What a magic weekend I have had!
I have been in such a fuddle about my work, not knowing where to turn next with the research, and also being so concious of wasting time, thinking and being paralysed by stress, when the clock is tick-tick-ticking away! I only have till april. I only have till april. And all the time, worrying about the next stage of the work.
But I have been thinking and thinking and writing and writing (found out don't have to write my field journal for other peeps to read! Phew!!!) and have worked myself out of my hole for now. I am planning to leave my vol position unless they give me work directly related to Tsunami projects. I have done a month, I can do no more there. I am going to get an interview though, this week (hopefuly tomorrow!) and contacts from chief gatekeeper, who was actually out to dins with me and a friend (and other friends woot!) on Thurs. But she is leaving the org! So I have to get the info out of her asap! So I will either work where I am but on relevant projects and talking to aid recipients, or I will leave to go interviewing other peeps and join a library etc etc. I have also decided to make my next field-site a proper ethnog case study. I just don't know for how long so emailed my Sup for some advice on how appropirate it will be when I am leaving in April (if no visa extension) and whether one case study would be cool over two or three. I dunno.
Have also been reading like crazy and found brilliant reports and newspaper articles on the corruption rife here and about aid and the Tsunami and about my case study land. WOOT!
I feel so much more settled.
I have also been writing interview questions tonight. They are *hard*!!! For some reason I had a nice idea that I would just need to write a couple out to guide me, and otherwise let the conversation steer itself, but there still needs to be a lot of discipline!! I have written them out so many times. I have about 5/6 and will have follow up q's to go with. I shall see how they work tomorrow - I am on a mission to find the lady whose name I have as a contact for the organisation's aid effort, so then I know where I am with the organisation as a whole. I can't wait to get out of my office! It is depressing!
Well, I better go. I have been bitten twice since I started this (grrrrr) and DB needs the wireless internet stick. I need to get back to my Tsunami corruption stories. Damn but why can't people just behave?!!!
So long!
x J
Sunday, 14 December 2008
Thursday, 11 December 2008
Writing up in Qual fieldwork
This is a superb article on writing down, and up, in fieldwork. It covers:
* writing and theorising
* audience
* Framing and opening
* Shape
* Tone and readability
* Voice and person
http://www.infed.org/research/write_up.htm
Writing when researching is such a personal experience. Reading around, I am particularly interested in the idea of writing *as* fieldwork. Malinowski has been often cited as the man who revolutionised ethnography by keeping detailed and personal fieldnotes. It is argued that in his writings he incorporated three elements: Fieldwork data, information about the research process, and theoretical assumptions. (see http://journals.cambridge.org/action/displayAbstract?fromPage=online&aid=138193 )
Writing is a form of interwoven personal artistry and fact and it is at the discretion of the author which dominates. Personally, I have to write for myself, in my voice, in order to feel that my thoughts are being successfully trasnferred to paper. This leads to rambling and all sorts! It works though, I often put down my journal having realised something/solved a riddle that I would not have without the writing process.
It is also useful to remember that writing down while 'in the field' is really hard - there are a lot of observations that you should probably make but are so much part of the everyday they are overlooked. Hopefully, when home, the contrast between then and now would make such oversights more apparent. (see http://research.edu.uea.ac.uk/events/researchstudentseminarannarobinsonpantethnographyandparticipantobservation)
x J
* writing and theorising
* audience
* Framing and opening
* Shape
* Tone and readability
* Voice and person
http://www.infed.org/research/write_up.htm
Writing when researching is such a personal experience. Reading around, I am particularly interested in the idea of writing *as* fieldwork. Malinowski has been often cited as the man who revolutionised ethnography by keeping detailed and personal fieldnotes. It is argued that in his writings he incorporated three elements: Fieldwork data, information about the research process, and theoretical assumptions. (see http://journals.cambridge.org/action/displayAbstract?fromPage=online&aid=138193 )
Writing is a form of interwoven personal artistry and fact and it is at the discretion of the author which dominates. Personally, I have to write for myself, in my voice, in order to feel that my thoughts are being successfully trasnferred to paper. This leads to rambling and all sorts! It works though, I often put down my journal having realised something/solved a riddle that I would not have without the writing process.
