Really, one cannot underestimate how frightening a blank word document and a flashing curser can be.
It takes all I have to sit and face it and not bugger off for more 'thinking time' (aka smoking, making crumpets, making a cup of tea, going to the loo, shuffling paper).
Tuesday, 19 July 2011
Every little counts... I hope!
I am back to work! Hurray!
Am so pleased, it has only been a week but it feels like aaaages. My brain has gone soft. BUT I have moved house and have a lovely new office (also the spare room) which has a big window of loveliness but yet the sun manages to stay off my table so I can use the laptop easily without glare. Excellent. I can definitely feel that this is where I will finish my PhD. My old office just didn't have the right vibe if you know what I mean?
Anyway, although I am 'back to work' I am not as much as I would like. I have had to get a haircut this morning and now it is 1pm, and I have to go and pick up the baby in an hour and am yet to eat today. Arf. I have however, got the laptop on - instead of just reading ;0) I have realised (due to the time off) that I am ready to start writing, or at least a lit review introduction. I just have to sort of plan it. I was re-reading an article in front the the tv the other night (to appease my conscience from me having so much time off) and although it was tiny and not really on my topic there was a gem of a nugget in there which really got me understanding my work and made me realise the structure that the thesis is trying to take. This was very exciting. In real life though I have sat down and tried to write the intro but realised that I do still need to plan it. For some reason, and I think it is because it is such an enormous piece of work, I can't work out what a lit review is still. I mean, I know, but when I try and write it I end up doing the introduction for the whole PhD, and then try and think of arguments etc which is obviously the discussion and then my conclusion is my PhD conclusion... when all I need to do is explain the background or context to the work. Not the whole thing! My head is just too full of the whole thesis I guess, which actually, upon reflection (oh dear blog thank you for this reflective space!) it looks like maybe I am in a position to write some kind of proper introduction? And then the lit review will hopefully follow when I have got out the other introductory/exploratory junk out of my head. Hmmm interesting! For some reason though I am very nervous about writing the intro. Ah, I know why, it is because then I have to commit to an idea and an argument which I am hesitant about doing lest I look a fool. I suppose I could read until the cows come home, looking for confirmation that my ideas are entirely plagurised (sp?!) and unoriginal. Maybe I should bite the bullet. I do have more reading to do - a whole section in fact - but am pretty much there I think. I have all my notes laid out on the back of my desk under subject headings and with every author that I have read to do with them written out and the date of publication, so I can see quickly whether the reading I have done for that subject/topic is up to date and varied and covers the key authors yet, or if I have holes. This is *fabulous* as after a week away a pile of notes would just be meaningless now. It is quite a pile :0) Looking at them I do feel that there is a structure of sorts and a theme and flow of what the PhD must be about. It's just a case of putting that in writing. Fabulous, scholarly writing. 'Just a case'... bah.
I have personal issues in that my childminder is taking the next two weeks off. Eek! I shall be full time mothering the baby but will try and work in the evenings. Am off to London for the night next friday which I cannot wait for but I also know I will be really homesick. is only 24 hours and man I need a break with best mates, beer, sunshine and very loud music. Sans bebe. Brilliant and nervewracking all at the same time. I am also thinking of putting Bean in with the CM for an extra day a week in a month or so. I will have to get very serious come September and wonder if I am falling between two stools at the mo. When I am with bean I worry about my work to the point where I am short tempered and not really 'there', and when he is with the childminder I don't have enough time I feel to really get into work so I just miss him and look forward to having him home. Poor mite isn't really getting a very good mummy at the mo but he adores the childminder and I swear she must be better for him while I am in this pickle. I wonder if just having him with the CM for four days a week, 9.30 - 2.30 would be better for him, just until I get it finished and am calmer. The stress is definitely setting in. All I can think is 'what if I don't finish'? What if I *can't* finish? Is it too big for me????? :0( The all I can do is look at all the notes I have and think how sad it would be for that work to go to waste, and I might as well just try... and if I fail at least it *was* because I wasn't good enough, not because I walked away from it. )Grand thoughts but they do naff all to ease my constant feeling of insecurity and doubt.)
