Saturday, 14 June 2008

Feeling estranged from PhD...

It's so odd but just now I started seriously considering my PhD topic again having had the best part of two weeks off, and instead of feeling all full of verve, I got all scared! I have done really well at putting the PhD to the back of my mind for a well-earned break and now I am so worried I can't remember what it is all about!! I am worried that I will sit down on Monday and not know what to do any more. Or, even worse, will be just really bored by it and have no motivation. Or, I will go through old notes and think they are rubbish and have a huge mountain to climb again. That's the thing with this work, you work hard and reach a peak and then hurray hurray! This PhD is grrrreat! And then afterwards there is the next darned huge trough of thinking to do, and planning, and re-orientation... and then the next mountain - another chapter, reading, organising etc. Arg! I just have to tell myself over the rest of the weekend that come Monday I will get out my notes and stuff will become clearer again. Not to worry to much. (I am a big worrier...). I suppose it is good because I am starting to think like a worker again, not a holiday creature. And am starting to take it seriously and get The Fear (my primary motivation).

Hmmm. How on this EARTH will I ever complete?

x J

Friday, 13 June 2008

Tonight with Trevor Macdonald...

Ok, ok so it's Friday night and I am in watching rubbish tele on my todd. Isn't this what PhD life is too often about?! Having got that out of the way, oh my WORD I seem to have stumbled upon 'Tonight', a (twice?) weekly programme of ostensibly sound journalistic credentials (hosted by an famous ex-news anchor) which is about - get this - Jonathan Maitland, a man of around 50, with a camcorder, at home with his wife, trying out-of-date food to see if it makes him ill... Yes, you read it right. Surely this used to be called jackass?! What is the world coming to. And people watch this pointless rubbish and slag off Big Brother. At least BB is open about its trashy, pointless content.

Any Friday the 13th stories anyone?! We weren't allowed to travel back from Spain today because DB is scared of Friday the 13th... Fair enough - the flight prices showed this is still widespread. Whatever though, yesterday when we flew back the plane we were on started making this juddering noise, like it was starting to stall. I am not the best flyer and got this evil feeling of dread through my whole body. My hands shook, my breath got shorter and I was cold. I was imagining falling out of the sky, how long I would have (too long) to compute what was happening and to say goodbye to DB. I was terrified. Juddering away it was. Then it went away, nothing else happened and I tried to calm down. The air hostess lets us know we are going to land soon and explained that if we hear this noise again not to worry, it's the type of engine that particular jet has. I was like, WHAT?! You say what lady?! I envisage a situation thus: there I am, engineer extraordinaire, designing and making a jet engine for commercial use by mostly hearing-able human beings. It is a lovely design and works except it does seem to make a bit of a juddering noise, even shaking a little bit with resonance at a particular speed. Well when it's slowing down actually. 'Oh well', I think! No worries! Jet2 come along and try out the engine. 'Well', they say, 'if you are a customer on a plane, what would be your primary fear?' 'Hmmmmmmm...' they say, 'Not the juddering noise or the shaking' mailto:?!$@*^

In conclusion to 'tonight', Jonathon is quite fit and probably able to eat food that is out of date more than other, more vulnerable people can: i.e. children, the elderly and pregnant ladies (why is it always 'ladies'? Why not pregnant men? haha.) So basically, don't risk it. Right on! Yeah! Go British Journalism!

Next week: a man is gambling with his OWN money (emphasis in original) to see if he can win on the property developing game (we are in a property crisis to match the food crisis and credit crunch. Take to your bunkers everyone! Leave the out-of-date tins though...) According to the clip, he struggles. What next? 'This man, (insert journalist name here), takes his own dog and camcorder to dog-talking school' Quote from advert, 'journalist' looking straight at camera, serious voice: 'It doesn't seem to be working. He has yet to speak.'

x J

Fear and Loathing in Andalucia

Hello, hello! I am back from my travels; pointlessly brown, rested, re-stressed and, yes, I have already panic-bought some petrol. Although really this last task was a very sedate affair. I fancied a bit of panic but no, we queued politely, bought some petrol, paid and drove off. Well, DB did, I bought chocolate. That was a panic. A fury of girl, running with a fiver toward the chocolate counter is not to be sniffed at.

The holiday was just fantastic. Lots of barbecueing, swimming, some beach time, walking and drinking of gin and tonic (to ward off the mossys of course). What is the reference of 'fear and loathing' then one may ask? Short answer: The Family. I generally get on very well with mine but that is probably mostly because I am the older sister and always get my way so am apparently oblivious to simmering malcontent. Until yesterday. I was put firmly in my place and in no way was accepting that, so needed to retort and nearly had passive-aggressive WW3 in the plane on the way home. We were practically making continuous snarling noises but unable to completely explode. I was quite upset; I am not one for confrontation and generally avoid it but this was fairly unavoidable. Anyway, shan't say more but today I am a wee bit shaken and confused dear reader. And sleepy as always. Catching up with the week's tele... Big Brother mostly... yes, yes I am that highbrow.