It is also useful to remember that writing down while 'in the field' is really hard - there are a lot of observations that you should probably make but are so much part of the everyday they are overlooked. Hopefully, when home, the contrast between then and now would make such oversights more apparent. (see http://research.edu.uea.ac.uk/events/researchstudentseminarannarobinsonpantethnographyandparticipantobservation)
x J
Writing in Fieldwork
I read a blog (www.phddiary-shr.com - pop this into google and her site comes up easy as pie) and in it she mentions fieldwork writing, and the form that this should take. Now, I am a rather impetuous researcher and admittedly not very mature - I haven't read much about 'doing' research (how I lament this lack of preparation - tho I was very busy focussing on other aprts of my imminent fieldwork?!!) and have been writing a journal every night, and relaying anecdotal info and analysing. But as I have been writing it has occured to me that maybe I am meant to hand in this journal as data. I am not sure if it is something I *refer* to in the writing up process, or whether it is actually 'data' in its own right... I am now thinking it may be the latter. In which case I shouldn't necessarily write about when DB is being annoying, or when I am ill... !! The problem for me is though, that the process of thinking and writing are often one-in-the-same. I can't write 'here' about this part of my day, and 'there' about another. They all intermingle. Which theoretically I am sure is fine, I can say it is all pomo bla bla - but personally, I don't much care for my examiners reading about my personal day-today issues and insecurities! I definitely need to a) re-write or b) sanitise my writings in the future and keep it strictly work.
The problem with that is, that my writing is pretty free flowing - I can be whinging one minute, then something will pop into my head about work that is really good and insightful (yes, yes I am brilliant, thank-you). Hmmph!
Anyway on my searches about how to be a grown-up ethnographic field writer I found this, and it is super:
http://www.infed.org/research/write_up.htm
Thank you phddiary-shar for drawing this (albeit unintentionally) to my attention!!
x J
PS - I had an email from someone wanting to meet with me to talk about my woik. HURRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let the formal work commence.
The problem with that is, that my writing is pretty free flowing - I can be whinging one minute, then something will pop into my head about work that is really good and insightful (yes, yes I am brilliant, thank-you). Hmmph!
Anyway on my searches about how to be a grown-up ethnographic field writer I found this, and it is super:
http://www.infed.org/research/write_up.htm
Thank you phddiary-shar for drawing this (albeit unintentionally) to my attention!!
x J
PS - I had an email from someone wanting to meet with me to talk about my woik. HURRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let the formal work commence.
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
Wednesday!
I am at work - it is super quiet today! I think I have missed something - why is no one here? oh well, I have my story about the rain cycle to edit so will be fine for a bit... I have been very lucky though and was just given a pastry (I said no, I am always too shy to take food from strangers but the Indian people I have met so far do not recognise 'no' when they are giving you something - it is so lovely!) and it was *gorgeous*. I have to know what it is so I can eat it every day.
I had a very enlightening day yesterday (on my holiday day!). I...
* realised that technically, I have only been on active research duty for three weeks. This makes me feel a lot better about my lack of formal interviews.
* Read through some notes I brought from England, and read about how fieldwork takes time, interviews are hard to get and you need persistence and patience. I am showing little patience (but am happy to show more!) and this week is the beginning of my persistence (follow-up phonecalls to my emails last week). It was nice to find out that getting people - particularly in organisations - to give interviews etc is not often simple or easy. So I am doing just fine.
* I realised that in the few weeks I have been on active duty I have actually learnt a lot, am collecting anecdotal evidence and also discursive evidence (from newspapers) and taking pictures - to build up an image of life here and issues etc.
* That I shall act as if I am not going to extend my visa and go to my fieldwork sites as planned. then at the end of March if I am in need of more time, shall gamble and go to Sr Lanka and hopefully, get an extension. If I can't that shall have to be a limitation of the research is all. Or I will have to come back for a couple of months next year.
So those were my major insights and, again, I felt better for realising them. I am not a failure after all but quite normal. :0)
I am off teaching in an hour with the crazy kids. Then I shall come back to the office for a bit, then hopefully sneak off home early. I have some reports to look up too, and download while I have the internet. I know this all loks terribly unethical, like I am not working, but actually I am being a bit prolific in my story writing so have plenty of time to spare - and I offer myself around for other things but they don't need me so... I do some uni work.