Ok. I am going to spend half an hour seeing if I can plan an introduction and if that goes well I will know that I can start writing that and leave the lit review for a wee while (however long I can keep writing the intro for). While I have all the ideas in my head (just about, I am getting forgetful already!) it might be good to try and write a synopsis of what I am trying to say and why it matters and how it is original. If I can get this down it would be of great help when writing the lit review, help it keep shape and not wander off. I desperately need to go to the library... I was going to do this this week while bean is with the CM (although he *can* come to the uni library... but really, how practical is that when all he will do is pull every book off the shelf?! Not impossible though...) but if I am writing the intro then the lit review books would just sit gathering dust... and fines no doubt.
Ok then, am plannin' my PhD intro! Who'da thunk it?
x J
Am so pleased, it has only been a week but it feels like aaaages. My brain has gone soft. BUT I have moved house and have a lovely new office (also the spare room) which has a big window of loveliness but yet the sun manages to stay off my table so I can use the laptop easily without glare. Excellent. I can definitely feel that this is where I will finish my PhD. My old office just didn't have the right vibe if you know what I mean?
Anyway, although I am 'back to work' I am not as much as I would like. I have had to get a haircut this morning and now it is 1pm, and I have to go and pick up the baby in an hour and am yet to eat today. Arf. I have however, got the laptop on - instead of just reading ;0) I have realised (due to the time off) that I am ready to start writing, or at least a lit review introduction. I just have to sort of plan it. I was re-reading an article in front the the tv the other night (to appease my conscience from me having so much time off) and although it was tiny and not really on my topic there was a gem of a nugget in there which really got me understanding my work and made me realise the structure that the thesis is trying to take. This was very exciting. In real life though I have sat down and tried to write the intro but realised that I do still need to plan it. For some reason, and I think it is because it is such an enormous piece of work, I can't work out what a lit review is still. I mean, I know, but when I try and write it I end up doing the introduction for the whole PhD, and then try and think of arguments etc which is obviously the discussion and then my conclusion is my PhD conclusion... when all I need to do is explain the background or context to the work. Not the whole thing! My head is just too full of the whole thesis I guess, which actually, upon reflection (oh dear blog thank you for this reflective space!) it looks like maybe I am in a position to write some kind of proper introduction? And then the lit review will hopefully follow when I have got out the other introductory/exploratory junk out of my head. Hmmm interesting! For some reason though I am very nervous about writing the intro. Ah, I know why, it is because then I have to commit to an idea and an argument which I am hesitant about doing lest I look a fool. I suppose I could read until the cows come home, looking for confirmation that my ideas are entirely plagurised (sp?!) and unoriginal. Maybe I should bite the bullet. I do have more reading to do - a whole section in fact - but am pretty much there I think. I have all my notes laid out on the back of my desk under subject headings and with every author that I have read to do with them written out and the date of publication, so I can see quickly whether the reading I have done for that subject/topic is up to date and varied and covers the key authors yet, or if I have holes. This is *fabulous* as after a week away a pile of notes would just be meaningless now. It is quite a pile :0) Looking at them I do feel that there is a structure of sorts and a theme and flow of what the PhD must be about. It's just a case of putting that in writing. Fabulous, scholarly writing. 'Just a case'... bah.
I have personal issues in that my childminder is taking the next two weeks off. Eek! I shall be full time mothering the baby but will try and work in the evenings. Am off to London for the night next friday which I cannot wait for but I also know I will be really homesick. is only 24 hours and man I need a break with best mates, beer, sunshine and very loud music. Sans bebe. Brilliant and nervewracking all at the same time. I am also thinking of putting Bean in with the CM for an extra day a week in a month or so. I will have to get very serious come September and wonder if I am falling between two stools at the mo. When I am with bean I worry about my work to the point where I am short tempered and not really 'there', and when he is with the childminder I don't have enough time I feel to really get into work so I just miss him and look forward to having him home. Poor mite isn't really getting a very good mummy at the mo but he adores the childminder and I swear she must be better for him while I am in this pickle. I wonder if just having him with the CM for four days a week, 9.30 - 2.30 would be better for him, just until I get it finished and am calmer. The stress is definitely setting in. All I can think is 'what if I don't finish'? What if I *can't* finish? Is it too big for me????? :0( The all I can do is look at all the notes I have and think how sad it would be for that work to go to waste, and I might as well just try... and if I fail at least it *was* because I wasn't good enough, not because I walked away from it. )Grand thoughts but they do naff all to ease my constant feeling of insecurity and doubt.)
