Have good evenings all!
x J
Bit better now
I just emailed the visa officde (useless, they won't reply but made me feel better) and the overseas fieldwork office people to see if, and when I will get any money from either.
I soooo need the money from the overseas fieldwork people. That will cover my flight and my rent while I am away. I have horrific debts and am really scared about being broke in India - especially as DB, who carries me in the UK while I am doing this, is taking an enormous paycut and coming with.
I have been quite a fool as I didn't realise the OFA was discretionary - in our student handbook I am sure it comes accross like that is what you get. And my research now differs to the original proposal but with darned good reason. But I didn't have room to explain that. Maybe I should have sent a supporting letter anyway. Oh dear. I just want to know!
x J
I soooo need the money from the overseas fieldwork people. That will cover my flight and my rent while I am away. I have horrific debts and am really scared about being broke in India - especially as DB, who carries me in the UK while I am doing this, is taking an enormous paycut and coming with.
I have been quite a fool as I didn't realise the OFA was discretionary - in our student handbook I am sure it comes accross like that is what you get. And my research now differs to the original proposal but with darned good reason. But I didn't have room to explain that. Maybe I should have sent a supporting letter anyway. Oh dear. I just want to know!
x J
Wednesday 13 August, 2008
Ach it's Wednesday already. I slept in this morning because for some reason I was totally knackered, and I think that if you have a day of thinking and reading ahead of you then sitting a being tired because you got up early for no reason other than social conformity is daft. SO I got up at just before 10. AND - get this, I went to bed at 11! I normally go to bed at about 12 and got to sleep before 1am, so 11pm is very early, and 10am is very late. and I zonked out. I wonder why?! It's true that running has made me tired recently in a way that my cross training and swimming sessions never did but... I had the most amazing vivid dreams as well, and I learned (in my dream?!) that I should take an extra pair of socks hiking with me, and a towel, in case it rains. Which, for a dream, is unusually sound advice.
I didn't think about work once in all my sleep. This is fairly surprising too.
Well I feel better for it although a bit lazy, I have to confess. The sun is shining like billi-o outside and I hope it lasts long enough to eat some lunch in the sunshine. That would be lovely!
I am secretly very anxious though dear reader. Yesterday, finally, we got out passports back from the visa office (I had time to flatten my hair for postie thank goodness) and so I am pleased with that. BUT they said we would also get our £158 back that we had mistakenly paid as it was in a 'holding account' with HSBC and not with them anyway and cancelling the (dodgy and misinformed) online application would mean these monies would be back on DBs credit card in around 5 working days. I cancelled the application Friday 1st Aug so really it should have been accredited on last Friday, or by now anyway. And it hasn't. And the visa office are soooooooo aloof (they outsource their work and no-one knows or cares about anything) and to call them would be over a pound a minute... The thing is that if you pay mistakenly they don't do refunds so if they have taken the money then that is £158 just lost. And why? Because the info on their webiste said we could apply for a year long, not just 6 month, visa - a lie apparently. And while filling out the form it added on a security pass we didn't need but didn't tell me this or give me any breakdown of the final payment - which included 'fees'. Fees of how much we weren't told so you just pay up basically. At your peril it turns out. I am very worried because DB really wants this money back and now we have cancelled the applications I know they are just going to say - at a pound a minute - that they can't/won't do anything. If they even know anything about it.
I am worried...
Batman at the IMAX was amaaaaaaaaaazing last night! Truly fantastic! I would recommend it wholeheartedly. Then we got a cheeky kebab (I had a normal one, not one of those nasty, greasy, dodgy-meat, men-ones) and chippies on the way home which is just awful and tots up my take-away record as about 4 in a week! We had KFC (I know - it's disgusting, but I had run a gazillion miles and was starving and weak) last week, then a curry (I was drunk, and weak), then Monday night we had home pizza and take away chips (my fault, I was craving rubbish having eaten healthily and pithily all weekend), and last night. BAAAD rabbit. I will behave now.
Yesterday in the car I told DB about my lego computer game plans and he was all pleased and then I had to inform him that he shan't be here... And then I said about going hiking with S on Sunday and then said that I didn't know why I was telling him this as he won't even be here! And he said - and this sums up DB really - 'Noooo. I *definitely* won't be here then.' ... 'If I go.' - If I go! I laughed so I did and told him what he had just said and we had a giggle about his definitely/maybe attitude. Silly boy. So who knows if I will be on my todd or not. It messes with my head though because I like to know whether I am spending this weekend in solitude or with company - they are very different. DB exists in his own land though sometimes and doesn't realise that his decisions (or lack of them) have consequence. Like he is *always* at least half an hour late to see anyone but he doesn't realise how rude this is at all. Or how irritating it is that people have to wait for him to leave all the time because he will say let's leave at 4 and not leave till half past or longer. It is sooooooooo annoying. And he will get cross with me for nagging him along - which I HATE (the crossness and the nagging!). Grrr. But he is very handsome and charming and gorgeous and kind and so forgiveable.
Boys. Humph.
Anyway! PhD?!
Today I am going to work hard! I am! I don't think I am going to exercise because I have two huge runs and a hike in front of me and some rest may be needed - plus my legsies are a bit sore from yesterday.... I will work.
Plan:
Work from 11 - 12.30.
12.30 - 1.30 have lunch.
work from 1.30 - 3.
3-3.30 have break
3.30 - 6 work.
This isn't going to work, mainly because having structured breaks is pointless and a bit depressing, seeing as I have no one to spend them with. This i why I have long days like today as a mixture of work and internet, but constantly working and no breaks.
Ok, plan # 2
Work until 1.30 and have lunch till 2.30.
Work from 2.30 - 6.
There we go.
x J
I didn't think about work once in all my sleep. This is fairly surprising too.
Well I feel better for it although a bit lazy, I have to confess. The sun is shining like billi-o outside and I hope it lasts long enough to eat some lunch in the sunshine. That would be lovely!
I am secretly very anxious though dear reader. Yesterday, finally, we got out passports back from the visa office (I had time to flatten my hair for postie thank goodness) and so I am pleased with that. BUT they said we would also get our £158 back that we had mistakenly paid as it was in a 'holding account' with HSBC and not with them anyway and cancelling the (dodgy and misinformed) online application would mean these monies would be back on DBs credit card in around 5 working days. I cancelled the application Friday 1st Aug so really it should have been accredited on last Friday, or by now anyway. And it hasn't. And the visa office are soooooooo aloof (they outsource their work and no-one knows or cares about anything) and to call them would be over a pound a minute... The thing is that if you pay mistakenly they don't do refunds so if they have taken the money then that is £158 just lost. And why? Because the info on their webiste said we could apply for a year long, not just 6 month, visa - a lie apparently. And while filling out the form it added on a security pass we didn't need but didn't tell me this or give me any breakdown of the final payment - which included 'fees'. Fees of how much we weren't told so you just pay up basically. At your peril it turns out. I am very worried because DB really wants this money back and now we have cancelled the applications I know they are just going to say - at a pound a minute - that they can't/won't do anything. If they even know anything about it.
I am worried...
Batman at the IMAX was amaaaaaaaaaazing last night! Truly fantastic! I would recommend it wholeheartedly. Then we got a cheeky kebab (I had a normal one, not one of those nasty, greasy, dodgy-meat, men-ones) and chippies on the way home which is just awful and tots up my take-away record as about 4 in a week! We had KFC (I know - it's disgusting, but I had run a gazillion miles and was starving and weak) last week, then a curry (I was drunk, and weak), then Monday night we had home pizza and take away chips (my fault, I was craving rubbish having eaten healthily and pithily all weekend), and last night. BAAAD rabbit. I will behave now.
Yesterday in the car I told DB about my lego computer game plans and he was all pleased and then I had to inform him that he shan't be here... And then I said about going hiking with S on Sunday and then said that I didn't know why I was telling him this as he won't even be here! And he said - and this sums up DB really - 'Noooo. I *definitely* won't be here then.' ... 'If I go.' - If I go! I laughed so I did and told him what he had just said and we had a giggle about his definitely/maybe attitude. Silly boy. So who knows if I will be on my todd or not. It messes with my head though because I like to know whether I am spending this weekend in solitude or with company - they are very different. DB exists in his own land though sometimes and doesn't realise that his decisions (or lack of them) have consequence. Like he is *always* at least half an hour late to see anyone but he doesn't realise how rude this is at all. Or how irritating it is that people have to wait for him to leave all the time because he will say let's leave at 4 and not leave till half past or longer. It is sooooooooo annoying. And he will get cross with me for nagging him along - which I HATE (the crossness and the nagging!). Grrr. But he is very handsome and charming and gorgeous and kind and so forgiveable.