I really wish I could read some uni books. I really want to read more around my topic while I have spare reading time. Unfortunately for me, I have to make do with Graham Greene's Brighton Rock. I used to try and read Graham Greene and hated his writing but am now hooked. Hurray! Problem is, I shan't be able to give them away so will have to lug them around India till I leave. Bums.
Later y'all!
x J
I had a very enlightening day yesterday (on my holiday day!). I...
* realised that technically, I have only been on active research duty for three weeks. This makes me feel a lot better about my lack of formal interviews.
* Read through some notes I brought from England, and read about how fieldwork takes time, interviews are hard to get and you need persistence and patience. I am showing little patience (but am happy to show more!) and this week is the beginning of my persistence (follow-up phonecalls to my emails last week). It was nice to find out that getting people - particularly in organisations - to give interviews etc is not often simple or easy. So I am doing just fine.
* I realised that in the few weeks I have been on active duty I have actually learnt a lot, am collecting anecdotal evidence and also discursive evidence (from newspapers) and taking pictures - to build up an image of life here and issues etc.
* That I shall act as if I am not going to extend my visa and go to my fieldwork sites as planned. then at the end of March if I am in need of more time, shall gamble and go to Sr Lanka and hopefully, get an extension. If I can't that shall have to be a limitation of the research is all. Or I will have to come back for a couple of months next year.
So those were my major insights and, again, I felt better for realising them. I am not a failure after all but quite normal. :0)
I am off teaching in an hour with the crazy kids. Then I shall come back to the office for a bit, then hopefully sneak off home early. I have some reports to look up too, and download while I have the internet. I know this all loks terribly unethical, like I am not working, but actually I am being a bit prolific in my story writing so have plenty of time to spare - and I offer myself around for other things but they don't need me so... I do some uni work.
I really wish I could read some uni books. I really want to read more around my topic while I have spare reading time. Unfortunately for me, I have to make do with Graham Greene's Brighton Rock. I used to try and read Graham Greene and hated his writing but am now hooked. Hurray! Problem is, I shan't be able to give them away so will have to lug them around India till I leave. Bums.
Later y'all!
x J
Monday, 8 December 2008
Thinking
Today you find me a much *much* happier person! I spent the weekend thinking, thinking, and have come up with some solutions! I actually just sat, and thought. For hours.
I was having such a problem with how to make the best of my time here, and horrified by the thought that I will go home knowing nothing more. I am a terrible networker - I can't stand ringing people, I can't stand asking people for favours, I hate interrupting people and definitely cannot 'bother' people. I am very restrained and polite, and a bit shy. So, I think it is evident that networking - a skill which requires the phone more often than not, a certain amount of confidence and social bravado and persistence - is not my bag. And I feel really bad about this all the time, really guilty and inadequate. However...
(Hang on...)
Ah. Am back - just went to get myself a we thimble of chai to help along my musings.
Right yes, however, I am good at approaching people if I have made acceptable overtures and am expected in some way. What I don't know what to do is approach people who have ignored me. This has been bugging me - I know that these big orgs that I have emailed (twice now) will ignore this email again. This could be for any reason, and I have to remember this, and not just assume they all hate me. It could be because their email is down, or their fingers have all been broken, and as much as they would like to, they just can't type or dial my number! Oh dear. I should halt my paranoid suspicions of ill-will toward me. So, with this in mind, I shall ring the orgs I emailed last week, next week. I shall see what happens. Ug. Generally though, I have realised that networking with these orgs is not the be-all and end-all of my work. In fact, I will manage quite well without them! This has made me feel so much more relaxed, and turned my networking attempts into something proactive, rather than something that is obviously failing.