And the PhD... I had a letter from my Sup regarding the transfer meeting and my progress was labelled as excellent! woooooo! Am chuffed to bits. I am taking this weekend off to get over the jollyday blues then on Monday I am going to start work again. Get out all the notes for chapter four (my next chapter) and work out my preliminary reading list. On Tues I am going into uni to do an eye test for someone's research (£36 for the priviledge, yay!) and so will go to the library and get me books at the same time... If they chuffing have any. Then I shall do some kind of plan. I need to get this chapter draft down by the middle of July, then need to work out my methodology for the f/wk! Arg, time is going to go way too fast. Before I go away at the end of Sept I need to have two more chapter drafts down. Then when I come back I will be off and away.

I am interested to know: does anyone else find that when people ask what you do they are mostly terribly underwhelmed?! I mean, I don't expect any fanfare of excitement or owt, but I was asked a couple of times by my ma's friends 'what I do' so I generally say I am at uni, then if they ask again then say a PhD in bla bla bla. And they are all politely interested and then ask the killer question 'so, what will you do with that then?'. AHHHHHRG!! This course is four years long! Longer than many jobs my friends have had. I am funded too, I am a worker! THIS is what I do!! I am a researcher! Why is it all so about The End?! Bah. I know they think I am a glorified spongeing student. Well I am not. So there.

Sulk over.

Oh, also, I killed everyone who dared challenge me at scrabble - on a real board and everything. Better get on facebook and check my scrabulous games... Back to the real world eh?!

x J

Tuesday, 3 June 2008

Rainin' rainin'

Lots of rain outside. Lots of rain. Luckily for me I am bug*ering off to spain tomorrow. Huzzahs! Big hugs to those of you left in the UK...

Nurse R was a nightmare again yesterday. We were in there for about twenty minutes and I came out like a raging bull. She is such a fool. She makes a normal conversation about vaccinations into a test of our true commitment to travel. She creates havoc and confusion and thrives off it. I went in with a list from netdoctor of what jabs I need. Also from lonely planet. And I booked really early to understand the ins and outs and organise dates and suchlike - we are moving to another country after all, the jabs need to fit in around house moving and work and everything. And she is all like, 'well, you know that the rabies vaccine is £120.' I say I do. 'And you know that you will have to pay £10 to have the injection'. Righty then. 'Oh. And you have to have Japanese Encephalitus B, that is expensive too.' YES woman! I know! I am going to deepest darkest exoticland, I need jabs! Lots of expensive, time consuming jabs! And then she tells me that I should really come closer to the time, but not in a friendly, 'Ok! let see you closer to the time, go and make the necessary appts', no. She is telling me off for being organised, and last time I saw her she told me off for not seeing her a few months in advance. I really cannot stand her. And it turned out that by-the-by I need to see the doc to get the prescription for two of the jabs, then go to the chemist and buy them (order them?) and then come back and see her to get the actual jabs. So this is a lengthy process and I think it has been useful to go in early to know this or it would be a very confusing rush and getting docs appts is not easy. But no, she just sort of slips it in like I should already know, peering over her glasses like, 'well?! Didn't you know?! Stupid, stupid girl.' We are not having her again she drives me insane with her stupidity and confusion - and why is she seemingly trying to put me off?!! Like I will go, well, ok Nursey that jab is expensive, I shan't have it. In fact I shall never travel again, isn't it a nightmare?!

Bah.

I am very curious about why Robert Mugabe has been invited to a UN world food summit. This is insane! He has turned the 'breadbasket of Africa' into a land of famine, conflict and disease. Oh, the playful madness of the UN.

I worked yesterday! For a whole hour. Needed to go through the comments from the transfer meet about this chapter and tidy it all up. Now i have filed it away... And shan't look at it again until next year when back from f/wk. Nuts! It is so close to my heart. I hope I don't look at it in a year and think it is a load of nonsense. Am off tomorrow so when I come back I will start chapter four, my next chapter. Posting will change then to be more PhD-inclined I expect. I quite like rabbiting as well as writing PhD stuff though because for me this is more of a diary, and my day consists of PhDness and nonsense (same thing?!), so why not write it together?