Boys. Humph.
Anyway! PhD?!
Today I am going to work hard! I am! I don't think I am going to exercise because I have two huge runs and a hike in front of me and some rest may be needed - plus my legsies are a bit sore from yesterday.... I will work.
Plan:
Work from 11 - 12.30.
12.30 - 1.30 have lunch.
work from 1.30 - 3.
3-3.30 have break
3.30 - 6 work.
This isn't going to work, mainly because having structured breaks is pointless and a bit depressing, seeing as I have no one to spend them with. This i why I have long days like today as a mixture of work and internet, but constantly working and no breaks.
Ok, plan # 2
Work until 1.30 and have lunch till 2.30.
Work from 2.30 - 6.
There we go.
x J
Tuesday 12 August 2008
so far...
So far today has been good. I have been very busy, though not always on my work stuff...
*I went for my run and managed two miles in 20 mins! wooo! was tired but a good run and got some speed going.
*My friend wants to go hiking with me on Sunday. Hurray!
*I have joined the free trial of lovefilm (14 days) and have got some DVDs lined up for my impending period of solitude: a boxset of Spaced (which was out originally when I was a bit young to appreciate it but think I will now. In fact I am probably onlder than they re meant to be now... !)) and the first Prime Suspect, as I haven't seen any but the last one and it was amazing! I also ordered Heroes boxset 2 but will watch that with DB...
*I got my new running top from ebay! £4.50 it was and it's great and I feel quite the business in it. DB is rather a fan too... Running does amazing things to one's physique I have to say...
*I got the Dexter DVD for my ma's beeday. She hasn't seen it but I know she will like it muchly.
*I also found the lego star wars game I was begging to get a wii for yesterday - but on PS2! After some deliberation I decided to splash out the £10 needed to purchase it and have decided to use it to bribe myself to work with. I really want to play this game. A LOT (I know, I know). And chill and be childish on a computer. But to do this properly and really enjoy my time off I can't be worried about work. And so I will make sure that I am on the second segment of this chapter before I am allowed on it. I shan't want to go on it before - this is a very strict rule that will be enforced. And thinking of this game makes me very pleased !! so I will work hard to play it. I can't believe how sad and immature I sound. But I will say this: a) I have always been a big fan of platform games like sonic and mario, but never had the time nor inclination as an adult to try and play the new ones. Nor would I know what is any good. and b) I am a bit obsessive and once I set my mind on something or want something it doesn't go away easily, and my love of it won't wane but will grow and grow until I pop! It didn't make me a very easy child. Or adult for that matter. I think perhaps it could be linked to the control freakery?!! I want it NOW, THIS WAY! LIKE THIS! hehe. I am nice really. ?!
I ramble.
So. I have managed to get myself out on Sunday, with a PhD friend, so I won't be sat moping around the house feeling lonely when DB has gone (whenever he is going. He can't organise anything or commit to anything in advance for some reason. Is a nightmare for me, trying not to puppet him all the time and tell him what he is doing...!). I have got DVDs to keep myself entertained and not feeling lonely, which I shall supplement with chips and dips and have my own partay. I have got a computer game to get me back into work-mode proper (of all things. Really). And I have a five mile and a six mile run to achieve, and a hike. So in the main I should stay out of trouble.
Phew!
I better do soem more work. Oh yes, I did work solidly for an hour this morning! Pitiful, but something. And guess what I worked on? Guess. Go on.
Yes! My introduction. Hot diggity this is going to be the best goddarn intro anyone ever saw, mark my words!
Intros are very important though? To focus one's mind and remind one of what one is trying to blinkin well talk about when you're halfway through it?
probably not *that* important I hear you say.
Well you're wrong. Humph.
x J
*I went for my run and managed two miles in 20 mins! wooo! was tired but a good run and got some speed going.
*My friend wants to go hiking with me on Sunday. Hurray!
*I have joined the free trial of lovefilm (14 days) and have got some DVDs lined up for my impending period of solitude: a boxset of Spaced (which was out originally when I was a bit young to appreciate it but think I will now. In fact I am probably onlder than they re meant to be now... !)) and the first Prime Suspect, as I haven't seen any but the last one and it was amazing! I also ordered Heroes boxset 2 but will watch that with DB...
*I got my new running top from ebay! £4.50 it was and it's great and I feel quite the business in it. DB is rather a fan too... Running does amazing things to one's physique I have to say...
*I got the Dexter DVD for my ma's beeday. She hasn't seen it but I know she will like it muchly.
*I also found the lego star wars game I was begging to get a wii for yesterday - but on PS2! After some deliberation I decided to splash out the £10 needed to purchase it and have decided to use it to bribe myself to work with. I really want to play this game. A LOT (I know, I know). And chill and be childish on a computer. But to do this properly and really enjoy my time off I can't be worried about work. And so I will make sure that I am on the second segment of this chapter before I am allowed on it. I shan't want to go on it before - this is a very strict rule that will be enforced. And thinking of this game makes me very pleased !! so I will work hard to play it. I can't believe how sad and immature I sound. But I will say this: a) I have always been a big fan of platform games like sonic and mario, but never had the time nor inclination as an adult to try and play the new ones. Nor would I know what is any good. and b) I am a bit obsessive and once I set my mind on something or want something it doesn't go away easily, and my love of it won't wane but will grow and grow until I pop! It didn't make me a very easy child. Or adult for that matter. I think perhaps it could be linked to the control freakery?!! I want it NOW, THIS WAY! LIKE THIS! hehe. I am nice really. ?!
I ramble.
So. I have managed to get myself out on Sunday, with a PhD friend, so I won't be sat moping around the house feeling lonely when DB has gone (whenever he is going. He can't organise anything or commit to anything in advance for some reason. Is a nightmare for me, trying not to puppet him all the time and tell him what he is doing...!). I have got DVDs to keep myself entertained and not feeling lonely, which I shall supplement with chips and dips and have my own partay. I have got a computer game to get me back into work-mode proper (of all things. Really). And I have a five mile and a six mile run to achieve, and a hike. So in the main I should stay out of trouble.
Phew!
I better do soem more work. Oh yes, I did work solidly for an hour this morning! Pitiful, but something. And guess what I worked on? Guess. Go on.
Yes! My introduction. Hot diggity this is going to be the best goddarn intro anyone ever saw, mark my words!
Intros are very important though? To focus one's mind and remind one of what one is trying to blinkin well talk about when you're halfway through it?
probably not *that* important I hear you say.
Well you're wrong. Humph.
x J
Err. Oh yes - Tuesday, 12 August 2008
Who would know it was August? I feel for tourists who come to this land and have their prejudices about our weather confirmed - in England, it rains. But this is not true! It is a fallacy - a summer's day in England has inspired poets such as Keats and Wordsworth, there is a particular gentleness and calmness imbued in a summer's day in the English countryside...
Oh well. I like the rain. I love the rain in fact. I am going running (only 2 miles today) in it later and am hoping the rain doesn't stop. It would be fun to get all wet and muddy!
Last night I watched Dawkins and his programme on Darwin and I have to confess I wasn't his biggest fan, nor am I a fan of such documentaries on a Monday night. (They should be teatime on Sunday...) I was intending to miss it but watched a bit and was hooked. I didn't really like him because I am not really a fan of anyone who is so determined in their arguments as he is in the God Delusion; I am not religious at all and along with Dawkins, I am afraid, I don't believe in a God. But I don't believe in anything and am not that great a fan of science as the be-all-and-end-all of everything either, mostly because it seeks to squash other forms of thought that there may be in my discipline and I find this tiresome. But the programme was very interesting and I love his idea that there may as well be an altruistic gene as a selfish, hobbesian one. This pleases me greatly and so I have been inspired this morning to buy a couple of his books. The idea that humankind is innately selfish, competitive and scheming influences contemporary international politics to its core and it drives me bonkers. I believe that people are good but because of social Darwinist ideas that they are not so nice, greed and exploitation in politics goes unchecked. But Dawkins argues that there is also a gene that makes us nice. I like this and look forward to reading about it.
I am going to see the Dark Knight at the IMAX later.
Before that though I have to do some work. Worky worky.
I am hungry - I shall go and get some toast and come and do some work. Why do I not want to work at all? What is so bad about the work? There is nothing bad about it. I only have to work till 3 today and then I am off. Ok, I am going to get me some structure so I don't feel daunted by a whole day of work in front of me. I will take it easy and if I get an hour done then that is an hour that I know I have no intention of doing at the moment:
Skive and eat brek (1 toast) until 11
Work 11 - 12.30
run and lunch 12.30 - 2
Work 2 - 3.30
Get ready for cinema.
I will do some work for DB tonight too -very much need to earn some extra cash.
One of my colleagues at uni has started this new scrabulous game with me execpt it has a 'theme'. It's very hard and I don't really know if it is one theme, or word association. And I don't really have time to sit there pondering all this! Hehe.
Oh yes, yesterday I found some amamaaaaamamamamaazing flights for us to go to TN. AMAZING and I found them as a fluke too. I really really want them - they have great stopover times, on a good airline and leave and arrive at normal daylight hours - and are £30 cheaper each than the next cheapest tickets. I spoke to my friend at flight centre and she has held them for us but needs to rebook them every three days! I don't expect them to hang around long so think we have missed the boat with them but, fingers crossed, it will be ok!
Oh dear, I am expecting our passports by special delivery today and my hair is still all bed-head! They could be here any minute!
No news from the ESRC about my overseas travel allowance. I really, really, really want that money.
Better sort out my hair!!
Bye bye bye bye!
x J
Oh well. I like the rain. I love the rain in fact. I am going running (only 2 miles today) in it later and am hoping the rain doesn't stop. It would be fun to get all wet and muddy!
Last night I watched Dawkins and his programme on Darwin and I have to confess I wasn't his biggest fan, nor am I a fan of such documentaries on a Monday night. (They should be teatime on Sunday...) I was intending to miss it but watched a bit and was hooked. I didn't really like him because I am not really a fan of anyone who is so determined in their arguments as he is in the God Delusion; I am not religious at all and along with Dawkins, I am afraid, I don't believe in a God. But I don't believe in anything and am not that great a fan of science as the be-all-and-end-all of everything either, mostly because it seeks to squash other forms of thought that there may be in my discipline and I find this tiresome. But the programme was very interesting and I love his idea that there may as well be an altruistic gene as a selfish, hobbesian one. This pleases me greatly and so I have been inspired this morning to buy a couple of his books. The idea that humankind is innately selfish, competitive and scheming influences contemporary international politics to its core and it drives me bonkers. I believe that people are good but because of social Darwinist ideas that they are not so nice, greed and exploitation in politics goes unchecked. But Dawkins argues that there is also a gene that makes us nice. I like this and look forward to reading about it.
I am going to see the Dark Knight at the IMAX later.
Before that though I have to do some work. Worky worky.
I am hungry - I shall go and get some toast and come and do some work. Why do I not want to work at all? What is so bad about the work? There is nothing bad about it. I only have to work till 3 today and then I am off. Ok, I am going to get me some structure so I don't feel daunted by a whole day of work in front of me. I will take it easy and if I get an hour done then that is an hour that I know I have no intention of doing at the moment:
Skive and eat brek (1 toast) until 11
Work 11 - 12.30
run and lunch 12.30 - 2
Work 2 - 3.30
Get ready for cinema.
I will do some work for DB tonight too -very much need to earn some extra cash.
One of my colleagues at uni has started this new scrabulous game with me execpt it has a 'theme'. It's very hard and I don't really know if it is one theme, or word association. And I don't really have time to sit there pondering all this! Hehe.
Oh yes, yesterday I found some amamaaaaamamamamaazing flights for us to go to TN. AMAZING and I found them as a fluke too. I really really want them - they have great stopover times, on a good airline and leave and arrive at normal daylight hours - and are £30 cheaper each than the next cheapest tickets. I spoke to my friend at flight centre and she has held them for us but needs to rebook them every three days! I don't expect them to hang around long so think we have missed the boat with them but, fingers crossed, it will be ok!
Oh dear, I am expecting our passports by special delivery today and my hair is still all bed-head! They could be here any minute!
No news from the ESRC about my overseas travel allowance. I really, really, really want that money.
Better sort out my hair!!
Bye bye bye bye!
x J
Monday 11 August 2008
Nothing doin'...
Ach I have done nothing today. Absolutely nothing.
I have been at my desk allllll day and managed to totally avoid looking at my work. Well, that's a lie, I did edit sentences of the intro earlier. Then I wondered off. Oh I know - I was cruelly distracted by a friend in dire need - L, who has decided to spend her 30th beeday in my vicinity overseas has no internet at home or guidebooks. I, however, have much internet and three guidebooks and so rescued her with a lot of information about her pending holiday. Brave lady that I am! This took some time. And then I heard from my volunteering Org that all was fine with us going out in Nov instead of Oct. Hurray! And then I needed to research flights and sent them off to my friend at flight centre to see if she could hold them for us perchance until the 1 sept... and then needed to look up about the org I was vilunteering for as it dawned on me that I know nothing about them really. Assuming they were pretty small and niche I thought I was going to be a rare volunteer but now I think they have lots and even a home to put us all in... and so I wondered actually how much this accommodation will be and then fretted that perhaps I was going to get there and they were going to ask for my£3500 for volunteering (like those big ol' orgs do. Pay?! To volunteer?! Are you mad I say?! Do you need/want my help or my money?) and that would be Bad. But it all seems fine and I can't see money involved anywhere. I wouldn't mind paying a little bit that would go straight to the org like we did in Guate, but I did sort of realise that I know nothing! And I whizzed off a thank you email before I realised this and now feel embarrassed to email AGAIN. I shall leave it for now and email closer to the time. Am just being uptight and over-excitable I know.
Really then I have done quite a bit of work-related stuff, just not the writing side of things. I feel better now.
Am going to look up the org again. See what I can glean.
I have no brain today! Why is this?
x J
I have been at my desk allllll day and managed to totally avoid looking at my work. Well, that's a lie, I did edit sentences of the intro earlier. Then I wondered off. Oh I know - I was cruelly distracted by a friend in dire need - L, who has decided to spend her 30th beeday in my vicinity overseas has no internet at home or guidebooks. I, however, have much internet and three guidebooks and so rescued her with a lot of information about her pending holiday. Brave lady that I am! This took some time. And then I heard from my volunteering Org that all was fine with us going out in Nov instead of Oct. Hurray! And then I needed to research flights and sent them off to my friend at flight centre to see if she could hold them for us perchance until the 1 sept... and then needed to look up about the org I was vilunteering for as it dawned on me that I know nothing about them really. Assuming they were pretty small and niche I thought I was going to be a rare volunteer but now I think they have lots and even a home to put us all in... and so I wondered actually how much this accommodation will be and then fretted that perhaps I was going to get there and they were going to ask for my£3500 for volunteering (like those big ol' orgs do. Pay?! To volunteer?! Are you mad I say?! Do you need/want my help or my money?) and that would be Bad. But it all seems fine and I can't see money involved anywhere. I wouldn't mind paying a little bit that would go straight to the org like we did in Guate, but I did sort of realise that I know nothing! And I whizzed off a thank you email before I realised this and now feel embarrassed to email AGAIN. I shall leave it for now and email closer to the time. Am just being uptight and over-excitable I know.
Really then I have done quite a bit of work-related stuff, just not the writing side of things. I feel better now.
Am going to look up the org again. See what I can glean.
I have no brain today! Why is this?
x J
Monday, Monday...
Arf it's Monday. I am very tired and late and feel disorganised. Which is ok, but I don't feel like organising myself which is actually the problem.
Right, to matters at hand. I need to re-visit the work I did on Friday. However, I must not waste a lot of time editing it and should get down to business.
I am confused because DB is going away for about a week sometime this week. This means I will have little to do to occupy myself except work and I will be very bored and pretty lonely. So I am not that inclined to hide myself away until he goes, so I can take advantage of his company. However, I don't know when he is going. I find this unsettling because truthfully I am dreading him going. How boring and rubbish it will be. If anyone who lives on their own has any advice I would be grateful to here it. I shan't see a soul apart from maybe the man at the gym. My efforts to be more sociable have sincerely fizzled as none of us are in town at the same time and so I am blinkin' going to be on my own. And this is ok but... Sometimes you just get bored of your own company and I am bored of mine in advance. (!) Haven't said anythiong to DB. No point really.
What shall I do:
I can run, swim and go to the gym
I can do a lot of work
I won't have anyone to tell off about making the house dirty
I can watch whatever I like on the tele
I can revel in secret marksandsparks/fish and chip grub as a treat one night
I can always get on the train and go and see my folks in Manchester (hmm. don't want to without DB) if I am desperate. But I am S.K.I.N.T and need to get beeday pressies this month with that money.
It's not that pleasing a list to be honest.
Oh well, I shall be fine. I will like it more than I think I am sure. It's not that I don't like being on my own - its that I hate feeling lonely. I can't cope well with that and this time he goes I am worried I will feel lonely rather than independent and liberated from coupledom for a few days. Hmmph. I will stop whining.
I better work...
and stop being gloomy! I'm 29 and have to be on my own in my house for a week... Get over it!!
x J
Right, to matters at hand. I need to re-visit the work I did on Friday. However, I must not waste a lot of time editing it and should get down to business.
I am confused because DB is going away for about a week sometime this week. This means I will have little to do to occupy myself except work and I will be very bored and pretty lonely. So I am not that inclined to hide myself away until he goes, so I can take advantage of his company. However, I don't know when he is going. I find this unsettling because truthfully I am dreading him going. How boring and rubbish it will be. If anyone who lives on their own has any advice I would be grateful to here it. I shan't see a soul apart from maybe the man at the gym. My efforts to be more sociable have sincerely fizzled as none of us are in town at the same time and so I am blinkin' going to be on my own. And this is ok but... Sometimes you just get bored of your own company and I am bored of mine in advance. (!) Haven't said anythiong to DB. No point really.
What shall I do:
I can run, swim and go to the gym
I can do a lot of work
I won't have anyone to tell off about making the house dirty
I can watch whatever I like on the tele
I can revel in secret marksandsparks/fish and chip grub as a treat one night
I can always get on the train and go and see my folks in Manchester (hmm. don't want to without DB) if I am desperate. But I am S.K.I.N.T and need to get beeday pressies this month with that money.
It's not that pleasing a list to be honest.
Oh well, I shall be fine. I will like it more than I think I am sure. It's not that I don't like being on my own - its that I hate feeling lonely. I can't cope well with that and this time he goes I am worried I will feel lonely rather than independent and liberated from coupledom for a few days. Hmmph. I will stop whining.
I better work...
and stop being gloomy! I'm 29 and have to be on my own in my house for a week... Get over it!!
x J
Sunday 10 August 2008
Weekend
This weekend has been rubbish!
I haven't relaxed like I thought and have spent most of it all bored on my own. However, I did run my 5 miles today! I am amazed and in rather fine fettle, although I did get a stitch really early for some reason. The weathr is nasty here too, really windy. And windy, dark days up north are always really menacing and brooding - all wuthering heights atmosphere. I did discover the reservoir that has eluded DB and I since we moved here two years ago, which was all pretty with ducks and family picnickers (? The crazy British) and such-like, and then ran into the countryside and it is just gorgeous! It felt like I was right in the moors not just two miles away from home! Then I ran (hobbled, clutching my side) into town and right into the middle of this brass band a-playing outside a little church, and there were people sat down - listening! How quaint! I turned off my Mp3 in respect for their lovely music...
I have got a jacket potato in the oven but when I took it out of the microwave from its pre-cook, I noticed it was a bit green which has put me right off.
Oooh! Gymnastics on the olympics. I likes it. Little nimble creatures. Except the UK's Beth Tweddle bless her (talented) heart.
I have a confession to make which is nasty and leaves me feeling grubby. But I really REALLY really want a Wii. I played on it for the first time properly in cornwall and had a grand time! I love it! There are some really cool games. My favourite was super mario kart which I kept beating poor DB at while not even trying; and this star wars game. I really want one to play now. I bought DB the PS2 a few years ago and we have played it probably about three times. We are not great gamers (being Very Old) and also work constantly. Or, more accurately, both working at home we may be susceptible to re-focusing our priorities towards the games console and away from the boring work... !!
The Wii looks ace though. I want one!
Better go and see how my dins is doing.
Oops I think Beth just got knocked out of something because she is commenting on how she did well just to get there. I'd say so. And she has some braces on, I am glad to see.
Eek it's Monday tomorrow. I am enjoying not being so stressed about my work this weekend. I think tomorrow will be a-ok.
G'bah!
x J
I haven't relaxed like I thought and have spent most of it all bored on my own. However, I did run my 5 miles today! I am amazed and in rather fine fettle, although I did get a stitch really early for some reason. The weathr is nasty here too, really windy. And windy, dark days up north are always really menacing and brooding - all wuthering heights atmosphere. I did discover the reservoir that has eluded DB and I since we moved here two years ago, which was all pretty with ducks and family picnickers (? The crazy British) and such-like, and then ran into the countryside and it is just gorgeous! It felt like I was right in the moors not just two miles away from home! Then I ran (hobbled, clutching my side) into town and right into the middle of this brass band a-playing outside a little church, and there were people sat down - listening! How quaint! I turned off my Mp3 in respect for their lovely music...
I have got a jacket potato in the oven but when I took it out of the microwave from its pre-cook, I noticed it was a bit green which has put me right off.
Oooh! Gymnastics on the olympics. I likes it. Little nimble creatures. Except the UK's Beth Tweddle bless her (talented) heart.
I have a confession to make which is nasty and leaves me feeling grubby. But I really REALLY really want a Wii. I played on it for the first time properly in cornwall and had a grand time! I love it! There are some really cool games. My favourite was super mario kart which I kept beating poor DB at while not even trying; and this star wars game. I really want one to play now. I bought DB the PS2 a few years ago and we have played it probably about three times. We are not great gamers (being Very Old) and also work constantly. Or, more accurately, both working at home we may be susceptible to re-focusing our priorities towards the games console and away from the boring work... !!
The Wii looks ace though. I want one!
Better go and see how my dins is doing.
Oops I think Beth just got knocked out of something because she is commenting on how she did well just to get there. I'd say so. And she has some braces on, I am glad to see.
Eek it's Monday tomorrow. I am enjoying not being so stressed about my work this weekend. I think tomorrow will be a-ok.
G'bah!
x J
Friday 8 August 2008
It's the weekeeeeeend!
Ah ha I am soooo happy! I am going to glug a large glass of red wine and be most smug, for I have finally, finally, sorted out this chapter for GOOD.
I did a lot of juggling of text today and I have got a great layout which has passed all sorts of tests. It is readable, interesting (so says me) and it contains everything I want to say without being too 'bitty' or losing its flow. yayayayayaaaaa! So I can come back on Monday and be in the middle of it - it is now at a stage where I can open it and all the parts are in the right order so it is really accessible. It needs some filling but is generally all there! I am soooooooo pleased! I really feel like I can see the end line!!!
Wow. I want to have it finished at the end of next week... Fingers crossed!
What to do this weekend then? Tomorrow I want to wake up without feeling dread for the first time in weeks. And then I want to read the paper in my jammies and drink tea and eat toast and marmite in front of nonsense tv I recorded from this evening. Then I would like to go out and about- I may go for a long ramble on my todd on the local moor or go swimming or to the gym. Then I shall probabaly fill my mouth with takeaway... Oh dear.
Then on Sunday the focus of my day is my 5 mile run. I have NEVER run five miles. Will I live to see the end of it?! Watch this space.
I really need to clean my housey and would like to earn some pennies doing some work for DB too... I want to take my ma out for a lovely meal for her beeday at the end of the month and so need some more cash. Mine is all being used to get stuff from ebay for TN and for running... and also to save for my flight ticket that I am buying on Sept 1st. (can't wait).
Speaking of which I had an email from a couchsurfer I contacted ages ago in TN and she sent me a lovely, friendly email with her phone num so we can contact her to go out for coffee and get the lowdown about TN when we arrive. yaya! And I found a place that does month-long intensive language lessons for TN... I emailed them so await their reply (and exorbitant prices I am sure!)
Well chucks, that's me.
My work went WELL! woooooo!
x J
I did a lot of juggling of text today and I have got a great layout which has passed all sorts of tests. It is readable, interesting (so says me) and it contains everything I want to say without being too 'bitty' or losing its flow. yayayayayaaaaa! So I can come back on Monday and be in the middle of it - it is now at a stage where I can open it and all the parts are in the right order so it is really accessible. It needs some filling but is generally all there! I am soooooooo pleased! I really feel like I can see the end line!!!
Wow. I want to have it finished at the end of next week... Fingers crossed!
What to do this weekend then? Tomorrow I want to wake up without feeling dread for the first time in weeks. And then I want to read the paper in my jammies and drink tea and eat toast and marmite in front of nonsense tv I recorded from this evening. Then I would like to go out and about- I may go for a long ramble on my todd on the local moor or go swimming or to the gym. Then I shall probabaly fill my mouth with takeaway... Oh dear.
Then on Sunday the focus of my day is my 5 mile run. I have NEVER run five miles. Will I live to see the end of it?! Watch this space.
I really need to clean my housey and would like to earn some pennies doing some work for DB too... I want to take my ma out for a lovely meal for her beeday at the end of the month and so need some more cash. Mine is all being used to get stuff from ebay for TN and for running... and also to save for my flight ticket that I am buying on Sept 1st. (can't wait).
Speaking of which I had an email from a couchsurfer I contacted ages ago in TN and she sent me a lovely, friendly email with her phone num so we can contact her to go out for coffee and get the lowdown about TN when we arrive. yaya! And I found a place that does month-long intensive language lessons for TN... I emailed them so await their reply (and exorbitant prices I am sure!)
Well chucks, that's me.
My work went WELL! woooooo!
x J
Friiiiiday!
I am excited that it is friday! It is such a good job that it is Friday because I feel like I would like some time off! I know that I am not that great a worker at the moment but it is still stressful, in fact being less productive I would say is more stressful...
Today I am working on my chapter. I am not setting any goals, I just want to plug away at it.
This morning I have received an email from my vol. org in TN saying that we are based in the city to start with (yay) and they will provide a ref for our visas (yay); they acknowledge for the first time that DB can volunteer too (yayaya!) and said that we can stay in a guesthouse with other volunteers/interns while we are there so not to worry about accommodation (yayayayayayayayaaaaa! Although we will want space of our own but it's lovely to know it is there - and that there are other volunteers! A community and peeps who hopefully speak english/french/spanish (I will happily speak these langs in comparison with the tongue twisting frustration of the native lang!!) that we can chat with and make friends and who offer a break from each other! wooo!)
Ahhh. They are playing Reef 'place your hands' on the radio retrospective. This was my college song. I lived in Somerset/Devon and they came from up the road in Devon and I saw them live loads. I was a Big Fan. And I was bodyboarding at the time. And I had my first proper boyfriend who was a gorgeous, kind, blonde competitive windsurfer. And I had real friends, not rubbish school 'friends' who will stab you in the back as soon as look at you (not the happiest days of my life I have to say. I went to a scally-school where friendship and politeness was at the back of the list behind intimidation, drinking and under-age sexual liaisons. Great. You can imagine how I fitted into that. I didn't. Oh and I haven't been back to the school town I grew up in since I left for uni as my family moved to Devon while I was at College but have got in contact with a few old friends via facebook and it is scary how still like school they are. Like 'soz pls gt my clths bac hun.' And they use the same insults! Bizarre).
Anyway! out of reverie! Although I heard from the Vol. org, the response was from the email I sent last sat saying we wanted to go out in Oct still and they didn't say anything about our proposed change of dates. I wonder if they only have so long a week to trawl through emails... So I have decided to give them time to come to it before I rattle off another one about it. This does not sit well with the impatient side of me I have to say... I reck it will be ok though... (fingers crossed)
It is so weird how it is becoming real! I now know where we will be based and everyting!!
Jeremy the cat wanted a cuddle this morning. Bless. I hate saying hello then closing the patio door on his little keen face. DB is really allergic to cats so he doesn't see my blossoming friendship with Ginger Jez as anything other than a menace. Boooo.
I have my beady eyes on a take-away tonight. A New Indian has opened up the road and I really fancy just eating the night away in front of Dale's imminent eviction from Big Brother. How pleasing. I think DB wants to crack open the cider but I am not in the mood really. Too tired from all this darned running!
x J
Today I am working on my chapter. I am not setting any goals, I just want to plug away at it.
This morning I have received an email from my vol. org in TN saying that we are based in the city to start with (yay) and they will provide a ref for our visas (yay); they acknowledge for the first time that DB can volunteer too (yayaya!) and said that we can stay in a guesthouse with other volunteers/interns while we are there so not to worry about accommodation (yayayayayayayayaaaaa! Although we will want space of our own but it's lovely to know it is there - and that there are other volunteers! A community and peeps who hopefully speak english/french/spanish (I will happily speak these langs in comparison with the tongue twisting frustration of the native lang!!) that we can chat with and make friends and who offer a break from each other! wooo!)
Ahhh. They are playing Reef 'place your hands' on the radio retrospective. This was my college song. I lived in Somerset/Devon and they came from up the road in Devon and I saw them live loads. I was a Big Fan. And I was bodyboarding at the time. And I had my first proper boyfriend who was a gorgeous, kind, blonde competitive windsurfer. And I had real friends, not rubbish school 'friends' who will stab you in the back as soon as look at you (not the happiest days of my life I have to say. I went to a scally-school where friendship and politeness was at the back of the list behind intimidation, drinking and under-age sexual liaisons. Great. You can imagine how I fitted into that. I didn't. Oh and I haven't been back to the school town I grew up in since I left for uni as my family moved to Devon while I was at College but have got in contact with a few old friends via facebook and it is scary how still like school they are. Like 'soz pls gt my clths bac hun.' And they use the same insults! Bizarre).
Anyway! out of reverie! Although I heard from the Vol. org, the response was from the email I sent last sat saying we wanted to go out in Oct still and they didn't say anything about our proposed change of dates. I wonder if they only have so long a week to trawl through emails... So I have decided to give them time to come to it before I rattle off another one about it. This does not sit well with the impatient side of me I have to say... I reck it will be ok though... (fingers crossed)
It is so weird how it is becoming real! I now know where we will be based and everyting!!
Jeremy the cat wanted a cuddle this morning. Bless. I hate saying hello then closing the patio door on his little keen face. DB is really allergic to cats so he doesn't see my blossoming friendship with Ginger Jez as anything other than a menace. Boooo.
I have my beady eyes on a take-away tonight. A New Indian has opened up the road and I really fancy just eating the night away in front of Dale's imminent eviction from Big Brother. How pleasing. I think DB wants to crack open the cider but I am not in the mood really. Too tired from all this darned running!
x J
Thursday 7 August 2008
Day's End
No, no, I haven't been working until now... I have worked today though! Sooooo much to do but I feel like I am pecking away at it. I hope. Tomorrow I will have to just keep thinking that it is the last day before the weekend - which I am taking off - and so I hope to convince myself to work very, very hard... I really would like to finish for the weekend on a high.
I was talking to DB about my work the other day and he described my chapter writing as 'trial and error'. That is so accurate! It is all trial and error -except as I go on I think each new corner is the 'right one' and then realise it isn't and have to look at it again. These chapters are about condensing and manipulating so much different literature, and then having to spew it out so someone else who knows nothing about it can read it, understand it and then think about it. This is not an easy task! How best to convery your ideas? What is the layout going to be so you don't lose the reader? How best to keep it interesting? Where to say any particular point - at the beginning? Or after the examples? Sometimes it is easy to lose track of even what your main point is, in amongst all the other smaller points. And then you have to round it up. To know all your literature, to be able to hold it in your head and manipulate it, re-form it and then convey it in a new form with your own spin and arguments. Arg. No wonder there is no such thing as just 'writing' a chapter. We all seem to think there is though!
Who knows. Slowly but surely it unravels though. And getting it done... wow.
I went for my run as well. this even' It was quite hard today for some reason but I am speeding up.
Oh also I had some excellent news today! My lovely jubbly friend is turning 30 in Jan, when I am TN, and she is going to come to the same country for a birthday holiday! hurray! so hopefully my vol. org will let us skip off for a wee break in the sun and the sand. That will be so much fun! and it will be about half way through the work as well so would be a welcome break and a friendly face after spending chrimbly away from our nearest and dearest... May give DB and I a break from each other too! hehe.
I am making carrot and lentil soup for my tea, with a nice cheese and salad baguette. No work for me tonight. Although I keep turning over my chapter in my mind. I have a couple of things that I would like to clear up before I chill out - I think I will do them now. How novel! I think that I want to do it now is a very positive sign that my enthusiasm toward this chapter is on the up.