Also, I have worked out that one of my key research sites is much more accessible than I thought. One of the main reasons I wanted to contact Big Org peeps in Chennai is because, admittedly, I lost focus and thought they were my prime target interviewees - they aren't - and also to get a contact from them of someone on a field site further south, As you go south, in my imagination, it all becomes so much more barren and people don't speak english and there are few reasons to be there if you were not born there. And so I would stick out like a sore thumb and could never approach villagers randomly like some bumbling colonialite anthropologist from the 50's... But it turns out, by chance, I read in a wee paragraph that there are still plenty of signs pointing to rehab projects and inviting visitors! WOOT! Also, there are places to stay in and around so that is *fab* and all of a sudden that stage of the research is not so fearsome. Networking in person I can do. When I have to.
I have also worked out how best to spend my months here. My main worry is that this month in Chennai may lack fruit but I am doing my best to make sure that doesn't happen. I will approach this org I am volunteering with next week (after been here a month), to ask if they are going to use me for any Tsunami projects/get interviewees/meet old project peeps. So that will be big. And maybe they can introduce me/give me a name for someone at another org involved in the Tsunami, in chennai. See, it may yet work itself out. What I have also thought is this - why can I not get to see the big orgs? Why is it hard for me to talk to anyone at this vol place? This is, in itself, research. Because, these orgs mimic the INGOs I am critiquing from home - they are built on strict hierarchy, with ceilings - that mean if you are under a ceiling you shall not be able to see - let alone access - the bigwigs. So even though i am volunteering, I will have to get on then phone to talk to anyone. Plus, here no one talks to me! I am so ignored! They don't even say hello. :0( I smile all the time, but sadly have a desk facing the wall so am smiling at my laptop. Booo. I digress - it is also interesting why the orgs do not seem to really talk amongst each other. Again, this arguably mimics the West where a lot of big orgs work in cooperation but also in institutional competition with each other. Self preservation is King, which can compromise true humanitarian acitivity. So one could say - this is very layman atm I know - please don't email me with well thought-out intellectual critiques!!
So, even an apparent 'dead-end' can be an answer. This is the multi-layered reality of research. I am sure that in the research site I am off to next, where the orgs are teeny tiny and live 'on-site', there will be a different vibe. Or will there? This is all part of the work - what is the nature of contemporary 'humanitarianism'?
I have also decided that unless I end up doing vol work that is directly related to my research here I will leave when I go to Goa on the 2nd. iI will be so sad to not teach any more - I think this is the last week of school before holidays too. But I can't sit here through all of Jan to be polite, when they explicitly said that I could work with their Tsunami projects and as it turns out, I am not. No, we will head to research site number two (am aiming to get a variety to get a general overview of the response) after Goa and stay there until mid Feb. I will get my Ma to come out around the 9 Feb (love her, she is dying to come out and see me and although I have no time to spare, I just cannot say no. I think she is super-keen to see me before my 30th. ahhh) and stay in a posh resort by the beach (while I do work for a few days), and then we will go to a hill station and have some happy chill time. And then, we will go to site number three and four (same region, different towns) for another month until my beeday! After my beeday we will go back to chennai I expect and I can do last minute interviews for the last week, and tie up loose ends. Then home!
I think I shall go back in April. I am sure I can complete the work by then, if it goes horribly wrong then I can always fly out again. Going to Sri Lanka will take too long and they are in a terrible fracas with India. Are threatening bombs in colombo too. Not good. Nepal is no good because there are *no* flights in feb or march - dunno why. Thailand is way, way too expensive, and full of unrest in Bangkok. So is pretty much a no go! But I have worked out my three months of work in my different sites, and will work hard when there so should be ok. Any piece of work will take as long as you have to do it. If I have three months it will take three months, if I have 9 months, it will take nine months. Plus, I have to do interviews at home too before the research side is complete so better get on with that!
These ruminations and conclusions are the fruit of my very lazy, otherwise unproductive, weekend. But I am so much more relaxed about it all.
My office is busy busy this morning! I am wearing my jeans this am, I hope this wasn't the most awful mistake ever but it was quite cool when I got up... I love my jeans!
Better write a story about the cycle of rain...
Byzle!
x J
I was having such a problem with how to make the best of my time here, and horrified by the thought that I will go home knowing nothing more. I am a terrible networker - I can't stand ringing people, I can't stand asking people for favours, I hate interrupting people and definitely cannot 'bother' people. I am very restrained and polite, and a bit shy. So, I think it is evident that networking - a skill which requires the phone more often than not, a certain amount of confidence and social bravado and persistence - is not my bag. And I feel really bad about this all the time, really guilty and inadequate. However...
