Oh I am in another pickle.
I have been working at this chapter forever now, and am keen to see it finished. It is nearly 10,000 words long, which is getting on for Too Long according to my Sup, though he is happy that I am writing away and encourages this. Think it may need to be two chapters though... Eek, because this messes up my neat chapter outline that I like muchly ;0)
AM working, but quite badly. I still find it hard to settle and still find my concentration span is about two minutes long. We are looking for childminders for the Bean come Jan and have seen two, which is good. They aren't that good but are ok. (Well, they are good, they just aren't perfect ;0)) When I can drop Bean off for three mornings a week and then come back to a quiet, childless house I will concentrate a million percent better. Although it won't take the internet away will it? I must concentrate.
Am working tomorrow and Friday then am off for Xmas! Have done al my shopping now, my last pressie arrived this morning. Feeling most festive, although the snow outside is actually ice now and it is about minus 5 which makes it hard to take the baby out - he hates it basically. But I want to go and collect some holly! How wonderfully stepford.
I don't know if I shall get to post before chrimble or even New Year. I will be back soon though with my NY resolutions (be nicer to Everyone, make an effort with the in laws, be patient, finish the PhD - or at least thisn chapter)
Am realising that chapters are evil and consist of getting out of one scrape only to barge straight into another. One day I will have no scrapes which I assume is when I know it is finished. I don't believe this will ever happen!
All the best dear workers, stop soon won't you and put your feet by with a nice fire with some mulled wine :0)
x J
Wednesday 22 December 2010
Monday 13 December 2010
Tiredness and Ineptitude
Ooooooh Ok. I am a new mama. Well, my baby is not so little (oh yes he is!) but I am still new at this.. am I?!
And I am TIRED! So tired! My family have been sooooooooooo ill with this very nasty not-quite-flu cold thing that is doing the rounds and that lasts for about two weeks. Rattling chests, phlegmy coughs, oozing faces, temperatures and grumbling. So much grumbling. And three of us in a bedroom, so it was inevitable that I would get it in the end. Not for long though, I have only been ill for a few days and am getting better already, but I am tired. And being tired is sooooo bad for work. I had a party to organise for Saturday night and I worked alllll day on it, just cleaning the house (I know, I am that mucky it seems) and making bits and bobs. Because the guests are parents that *never* get out a) it was an honour they were using special babysitter/going out favours and passes just to come to my house and b) I wanted to make it worth their while. So I made some bits but it took all day. And we had to decorate the house as it was a Christmas party! But the house is spanking clean now for the rellies when they come on Thurs and Fri so that's a job done. Anyway, it means I didn't work on Saturday (oh, and I was sooooo ill on Saturday, I was walking round Asda like a right manky wench I was actually embarrassed). I didn't work Friday because DB really needed the day to work (I know. Yes I was livid but I just can't help but feel his work is more important than mine) and I didn't work yesterday because I was ill and so tired I could hardly think. I actually, for the first time *ever* told DB to sleep in the spare room last night so we could all get some sleep (he is practising full body snoring with this illness, it is keeping me up. I am keeping me up with the tickliest throat and cough known to man, and Bean is keeping me up feeding and kicking me. If DB is out of the bed then at least I can move away from the kicking child and not be woken by the snoring so hopefully sleep through my tickly cough). I may do it again tonight, we are all actually much better today for some sleep!
So, apart from complaining is there any point to this post?
Ah yes! I need to complain about the consequence of all this: my missed deadline :0( Oh what shall I do? I was meant to have this chapter finished at the beginning of this month and it now looks like it won't be finished - what with xmas etc - until mid Jan! Let me look at my original timeline... Right it actually says that I will have this chapter done by the beginning of Jan, which gives me some time. Cool! BUT the timeline also thinks I am writing the lit review and discussion chapter in Feb (two chapters in one month? WTF?!) *and* I thought I had written the methodology chapter when in fact it is have written. Oh dear. I *have* to have this finished in June. I will NOT have this hanging over my head into 2012. I will not! I have a life! A marriage that is suffering under the strain of this course. I need to go and get a job, pay some taxes, be normal.