Ok. I am going to spend half an hour seeing if I can plan an introduction and if that goes well I will know that I can start writing that and leave the lit review for a wee while (however long I can keep writing the intro for). While I have all the ideas in my head (just about, I am getting forgetful already!) it might be good to try and write a synopsis of what I am trying to say and why it matters and how it is original. If I can get this down it would be of great help when writing the lit review, help it keep shape and not wander off. I desperately need to go to the library... I was going to do this this week while bean is with the CM (although he *can* come to the uni library... but really, how practical is that when all he will do is pull every book off the shelf?! Not impossible though...) but if I am writing the intro then the lit review books would just sit gathering dust... and fines no doubt.
Ok then, am plannin' my PhD intro! Who'da thunk it?
x J
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
No peace for the wicked
Woah I am a busy lady at the mo!
We are moving house on friday so we are packing packing. well, I say 'we', I mean 'me'. I have been packing for a couple of weeks, and cleaning as I go so am pretty on top of it all. I think - I am waiting to realise that I have fogotton a whole room or cupboard fromo hell! I have decided to work today and the tomorrow and thursday I shall pack while Bean is at the childminders. Hopefully I shall be able to work too, if not I shall work in the evenings (energy levels willing ;0)). I can't really pack in the evenings because downstairs is largely done and obviously upstairs is where the child is... Cannot wait to have more room! And an office! A garden with a lawn for paddling pools and hide and seek! A patio for a table and umbrella for working outside!
House move is not going smoothly with the estate agency - the estate agent is a right old get, seems to think that the oven being cleaned ('cleaned', not 'clean' - it's on its last legs) is a plus point we should be impressed by, amongst other trivialties. I commented on the grubbiness of the house, the woodlice upstairs and the fact the the door on the downstairs cloakroom doesn't shut and he got defensive. Seems like we are going to have a strained relationship which wouldn't bother me if the winters up here weren't so profound at the mo and the appliances (incl boiler) look so old... anyway, anway let's not make worries for ourselves ;0)
Erm, yes wedding is looking like it will be cancelled in favour of something a little more Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz... hehe. I have found a wedding dress but am scared to get it. It is a beautiful, floaty very simple purple maxi dress that would be perfect for a wee ceremony and then to go on a plane on holiday afterwards... DB has gone to see about rings and the 'honeymoon' and I have found us a possible register office. But we still haven't cancelled our big wedding. Am so nervous because it is *such* a big decision! I just can't stop thinking what an absurd waste of money following it through would be. But then, organising a wedding just is stressful and I know the day would be fun in the end. Hmmm. Now is just the worst time to be trying to organise it, it is not fun. But if we wait until we are in a better place (ie I am not trying to be a stay at home mum and a full time PhD student) then it will be years away and we want another bubba. So that is sitting on our shoulders at the moment. I told my ma yesterday that we were going to cancel it and she was shocked but supportive. I hate lying to her, even though am not lying technically just not being honest that we are actually going to get wed in a couple of months... I would have her come in a shot but then DB's family would want to come and he doesn't like a few significant members. Then friends would be hurt if they aren't invited and before we know it we are back to square one! better to invite no-one.
And my little sis was in a proper car crash at the weekend. Harrumph. She is ok so haven't gone to visit - with her lupus her bieng in hospital doesn't have the drama it would do if she was a normo. Sounds a bit harsh but she has her friends, girlfriend and family, twill be cool.
And work - work is stressing me out and encouraging at the same time. I realised at the weekend that my Sup kind of washing his hands of me has actually hurt me deeply and in a way I have had to sort of grieve and get over it. know it sounds dramatic but my Sup has been a profound and rather parental figure in my life for about 7 years and all of sudden he just cut the apron strings and it made me sad. I pretended it didn't but when talking to my (rather insightful) PhD friend the other week she said I sounded sad about it which I realised I was. It did undermine my confidence and I know that I have to get on and make my confidence my own, rather than dependent on pats on the head from authority figures... but that is academia for you, it's what we all want and thrive on really! My reading is carrying on and articles I find that scare me becuase they seem too close to my ideas are actually supportive but not quite my ideas which is good. I am now reading a report that I can analyse and am feeling much happier, rather than reading the dry academic articles on economics and ethics. I still have a lot more of that to read but will go and get all that from the library when we have moved. I did go to the library on saturday only to find that there were no staff so I couldn't pay my fine to get any books out! All that effort and travel for nowt! Was right miffed!