(Hang on...)
Ah. Am back - just went to get myself a we thimble of chai to help along my musings.
Right yes, however, I am good at approaching people if I have made acceptable overtures and am expected in some way. What I don't know what to do is approach people who have ignored me. This has been bugging me - I know that these big orgs that I have emailed (twice now) will ignore this email again. This could be for any reason, and I have to remember this, and not just assume they all hate me. It could be because their email is down, or their fingers have all been broken, and as much as they would like to, they just can't type or dial my number! Oh dear. I should halt my paranoid suspicions of ill-will toward me. So, with this in mind, I shall ring the orgs I emailed last week, next week. I shall see what happens. Ug. Generally though, I have realised that networking with these orgs is not the be-all and end-all of my work. In fact, I will manage quite well without them! This has made me feel so much more relaxed, and turned my networking attempts into something proactive, rather than something that is obviously failing.
Also, I have worked out that one of my key research sites is much more accessible than I thought. One of the main reasons I wanted to contact Big Org peeps in Chennai is because, admittedly, I lost focus and thought they were my prime target interviewees - they aren't - and also to get a contact from them of someone on a field site further south, As you go south, in my imagination, it all becomes so much more barren and people don't speak english and there are few reasons to be there if you were not born there. And so I would stick out like a sore thumb and could never approach villagers randomly like some bumbling colonialite anthropologist from the 50's... But it turns out, by chance, I read in a wee paragraph that there are still plenty of signs pointing to rehab projects and inviting visitors! WOOT! Also, there are places to stay in and around so that is *fab* and all of a sudden that stage of the research is not so fearsome. Networking in person I can do. When I have to.
I have also worked out how best to spend my months here. My main worry is that this month in Chennai may lack fruit but I am doing my best to make sure that doesn't happen. I will approach this org I am volunteering with next week (after been here a month), to ask if they are going to use me for any Tsunami projects/get interviewees/meet old project peeps. So that will be big. And maybe they can introduce me/give me a name for someone at another org involved in the Tsunami, in chennai. See, it may yet work itself out. What I have also thought is this - why can I not get to see the big orgs? Why is it hard for me to talk to anyone at this vol place? This is, in itself, research. Because, these orgs mimic the INGOs I am critiquing from home - they are built on strict hierarchy, with ceilings - that mean if you are under a ceiling you shall not be able to see - let alone access - the bigwigs. So even though i am volunteering, I will have to get on then phone to talk to anyone. Plus, here no one talks to me! I am so ignored! They don't even say hello. :0( I smile all the time, but sadly have a desk facing the wall so am smiling at my laptop. Booo. I digress - it is also interesting why the orgs do not seem to really talk amongst each other. Again, this arguably mimics the West where a lot of big orgs work in cooperation but also in institutional competition with each other. Self preservation is King, which can compromise true humanitarian acitivity. So one could say - this is very layman atm I know - please don't email me with well thought-out intellectual critiques!!
So, even an apparent 'dead-end' can be an answer. This is the multi-layered reality of research. I am sure that in the research site I am off to next, where the orgs are teeny tiny and live 'on-site', there will be a different vibe. Or will there? This is all part of the work - what is the nature of contemporary 'humanitarianism'?
I have also decided that unless I end up doing vol work that is directly related to my research here I will leave when I go to Goa on the 2nd. iI will be so sad to not teach any more - I think this is the last week of school before holidays too. But I can't sit here through all of Jan to be polite, when they explicitly said that I could work with their Tsunami projects and as it turns out, I am not. No, we will head to research site number two (am aiming to get a variety to get a general overview of the response) after Goa and stay there until mid Feb. I will get my Ma to come out around the 9 Feb (love her, she is dying to come out and see me and although I have no time to spare, I just cannot say no. I think she is super-keen to see me before my 30th. ahhh) and stay in a posh resort by the beach (while I do work for a few days), and then we will go to a hill station and have some happy chill time. And then, we will go to site number three and four (same region, different towns) for another month until my beeday! After my beeday we will go back to chennai I expect and I can do last minute interviews for the last week, and tie up loose ends. Then home!
