Nottingham Uni Student Development

Further to the previous blog about a Nottingham uni student who was arrested and detained for downloading an Al-Qaida training manual for his MA research, in today's Guardian (P. 6) an Algerian friend of Mr Sabir who has completed his undergrad, masters and doctorate at Nottingham has been arreested in connection to the same document, and is looking to be deported. He is an active member of the campus and academic staff and not a terrorist. However, he is intellectually curious and foreign. The Guardian bring up the issue of fear that is growing on campuses and the self-censoring that is occuring as a consequence. How as academics we are to stifle our impulse to research and further our knowledge while working and investigating I do not know. Nottingham's MP, Alan Simpson, was part of a protest where students stood with taped mouths against Hicham Yezza's deportation. I am so glad there has been some kind of protest about this. Alf Nilson of the Politics Dept at Nottingham neatly encapsulates my fears:

"It's a question of intellectual freedom, not just academic freedom. What does this say about people's right to inform themselves about issues of public concern?"

Grrr.

Defining Stupidity and Intelligence

I find this such a quandry. I am not an 'intelligent' person. I have a certain aptitude toward analysis and theory, I can hold abstract concepts easily in my mind and play with them. My uncle who is a psychologist said this is a skill called 'helicoptering'. This is something I am sure most people can also do although some people tell me apparently not. I cannot, however, tell my left from my right, I have a poor memory, sleep too much (! a sure sign of stupidity. Seriously, how many super-clever people boast about getting up at half ten every day?! Early bird and all that...) and I cannot do stats or maths, or anything that requires a certain kind of logical thought. Take this sentence that I just read in today's Guardian Weekend magazine for example (p. 32):

'He wanted to know if hinge dissection could be universalised. In other words, can you dissect any straight-sided shape and then hinge the pieces together in a chain so it can be folded into any other straight-sided shape of equal area?'

Does anyone else have a clue what this means? I cannot begin to decipher this sentence. I cannot imagine what shapes they are talking about, and cannot shift them about in my head to form a coherent understanding. I had a fantastic conversation with my accountant friend the other week, walking through primrose hill in London. I know that 4 cannot go into 1. I know this but I do not know why. I asked her why can 4 not go into 1 and she explained some gibberish to me. I have concluded that in my world 4 can go into 1. I definitely think that 4 goes into 1 .25 times. I can easily exasperate DB with this theory. I am quite a postmodernist (if you haven't already guessed) although not to the point where everything tangible or experienced loses reason to relativity and subjectivity. That kind of postmodernism is just way too depressing and, well, pointless really. I like a more pragmatic postmodern approach. So to me, 4-into-1 is a concept that I cannot understand because my world exists around questionning 'obvious' narratives and moving presumed boundaries in order to further our understanding of concepts and discourses. Maths and logic is the opposite of this, (unless you are talking quantum physics - that seems pretty cool and instead of using text you describe yourself in the language of numbers... cool) because you have very strict boundaries to behave within and create. I would be interested to know if anyone reading this just 'gets' the above sentence which forms the introduction of an article on a friendly weekend paper... It can't be that hard surely.

On this topic, a fantastic thing happened to me last year. In both of my masters courses I manage to work to merit standard with little real effort. I am not saying this to show off, on the contrary I am always a very dilligent worker but never think I have done enough, so... Anyway, I had some work to do with SPSS for a module. I learnt the basics of SPSS and was given a scenario to analyse using it. I did the work really well, it was quite simple and I handed it in. I got my mark: 44%!! I had to giggle, really. If nothing else it did show that the course wasn't easy and I could fail if I didn't work hard. It also proved to me that I can't take the other knowledge that I have developed and use successfully for granted, it is my skill. I was proud of that SPSS work and I have no idea to this day why it went wrong! Nope, not good at maths or stats which generally are markers of intelligence in this country. My logical ineptitude and generally jokey and lackadaisical demeanour I know do not stand well in my favour in public and therefore perceptions of my intelligence differ. I can tell by the way people treat me, especially before and after they find out I do a PhD! I wish that the 'west' would move on from such Enlightenment-based assumptions and open its eyes more to the possibilities of different forms of intelligence. Currently philosophy departments in unis all over the country are closing, as are sociology and anthropology depts. Certain scientifically-based projects are more likely to be funded than others. Creative arts, drama and music projects nationwide have to fight to get funding from a diminishing pot. This is sad. In some ways I suppose I hope my children have DB's more formal intelligence rather than my more off-beat abilities, because in this climate they will be more likely to get into good schools and be supported, and recognised as 'clever'. But then I want creative and thoughtful beings rather than wage-slaves...

I think I will skip the article...

x J

PhD? What PhD?!

Do you ever get days when you just can't bear to think about your PhD? I am having one today. For the most part I love my course and think about my topic: the theory (love theory), my research trip, my latest chapter and its amendments etc; pretty much all the time I am not socialising... (insert joke here). But some days, eugh, I really can't stand it and think 'oh no! What am I doing! Must hide in a cupboard'. Today, the chapter amendment seems tedious, planning the trip away (the fun bit!) is pretty boring, learning the language?! Forget about it. Methodology? What IS that?! What is it? oh dear. And then there is the next chapter... another 4000 words to write that are meant to be coherent and intelligent. No thanks!

SOOO today, being Saturday and of course dear reader, falling in my holiday period, I shall wilfully ignore these thoughts and bustle about reading the paper and going to the gym. However, I think it is pretty noteable that despite the fact I am 'on holiday' I am a) generally always thinking and pondering about my work and b) am concerned when I am not.

PhD, SchmeehD.

Big Fat Toad

Bleugh, yesterday afternoon, there I was minding my own business and doing some gardening (actually pulling up manky weeds to appease the landlord), walking to the garage with my arms full of rubbish and then SPLAT! I looked down to my left and there was this toad, splayed out right by my foot. Eugh it was disgusting. I just looked at it and went 'Oh my blo*dy god'. What, I mean WHAT would have happened if it landed a little to the right? On my HEAD?! blughhhheee yuk eugh. It makes me jitter thinking about it. The toad was fine by the way, just skulked off after its crash landing. I expect it was all embarrassed, I am sure it hadn't meant to fly from such a height (seriously, it must have fallen out of the gutter which is at the top of the house).

Today I am fairly sore from wrestling with yesterday's evil weeds. I caught a look at myself yesterday before I headed into the wilderness, with my hair all nice, in my skinny jeans, ballet shoes and MP3 firmly locked into my ears, and I really resembled a townie young-person who has been made to 'go country' for half an hour. (In fact I am not a townie but never mind...) I have to say that gardening is actually a disgusting habit. You have these really sweet old people and prim ladies all gardening away and it looks like such a genteel pastime. But it's digusting! I was keeping very close company with mud, woodlice, ants, spiders, snails, midgies, flies... And it made me rather sweaty and had a nice layer of grub all over me. Filthy, mucky little habit. Stay away! Thinking on it, maybe you have different types of gardener. Me, being the novice, am a feral gardener, snuffling about amongst weeds and crustaceous beings, while my neighbour, who spends most of her leisure time carefully hoeing and weeding away, must be some kind of refined lady-gardener. She is always two inches away from the earth being busy busy but has ne'er a hair out of place and isn't shiny with sweat and grunting with effort. Or covered with mud or batting off flies. Hmmmm.

I ought to do some work later. We'll see. I have Britain's Got Talent all recorded and ready to go which will take up most of my afternoon...

x J

Britain's Got Talent!

Oooh I do love this show. I am really enjoying vegging out at the end of the day in front of it. Does anyone else watch this? Who are your favourites? I am really stuck this year - last year it was obvious who was going to win but this year I am really torn! I love that little dancing boy - George - who won last night. He really is brilliant. I love the chorister boy too though, and the 12 year old girl (scarily not looking 12) who is on tonight. I think it wil come down to the dancing boy and the 12 year old girlie. Amazing stuff! I was sad that Flava went, I really loved their stuff though it was creepy... DB does chuckle at my tv viewing choices and deems them proof that the whole PhD malarky is some kind of fantastic deception. I was thinking of listing them but as I think about it I blush. It really is lame.

x J

Is there time for time-off with a PhD?

Yes! Hurray! I worked allllll year through my first MA, and then last year with my MRes/PhD I worked most evenings and every day. Then it got to June last year and I was reaching burnout. I didn't have the novelty factor of the MA, which sustained me along with the knowledge that it was only for one all-to-brief year (I loved it!) and it surprised me how unmotivated, intimidated and tearful I was. So I completely changed my outlook for writing the dissertation between June and September, I worked 9-5/10-6ish and never on weekends. It was great! I could look forwrd to having a drink on Friday night and got some structure. Telling myself 'no' when I had illicit inklings to fire up the computer on an evening meant I had more energy and commitment when I did work. Having said this though, when it is deadline time I work as much as needs be, but then at least I can sense a light at the end of the tunnel. Also, I don't take the 8 weeks holiday a year that is my quota from the ESRC. 8 weeks! I had two weeks off in September after completing the MRes (mistake, I was bored and depressed), three weeks off for a big overseas volunteering trip in Jan (bliss) and then this week off coming (yes, I did work through Christmas - deadline before Jan trip to meet!). Then I shall work through until I go away for fieldwork... I like my work though on the whole. As long as I have structured, proper time off I am fine. Brains need to chill so I tell myself! Also, holidays give perspective and a new objective eye that you just don't have when you are working 24/7. This is so important actually, I think I worte somewhere else that I was so unhappy with the chapter that I just handed in. Luckily for me they liked it so I don;t have to radically overhaul it like I thought I would. What I did learn though is that I really didn;t give myself time away from it before I handed it in! I just didn't realise that with some days off from the work I would be able to finally proof-read it objectively and gain lots from that... Oh well, onwards and upwards!

Malaria Tips

So intrepid researcher, you are off, off and away on travels soon. So, courtesy of my local NHS here are some handy tips to avoid getting malaria:

'Garlic, Vitamin B and ultrasound devices WILL NOT protect you against malaria.

Eating marmite or any other savoury yeast extract spread WILL NOT prevent malaria.

Staying in a four or five star hotel, WILL NOT stop you getting bitten or contracting malaria. Mosquitoes don't discriminate.

Drinking gin and tonic WILL NOT stop you getting bitten or contracting malaria.'

So there you are folks, all you thought you knew in fact you don't. Wipe away those daydreams of supping a G and T, ultrasound device for company on the balcony of your germ-free, five star residence, all the while keeping the mossies at bay. Totally useless. This advice makes me chuckle because it so clearly and succinctly represents the British classist notion that if you 'do posh' then you will be safe. I LOVE the idea of the diplomat and his wife in India, in their khaki colonial outfits in their posh hotel that keeps not just natives at bay, but deadly virus-carrying mossies too. Hehe.

Am starting my jabs next week for my trip in Sept! I can't wait. DB is coming with too, which is ace. He works for himself from home so is fairly flexible. We both love travelling. I would hate to do it without him, it would be like losing a limb for the six months and I would be horribly homesick. I am a pretty independent and strong person I would say, but being without The Boy is harsh (we've been together over 8 years...). He's my best bud and I would spend the whole experience really wishing he was there to see it and experience it with me. This way it will be fun and work at the same time. I don't buy into the idea that fieldwork (oooh that word, again) needs to be miserable, hard work, and 'gritty' for it to be good. I really can't wait to go. Just to stop writing for a while if nothing else! Also, this is a secret (!!) but we may start trying for a family next year when we get home. Much to the chagrin of many PhDers who work their clever hinies off to get a PhD, being funded means I can have six months paid maternity leave which is then added to the end of the research period... Jammy eh? As I said, DB works at home and is hoping to go part time next year so he will be on hand as much as me which is fabulous. We shall see eh?! I think he is getting cold feet now the time is getting closer dear reader, but never, EVER underestimate the power of a woman with baby lust who is knocking-on. EVER.

That's all folks!
x

Writer's Block

Ahhh, writer's block. Something I thought actually only affected creative writers but actually I forgot how creative a PhD chapter needs to be. For about a month I would go into my room at half nine, only to leave at six having written nothing. While writing nothing I would spend the day flitting from facebook to the guardian website, picking up notes to skim over them again and just not be able to think. Or want to think. I thought I was just being lazy or procrastinating but actually someone told me it was probably writer's block. The strange thing about this phenomenon is that like depression or stress, you often only know you had it when the period is over. Diagnosing writer's block is pretty important. I think that a lot of stress in writing stems from certain assumptions that will lead to writer's block: that writing is easy, that writing needs to be perfect, that writing must produce a certain number of words, that words are evidence of a productive day - ergo, no words = slack day, and to write effectively you must sit in a dark hole, and write, write, write!

Writing is easy
Writing is easy for some people, impossible for others. Some people write fluently and too much and are happy to go back and edit later, others fuss over every word. Some edit as they go along, others go back after a large chunk has been completed. Recognising which you are and how you like to work is really important. People don't work the same way! I can write a thousand words in a day, words that are mostly nonsense but I like to externalise my thoughts as much as possible then re-jig them later. My friend however is a total super-brain and writes very, very slowly. Unlike me, her chapter forms itself in her head before it is translated to paper. Every word is thoughtful and each sentence is unlikely to need a whole of editing later... Different people, different approaches.

Writing needs to be perfect
Lets face it, most of us to have got to this stage are perfectionists. Writing can be agony if you think about every word and sentence and want it to be perfect. In fact, thinking of it this way will mean you don't want to write anything as it becomes such a big deal. Writing what I know at this stage tends to get some kind of fluency going. I was really trying to work through the chapter starting at the intro and ending at the conclusion, but really helpfully someone suggested that I break down my chapter into sections, take one and brainstorm words and ideas for it, then write it and put all the pieces back togther at the end. I took this advice and it helped me address my work in a new light. Although I must admit that I did end up going back and doing it in a linear fashion because it simply made more sense to me that way. At least I found that out though!

Writing must produce words
True in fact but not actually so simple I like to think. Writing comes from thought and without thought you have no words. I may write so little one day but think about it and realise I spent half of it reading about referencing. This is not words, but is work. These ins and outs are part of doing the PhD so I tell myself. It really annoys me that we have to pressure ourself so hard to produce in order to say we have worked.

Words are evidence of a productive day
Not true. Even if I did spend the day on facebook this is not necessarily 'procrastination'. I sense procrastination in myself when I have that horrible sick guilty feeling in my stomach. When I don't have this either I am just plain skiving or working, just not writing words. Thinking is essential to writing. No thoughts = shite writing. Brains need time to relax as well as work. It is always annoying though when I need it to work but it doesn't want to at all! I try not to worry about it too much, just get on the next day. Easier said than done though eh!

To write effectively you must write, write, write!
Nope nope. When faced with writer's block I find space is essential. I tend to run away and maybe if it's really bad I will shut the door for a whole day on my work. I often spend days mulling over what on earth is wrong and sit with a paper and pen and brainstorm words. With writer's block it is so hard not to sit in front of my computer willing words to create themselves! Mainly I find I am in a rut and need to get out of it.

Writer's block is a nightmare! But dealing with this is part of doing a PhD. So I think. Learning to overcome writer's block, and learning to understand patterns and habits as a writer are all part of it. I hope I find them out!

As always, comments and suggestion welcome - I would love to hear how others have overcome writer's block for next time!!

x J

I passed, I passed, I passed!

