Hmmm, I did a bit of reading but nothing worth mentioning really...
Am going to leave it now and just see it as one of those weeks - part of the messy, incoherent transition from one chapter to another. Is so hard to just jump straight into another chapter - they demand so much creativity, work and commitment each that is pyschologically impossible to just start a new one without a break. What counts as a break is hard too, I had last week off in the lake district so that should have been enough... but wasn't. This week I have sat at my desk from 9.30am to at least 4.30pm each day and done little other than planning and realising this chapter will not be as quick as I thought but needs proper commitment and time. I am off to see my folks on Sunday and then to Cornwall to see the in laws for the last time before popping and will be back on Thursday. I will do planning and organising on Friday and then work properly on Monday. It is annoying and makes me stressed that I am wasting time and have too much work to do for a week off... but then again maybe it is exactly what I need, to get away from it and come back to it having had a decent stretch of a few weeks to put the previous chapter to bed and start this new one. I can hardly remember what this chapter is on, I am still half in and out of my old one!
Is only because I have the deadline of my Maternity leave that I am stressy. But then again, I can only do what I can do - I say this time and time again and always, *always* get the work done. Not to the inital schedule, admittedly, but I reach the desired standard which is more important and anyway, I have never ever been reproached for tardiness.
Righty. Am going to try and believe all this so I can spend my weekend and week off without flogging myself with guilt. Bah, it'll be fine. I'll do a little plan for myself now to prove it ;0)
x J
Friday, 30 October 2009
Umph
Well, yesterday was rubbish, so rubbish I had nothing to post.
Just sat around procrastinating really, really hard all day. I didn't have much sleep and just couldn't be bothered. Then comes along today... Thanks to my blooming pregnancy I went to sleep at 1.30am, woke at 5am and got up at 6am, unable to sleep at all - wide, wide awake. 3.5 hours sleep. Why? Whyyyyy? We all know I don't get up until 9am! Wasn't the Bean, he was fast asleep until 8am bless him.
So I am shattered, having had to spend the morning in front of GMTV - a televisual phenomenon hitherto foreign to me and boy I am glad I don't have to watch it every day. What drivel! They are so gloomy! Just talk about tragedy with no positive spin on anything. A good example is a random section where a girl who had had a negative reaction to a hair dye kit from Boots (Boots, you know - they made a thing about that like Boots had done it On Purpose) was on, with a picture of her (now healed and just dandy) burnt face. Well, the interviewer wasn't letting her tell her 'it turned out ok' story, no, instead she kept pointing out little scars on her face and drawing attention to how vile it all was. For what purpose? And Dr Hilary Jones was on whining about the automated services on phones. Why Dr? Why? And in between these things was the weather. Lots of weather. And adverts for CDs of music from soldiers in honour of those fallen in Afghanistan. UG.
Anyway, rant over.
Am completely starving.
I have all this work to do and I can honestly say I can hardly bear to look at it, let alone do any of it. Please let it be 4.30! I just want to slump in front of the tv with lots of food that is terribly bad for me. Pizza and chippies! yes, yes.
So, today my mission is to do *any* work!
Ug, hate it.
x J
Just sat around procrastinating really, really hard all day. I didn't have much sleep and just couldn't be bothered. Then comes along today... Thanks to my blooming pregnancy I went to sleep at 1.30am, woke at 5am and got up at 6am, unable to sleep at all - wide, wide awake. 3.5 hours sleep. Why? Whyyyyy? We all know I don't get up until 9am! Wasn't the Bean, he was fast asleep until 8am bless him.
So I am shattered, having had to spend the morning in front of GMTV - a televisual phenomenon hitherto foreign to me and boy I am glad I don't have to watch it every day. What drivel! They are so gloomy! Just talk about tragedy with no positive spin on anything. A good example is a random section where a girl who had had a negative reaction to a hair dye kit from Boots (Boots, you know - they made a thing about that like Boots had done it On Purpose) was on, with a picture of her (now healed and just dandy) burnt face. Well, the interviewer wasn't letting her tell her 'it turned out ok' story, no, instead she kept pointing out little scars on her face and drawing attention to how vile it all was. For what purpose? And Dr Hilary Jones was on whining about the automated services on phones. Why Dr? Why? And in between these things was the weather. Lots of weather. And adverts for CDs of music from soldiers in honour of those fallen in Afghanistan. UG.
Anyway, rant over.
Am completely starving.
I have all this work to do and I can honestly say I can hardly bear to look at it, let alone do any of it. Please let it be 4.30! I just want to slump in front of the tv with lots of food that is terribly bad for me. Pizza and chippies! yes, yes.
So, today my mission is to do *any* work!
Ug, hate it.
x J
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
Printing and organising
I have spent the day printing out reports and finding info and am getting quite a reading list...
I didn't want to have to print lots out, will use up all my ink! But then again, I can't read it all off the internet, it will take at least twice as long to write it all out as highlight it, let alone hving the temptations of the laptop!
Will carry on printing for a bit then head off. Is so weird working when it is so dark outside! feels really late!
x J
I didn't want to have to print lots out, will use up all my ink! But then again, I can't read it all off the internet, it will take at least twice as long to write it all out as highlight it, let alone hving the temptations of the laptop!
Will carry on printing for a bit then head off. Is so weird working when it is so dark outside! feels really late!
x J
Why oh Why
Is it never easy?!
After mulling over the future of this chapter last night I spent the whole evening in a total sulk having realised there was no way out of it: I am going to have to start this chapter again from scratch. That I have lost the notes doesn't really matter, reading the reports again is a very good idea anyway. I haven't looked at them for about 2 years so need to reaquaint myself with them and write better notes more suited to the way/direction in which I think now. (Still sulking about it though.) I have my original chapter and the references which are all online so know where to start. It will take me ages though, although I know it will be worth it and I will have a very good chapter to come back to. But it is sad that I will probably have half of the PhD done instead of the 'most' I wanted. Crippins.
I do know that I would rather come back and have the discussion chapter to do as that is actually interesting and the point of the whole PhD, rather than facing this chapter. Again.
Hmmph.
x J
After mulling over the future of this chapter last night I spent the whole evening in a total sulk having realised there was no way out of it: I am going to have to start this chapter again from scratch. That I have lost the notes doesn't really matter, reading the reports again is a very good idea anyway. I haven't looked at them for about 2 years so need to reaquaint myself with them and write better notes more suited to the way/direction in which I think now. (Still sulking about it though.) I have my original chapter and the references which are all online so know where to start. It will take me ages though, although I know it will be worth it and I will have a very good chapter to come back to. But it is sad that I will probably have half of the PhD done instead of the 'most' I wanted. Crippins.
I do know that I would rather come back and have the discussion chapter to do as that is actually interesting and the point of the whole PhD, rather than facing this chapter. Again.
Hmmph.
x J
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
Why is it never easy?!
Arf, doing a PhD takes so LONG!
I started re-reading what I have already for my chapter, reading some of my fieldwork journals and just getting to grips with how I want the chapter to go... and it turns out the writing I have so far is *ok* but not great; I need to re-read the source material to tighten it up. Great, that will take weeks. BUT, I also need to FIND this source material! I have the references, and are all reports from the internet. This is fine, but where are the notes I would have written on these 40 page+ reports?! I would have definitely written notes! And I have none. So do I re-read and re-write the notes, or stare around my room trying to work out where the hell the notes are?! I am loathe to start from scratch :0( It took me aaaaages before, and I remember by the end I was *sick* of reading these reports. They are so long I have to read them on my comp too which means they can't be annotated easily but I have to write out quotes etc in longhand. UG! There are LOADS of notes missing. Practically a whole chapter's worth. Which means they *must* be somewhere. But where? I have moved them into storage and into a new house since I last saw them :0( . Starting again would be a blessing in the way that I could do with getting to grips with this all from scratch, with my new knowledge and am just better at my job so the notes would also be better. (I wasn't very critical of the reports before, as they were 'local' so I assumed they were benign and less political than international reporting. This is naive though.) BUT, but, but. The reports are sooooooo long, detailed and boring!
I am going to go and have a think. SO yes, I have lost the notes (idiot), but the fact I need them anyway to read again from the start is quite a shocker - though how I didn't anticipate this I don't know. Then I have more reading to do from sources I found in India, and then I have my research to feed in. All of a sudden, instead of being a quick recap of a chapter it is turning into having a write a full chapter from scratch.
Now, I can either do this, or I can not. I really, really want to have the discussion chapter done before going on maternity leave. If I do this chapter in detail then there is no way I will have time for both. But, then again, how can I write a good discussion chapter without, er, the meat for the discussion fully researched?!
D'oh. I have to do this properly don't I? Pain in the BUM!
Where are those notes?!!
Right, am off for a think about how to do this.
I am so tired!
x J
I started re-reading what I have already for my chapter, reading some of my fieldwork journals and just getting to grips with how I want the chapter to go... and it turns out the writing I have so far is *ok* but not great; I need to re-read the source material to tighten it up. Great, that will take weeks. BUT, I also need to FIND this source material! I have the references, and are all reports from the internet. This is fine, but where are the notes I would have written on these 40 page+ reports?! I would have definitely written notes! And I have none. So do I re-read and re-write the notes, or stare around my room trying to work out where the hell the notes are?! I am loathe to start from scratch :0( It took me aaaaages before, and I remember by the end I was *sick* of reading these reports. They are so long I have to read them on my comp too which means they can't be annotated easily but I have to write out quotes etc in longhand. UG! There are LOADS of notes missing. Practically a whole chapter's worth. Which means they *must* be somewhere. But where? I have moved them into storage and into a new house since I last saw them :0( . Starting again would be a blessing in the way that I could do with getting to grips with this all from scratch, with my new knowledge and am just better at my job so the notes would also be better. (I wasn't very critical of the reports before, as they were 'local' so I assumed they were benign and less political than international reporting. This is naive though.) BUT, but, but. The reports are sooooooo long, detailed and boring!
I am going to go and have a think. SO yes, I have lost the notes (idiot), but the fact I need them anyway to read again from the start is quite a shocker - though how I didn't anticipate this I don't know. Then I have more reading to do from sources I found in India, and then I have my research to feed in. All of a sudden, instead of being a quick recap of a chapter it is turning into having a write a full chapter from scratch.
Now, I can either do this, or I can not. I really, really want to have the discussion chapter done before going on maternity leave. If I do this chapter in detail then there is no way I will have time for both. But, then again, how can I write a good discussion chapter without, er, the meat for the discussion fully researched?!
D'oh. I have to do this properly don't I? Pain in the BUM!
Where are those notes?!!
Right, am off for a think about how to do this.
I am so tired!
x J
Monday, 26 October 2009
Hmmmm
I did bu*ger all today!
Nothing! I read about the Bean... (only ten weeks to go until my due date! Is starting to occupy my thoughts a lot as you can imagine. Oh well, tomorrow is another day. I am working full time until at least the beginning of Dec, though really until term ends on the 18 Dec. Then shall wind up for xmas and holeeeday!) Well, I sorted out that paper for the journal. It is the first day back after a week off so just sitting here is pretty good! (Look at me trying to cheer my lazy arse up!)
Tomorrow I will work, honest. May mean not turning on the laptop though.
To be honest, I really don't want to trawl through my old fieldwork nonsense. Reading journals etc. So time consuming and to glean what? And I don't *like* it, it makes me feel creepy - I think because of my Step Dads death at the end of it all. Just don't want to think about it much. But I have to! Sigh. I shall think on it tonight and turn myself on to it.
ALSO, I have just realised, I *always* have a few weeks of active procrastination between chapters. Weeks! Then the deadline looms (whatever it is, meeting with Sup/Conference/going away on fieldwork etc) and I get busy. Sugar, I really have to make sure I don't slip into this - in weeks' time it will be mid november and I have two chapters to write before I stop work on the 18 Dec. Come ON!
Ok, maybe I shall arrange to send it to Sup for 16 Nov. Lordy, even without procrastination I am in the middle of Nov! This week = work; next week I am away! It is my sister's beeday so am going to spend Sunday with my family en route to my last visit to the inlaws (and only my second during my pregnancy so they are keen to see me and Bump as you can imagine) in cornwall, before we have a Bean. We are there until Weds/Thurs next week. So if I have the whole of the next week and weekend that brings me to the 16 Nov! O.M.G. There is no way I am stopping work in the beginning of Dec then. I definitely have to get my discussion chapter down before Mat leave.
Sheeeeeeit.
x J
Nothing! I read about the Bean... (only ten weeks to go until my due date! Is starting to occupy my thoughts a lot as you can imagine. Oh well, tomorrow is another day. I am working full time until at least the beginning of Dec, though really until term ends on the 18 Dec. Then shall wind up for xmas and holeeeday!) Well, I sorted out that paper for the journal. It is the first day back after a week off so just sitting here is pretty good! (Look at me trying to cheer my lazy arse up!)
Tomorrow I will work, honest. May mean not turning on the laptop though.
To be honest, I really don't want to trawl through my old fieldwork nonsense. Reading journals etc. So time consuming and to glean what? And I don't *like* it, it makes me feel creepy - I think because of my Step Dads death at the end of it all. Just don't want to think about it much. But I have to! Sigh. I shall think on it tonight and turn myself on to it.
ALSO, I have just realised, I *always* have a few weeks of active procrastination between chapters. Weeks! Then the deadline looms (whatever it is, meeting with Sup/Conference/going away on fieldwork etc) and I get busy. Sugar, I really have to make sure I don't slip into this - in weeks' time it will be mid november and I have two chapters to write before I stop work on the 18 Dec. Come ON!
Ok, maybe I shall arrange to send it to Sup for 16 Nov. Lordy, even without procrastination I am in the middle of Nov! This week = work; next week I am away! It is my sister's beeday so am going to spend Sunday with my family en route to my last visit to the inlaws (and only my second during my pregnancy so they are keen to see me and Bump as you can imagine) in cornwall, before we have a Bean. We are there until Weds/Thurs next week. So if I have the whole of the next week and weekend that brings me to the 16 Nov! O.M.G. There is no way I am stopping work in the beginning of Dec then. I definitely have to get my discussion chapter down before Mat leave.
Sheeeeeeit.
x J
Back to work!
I had a lovely week off and now am back to work! Had a lovely extra hour this morning of course, with the clocks going back yesterday, except I went to sleep very late last night so woke up at 9.30. Thought 'oh, it doesn't matter, it is actually 8.30,' and snuggled down for more snoozy then realised I had changed my clock so it really was coming up to 10am.
So far this morning then I have checked my banks and, as I suspected, I am skint. Have also skimmed through my paper for the conference (yuk, again, am sick of it) and submitted it for publication though it won't be accepted as am up against some Proper Names in the Field - nice try anyway ;0)... Turns out the original paper I wrote before the conference really was only for the eyes of other panellists and the chair. Now I have to write a proper paper for publication but luckily I have already done it so sent that off and now, really honestly now, I shall never look at it again. PHEW!