I think I shall go back in April. I am sure I can complete the work by then, if it goes horribly wrong then I can always fly out again. Going to Sri Lanka will take too long and they are in a terrible fracas with India. Are threatening bombs in colombo too. Not good. Nepal is no good because there are *no* flights in feb or march - dunno why. Thailand is way, way too expensive, and full of unrest in Bangkok. So is pretty much a no go! But I have worked out my three months of work in my different sites, and will work hard when there so should be ok. Any piece of work will take as long as you have to do it. If I have three months it will take three months, if I have 9 months, it will take nine months. Plus, I have to do interviews at home too before the research side is complete so better get on with that!
These ruminations and conclusions are the fruit of my very lazy, otherwise unproductive, weekend. But I am so much more relaxed about it all.
My office is busy busy this morning! I am wearing my jeans this am, I hope this wasn't the most awful mistake ever but it was quite cool when I got up... I love my jeans!
Better write a story about the cycle of rain...
Byzle!
x J
Friday, 5 December 2008
Friday innit
It's Friday! I have a weekend of fun in front of me - we are heading south to a traveller-area for some pool and sunshine and a bit of beer and some chips. Hurray!
I emailed a couple of contacts today. I think my contact emailing has left something to be desired so far - I think I have been all rather long winded and indirect. These emails I was more direct and to the point of my purpose here. I dunno, emailing prob isn't that good but I like it to cushion the suprise when I ring. I have been anxious because another week has gone by and I have done no formal work. I wonder if this is becsaue I am now ready to do formal work, and have woken up. So far I have been busy watching and learning and settling into Indian life, plus my new 'job' and language and getting anecdotal info. (Informal work - geddit?!). Now, I feel settled and it's ready to push on.
Actually, the best thing that I have done is start helping to teach the young 'uns down the road. I love it. I really, really love it. I have gone every day (I don't need to ever go, it's really nothing to do with me but I speak english so they thought I may want to go along) and am sad I can't go on Monday. I will be there on Tuesday. I get such a buzz from getting them to behave and listen to me (power trip!!) and when their little faces light up because I tell them how well they have behaved, or when we go through their work and talk about it (I talk, they look confused). I love being so happyn when they say 'Good afternoon' or have learnt a new word! I just love it. They are 8-10 and some are really naughty, some are fantastic, some are super-shy. I am winging it on beginners luck and my novelty value I know, but so far we are all getting along just fine. Am now wondering how many IR doctorate positions there are in primary school teaching... Hehe. Also, I like the hard kids the best. To walk into a nice quiet classroom and very well behaved children wouldn;t quite do it for me, I need them to be rough, loud, naughty and energetic. And then when you have aquiet classroom it is *amazing*.
I think I am probably just finding an outlet to hone my parental skills! Broody get that I am. I will learnt to teach swimming and get my teaching fix that way I think.
I am at work and being naughty on the tinternet. We haven't had internet for aaaages because of the rains, so am glad to see it again and not in a cramped internet office!) I have no creative juice today. I expended it all on Weds - I wrote two stories that day! I hope to go home at four.
Am going to chill and think for the weekend. Despite the bomb threats in Colombo and bus bombs etc I am going to go to Sri lanka and try to get a new visa anyway.
better go and pretend to be really creative (how to write a story when you have no plot?! And I am very hungry. Not good.)
x J
I emailed a couple of contacts today. I think my contact emailing has left something to be desired so far - I think I have been all rather long winded and indirect. These emails I was more direct and to the point of my purpose here. I dunno, emailing prob isn't that good but I like it to cushion the suprise when I ring. I have been anxious because another week has gone by and I have done no formal work. I wonder if this is becsaue I am now ready to do formal work, and have woken up. So far I have been busy watching and learning and settling into Indian life, plus my new 'job' and language and getting anecdotal info. (Informal work - geddit?!). Now, I feel settled and it's ready to push on.