WOOOO! Ladies and Gents, I am not such a loser after all. I am now a reins-free, grown-up, PhD estudiante. Yesterday morning I drank coffee, read my notes, tried on lots of different outfits in a bid to find my most I-didn't-make-a-special-special-effort-but-don't-I-look-clever?-outfit, packed my bach 'comfort and reassure' magic potion, pens, highlighters (why?) and glasses. I bravely tackled the elements (got a lift to the train station) and arrived at The Destination. I actually walked the green mile (emerald green carpet, long corridor), squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and went in.

And? One interviewer forgot to turn up and hadn't read the chapter yet when he did, and the others loved it! I am so vain that I actually really enjoyed myself because I love talking about my work and never get to do it (unless at dear DB on a friday night over some vino. Usually whining and wailing about my severe academic shortcomings). So perversely I was indeed getting pleasure out of my grilling. I am really lucky, I really love my topic and always want to know more about it (I am a geek. But aren't we all at this stage?!) so I wanted criticism. Didn't really get any though.

So hurray! I now have a couple of things to iron out for this chapter, then THANK GOD, I can put it away until I revise it next year after fieldwork (hate that phrase. How can you seriously respectfully seek to know something about people and their community when you say that they are fieldwork?! Will have to work on that one...). I love my work but arg don't you get sick of analysing ONE aspect/section. So sick of it. Now I have another chapter to write... It is half written already. I had nearly finished the chapter I just wrote when I realised that actually half of it would be MUCH better in the previous chapter. So, wiping tears from my eyes and gritting frustrated teeth, I cut and pasted half of my beloved chapter into another. That was a Bad Day. Anyway, I digress... SOOOO, in about... hmmm... two months? I will have my methodology to sort out. Am off, off and away in September so better get sommat organised! I have a volunteering position organised for a bit, teaching English and helping organise learning materials. Can't wait! I have to learn the language first too.

BUT first things first, I am now officially on leave until the 15 June. Off on holiday next weds for a week. Ah! sun, swimming pool, tapas, non-academic books. BLISS! xxxxxxxx

x J

Ps. Am horribly hungover today so I apologise if none of this makes sense. Sense is overrated anyway. Lets start a revolution for Non-Sense.

Blue

Oh dear. I just read through the chapter and it is so awful. The lines between arguments are blurred and points aren't made cleanly and rigorously. It would be about 62% if it were an essay. Schizer.

There are positive points to this: a) at least I know so can go in tomorrow and explain what I intend to do about it; b) at least I know it is awful now so failing tomorrow won't be a surprise and c) I will get some good advice on how to sort it out.

Something that deeply concerns me is that I know it is bad, as I am reading it I cringe. But I cannot really work out how to improve it as such. I think I literally need to be totally anal about every single paragraph and tighten it up like crazy. I am a terrible writer, I write awfully clunky sentences and have poor style. I am overly upset as well because every meet I have had until this point I have fretted about and has gone swimmingly. Lots of praise and support. And each time I go in I am nervous about them finding out how incapable I really am and telling me to quit. And tomorrow is going to be this time. And please don't patronise me and say 'Oh but you always think this'. Truly, the chapter is shi*t. I am so embarrassed and disappointed in myself! And I am funded! I am too blinkin' funded to be this bad!

Well. I have learnt not to be cocky and to think it will just be ok because it has been in the past. I have learnt that writing just isn't my bag. I will learn tomorrow to take criticism for what it is - helpful and needed. Maybe I should ask for more help and closer supervision. I have never done such a big piece of work and thought I could just do it all on my own. I can't.

Roll on tomorrow...

x J.

Ps: Never heard from Sup. I assume he read it and thought he can't be bothered to waste his bank holiday with such drivel. Fair e-blimmin'-nuff I say. Though a bit of warning would be nice. Although maybe not; for my MA dissertation, many moons ago, he wrote - two days before the deadline I may add - that my writing was 'grotesque'. Although really he is just super. And I really appreciate honesty. And I still got a distinction. Arf, those were the days my friend. Off for a ciggie I think. I don't smoke but am blue and give in to temptation sometimes...

Threat to Academic Freedom

I am so angry. I have just read in yesterday's Guardian that an MA student at Nottingham University was 'arrested and detained for six days after his university informed police about al-Qaida related material he downloaded'. He downloaded this information for his MA course because he was researching terrorist tactics! The info was found on a uni computer by an administrator and linked to him, he was arrested and 'his family home was searched and their computer and mobile phones seized'.

This makes me so sick. How are we, as academics, to work when we are slowly being scared out of researching particular topics, for fear of jail? How is there to be an alternate, honest, transparent discourse to British Government policy when no one can research this information? He was told that it was 'an illegal document which shouldn't be used for research purposes. To this day no one has clarified this point ... '. His supervisors confirmed that all the literature he had downloaded was relevant to his research. This is ridiculous, terrifying and completely unjust.

Ref: Curtis, P. (2008) 'Student researching al-Qaida tactics held for six days.' In The Guardian, Saturday May 24, 2008. Pp.8.

x J

Waiting...