I henstly think I could describe my relationship with each chapter as like that of a friend or child. It is it's own thing. Like yesterday I was pleased because it was starting to get a 'personality', I knew what it was independent of me. That sounds a bit weird but it's true. And as it gets more coherent I feel like it is being more friendly, rather than last week when it was being downright difficult. And this chapter is different to the last one. The last one was more intense and twisty-turny, while this one is more straightforward but may take longer because of the need to pay attention to (boring) details and citations... It does sound weird. But then I can't imagine it being any other way especially when you spend soooo many uninterrupted hours with it, nurturing it, teething it and then! It is all grown up and doesn't need you any more. And hopefully you are proud of it and think you did a good job...
...Am off to check my soup.
Mama hungwy!
x J
I was talking to DB about my work the other day and he described my chapter writing as 'trial and error'. That is so accurate! It is all trial and error -except as I go on I think each new corner is the 'right one' and then realise it isn't and have to look at it again. These chapters are about condensing and manipulating so much different literature, and then having to spew it out so someone else who knows nothing about it can read it, understand it and then think about it. This is not an easy task! How best to convery your ideas? What is the layout going to be so you don't lose the reader? How best to keep it interesting? Where to say any particular point - at the beginning? Or after the examples? Sometimes it is easy to lose track of even what your main point is, in amongst all the other smaller points. And then you have to round it up. To know all your literature, to be able to hold it in your head and manipulate it, re-form it and then convey it in a new form with your own spin and arguments. Arg. No wonder there is no such thing as just 'writing' a chapter. We all seem to think there is though!
Who knows. Slowly but surely it unravels though. And getting it done... wow.
I went for my run as well. this even' It was quite hard today for some reason but I am speeding up.
Oh also I had some excellent news today! My lovely jubbly friend is turning 30 in Jan, when I am TN, and she is going to come to the same country for a birthday holiday! hurray! so hopefully my vol. org will let us skip off for a wee break in the sun and the sand. That will be so much fun! and it will be about half way through the work as well so would be a welcome break and a friendly face after spending chrimbly away from our nearest and dearest... May give DB and I a break from each other too! hehe.
I am making carrot and lentil soup for my tea, with a nice cheese and salad baguette. No work for me tonight. Although I keep turning over my chapter in my mind. I have a couple of things that I would like to clear up before I chill out - I think I will do them now. How novel! I think that I want to do it now is a very positive sign that my enthusiasm toward this chapter is on the up.
I henstly think I could describe my relationship with each chapter as like that of a friend or child. It is it's own thing. Like yesterday I was pleased because it was starting to get a 'personality', I knew what it was independent of me. That sounds a bit weird but it's true. And as it gets more coherent I feel like it is being more friendly, rather than last week when it was being downright difficult. And this chapter is different to the last one. The last one was more intense and twisty-turny, while this one is more straightforward but may take longer because of the need to pay attention to (boring) details and citations... It does sound weird. But then I can't imagine it being any other way especially when you spend soooo many uninterrupted hours with it, nurturing it, teething it and then! It is all grown up and doesn't need you any more. And hopefully you are proud of it and think you did a good job...
...Am off to check my soup.
Mama hungwy!
x J
And I'm off...
Am off for lunch in a mo but....
I AM WORKING!
Thank goodness!
I am working on the introduction (again, I know) but it is working well and making me super-clear on where I am going with it. And it feels really 'clean' and un-foggy. I think I may just have it. Finally.
Why is writing never just writing?
I will finish this bit and then have some lunch (dippy eggs and toast, yum) and then work on the reports.
I am wearing my new hiking boots! I am sooooooo happy with them! £7!
I emailed my sup too to say that I could help him out and let the plumber in if needs be and that (he lives very close to me and needs to go away to his holiday-land) so I felt better. He was cool though. Goodo.
Today is going so fast. This is good and means I am generally being more productive than not.
Also, I feel so much more organised having eaten breakfast. I shall continue to do this.
Bye!
x J
Marnin'
I am feeling much more chipper today. I have had some brekky,got up on time and have checked all my emails.
I had a lovely email from my Sup yesterday in reply to mine, saying that he looks forward to to reading my chap and thinks my plan to go to TN in Nov is very sensible. This is good as I am under no pressure but then again I want to finish this for him soon. Touching base is helpful as well just because sometimes, working at home, I can feel quite unmoored and adrift if you see what I mean. Like I am a mad professor (oops, given myself a promotion or three) who sits in a room writing complicated things and getting stressed - for whom exactly?! I feel better now and more focused.
My Sup also wrote that he was coming back to uni for a day to do an emergency plumbing job... By which I know he means he is going into uni while a plumber is working at his house but still, it made me chuckle and I wrote to him that it shows a lot about the state of academia when a professor such as he is taking on plumbing jobs at the uni during the holidays... (Yes, yes, I am sooooo funny). And he wrote back a little email about how his wife has to be on her own during her birthday and his house is all wet through and he doesn't know whether to wait for a plumber or just leave it for now... Or something (he writes a little round-the-houses sometimes, I blame it on too much abstract thinking). But I was so surprised because while I may email him a quip or something but I have never just had a pesonal email before. I was bizarrely flattered. My Sup is so lovely but is also like playing with a tiger... I would never presume us to be 'friends', but colleagues, and we have a laugh and talk as equals about theory and suchlike but I am also aware that he can be very acerbic and could sort of bring me into line quickly. I am never unaware of his authority. This is probably as much to do with the enormous respect I have for him as much as anything. He is like one of those teachers at school who is really friendly and kind until you seriously step over the mark and then 'whallop!' you are in trouble. And it means that much more.
This is why deadlines are so important to me. I bad word or criticism would be really awful!
Anyway, I am so chuffed by that little email but also worried and a bit sad that his wife had to spend her birthday all alone. I am also in a quandary because whenever anyone confesses a problem or dilemma to me I always immediately seem to set about ways I could fix it. It is not a bad trait but at the same time can be rather interfering or simply unnecessary. I sense I should just sit back on this one too but feel bad that Sup doesn't seem to have a decent plumber and is only down the road. I don't know any plumbers though. I am generally of no use whatsoever. But I feel bad like I am leaving him all alone. Oh dear. What to do?!! I am silly ;-s
...
What shall I do for today?!
I will work on writing out and analysing the discourses in reports that form the basis of this chapter (so I worked out yesterday). I am also running for 3 miles later.
Last night I did no work whatsoever, but I did buy a lovely maxi-skirt for ultra-conservative, tropical TN for £4 on ebay (yaya! buying out of season is brilliant) and also a kagool for tropical monsoon TN. Which I woke up in the night and realised it didn't say 'breathable' in the description so I will be VERY sweaty inside this thing. Hmmm. Today I am bidding on a proper-job running top (can't/won't buy them new because it's all Nike and Adidas etc and they, as far as I am aware, are made in sweatshops, most possibly by children, most possibly in TN...) because so far I have been working out in vest-tops which will not do for 13 whole miles..
I need some water and lip-balm.
I hope I work today! Must work! I must visualise writing later about how much work I have done. Today I am going to work on keeping a positive attitude as well. Hence breakfast - good for energy and brain juice. I used to eat it all the time but in the last month or so stopped and got grumpy so I have started again.
x J
I had a lovely email from my Sup yesterday in reply to mine, saying that he looks forward to to reading my chap and thinks my plan to go to TN in Nov is very sensible. This is good as I am under no pressure but then again I want to finish this for him soon. Touching base is helpful as well just because sometimes, working at home, I can feel quite unmoored and adrift if you see what I mean. Like I am a mad professor (oops, given myself a promotion or three) who sits in a room writing complicated things and getting stressed - for whom exactly?! I feel better now and more focused.
My Sup also wrote that he was coming back to uni for a day to do an emergency plumbing job... By which I know he means he is going into uni while a plumber is working at his house but still, it made me chuckle and I wrote to him that it shows a lot about the state of academia when a professor such as he is taking on plumbing jobs at the uni during the holidays... (Yes, yes, I am sooooo funny). And he wrote back a little email about how his wife has to be on her own during her birthday and his house is all wet through and he doesn't know whether to wait for a plumber or just leave it for now... Or something (he writes a little round-the-houses sometimes, I blame it on too much abstract thinking). But I was so surprised because while I may email him a quip or something but I have never just had a pesonal email before. I was bizarrely flattered. My Sup is so lovely but is also like playing with a tiger... I would never presume us to be 'friends', but colleagues, and we have a laugh and talk as equals about theory and suchlike but I am also aware that he can be very acerbic and could sort of bring me into line quickly. I am never unaware of his authority. This is probably as much to do with the enormous respect I have for him as much as anything. He is like one of those teachers at school who is really friendly and kind until you seriously step over the mark and then 'whallop!' you are in trouble. And it means that much more.
This is why deadlines are so important to me. I bad word or criticism would be really awful!
Anyway, I am so chuffed by that little email but also worried and a bit sad that his wife had to spend her birthday all alone. I am also in a quandary because whenever anyone confesses a problem or dilemma to me I always immediately seem to set about ways I could fix it. It is not a bad trait but at the same time can be rather interfering or simply unnecessary. I sense I should just sit back on this one too but feel bad that Sup doesn't seem to have a decent plumber and is only down the road. I don't know any plumbers though. I am generally of no use whatsoever. But I feel bad like I am leaving him all alone. Oh dear. What to do?!! I am silly ;-s
...
What shall I do for today?!
I will work on writing out and analysing the discourses in reports that form the basis of this chapter (so I worked out yesterday). I am also running for 3 miles later.
Last night I did no work whatsoever, but I did buy a lovely maxi-skirt for ultra-conservative, tropical TN for £4 on ebay (yaya! buying out of season is brilliant) and also a kagool for tropical monsoon TN. Which I woke up in the night and realised it didn't say 'breathable' in the description so I will be VERY sweaty inside this thing. Hmmm. Today I am bidding on a proper-job running top (can't/won't buy them new because it's all Nike and Adidas etc and they, as far as I am aware, are made in sweatshops, most possibly by children, most possibly in TN...) because so far I have been working out in vest-tops which will not do for 13 whole miles..
I need some water and lip-balm.
I hope I work today! Must work! I must visualise writing later about how much work I have done. Today I am going to work on keeping a positive attitude as well. Hence breakfast - good for energy and brain juice. I used to eat it all the time but in the last month or so stopped and got grumpy so I have started again.
x J
Wednesday 6 August 2008
So far
Today has been a slow day but I have made some progress. I have concluded that indeed this chapter needs to be swapped with the one I have just finished. And so again I am working on Chapter Five... hehe. I read through the chapter I just wrote and this one will knit to it so much more cleanly if I have it afterwards as it can piggyback on some of the ideas and arguments in it; it will also be able to flesh them out and build on them which is great. And I shan't waste time repeating myself.
I have spent quite a bit of today working that out and re-reading ch. 5 (as was) and noting down my main arguments and findings that will be of use for this chapter. Other than that I have been in a bit of a pickle, been on the internet (despite my resolution not to) and, for no real reason, feeling rather despondant about the whole thing. Tomorrow will be better I am sure of it.
What is fantastic, and what I should be really pleased about but for some reason am rather blase about, is that this chapter does actually have a shape and predictability about it now - I know where I am going with it and trust my plan and ideas. This is great. I also know better how it fits into the whole thesis and how it fits with the 'political' voice. This is all good work and I should be pleased. I wonder if I am being indifferent because it isn't the progress I am 'meant' to have made these past few days. Which is probably evidence more of me being hard on myself than anything else. I am going to leave my work now. I have worked every day since Fri as well and still have two more days ahead before a day off. I think this is annoying me too. And I am learning lang in the evenings, and always thinking about my PhD in general and the methodology. And trying to pre-empt what it will be like in TN. And waiting to hear from the vol. org about whether nov-feb is ok for me to work with them. (Is very VERY important). I wonder if I am just a bit of a stresshead at the mo and not giving myself any space to chill out and put the PhD/my 'PhD-life' aside for a bit and live a different life (my life?!) in the gaps. Quizas. This evening I will try and switch off.
Oh, I emailed my sup today just to let him know what was going on as the chapter is late (for the deadline I gave myself). I don't really mind what he emails back - if he says cool, then this is, obviously, cool; if he says 'Jayney! I need that chapter NOW!' (he won't - it is uni/sup holiday time and I think that the fact I am able and actually writing this chapter now is a Good Thing that he is pleased about) then this will be a kick up the bum that I would perhaps be grateful for!
I will go and slack off now and then come back tomorrow hopefully much more refreshed and raring to go. I know what I need to do next and it isn't hard work so that's nice to know.
Until tomorrow dear friends...
x J
I have spent quite a bit of today working that out and re-reading ch. 5 (as was) and noting down my main arguments and findings that will be of use for this chapter. Other than that I have been in a bit of a pickle, been on the internet (despite my resolution not to) and, for no real reason, feeling rather despondant about the whole thing. Tomorrow will be better I am sure of it.
What is fantastic, and what I should be really pleased about but for some reason am rather blase about, is that this chapter does actually have a shape and predictability about it now - I know where I am going with it and trust my plan and ideas. This is great. I also know better how it fits into the whole thesis and how it fits with the 'political' voice. This is all good work and I should be pleased. I wonder if I am being indifferent because it isn't the progress I am 'meant' to have made these past few days. Which is probably evidence more of me being hard on myself than anything else. I am going to leave my work now. I have worked every day since Fri as well and still have two more days ahead before a day off. I think this is annoying me too. And I am learning lang in the evenings, and always thinking about my PhD in general and the methodology. And trying to pre-empt what it will be like in TN. And waiting to hear from the vol. org about whether nov-feb is ok for me to work with them. (Is very VERY important). I wonder if I am just a bit of a stresshead at the mo and not giving myself any space to chill out and put the PhD/my 'PhD-life' aside for a bit and live a different life (my life?!) in the gaps. Quizas. This evening I will try and switch off.
Oh, I emailed my sup today just to let him know what was going on as the chapter is late (for the deadline I gave myself). I don't really mind what he emails back - if he says cool, then this is, obviously, cool; if he says 'Jayney! I need that chapter NOW!' (he won't - it is uni/sup holiday time and I think that the fact I am able and actually writing this chapter now is a Good Thing that he is pleased about) then this will be a kick up the bum that I would perhaps be grateful for!
I will go and slack off now and then come back tomorrow hopefully much more refreshed and raring to go. I know what I need to do next and it isn't hard work so that's nice to know.
Until tomorrow dear friends...
x J
Wednesday 6 August
Today I am no nonsense! I am not going to post on facebook, on the forum, or anywhere anywhere. I am not going to look at websites, I am going to work.
I am also going to post my application for the local half marathon today. Eek! I went for my two mile run yesterday (in the rain, such is my dedication) and my fitness has really come on. I could breath so much easier, take bigger strides and managed to do the run in 22 minutes. Yay!
Last night DB and I practised some lang together which was pretty amusing, At one stage DB sounded like he was going to be sick trying to pronounce this particular sound. It were funny.
Am busy getting into hiking now too. Am rounding up some friends to go on a big'un - especially now because I am getting my new booties. Hurray! I also need to by a kagoul or waterproof jacket but these are surprisingly pricey on ebay. Confusing. I LOVE hiking but never, ever go. DB is not really a fan. When we get back from TN I really want to get a bike and learn to cycle around properly and cycle up to somewhere very far away like scotland or something. That would be cool. I wanted to cycle from london to cornwall actually, following the coast. But maybe I should explore up here while I am here... I managed to convince DB to come by breezily informing him that I would be happy to meet up with a random couchsurfing male at a service station otherwise... Poor boy.
AM off! Have to work work work today! Am going to try and build up some more momentum from yesterday and just keep plugging away. Basically, when it is done it will need changing like crazy next year anyway, so just get the ideas down and move on.
Does anyone else ever feel like their PhD is all they do? Like it is their life. I do. Last night I was thinking and just realised how happy I will be when it is done. I am quite tired of the pressure and worry. I really want a job and friends to see on the weekend. I always thought that by working for myself I would have some much more control over my life and not be answerable to anyone. But really I am learning that perhaps you can have control to the point where it becomes more stressful than not, and it would be easier perhaps just to give some away... Then you can freewheel in your spare time. Your time really is yours.
Not that I am complaining. I love my PhD really. But that is not to say I won't be glad when it is finished.
See ya!
x J
I am also going to post my application for the local half marathon today. Eek! I went for my two mile run yesterday (in the rain, such is my dedication) and my fitness has really come on. I could breath so much easier, take bigger strides and managed to do the run in 22 minutes. Yay!
Last night DB and I practised some lang together which was pretty amusing, At one stage DB sounded like he was going to be sick trying to pronounce this particular sound. It were funny.
Am busy getting into hiking now too. Am rounding up some friends to go on a big'un - especially now because I am getting my new booties. Hurray! I also need to by a kagoul or waterproof jacket but these are surprisingly pricey on ebay. Confusing. I LOVE hiking but never, ever go. DB is not really a fan. When we get back from TN I really want to get a bike and learn to cycle around properly and cycle up to somewhere very far away like scotland or something. That would be cool. I wanted to cycle from london to cornwall actually, following the coast. But maybe I should explore up here while I am here... I managed to convince DB to come by breezily informing him that I would be happy to meet up with a random couchsurfing male at a service station otherwise... Poor boy.
AM off! Have to work work work today! Am going to try and build up some more momentum from yesterday and just keep plugging away. Basically, when it is done it will need changing like crazy next year anyway, so just get the ideas down and move on.
Does anyone else ever feel like their PhD is all they do? Like it is their life. I do. Last night I was thinking and just realised how happy I will be when it is done. I am quite tired of the pressure and worry. I really want a job and friends to see on the weekend. I always thought that by working for myself I would have some much more control over my life and not be answerable to anyone. But really I am learning that perhaps you can have control to the point where it becomes more stressful than not, and it would be easier perhaps just to give some away... Then you can freewheel in your spare time. Your time really is yours.
Not that I am complaining. I love my PhD really. But that is not to say I won't be glad when it is finished.
See ya!
x J
Tuesday 5 August 2008
And.... relax
After an all to tumultuous start I have been working away since four pm. Really concentrated, good work. And I am reluctant to leave. I was only meant to work until five and bam! Like that I got into it. I am ssooooooooo happy about this. Still worried and a bit scared of it but liking it a bit more. I don't want to leave it because I am really worried that tomorrow I will wake up and hte it again and not want to come back to it. So I want to get to a good point in it really but I also have to go for a run...
Hmmm.
Just wanted to say that I am working though! woo!
x J
Hmmm.
Just wanted to say that I am working though! woo!
x J
It's ok. deep breaths
I re-planned, thought of a conclusion (how can you not know you don't have a conclusion?) and, post-sausage sandwich, am ready to go again.
I am not going to get overexcited about this chapter. I worry because they ideas I have for it, while good, don't enthuse me a whole load. I wonder if this is becaue they have gone 'stale'. I think anyway it would be best to just write them down and get the general structure going and then fill it out if I need to or leave it. Certainly give it to my sup and see what he says.
Ok.
I hate this chapter. I hate, hate, hate it.
x J
I am not going to get overexcited about this chapter. I worry because they ideas I have for it, while good, don't enthuse me a whole load. I wonder if this is becaue they have gone 'stale'. I think anyway it would be best to just write them down and get the general structure going and then fill it out if I need to or leave it. Certainly give it to my sup and see what he says.
Ok.
I hate this chapter. I hate, hate, hate it.
x J
AAAAAAAAAAAAARG
I am in a black hole of PhD hell. I am staring at this chapter and the notes and I have NO IDEA WHAT IT IS ABOUT. I am just staring into a vortex of nothingness. What is this chapter about? How on EARTH can I get all these ideas down? They are too many, too diffuse... I think maybe I need a new plan. Or something. Or just a cuddle? Make it go away! Make it stop!
What shall I do. I need a plan of action or I will sit here staring at it all with my head in my hands for another four hours. This will not be good.
So, do I...
A) Leave it. Run away for an hour or two, eat, re-group, come back. And risk being miserable somewhere else for a couple of hours and feeling like I am wasting time and just skiving.
B) Stare at it until it writes itself.
c) Read through my notes again and refresh my brain about what this is about. With the risk of confusing myself further.
d) Go for a run now instead of later.
e) Hide under the bed and shut my eyes until it all goes away/someone finds me and coaxes me out with the promise of sausage rolls and cake.
Ah this PhD. This chapter. This introduction. This sentence. This word.
Plan. Need a plan.
* Leave the intro alone.
* Do the filler stuff and ignore the rest
* Do this until 1 so you feel a bit more confident and less stressy and whatever happens, leave at one for an hour - even f the whole thing is unfolding wonderfully in front of you. Go. Eat lunch and come back with a lovely cup of Earl Grey and attack, attack!
Ok then.
x J
What shall I do. I need a plan of action or I will sit here staring at it all with my head in my hands for another four hours. This will not be good.
So, do I...
A) Leave it. Run away for an hour or two, eat, re-group, come back. And risk being miserable somewhere else for a couple of hours and feeling like I am wasting time and just skiving.
B) Stare at it until it writes itself.
c) Read through my notes again and refresh my brain about what this is about. With the risk of confusing myself further.
d) Go for a run now instead of later.
e) Hide under the bed and shut my eyes until it all goes away/someone finds me and coaxes me out with the promise of sausage rolls and cake.
Ah this PhD. This chapter. This introduction. This sentence. This word.
Plan. Need a plan.
* Leave the intro alone.
* Do the filler stuff and ignore the rest
* Do this until 1 so you feel a bit more confident and less stressy and whatever happens, leave at one for an hour - even f the whole thing is unfolding wonderfully in front of you. Go. Eat lunch and come back with a lovely cup of Earl Grey and attack, attack!
Ok then.
x J
And onwards... Tues 5 Aug
I am a bit hungover and tired today I have to confess. DB had a great breakthrough with his work yesterday and really wanted to talk about it and 'celebrate' so I complied, although I did say no to start with... and I didn't let him get a take-away but made us jacket potatoes instead... And I drank virtually no vodka to a LOT of coke. Still, though, I am tired. That's old age that is.
I just thought about disabling my facebook account. I have a love/hate relationship with facebook. I love it when I am not working really and want to play scrabble or chat. But I hate it when it has been quiet for a while. It's like being ignored a bit. And everyone just shows off so much and everyone seems to be having just the BEST life ever. And, I have to admit, sometimes it makes me a little insecure. Yes, I know, it's really sad and I really am too old and thoughtful for such a naive reaction. All these weddings and babies. I want a wedding and a baby! And people going out clubbing and posting their pics. And I stay at home and constantly do my PhD. hmmmm. I didn't disable in the end though. I thought I may be lonely without it because it does function as an extension of my office and stops me being entirely on my own...
I just get annoyed with it.
My laptop is too high up on my desk and it's starting to hurt my back a bit. Where else would we go laptop? Where? No, not in front of the tv. *Tut*.
Right, today!
Yesterday I had a breakthrough. Ace. Today I am going to fill in the gaps with a few more egs of the themes and then, hopefully, move on to the analysis section. Whoop-ha! That would be brilliant. Maybe I would even have a rough draft to send to my Sup on Friday. I can't wait to be rid of this chapter. Can't wait!
I also have to go out for a 2 mile run. Am going to try and run a bit faster than usual to get my pace up a bit. Am waaaaaaaay too slow.
Speak later!
x J
I just thought about disabling my facebook account. I have a love/hate relationship with facebook. I love it when I am not working really and want to play scrabble or chat. But I hate it when it has been quiet for a while. It's like being ignored a bit. And everyone just shows off so much and everyone seems to be having just the BEST life ever. And, I have to admit, sometimes it makes me a little insecure. Yes, I know, it's really sad and I really am too old and thoughtful for such a naive reaction. All these weddings and babies. I want a wedding and a baby! And people going out clubbing and posting their pics. And I stay at home and constantly do my PhD. hmmmm. I didn't disable in the end though. I thought I may be lonely without it because it does function as an extension of my office and stops me being entirely on my own...
I just get annoyed with it.
My laptop is too high up on my desk and it's starting to hurt my back a bit. Where else would we go laptop? Where? No, not in front of the tv. *Tut*.
Right, today!
Yesterday I had a breakthrough. Ace. Today I am going to fill in the gaps with a few more egs of the themes and then, hopefully, move on to the analysis section. Whoop-ha! That would be brilliant. Maybe I would even have a rough draft to send to my Sup on Friday. I can't wait to be rid of this chapter. Can't wait!
I also have to go out for a 2 mile run. Am going to try and run a bit faster than usual to get my pace up a bit. Am waaaaaaaay too slow.
Speak later!
x J
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