Though I am still chuffed that I seem to be on track still. My Sup shouldn't be worried about me then. I can't help but feel though, that rather than having a Sup that is sooooo veeeery far away that I could do with someone cracking the whip over me a bit for this final stage. Give me some deadlines and Fear so I can say to DB that I need to work because someone else is making me which holds more weight than saying I have to work because, well, I fancy it. Motivation is there, concentration is not.
RIght so I have until the beginning of Jan. That means I have today (well, till 1 though I may ask DB if I can have till 2), next week, and then am away to visit relatives for christmas. I might renege on this though, I don't want to go! That would give me another week. Do I need another week? Prob not if I work properly to be honest...
Am so relieved I am not behind. I am not behind! Yay!
Ok will get on...
x J
x J
And I am TIRED! So tired! My family have been sooooooooooo ill with this very nasty not-quite-flu cold thing that is doing the rounds and that lasts for about two weeks. Rattling chests, phlegmy coughs, oozing faces, temperatures and grumbling. So much grumbling. And three of us in a bedroom, so it was inevitable that I would get it in the end. Not for long though, I have only been ill for a few days and am getting better already, but I am tired. And being tired is sooooo bad for work. I had a party to organise for Saturday night and I worked alllll day on it, just cleaning the house (I know, I am that mucky it seems) and making bits and bobs. Because the guests are parents that *never* get out a) it was an honour they were using special babysitter/going out favours and passes just to come to my house and b) I wanted to make it worth their while. So I made some bits but it took all day. And we had to decorate the house as it was a Christmas party! But the house is spanking clean now for the rellies when they come on Thurs and Fri so that's a job done. Anyway, it means I didn't work on Saturday (oh, and I was sooooo ill on Saturday, I was walking round Asda like a right manky wench I was actually embarrassed). I didn't work Friday because DB really needed the day to work (I know. Yes I was livid but I just can't help but feel his work is more important than mine) and I didn't work yesterday because I was ill and so tired I could hardly think. I actually, for the first time *ever* told DB to sleep in the spare room last night so we could all get some sleep (he is practising full body snoring with this illness, it is keeping me up. I am keeping me up with the tickliest throat and cough known to man, and Bean is keeping me up feeding and kicking me. If DB is out of the bed then at least I can move away from the kicking child and not be woken by the snoring so hopefully sleep through my tickly cough). I may do it again tonight, we are all actually much better today for some sleep!
So, apart from complaining is there any point to this post?
Ah yes! I need to complain about the consequence of all this: my missed deadline :0( Oh what shall I do? I was meant to have this chapter finished at the beginning of this month and it now looks like it won't be finished - what with xmas etc - until mid Jan! Let me look at my original timeline... Right it actually says that I will have this chapter done by the beginning of Jan, which gives me some time. Cool! BUT the timeline also thinks I am writing the lit review and discussion chapter in Feb (two chapters in one month? WTF?!) *and* I thought I had written the methodology chapter when in fact it is have written. Oh dear. I *have* to have this finished in June. I will NOT have this hanging over my head into 2012. I will not! I have a life! A marriage that is suffering under the strain of this course. I need to go and get a job, pay some taxes, be normal.
Though I am still chuffed that I seem to be on track still. My Sup shouldn't be worried about me then. I can't help but feel though, that rather than having a Sup that is sooooo veeeery far away that I could do with someone cracking the whip over me a bit for this final stage. Give me some deadlines and Fear so I can say to DB that I need to work because someone else is making me which holds more weight than saying I have to work because, well, I fancy it. Motivation is there, concentration is not.
RIght so I have until the beginning of Jan. That means I have today (well, till 1 though I may ask DB if I can have till 2), next week, and then am away to visit relatives for christmas. I might renege on this though, I don't want to go! That would give me another week. Do I need another week? Prob not if I work properly to be honest...
Am so relieved I am not behind. I am not behind! Yay!
Ok will get on...
x J
x J
Thursday 9 December 2010
Back in the game...
Hurray, having had my epiphany that I was lost and confused, I am not any more! Yay!
I spent yesterday working out what was going wrong and righting - and writing - it. So I am now left happily with a chapter plan that makes sense but a tight deadline... It's Bean's Beeday on Wednesday, after we have family coming until Monday, and then I have that week to finish up and start looking at my next chapter until the day before Xmas eve when we are going into the countryside for a long hike and some booze that will mark the beginning of xmas. Hurray!
Downside is that I am rather ill. DB and Bean have been completely germ filled, snotty creatures this whole week and finally I have caught some of it - am not that bad but for a throat that is so tickley it makes my eyes water so I look like I am crying. Not a good look for interviewing childminders! Not found a good childminder yet but have started the hunt properly - exciting! What a change.
So I have until Weds:
Today: PM (till 6)
Friday AM
Saturday PM
Sunday AM
Monday AM
Tuesday not at all - DB workday. Maybe Tues PM.
I have tomorrow and Saturday and Sunday to finish writing the text. Then I have Monday and Tuesday night to link it all together and make the first draft coherent enough to send to my sup.
As part of the disentangling of this chapter I have started planning, or working out what needs to go into, my discussion chapter which is really exciting - I had *no* clue a week or so ago and now it is becoming clear. However, what is also becoming clear is that I am going to soon reach a stage where the first, clumsy draft is written and I shall need to re-read all my current literature, and read new lit - with no break so I don't forget it, and apply it rigourously to this first draft. So when I make comments about the way something appears in the research I can fluently say 'drawing from so-and-so we can see that' (not that I would say that but bla bla ;0)) and constatnly be referring to prominent, up-to-date authors and ideas in the field. Look like I know my stuff. Then, when that is done, I shall have my Actual First Draft. This will be in June :0) As it stand I don't see why I can't reach this, particularly once the dude is in childcare for 15 hours a week :0)
I feel pleased and in control!
Also, by-the-by, I am having an X Factor final-cum-xmas partay at my house on Saturday. I am not one to have parties, I am very shy and easily offended if someone says they can't come (I know, am daft) but have decided as we are having a quiet xmas to have a party before so I feel I have been sociable. Quite a few peeps are coming and I am really looking forward to it! Am going to make home made mince pies (filo pastry ones, soooooo easy) and drinks lots of mulled wine, cava and prosecco :0)
I love chrimbly time. Oh and I have the decorations in from the car (we have to have everything in storgae because we have seriously outgrown our house!) so I can start decorating the house tonight. Tomorrow I want to get some holly and ivy to strew around. And I am making DB and Bean xmas stockings! I am *such* a mum.
heheeeee.
x J
I spent yesterday working out what was going wrong and righting - and writing - it. So I am now left happily with a chapter plan that makes sense but a tight deadline... It's Bean's Beeday on Wednesday, after we have family coming until Monday, and then I have that week to finish up and start looking at my next chapter until the day before Xmas eve when we are going into the countryside for a long hike and some booze that will mark the beginning of xmas. Hurray!
Downside is that I am rather ill. DB and Bean have been completely germ filled, snotty creatures this whole week and finally I have caught some of it - am not that bad but for a throat that is so tickley it makes my eyes water so I look like I am crying. Not a good look for interviewing childminders! Not found a good childminder yet but have started the hunt properly - exciting! What a change.
So I have until Weds:
Today: PM (till 6)
Friday AM
Saturday PM
Sunday AM
Monday AM
Tuesday not at all - DB workday. Maybe Tues PM.
I have tomorrow and Saturday and Sunday to finish writing the text. Then I have Monday and Tuesday night to link it all together and make the first draft coherent enough to send to my sup.
As part of the disentangling of this chapter I have started planning, or working out what needs to go into, my discussion chapter which is really exciting - I had *no* clue a week or so ago and now it is becoming clear. However, what is also becoming clear is that I am going to soon reach a stage where the first, clumsy draft is written and I shall need to re-read all my current literature, and read new lit - with no break so I don't forget it, and apply it rigourously to this first draft. So when I make comments about the way something appears in the research I can fluently say 'drawing from so-and-so we can see that' (not that I would say that but bla bla ;0)) and constatnly be referring to prominent, up-to-date authors and ideas in the field. Look like I know my stuff. Then, when that is done, I shall have my Actual First Draft. This will be in June :0) As it stand I don't see why I can't reach this, particularly once the dude is in childcare for 15 hours a week :0)
I feel pleased and in control!
Also, by-the-by, I am having an X Factor final-cum-xmas partay at my house on Saturday. I am not one to have parties, I am very shy and easily offended if someone says they can't come (I know, am daft) but have decided as we are having a quiet xmas to have a party before so I feel I have been sociable. Quite a few peeps are coming and I am really looking forward to it! Am going to make home made mince pies (filo pastry ones, soooooo easy) and drinks lots of mulled wine, cava and prosecco :0)
I love chrimbly time. Oh and I have the decorations in from the car (we have to have everything in storgae because we have seriously outgrown our house!) so I can start decorating the house tonight. Tomorrow I want to get some holly and ivy to strew around. And I am making DB and Bean xmas stockings! I am *such* a mum.
heheeeee.
x J
Monday 6 December 2010
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg!
Writing up the fieldwork is not easy at *all*!!
I am having a nightmare!
Because the information is so higgeldy piggeldy, a simple sentence can have three different bits of info in it that I need, and would ideally like to structure in three different parts of the chapter, but they have to be all in one. Or the information is contradictory, so I can't say anything with any strong conviction, every comment is a bit of this, a bit of that... it is really hard! I have only just realised that rather than me being totally *quite a bitm but not totally) slack every day for hmmmm... about three weeks, it is largely that the chapter is so hard to write! If I could write it, I would. I have only just realised this. Every day I sit and jiggle about my introduction, then think a-ha! I have it. Then I go to re-jog my chapter accordingly and realise it won't work. It isn't going to be neat. So how to go about sorting this out?! It needs structure, and I won't go through the questions and answer them one by one - how dry and convoluted. Nor will I go to each village and write out what they said one by one. No, it needs to be a synopsis of the research, to tell their stories but in a way relevant to the research question and also include analysis.
How to do this? Don't ask me!
Bah, I didn't expect this. Am now going to go back to er, staring at it and thinking. I think it may have even got to the stage where I need to start thinking aloud. Yes, jibbering to myself.
x J
I am having a nightmare!
Because the information is so higgeldy piggeldy, a simple sentence can have three different bits of info in it that I need, and would ideally like to structure in three different parts of the chapter, but they have to be all in one. Or the information is contradictory, so I can't say anything with any strong conviction, every comment is a bit of this, a bit of that... it is really hard! I have only just realised that rather than me being totally *quite a bitm but not totally) slack every day for hmmmm... about three weeks, it is largely that the chapter is so hard to write! If I could write it, I would. I have only just realised this. Every day I sit and jiggle about my introduction, then think a-ha! I have it. Then I go to re-jog my chapter accordingly and realise it won't work. It isn't going to be neat. So how to go about sorting this out?! It needs structure, and I won't go through the questions and answer them one by one - how dry and convoluted. Nor will I go to each village and write out what they said one by one. No, it needs to be a synopsis of the research, to tell their stories but in a way relevant to the research question and also include analysis.
How to do this? Don't ask me!
Bah, I didn't expect this. Am now going to go back to er, staring at it and thinking. I think it may have even got to the stage where I need to start thinking aloud. Yes, jibbering to myself.
x J
Friday 3 December 2010
chasing concentration...
Where is it? I can't concentrate for toffee. I have a lot to do and it isn't even that hard, but can I do it? Nope.
I do have a bit of a hangover and am extraordinarily tired. I am meant to have finished this chapter by now but it just seems to be getting bigger and bigger and needing more and more and mooooooooore.
I have been faffing over one paragraph pretty much, all week. It is not good.
Better get back really! Am clearly skiving.
Ohhhh for a snooze. Instead I have half an hour of work left, then have to bundle up Bean to take him out in the snow to a baby group. Am really not in the mood for organised play, I just fancy bumbling around the shops really. Hmmmm.
My baby is one in two weeks! ONE!
laters!
x J
I do have a bit of a hangover and am extraordinarily tired. I am meant to have finished this chapter by now but it just seems to be getting bigger and bigger and needing more and more and mooooooooore.
I have been faffing over one paragraph pretty much, all week. It is not good.
Better get back really! Am clearly skiving.
Ohhhh for a snooze. Instead I have half an hour of work left, then have to bundle up Bean to take him out in the snow to a baby group. Am really not in the mood for organised play, I just fancy bumbling around the shops really. Hmmmm.
My baby is one in two weeks! ONE!
laters!
x J
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