Waiting waiting waiting. I should hear from my sup today about the chapter. I read some of it yesterday and there are so many things wrong with it. I made the fatal error (now learned) of writing it and rewriting when I was too close to the material. I should have totally finished it ready to hand in then a) got my sup to check it, like, two weeks ago; or b) given myself five odd days off then come back to it toally fresh-eyed, objective, and able to place the argument and its contexts and themes in the broader picture. This means I would have noticed typos and gaps in explanations. I always worry about 'filling in the gaps' when rereading my work - when you know the material sooooo well that things may be missing but you can fill in those gaps and therefore assume the info is there for others to read. Space away from it would sort this out. Great stuff to know now eh?...

The thing is that this chapter is sooooo conceptually important and has so many themes and threads of info that if the writing isn't fluent then the reader may get lost and be like, 'Well, it looks interesting enough but I just can't read it!' Am so afeared of the thought of al these intellectuals trying to read my work and being disappointed in me producing such nonsense, and confused. This means Tues will be hard.

Arg!
x J

RIP Chaz

Well reader, chaz has passed away. Poor mite, he was such a funny little thing. The kitchen seems a bit bereft without him now.

Am terrified about Tuesday. Am waking in the night fully aware of some new way I could have presented my arguements, or written it more concisely etc etc. I should hear from my sup tomorrow. I have a horrible feeling it will be a scary and acerbic email, simply because I know he is cross that I have set up this meeting for after the bank holiday. I know that the best thing I could do is look at it. Not knowing and assuming it's awful when I could look at it and realise it isn't is silly. But what if it is?!!

Going to gym later. This will probably rid me of some of this nervous energy.

x J

What to Expect on a PhD...

What to expect on a PhD... Obviously this varies enormously and I will start with the obvious: You will be stressed, tired, frustrated, bla bla bla. What I have really found in my 20 or so months of doing a PhD is that it is a very unpredictable, nervewracking, boring, rewarding, lonely and confusing experience.

Unpredictable
It really is a rollercoaster. To start with this isn't necessarily immediately obvious because your days are quite structured, perhaps you are completing some kind of research skills course, going to research groups, talking a lot with other newbies. Your sup will probably be on call a lot here too. Then, this will gradually ease off as the work kicks in and all of a sudden you are Alone, freefalling. Freefalling is not good and a lot of people seem to get quite low anything from 6-9 months in, feel unable to cope with it, feel lonely, pressured and intimidated. This is very normal and I think part of the adjustment from structured taught courses to PhD. PhD learning is freewheeling all the time, it's just that you get used to it and find you can control it a bit more - even, hopefully, get to like it and be pleased with the independence, initiative and assertive nature it is helping you to develop.

Nervewracking
Of course doing a PhD is scary. It is intimidating and full of really brainy creatures who work so hard and wear sensible shoes. I am not, don't all the time, and never do. Doing a PhD is hard work, but so much of it is controlled by you and this can make hard work fun. (!) What is really scary about a PhD is how long it is, how unstructured it is, how few deadlines there are (none really after your transfer meeting), how you cannot control your brain and make it work all the time, how sometimes you swear you have no idea what your topic is on again... These silly, everyday issues are what makes a PhD hard. So much of a PhD is about slog, about writing, writing, writing. It is always brilliant when you get *that* idea, but when you have written about for the millionth time it loses its edge and becomes quite mundane! This is when it is boring.

Boring
Doing a PhD all on your todd can be insanely boring. This is hard to deal with and hard to motivate oneself through. But the feeling once you do and get those 800 words down in a flash! Yay!

Rewarding
Ah... the good bit. Doing a PhD can make one so puffed up with pleasure! It's so lovely when a supervisor is proud of your work, or when you sit and chat in a meeting for the first time like friends instead of teacher/student, or when you have a breakthrough, or when something you knew would work/was right, IS. Brilliant. Especially as you did it mostly yourself.

Lonely
Doing a PhD is definitely lonely. Not necessarily physically, but generally with your topic - you are doing this to be the world's foremost authority on your topic. This means no-one will know, or care about, it as much as you. Sometimes you want to talk and talk about your day's work, about your month's thoughts... Don't! You need to keep those friends.

Confusing
Lastly, not leastly, it is confusing. You can spend an entire month not writing a thing with the deadline looming. It is a nightmare and you will yourself to work. Work work! please brain we're running out of time! But no, you stare out of the window and give pet names to garden creatures (I have Terry the squirrel, Jeremy the cat*, Winnie and Fred the magpies). But then, you do work and it's all in time and fine and you realise you weren't being lazy but thinking. There is so much thinking in this malarky, and some times you can only think when you are switched off. This should be given more credit in PhDland I think. You will spend whole days reading notes you thought you knew innately, reading about how to write a chapter, reading PhD blogs for a hint or tip... this is not all necessarily procrastination but a different type of working. This also creates a PhD.

Lastly, it is something that is created by you, worked at by you and completed by you. What jonny bloggs is up to is of little concern, that they are on their fifth paper and travelling the world to conferences when you haven't got the guts up yet to apply to one conference means nothing. Work at your pace, achieve at your pace and enjoy it. It really doesn't matter what everyone else is doing too much. Obviously it is nice to keep up with one's peers but w are all different and progress at different speeds. Also we all have different priorities. I don't want to be an academic after so don't seek to publish a gazillion papers to present at conferences. I do want to network for when I have completed though, so I go to seminars. Slowly but surely that is - I didn't go to my first one until I had been here for a year, while two of my colleagues have taught at the uni, and presented at conferences within the first few months! I, on the other hand, am having my transfer meet earlier than them and am now a chapter down. Swings and roundabouts chaps, keep this in mind.

Enough for now. As always comments and other ideas are welcome. If you leave your name I will happily credit you.

J x

*Not her real name
PS. See also 'Four Pillars of a PhD' under the Good Info and Advice link below.

The PhD Advice Section

Hey.

This is a quick intro to the PhD advice section (see link right if looking on main blog page). Here I seek to write little things about doing a PhD or that I think will help someone new to this game, or me in the future. Some posts will be very short and may not seem complete; this is because I may just have an idea or theme that will be built on over time, or with other people's comments and help be added to with alternate views and ideas.

I hope it proves useful.

J x

Writer's Block?

This was in the Observer Book of Books last Sunday:

'Some go to extremes to find the perfect envornment in which to write. When faced with writer's block, Victor Hugo, the author of Les Miserables and the Hunchback of Notre Dame, disrobed. He had his servant take his clothes away for the day, leaving him with only pen and paper so he'd have nothing to do but sit down and write. DH Lawrence took the idea to an extreme: he'd climb mulberry trees in the nude, finding the rough bark stimulating...'

Hehe. imagine taking this advice in your uni research room...

x J

Chaz... The Fish

Dear Reader

I have sad news to broach. Chaz The Fantail Goldfish, who has resided with myself and DB since we moved in together six years ago, is seriously ill. As we speak he lies listlessly at the bottom of his tank not eating or swimming. He has an infection in his swim bladder and is being medicated so hopefully he will be a-ok. Communal sigh of relief. Is hard though cause he is there, all alone, and you can't give him a wee cuddle. Poor chaz. I shall update on his progress don't you worry.


I emailed my sup yest as well to say I would be grateful for any info on the chapter before heading into the lions' den. He emailed back and said that he had that to look forward to reading instead of the Sunday paper... I feel baaaaaad 'cause I arranged for the meet to be at the back end of May which everyone who isn't a student knows is bank holiday. Scuppered all their plans didn't I. I hope this isn't reflected in my feedback... ;(

Just watched The Apprentice and am super sad that Raef went. Raef is the posh nuts. Why not Michael 'everything you thought about that advert that was good, I did', moron-head Sophocles? WHY? I don't like Claire either. At all. She has that horrible drone when she talks that women in business seem to affect to make themselves sound really serious when in fact they sound so DULL and condescending, and she wears stupid scarves that make her neck look sooooo butch, (I think she is hiding her monster-bolts), and she fights and scraps like a snappy, chippy bulldog.

Arg, DB has just come in talking about Maccy Dees. I am opposed to this place on all ethical, human, moral, economic, political, animal-welfare, environmental, and it-represents-all-that-is-evil-and-corrupt-on-this-earth, grounds. And yet sometimes, sometimes, it is alllllll I can think about. The cheeseburger. The fries. The shake. This my friends, is the power of their evil.

x J

Freedom

Hey all

Am warming into my freedom this morning nicely! I didn't get up till gone ten... and am off to play squash and go to the gym with DB for a bit.

Emailed my sup this am to see about the chapter. He hasn't seen it really yet but has seen outlines and said it was fine. But it is all finished, handed in, and I wouldn't mind his opinion before the meet on Tues. I really don't want to know though; if it is bad then knowing in advance isn't going to be nice. Although advanced warning would mean I can sort out some kind of defense! I just want to hear it is good.

x

Oh Dear!

Well, I am now into my first afternoon as a lady of leisure and can honestly say...

I am bored

Oh! There it is, yes you read it right. I am sort of walking into and out of rooms all of a dither and staring into space. No one is playing scrabulous - or maybe they never do but I was busy and didn't notice. Facebook looks the same every ten minutes. I have read the paper. I have tidied away my notes. Am now considering having a bath but I just know that that is to do something... Maybe I am not meant to be a lady of leisure.

'Go out and do something!' I hear you cry. Hmm, yes. No.

I think it takes a while to get used to not having a massive, massive, scary deadline looming. I do have my transfer meet to fret about next Tuesday although really, having handed in the work there isn't much I can do about it.

I shall wander about some more.

I better organise a plan for tomorrow. My plan of relaxing. It goes like this:

Get up whenever I want (9am as per)
Get the paper, have a nice leisurely brekky.
Dome some methodology prep for Tues meeting (methodology is sooo weak. Basically I don't have one yet. Well, I do, obviously - to not have one at this stage would be bizarre. It is called 'discourse analysis'. What I have to do now is work out what that means.)
Skiive on facebook.
Swim
Make some nutritious time-consuming luncheon.
Skiive and work
Watch 'Hollyoaks' (An inspiring and intelligent take on modern teenage life in Ch. 4.)*

There we have it.

I am quite a fan of plans. I think anyone with half a procrastinating bone in the PhD body is a fan of plans. I have a plan to make plans in my PhD planning book. Gosh, I really do! Haha, I wrote that as a joke but it's really true. I have my PhD 'brain' book where I write all my fantastic insights (read 'mundane and embarrasing realisations') and have in it a plan to write a plan for my next chapter. Doh.

I better go. Rambly rambly. See ya laters! Wish me luck on my voyage of freedom! And, of course, I extend love and admiration to those of you who are hard at work at the grindstone. If anyone wants to vent please do so! I am free for chats. Go go go!!

J x

*(Anyone from the UK will be aware that I am definitely being generous with the truth in this description. It's awful, but fabulous in its awfulness.)

Done Diddly-dun!

WOOOO! I have finished my first chapter and handed it in. I finished around half four yesterday and promptly got drunk with DB to celebrate. Read through a lot today, convinced myself it makes no sense whatsoever, and sent it off. I am so anxious about it; either it is great or full of comments that aren't linked and don't make sense. Or there is too little analysis. SO there we are. And I shan't find out what anyone thinks of it until the transfer viva when really, it is too late. This is my fault as I should have completed it last week then left it for a few days and come to it anew. I will take heed of this for next time.

So what to do, what to do?!!! I have notes and paper all over my room that I need to file. Hurray. And I will write up my chapter-writing experiences and timelines for next time. Then I shall read the paper and play scrabulous! (I wonder if it'll be the same without the frisson of guilt because I should be working?)

Am still in shock that I have managed to do it. First chapter down! how exciting!

xx

Coming up for Air

I'm 7,677 words in. Am proofreading and blimey it is so big! I have been doing it for an hour and am only on pg 11 of 28. I haven't finished the actual chapter yet either. Should finish tomorrow I hopes... It is just so big, I start reading it and have forgotton the end and vice versa.

Ok. Taking a deep breath, am goin' back in...

x J

SWV

Hey there! Happy Sunday.

Am at the desk, pretending to work and feeling rather smug because it is Sunday after all.

SWV are on the radio! This is so weird because when this was out the first time I was doing my GCSEs, sat on my bedroom floor doing art or sociology coursework, desperately in love with the boy over the road (cliche, but true). It was about this time of year too. Ah! Nostalgia. It's funny because it comes on the radio and here I am doing my PhD work...

Love will be right here....

ahhh... Yeah baby.
xx

Oh Yeah...

Wooo! It's Saturday morning, and here I am working away! YEAH! Sat down about half nine after being a total grump to DB. Bless him, there he is in the kitchen going 'Would you like some toast?'. Me: No thanks (can't eat super early or while physically working). DB: 'Would you like some eggs?' Me: No! Snappy snappy. It's cause I really didn't want to think about Saturday things and although he was being lovely I was hearing: DB: 'SO! You have to work! WORK! Rubbish! Let us sit together and eat a lovely lazy breakfast and read the paper and eat eggsies and then have a bath and etc etc.' This was creating a huge amount of conflict within my little PhD-hardened soul so I snapped and ran away with my laptop and cup of coffee, shut my door and have been hiding since. Which sounds dramatic but actually, it has been half an hour.

Still though! Half an hour is never to be scoffed at.

Working, then off to gym laters for a bit. Then there is some football final on which promises to be good. DB will be watching and so will I. I don't know if it will be boozy or not, I don't think so... Which would be For The Best considering.

Better get back to it then! YEAH! WORKING! WOOHOO!!
x

Booo

Friday night. Facebook full of chat of friday night plans and weekend frolicks. I don't really know what day it is, let alone have that Friday feeling. Also, I am not allowed to have a drink because of my deadline. I know that if I worked better this week I could have a drink so am not having a sulk. But still, does anyone else feel that being a postgrad just is different to full time work? I do!

Fun Time Friday!

Or not! Today I have been working hard and have been swimming... hurray! Swimming was great, I was going for a paddle but the pool was quiet so I did a good hard swim instead. Which is great because I am all motivated and positive again, but bad because I am super-snoozy now.

I have finished my tinkering pieces for my meeting, and so now just have the chapter to do. It is in on Weds so... I will work today, tomorrow am, then gym, then chill, then work on Sun, Mon, most of Tues and then Weds. So not quite fun time friday for me. From Weds I am then off for AGGGGEEEES!! YAYAYAYAAA! I will have my transfer meet on the following Tuesday after bank holiday, then will be off until the 15 June.

I found this and think, seeing as it is Friday avo and we are being so good, it is worth posting for a chuckle. I am a big fan of The Flight of The Conchords, everything they do is pure genius in my eyes... so this be they, on rollerskates, for 'the ladies of the world'....

http://www.viralvideochart.com/youtube/flight_of_the_conchords__ladies_of_the_world?id=BLJ5a6aJOb8

Am going to perservere until 7 o' clock of the pm, and then call it a day. No boozy time for me this weekend, or socialising, but lots of great tele to soften the blow. ah... sweet, sweet tele.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
J x

Hmmm...

Well today did not work out all that well. I couldn't work very well this morning in the end so went for a walk and got some lunch. Returned to desk and really, this afternoon hasn't been much better.

I am disappoimted I tell you. But then, I am a good worker and wonder if the problem is that I can't fool my inner child who knows full well that I have ample time to get this chapter completed, and so let's play! No inner child, on the naughty step for you.