Anyway, today am reading this report which I intend to thoroughly slag off and am looking forward to picking it to pieces - doing something active and using my brain, rather than passively absorbing other people's opinions. I am going to smoke a naughty cigarette and havea cup of tea. And I am going to grill some salmon and have it with salad for lunch. Am de-blubbing in anticipation for a wedding you see.
BYE!
x J
We are moving house on friday so we are packing packing. well, I say 'we', I mean 'me'. I have been packing for a couple of weeks, and cleaning as I go so am pretty on top of it all. I think - I am waiting to realise that I have fogotton a whole room or cupboard fromo hell! I have decided to work today and the tomorrow and thursday I shall pack while Bean is at the childminders. Hopefully I shall be able to work too, if not I shall work in the evenings (energy levels willing ;0)). I can't really pack in the evenings because downstairs is largely done and obviously upstairs is where the child is... Cannot wait to have more room! And an office! A garden with a lawn for paddling pools and hide and seek! A patio for a table and umbrella for working outside!
House move is not going smoothly with the estate agency - the estate agent is a right old get, seems to think that the oven being cleaned ('cleaned', not 'clean' - it's on its last legs) is a plus point we should be impressed by, amongst other trivialties. I commented on the grubbiness of the house, the woodlice upstairs and the fact the the door on the downstairs cloakroom doesn't shut and he got defensive. Seems like we are going to have a strained relationship which wouldn't bother me if the winters up here weren't so profound at the mo and the appliances (incl boiler) look so old... anyway, anway let's not make worries for ourselves ;0)
Erm, yes wedding is looking like it will be cancelled in favour of something a little more Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz... hehe. I have found a wedding dress but am scared to get it. It is a beautiful, floaty very simple purple maxi dress that would be perfect for a wee ceremony and then to go on a plane on holiday afterwards... DB has gone to see about rings and the 'honeymoon' and I have found us a possible register office. But we still haven't cancelled our big wedding. Am so nervous because it is *such* a big decision! I just can't stop thinking what an absurd waste of money following it through would be. But then, organising a wedding just is stressful and I know the day would be fun in the end. Hmmm. Now is just the worst time to be trying to organise it, it is not fun. But if we wait until we are in a better place (ie I am not trying to be a stay at home mum and a full time PhD student) then it will be years away and we want another bubba. So that is sitting on our shoulders at the moment. I told my ma yesterday that we were going to cancel it and she was shocked but supportive. I hate lying to her, even though am not lying technically just not being honest that we are actually going to get wed in a couple of months... I would have her come in a shot but then DB's family would want to come and he doesn't like a few significant members. Then friends would be hurt if they aren't invited and before we know it we are back to square one! better to invite no-one.
And my little sis was in a proper car crash at the weekend. Harrumph. She is ok so haven't gone to visit - with her lupus her bieng in hospital doesn't have the drama it would do if she was a normo. Sounds a bit harsh but she has her friends, girlfriend and family, twill be cool.
And work - work is stressing me out and encouraging at the same time. I realised at the weekend that my Sup kind of washing his hands of me has actually hurt me deeply and in a way I have had to sort of grieve and get over it. know it sounds dramatic but my Sup has been a profound and rather parental figure in my life for about 7 years and all of sudden he just cut the apron strings and it made me sad. I pretended it didn't but when talking to my (rather insightful) PhD friend the other week she said I sounded sad about it which I realised I was. It did undermine my confidence and I know that I have to get on and make my confidence my own, rather than dependent on pats on the head from authority figures... but that is academia for you, it's what we all want and thrive on really! My reading is carrying on and articles I find that scare me becuase they seem too close to my ideas are actually supportive but not quite my ideas which is good. I am now reading a report that I can analyse and am feeling much happier, rather than reading the dry academic articles on economics and ethics. I still have a lot more of that to read but will go and get all that from the library when we have moved. I did go to the library on saturday only to find that there were no staff so I couldn't pay my fine to get any books out! All that effort and travel for nowt! Was right miffed!