So today I am going through my fieldwork info! I have two weeks to write it up... I have about 3,000 words of this chapter written already, as info from local NGOs and papers etc. I now need to add my interview findings and bring the total up to 8,000 which should be doable. Although I only have two weeks I really just need to get down what I can, so I have at least a skeleton for this chapter that I can then fill out when *someone* - ANYONE - translates my interviews for me! Oh well, I have a year... I shall use the notes I have for now and my journal and own interviews to create an idea of what peeps think and feel about the aid effort. Is a strange coincidence that I am starting this on the same day we had packed up and travelled to london to go to India last year... I was so excited! Now I couldn't bear doing it all again - all that unpredictability and strangeness! But it was great at the time, we had so long! From now until April! What a trip. So much has changed since then. Doing fieldwork is so good for helping you grow up in your PhD I reckon. It really taught me about how unpredictable and uncontrollable doing research is, and how the info is beyond your making really. But also taught me to relax about this and just get on with it each day as best I could. I made some mistakes - settling in a city wasn't that useful, I was never going to fit in culturally, I volunteered in a position that gave nothing to my research for too long out of politeness and fear (much more gumption and assertion now! I would be out of there!), and didn't assert my goals in the volunteering org early or clearly enough - I was very polite and acted though I really was there to volunteer rather than get soemthing out of them back. I also believe that research trips cannot be compared. Yours will be *yours* and you can't compare how you did on it with other peeps. You have different strengths and weaknesses and these really come out in research. You also have enironmental constraints/opportunites that differ. Travelling and seeing the region was a brilliant idea, if I hadn't done that when I could I would have no idea of anything. Seeing really is believing, even on a whirlwind tour. I also had a lot of FUN, going out, meeting people and making friends, settling in to a routine and relaxing. I shouldn't have felt so guilty about that. Mainly though, it is hard bloody work as you can never leave the field until you leave the country. You are always looking around you for info and everyone you speak to could be a potential informant. It is *exhausting*! However much I whine about India I would not change the experience for the world. It was amazing, and in the end it worked! I did research!
So better have a look at it.
So angry with my RA. Still. How long will this simmer for?!
x J
So far this morning then I have checked my banks and, as I suspected, I am skint. Have also skimmed through my paper for the conference (yuk, again, am sick of it) and submitted it for publication though it won't be accepted as am up against some Proper Names in the Field - nice try anyway ;0)... Turns out the original paper I wrote before the conference really was only for the eyes of other panellists and the chair. Now I have to write a proper paper for publication but luckily I have already done it so sent that off and now, really honestly now, I shall never look at it again. PHEW!
So today I am going through my fieldwork info! I have two weeks to write it up... I have about 3,000 words of this chapter written already, as info from local NGOs and papers etc. I now need to add my interview findings and bring the total up to 8,000 which should be doable. Although I only have two weeks I really just need to get down what I can, so I have at least a skeleton for this chapter that I can then fill out when *someone* - ANYONE - translates my interviews for me! Oh well, I have a year... I shall use the notes I have for now and my journal and own interviews to create an idea of what peeps think and feel about the aid effort. Is a strange coincidence that I am starting this on the same day we had packed up and travelled to london to go to India last year... I was so excited! Now I couldn't bear doing it all again - all that unpredictability and strangeness! But it was great at the time, we had so long! From now until April! What a trip. So much has changed since then. Doing fieldwork is so good for helping you grow up in your PhD I reckon. It really taught me about how unpredictable and uncontrollable doing research is, and how the info is beyond your making really. But also taught me to relax about this and just get on with it each day as best I could. I made some mistakes - settling in a city wasn't that useful, I was never going to fit in culturally, I volunteered in a position that gave nothing to my research for too long out of politeness and fear (much more gumption and assertion now! I would be out of there!), and didn't assert my goals in the volunteering org early or clearly enough - I was very polite and acted though I really was there to volunteer rather than get soemthing out of them back. I also believe that research trips cannot be compared. Yours will be *yours* and you can't compare how you did on it with other peeps. You have different strengths and weaknesses and these really come out in research. You also have enironmental constraints/opportunites that differ. Travelling and seeing the region was a brilliant idea, if I hadn't done that when I could I would have no idea of anything. Seeing really is believing, even on a whirlwind tour. I also had a lot of FUN, going out, meeting people and making friends, settling in to a routine and relaxing. I shouldn't have felt so guilty about that. Mainly though, it is hard bloody work as you can never leave the field until you leave the country. You are always looking around you for info and everyone you speak to could be a potential informant. It is *exhausting*! However much I whine about India I would not change the experience for the world. It was amazing, and in the end it worked! I did research!
So better have a look at it.
So angry with my RA. Still. How long will this simmer for?!
x J
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