Actually, the best thing that I have done is start helping to teach the young 'uns down the road. I love it. I really, really love it. I have gone every day (I don't need to ever go, it's really nothing to do with me but I speak english so they thought I may want to go along) and am sad I can't go on Monday. I will be there on Tuesday. I get such a buzz from getting them to behave and listen to me (power trip!!) and when their little faces light up because I tell them how well they have behaved, or when we go through their work and talk about it (I talk, they look confused). I love being so happyn when they say 'Good afternoon' or have learnt a new word! I just love it. They are 8-10 and some are really naughty, some are fantastic, some are super-shy. I am winging it on beginners luck and my novelty value I know, but so far we are all getting along just fine. Am now wondering how many IR doctorate positions there are in primary school teaching... Hehe. Also, I like the hard kids the best. To walk into a nice quiet classroom and very well behaved children wouldn;t quite do it for me, I need them to be rough, loud, naughty and energetic. And then when you have aquiet classroom it is *amazing*.
I think I am probably just finding an outlet to hone my parental skills! Broody get that I am. I will learnt to teach swimming and get my teaching fix that way I think.
I am at work and being naughty on the tinternet. We haven't had internet for aaaages because of the rains, so am glad to see it again and not in a cramped internet office!) I have no creative juice today. I expended it all on Weds - I wrote two stories that day! I hope to go home at four.
Am going to chill and think for the weekend. Despite the bomb threats in Colombo and bus bombs etc I am going to go to Sri lanka and try to get a new visa anyway.
better go and pretend to be really creative (how to write a story when you have no plot?! And I am very hungry. Not good.)
x J
Tuesday, 2 December 2008
A room with a view
No I am not going to postulate on E.M forsters classic, but simply show off about how I now have a room, with a view. Hurray! We have been moved from our pokey, dark den with it's only window facing the window of the gym next door... which blasted the same ten songs again and again from 6.30 to 9.30 am... to a corner room, with a window! it is perfect and at last, we are starting to feel settled.
And the sun has come out! The rains are nearly at an end! Thank goodness. DB and I have been frequenting 5* hotels in a bid to find a beer and some non curry tucker... I have been wandering round in circles wondering about my research... Usual, usual...
Work is going ok. I should have gone in today but I didn't because I just can't think of another story and needed a day off. No one talks to me there either so it is as if I am invisible anyway. I don't mind as I am quite quiet anyway, but it is a bit lonely (violins please)... a day off has refreshed me though! I have also been feeling a little confused about my work - I am running out of time rapidly - I barely feel like I have been here two seconds and I have to start researching, but I just don't feel ready. I don't mean as in a cowardly or can't be bothered way - just in a 'it's just too early' kind of way. I feel like I would go headfirst into interviews with little time to look around me, and this will show up as ignorance. I just am not ready. I want to get another volunteer place/knock on some doors but not be doing the hardcore research part yet... I think the fact that I perceive it as the 'hardcore' part is telling in itself - when I am ready it will just be the next stage and spmething that I am prepared for, like this settling-in stage. In an ideal world I would wait until feb to leave the big city and start talking and working more directly in smaller areas directly affected by the Tsunami. By then I would have been here networking, thinking, reading and working/volunteering for 6/7 more weeks and would know so much to be able to go south. Plus, my Tamil will be better (it is coming along!! I have even got myself an indian accent doncha know!!! I just *wish* I could do the head wiggle - it is so profound! It has so many meanings and all of them really nice and warm). SO I think that I will think in my head that I am probably staying until June (or will go home and come back again maybe if no visa in Sri lanka - not likely though) and then I can chill out and not be trying to do three things at once (learn my way around TN, culturally as well as physically; volunteer; do research) and none with any real commitment. The volunteering at the mo is not a waste of time, if I have the time for it. If I have to leave chennai in Jan then staying where I am is a waste compared to what else I could be doing (knocking on doors - trying to find shorcuts to info). Where I am, I am sure that if I actually get hold of the 'english team' who also do teaching, I will be more likely to make friends (they speak really good English and are more my age and friendly) and and learn something about the aid-effort - or at least who I can talk to. I have other agencies to contact too, which I am starting this week but I don't know when they will respond - december is the holiday season here (whole month). These actions will get the ball rolling though.