Anyway, I shall sit here dutifully until 6.30, and then leave and watch the teevee for the evening. I am making an aubergine and chickpea spicy greek thing for dins, with some bulgar wheat and a bit of creme fraiche on the top. Yumptious. It is lovely and sunny outside. I would much rather be outside reading Chocolat and eating the caramel slice I sneakily purchased from the bakery earlier... I read a lot and although I liked the film of Chocolat, WOW, the book is great. If anyone (obviously, me) is reading this and has any book recommendations I would love to hear any.

Tomorrow I am going to be GREAT. I will bounce out of bed, work for some hours then bounce to the pool, bounce home and create some wonderful insights into the world.

Ah, to dream...
x J

New Dawn, New Day

OK. Yesterday did not go well. I was really hyper for some reason and couldn't concentrate. I guess some days are just like that. It was a day for tinkering but not for hardcore essay writing. Today I am a bit fuzzy from a bit of boozy last night... I know, I know. But I needed to socialise and get the excitable hyper-ness out. Today is lovely and sunny, I have had a shower to wipe cobwebs away, am going to have a lovely coffee from my Darling Boy (henceforth DB) and then... play scrabulous. NO! hahaha, not really. I shall read the Guardian.

Not reeeeally. I will work, scouts honour. Well, Brownies honour. Do Brownies have honour? My Mum confesses she didn't.

See ya laters
x J

Oh my WORD

WOW! Just think of the possibilities...

http://www.firebox.com/product/2061/The-WineRack

It is a bra that holds booze all secretly, so one can sup all day unbeknownst to those who may frown upon habitual and secretive all-day drinking. Fab!

The First Day

Well.

Today has been pretty useless so far. I have some bits and bobs that I need to complete for the transfer viva which I have been tackling so that's good I suppose. I am trying to work on my chapter though and feeling soooo sleepy. It's that time of the afternoon. Or that day of the week/month of the year more like. I got a lovely cup of coffee to work with and wake me up but instead it has been keeping me company while I work out my next move on scrabulous... Oh dear.

I work from home mostly. I don't like uni much, the uni itself is ugly, the library is knackered and we have no special office for PhDs. Well, we do, but it's like the library so no good for me. Also, I am super-chatty and if I were at uni I would do no work, just keep chatting to the person next to me, going on coffee breaks and then getting all hyper and more chatty, then sweaty and eventually, anxious (am super-sensitive to caffiene). No good. I don't know how anyone gets any work done. I was told that if I worked from home then I wouldn't get a PhD as I would watch tv and eat all the time. Actually it isn't like that at all. I hate daytime tv, it makes me feel like such a loser watching it (no idea why, it isn't loserish tele or owt) and also incredibly guilty. I watched too much daytime tv as a student (when I was a proper student in the 90s, skiiving and drinking constantly) and so I think I am conditioned to feel bad when I watch tele in the day. And I just don't snack at home. I would snack more at uni or work out of feeling sorry for myself. Full-time job = misery = maltesers and walkers. Working from home I can do what I like, when I like. So I usually don't. In fact, to make matters even more smug, I go to the gym most days, or run or something. I have to because uni does make me stressed, however sunny I am feeling, and exercising sorts this out a treat.

Wow I am really enjoying this. Hmmm. I suppose no one likes anything more than chatting inanely about oneself. How vain and annoying! This is probably no less insane than if I were to be found sat on the floor in a corner having a good old chat to myself, and, oh lord, actually finding myself AMUSING. Oh dear. But thankfully because it is a 'blog' it is a-ok.

Better get back to the busy cycle of the cutting and the pasting and the pressing of the 'undo' button that is today's work effort.

Ciao! J x

Better Introduce Myself...

Well hello lone reader (myself). How are you?! Happily, I talk to myself rather a lot so this can serve to be a diary of sorts, unless anyone is bored enough to stumble accross this detritus - and so insanely bored that they carry on reading...

I am a PhD student, clinging onto my twenties, and generally of average academic ability. I think perhaps I stumbled into a profession where my general inabilities are rather useful (a lack of concentration, ability to take direction from others - or work in the close vicinity of 'Others' bleugh - a tendency to prefer daydreaming to much else...), and seem to be rather good at it. I do not feel I am good at it however, and am waiting for everyone else to find this out. I am a massive fraud that works hard to continue to pull the wool over everyone's eyes. What else... I am in the middle of my second year. I am funded (see? The suckers) so I get to do a four year course. I spent the first completing an MRes, and so, although it is my second year in total, am in the first of my actual PhD... Confused?! Oh well, it doesn't really matter. I am currently working up to my transfer viva which is in a couple of weeks, for which I have to produce a chapter of 8000 words. I have nearly done this but have a lot more to do, which is why I am here, creating a blog. Busy busy!!

Also, I would like to say, though I think this may be evident by now, that I am not your stereotypical PhD student. Although I would like to say none of us are, actually most people I know, are. I drink too much, smoke too much (at all), sometimes may accidentally encounter the odd recreational drug, I avoid work too much and am shallow when it comes to fashion, hair, beauty etc. I never read fashion magazines or women's mags though. They are terrifyingly judgemental and make me feel depressed.

I think that is all for now. I really need to go to the loo actually. TMI am sure. Secretly I am trying to scare you all off so when no-one ever reads this I can have a ready scapegoat. 'Loogate'.

x Jayney

Ps: if anyone wants advice on getting ESRC funding or general PhDness do comment, am happy to help! xJ