My sis is coming up later - she is coming to spain with me and DB. She has been terribly ill so seeing her is a total joy and I continously resolve to never take her for granted. I say continuously because she is my little sister and gets right on my wotsits, so, as usual, we will probably be happily bickering away by late afternoon. We are going to stay with my ma, she lives in the mountains in the South of Spanishland and speaks Spanish and hangs out with locals rather than sticking with expats in expatspanishland. Am so proud. Where she lives is very secluded and peaceful, lots of walks and mountain cafes. I need that, I need clear air and space and sun. Time away from the news. And a pool. I love swimming. Speaking of which I should go to the local pool later but cannae be arsed. I will regret it I know... And also, the silly thinkg is that I know that if I go I will really enjoy myself! And afterwards be so proud of my commitment to exercise and health! All it takes is that first step out of the door and then I wouldn't look back. OR I can stay here, read the paper and daydream about tomorrow... Cook some eggsies for brunch... pack (again. I started packing a week ago. Am super-organised). Maybe I shall have a word with DB about organising himself to go away. Such a wifey thing to do! I hate it actually. I will be packing for him soon. Ug, I am not doing a PhD to pack my boyfriend's case, however darling he is. Actually, for our trip to C. America we nearly missed the train to London because he was working until the nth minute. We had ten minutes to go and he hadn't packed a single item. A single thing! I was stressed to the eyeballs and wacked some clothes in a backpack for him and ran to the train station without him, I was going even if he wasn't. And then later he had the gall to complain about the clothes I had packed for him!! Wow, that was a near-divorce moment. We always argue like mad when we are going away because I am super organised as I said, and he is always late. Late for everything. Only because he works alllllll the time though and doesn't have time. Still, stresses me out though.

Ug the radio has gone funny. The bird singing sounds like she has loads of phlegm in her throat. Nice.

Well, I am off!! I shall probably post some nonsense later or tomorrow, but if sis and I are talking to each other will probably hang out with her and try and leave this blog alone! So dear reader I shall be away until the 13th whereupon I hope to return with a sunny disposition and clear mind...

x J

Monday, 2 June 2008

Things to remember when writing a chapter...

I am going through my transfer meeting chapter and trying to note down what I need to remember for next time... I thought I may as well put it here as anywhere! Re: when I am writing 'you', I mean 'me'; yes, I am talking to myself...

1) Give yourself LOTS of time and really try and stick to deadlines. Make sure that you finish the work at least five days before you want to hand it in, go away from it and have a break, then return to it fresh and objective. When reading through again keep an eye out for sentences that need more explanation, remember, I know this way way more than any reader and so some bits will need explaining!!

2) Say 'advocate a', not 'advocate for a'

3) Do not write 'evidence' as a verb. This is my literary tic, be aware! Also, do not write 'this is illustrative of', just write 'this illustrates'.

4) Writing is really hard and sometimes very slow.

5) When on a tricky bit don't leave it for another day. Stick with it - 'don't leave thoughts or data undigested'.

6) Have subheadings. Work these out early so you have a plan to go along with. Broad framework.

7) Get Sup to check it more!

8) Don't write 'this research argues that'. Research cannot argue. A chapter can though apparently.

9) Make sure you know your literature inside and OUT. If you have writers block or leave it for a week, re-read it. This will usually get your brain-motors running again. Yes, I know it is deathly dull.

10) Don't spend forever rejigging the intro! Do it in bullet-point form then leave it till the end.

That's it for now.

US Hypocrisy

The US today have claimed that Burma is being criminally neglectful in its treatment of survivors of Cyclone Nargis.(Guardian: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/jun/02/burma.cyclonenargis)

While the Burmese Government and Junta is recognised by this blog to be unjust, authoritarian and power-hungry to the extreme detriment of its peoples, what I seek to question is what do the US want from Burma? For the Dubya Government to claim Burma, all of a sudden, to be criminal in not letting in their aid-teams smacks of hypocrisy and hidden agendas to me. Firstly, what gall for these people to place judgement on other nations, who, rightly or wrongly, are completely within their soveriegn right to treat those within its borders as it pleases. I don't think Bush would be best pleased if, under the rhetorical banner of the 'international responsibility to protect', other nations had their naval fleets in the Atlantic and Pacific, waiting, pressuring, to give aid to the hispanic and afro-carribean minorities that are criminally neglected and actively discriminated against by Bush's cronies, the laws they push through and the police who enact these laws. Secondly, why is Burma criminal now? Because the focus of their accusations is not simply the Burmese goverment's hampering of the international aid-effort but actual name-calling - they have been accused of 'seizing' the aid, of aiding 'genocide' in not letting the US navy and their supplies in - to the point where the US along with France told their aid agencies to go into Burma anyway, without permission. This is basically intervention in the disguise of aid. John Pilger nailed my concerns in an article for the Guardian on Saturday, (Cowardice of Silence P. 32) when he drew attention to the fact that no western governments or their representatives have used this time as a platform to draw attention to the plight of Aung San Suu, who was democratically elected the leader of Burma in 1990, and then promptly put under house arrest by the Burmese Junta. She is still there. Why didn't Ban Ki-moon (UN Secretary General) mention this during his tour of Burma? It couldn't be because the UN is in the pockets of governments who would rather disparage and belittle the Burmese Government from afar with cowardly name-calling, with no intention for a peaceful resolution or mediation? All the while with their navy off the shore, ostensibly there to provide aid but who would let another's naval fleet invade (sorry, distribute aid) your land when those owning the fleet base their international relations on ideas of 'regime change', an 'axis of evil', and militarily intervene in under the flimsiest of humanitarian pretexts (Saddam's weapons of mass destruction anyone? The Taliban and Afghanistan? The Balkans?), and then lie about it forever afterwards. Who would do this? Why aren't the US and British Government's criminally neglectful?!

Gah. It gets me it really does.

x J

Sunday, 1 June 2008

Flight Surcharges... And other stuff

This, dear reader, is another mini-rant. Today I am angered because I hate being coerced into spending more money on something while being glibly reassured by the seller that it is all for 'my benefit'. Nonsense. As an apparent consequence of the 'credit crunch' currently being experienced (hyped) in Britain, flights overseas are obviously becoming more expensive. This is fair enough I think; I have booked to go away to Spain in a week and had to save up for it, when a couple of years ago we could go so cheaply we could pay for it almost on a whim. As a conseqeuence I am looking forward to it so much more - its exclusivity adds to the 'out of ordinary'-ness that is necessary to make a holiday a holiday. A special time to be appreciated. So flights being pricey is not really a problem in that way. What I am really narked about is all the hidden charges they have. I honestly would prefer to book with someone who openly stated their prices at the outset than add 60 quids worth of charges during the booking procedure. I booked with Jet2 as they work from an airport near me. My flight was a reasonable price, however I was charged £5.99 to check in each bag, each way, (total: £24) and then directed to a screen to pay for the priviledge to 'book my seat'. On this screen there is no option to not buy a seat, however if you are curious and try and go through to the next stage without booking one you are able to. That this isn't stated anywhere though and gives people the impression that they have to book, especially after having come from the prior page where it is compulsory for you to book in space for your bag. Obviously, they let you know that by not pre-booking you risk compromising possible in-flight merriment with friends and family, but for two hours who cares that much?! Unless they are implicitly threatenening that you and your young children may be separated because you didn't pre-book and therefore will have to sit apart. How exploitative! If I was a mum of young 'uns I would book these seats for fear of not being able to sit with them otherwise... These seat prices range from 3.99 each way to a whopping £12.99 for extra leg room. So long-leggedy people beware! The cheek of it winds me right up. Then you go to the final page where, luckily for you, they have already signed you up to insurance (around 9 squids each) and it lets you know that you are each paying for a fuel surcharge (to cover the cost of inevitable petrol increases). I did not book a seat, I think that I will cope if I have to sit on my lonesome for two hours (anyway, you can keep checking the online seat-saver screen and it looks pretty empty to me still!) and am not paying for something that should be parr for the course. Between agreeing to buy the flights and paying for them they added on about £55 worth of extras for me and DB. Cheeky bug*ers.

What I find interesting though, is that if no-one pre-booked the seats then the airline wouldn't profit from it and we would all be able to get seats allocated together when we check-in... Like has been done for donkey's yonks.

Rant over. Sorry to have been ranty. I get wound up though and this seems to good place to let off steam. In contrary to ranty-ness, Britain's Got Talent last night was brilliant! I so enjoyed it! X Factor last year after Leona's stunning success was a total damp squib and the last BGT was a foregone conclusion with Paul Potts. So this year's tense final of talent was very entertaining. I was shocked that the wonderful, gangly 12 year-old wasn't in the top three but I love Signature; and George! What a cutie. Am so glad he won.

Shall I exercise today or not? Hmmm.... I should do really but am pretty bored of it. I went to the gym yesterday and it was the biggest struggle ever. Just no enthusiasm although I completed the designated 45 mins on the x trainer. Should swim today. But it's raining and Sunday and I think I may cut my hair instead... I am a big fan of cutting my own hair though don't worry, I don't look mad. I need to finish off the latest chapter too.

Hmmm, with my anti-mercenary, anti-establishment rants, coupled with expressions of intent to cut my own hair I would forgive anyone for thinking I am this huge, crazy hippy. I confess that I look forward to having a veggie garden too. But actually I conform very well.

x J