All I want for now is to get the ball going - although what this ball is and how it will roll I have no clue! Doing this research is actually really good for control freakery - I have so little control, but am also aware that slowly but surely info crops up - and in the most unlikely of places. And so you have to go with the flow. I think my primary job is to ensure that there is a flow to keep going and that it doesn't turn into a trickle (or dry-out altogether), and to take advantage of info and leads as they turn up. Other than that, I watch, I wait, I learn, I try to be in the right place at the right time and I ask questions. I can't possibly work out how I will get the info I need to head south and be confident of where I am going and why and who I may know there (contacts-wise) but as I read and watch and learn and ask questions, these things come up from people. I follow them up and roll along with mah wee ball. That for me is the nature of research. Obviously this is all very romantic, in reality I spend a lot of time looking for the ball and wondering if I am following the flow or just being lazy and watching the discovery channel too much.
I suppose you have a goal and just trot along its path until you feel you have achieved it. At the mo though I feel quite content. If I can stay until June. Else I am in trouble.
x J
And the sun has come out! The rains are nearly at an end! Thank goodness. DB and I have been frequenting 5* hotels in a bid to find a beer and some non curry tucker... I have been wandering round in circles wondering about my research... Usual, usual...
Work is going ok. I should have gone in today but I didn't because I just can't think of another story and needed a day off. No one talks to me there either so it is as if I am invisible anyway. I don't mind as I am quite quiet anyway, but it is a bit lonely (violins please)... a day off has refreshed me though! I have also been feeling a little confused about my work - I am running out of time rapidly - I barely feel like I have been here two seconds and I have to start researching, but I just don't feel ready. I don't mean as in a cowardly or can't be bothered way - just in a 'it's just too early' kind of way. I feel like I would go headfirst into interviews with little time to look around me, and this will show up as ignorance. I just am not ready. I want to get another volunteer place/knock on some doors but not be doing the hardcore research part yet... I think the fact that I perceive it as the 'hardcore' part is telling in itself - when I am ready it will just be the next stage and spmething that I am prepared for, like this settling-in stage. In an ideal world I would wait until feb to leave the big city and start talking and working more directly in smaller areas directly affected by the Tsunami. By then I would have been here networking, thinking, reading and working/volunteering for 6/7 more weeks and would know so much to be able to go south. Plus, my Tamil will be better (it is coming along!! I have even got myself an indian accent doncha know!!! I just *wish* I could do the head wiggle - it is so profound! It has so many meanings and all of them really nice and warm). SO I think that I will think in my head that I am probably staying until June (or will go home and come back again maybe if no visa in Sri lanka - not likely though) and then I can chill out and not be trying to do three things at once (learn my way around TN, culturally as well as physically; volunteer; do research) and none with any real commitment. The volunteering at the mo is not a waste of time, if I have the time for it. If I have to leave chennai in Jan then staying where I am is a waste compared to what else I could be doing (knocking on doors - trying to find shorcuts to info). Where I am, I am sure that if I actually get hold of the 'english team' who also do teaching, I will be more likely to make friends (they speak really good English and are more my age and friendly) and and learn something about the aid-effort - or at least who I can talk to. I have other agencies to contact too, which I am starting this week but I don't know when they will respond - december is the holiday season here (whole month). These actions will get the ball rolling though.
All I want for now is to get the ball going - although what this ball is and how it will roll I have no clue! Doing this research is actually really good for control freakery - I have so little control, but am also aware that slowly but surely info crops up - and in the most unlikely of places. And so you have to go with the flow. I think my primary job is to ensure that there is a flow to keep going and that it doesn't turn into a trickle (or dry-out altogether), and to take advantage of info and leads as they turn up. Other than that, I watch, I wait, I learn, I try to be in the right place at the right time and I ask questions. I can't possibly work out how I will get the info I need to head south and be confident of where I am going and why and who I may know there (contacts-wise) but as I read and watch and learn and ask questions, these things come up from people. I follow them up and roll along with mah wee ball. That for me is the nature of research. Obviously this is all very romantic, in reality I spend a lot of time looking for the ball and wondering if I am following the flow or just being lazy and watching the discovery channel too much.
I suppose you have a goal and just trot along its path until you feel you have achieved it. At the mo though I feel quite content. If I can stay until June. Else I am in trouble.
x J
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