Anyway, today am reading this report which I intend to thoroughly slag off and am looking forward to picking it to pieces - doing something active and using my brain, rather than passively absorbing other people's opinions. I am going to smoke a naughty cigarette and havea cup of tea. And I am going to grill some salmon and have it with salad for lunch. Am de-blubbing in anticipation for a wedding you see.
BYE!
x J
Wednesday, 29 June 2011
Ya ya
I am hungover again :0( I am so bad.
In my defence I have good reasons. 1) I had a breakthrough with my PhD yesterday - finally! I realised what my discussion chapter was going to be based around, and therefore what the crux of my thesis is. Which is rather nifty. 2) DB was home for the first time in nearly a week! yes, I was single mom for five whole days. I loved it actually, fortunately because I have some lovely friends who kept me company during the day. With a toddler the key is to be out of the house, particularly when it is as small as mine so by the end of the day I was knackered! Working was hard and largely didn't get done I have to confess. And 3) DB and I have been thinking about not bothering with the whole massive wedding affair (it is getting way out of hand! it will be the wedding of the century at this rate!) and might elope. I am not joking! We were thinking about gretna green but it is far away for the dude to travel and we need birth certificates of which I have none, would have to order bla bla. So we are thinking to go where we got engaged as we love it there. Get wed, just the three of us and strangers for witnesses, not tell a soul, and celebrate with a fancy spa hotel for a couple of nights. Bliss! OR we could get married and hop on a plane and go on holiday for a week, which is the preferred option but we are short on time seeing as we are moving house and have people coming to visit. Obviously getting married in this way is rather selfish but we hope to appease our Mums (we have no Dads) by saying that we want to have another baby soon, which in fact we do. Hurrah! And we can always have a blessing and party another time, when we are more into it ;0) The wedding venue is being a very expensive pain, I don't want to be 'given away', I don't want certain family coming but can't get the guts up to tell them, some key people can't come, I don't want to wear a traditional wedding dress, I don't want to be a show pony for the day, I don't want a wedding cake or top table or any of it! I really am not into it at all! So DB and I thought what we really want and it is just to be married, rather than a wedding, So we talked a lot about that over a bottle of wine last night. Not sure if we will really go through with it, but I am game! I know you can have a wedding without any of these things, but at the end of the day when you have 100 guests coming it will have to be structured in some way and certain traditional boxes ticked (like walking up an aisle and having a venue and nice food and music and stuff which is actually a PITA to organise, am not enjoying it at all). And we don't really want to wait until next year either. Which is ace because I am super keen to have another baby soon :0) I aim to finish the PhD in March but definitely by the end of May so as long as I don't pop before then. I know there is my VIVA to think about too, not sure when that will be - is so hard to guess! I reck maybe I should avoid having a baby before July... we shall see.
I have a heating gas man coming round in a bit which is the only thing coming between me and the whole shop full of schnaffles ;0) Am starving today. munchies.
Better get my work out. I have been spending the morning perusing holiday deals, looking at floral maxi dresses to get married in and wondering if a sausage or bacon sandwich would be best. I have neither sausages nor bacon so I am sad.
I have a few more nasty articles to read then should be on the open road with reading material that doesn't seem to clog up my mouth as I read. I am hoping to finish reading at the end of July... please please finish! My PhD friend was badgering me to start writing. she says I should write all the time. but how can I when I don't know what to say and my ideas and thoughts are changing all the time as a consequence of reading? I felt some self doubt but then decided to forge on in the way that suits me best.
Laters!
x J
In my defence I have good reasons. 1) I had a breakthrough with my PhD yesterday - finally! I realised what my discussion chapter was going to be based around, and therefore what the crux of my thesis is. Which is rather nifty. 2) DB was home for the first time in nearly a week! yes, I was single mom for five whole days. I loved it actually, fortunately because I have some lovely friends who kept me company during the day. With a toddler the key is to be out of the house, particularly when it is as small as mine so by the end of the day I was knackered! Working was hard and largely didn't get done I have to confess. And 3) DB and I have been thinking about not bothering with the whole massive wedding affair (it is getting way out of hand! it will be the wedding of the century at this rate!) and might elope. I am not joking! We were thinking about gretna green but it is far away for the dude to travel and we need birth certificates of which I have none, would have to order bla bla. So we are thinking to go where we got engaged as we love it there. