And there's more:
http://thethesiswhisperer.wordpress.com/2010/11/23/phd-paralysis/
She writes about PhD paralysis and fear. I am going to re-read this and try to work through my mental problems with work tonight.
I am going to try to work out what is worrying me about work (although I have written a lot today I know there are subtler forces at work) and then tackle them, gently. I suspect it may come down to something as simple as my lack of confidence. I hoped running would make me feel better, it didn't. I wonder if having more time would make me feel better but also know that more time means more time out of my life on the other side, and that life that is my very motivation. I also know I am a terrible procrastinator and that one or two nights of good, hard work could fix my problem of being behind or feeling out of control. I feel like I am in a tailspin, and my not working is making it spin faster and faster and soon I will hit the ground and have nothing to hand in. Instead of trying to save myself I am sat with my haed in my hands just willing it all to be over. The shame of it. but the feeling of shame and embarrassment of this whole situation makes me feel worse and more frightened.
I need to get some strength so I can square my shoulders and look this right in the face (hehe). I need to stop being scared of it, so I need to work out what exactly is scaring me and making me feel so low, then disable it.
It's only a PhD. I was fine with it once, surely I can be again before it is too late?
I must stop thinking I can't do it. I have 'I can't do it, I can't do it' on a loop in my head. I have to work out how I can convince myself I can. I 'must' or i 'have to' doesn't work. Too much pressure.
Lordy how hard can this be?! It's just stupid work.
Am off to get Bean. DB is out all evening and bean is having sleep issues so I shan't be able to work tonight. I will think though and hope to work tomorrow night.
x J
http://thethesiswhisperer.wordpress.com/2010/11/23/phd-paralysis/
She writes about PhD paralysis and fear. I am going to re-read this and try to work through my mental problems with work tonight.
I am going to try to work out what is worrying me about work (although I have written a lot today I know there are subtler forces at work) and then tackle them, gently. I suspect it may come down to something as simple as my lack of confidence. I hoped running would make me feel better, it didn't. I wonder if having more time would make me feel better but also know that more time means more time out of my life on the other side, and that life that is my very motivation. I also know I am a terrible procrastinator and that one or two nights of good, hard work could fix my problem of being behind or feeling out of control. I feel like I am in a tailspin, and my not working is making it spin faster and faster and soon I will hit the ground and have nothing to hand in. Instead of trying to save myself I am sat with my haed in my hands just willing it all to be over. The shame of it. but the feeling of shame and embarrassment of this whole situation makes me feel worse and more frightened.
I need to get some strength so I can square my shoulders and look this right in the face (hehe). I need to stop being scared of it, so I need to work out what exactly is scaring me and making me feel so low, then disable it.
It's only a PhD. I was fine with it once, surely I can be again before it is too late?
I must stop thinking I can't do it. I have 'I can't do it, I can't do it' on a loop in my head. I have to work out how I can convince myself I can. I 'must' or i 'have to' doesn't work. Too much pressure.
Lordy how hard can this be?! It's just stupid work.
Am off to get Bean. DB is out all evening and bean is having sleep issues so I shan't be able to work tonight. I will think though and hope to work tomorrow night.
x J
3 comments:
Hey Jayney
Glad you liked the post, it did make me smile too. She does have a way with words in her blogs, they're a great read. Another thought though, have you come across this guy before: 3monththesis.com For some reason the website is down just now but it's written by a guy who at the time, through procrastination and being a lazy bugger, was forced to write his entire thesis in 3 months and did it. He's now specialising in advice on efficient thesis writing. I find his website really useful and he's available for 1-2-1 chats too, so it might be worth checking through his posts and possibly contacting him for a pep talk and advice to get you going again and crack this thing? He's also on Twitter as @3monththesis
Just remember, don't think about the task at hand as the frighteningly large whole that it is (cos that will just fill your valley with more shit lol), keep chipping away one little bit at a time. 15mins of shuffling papers is better than 15mins of thinking about shuffling papers :)) Keep the faith missus!!
B x
Incidentally, he's just posted THIS blog...
http://3monththesis.com/how-to-avoid-being-a-fist-chewing-ball-of-stress-when-finishing-your-thesis/
It's like God is hearing ya :)))
B x
Thanks B! You are kind. Am reading the links now :) x J
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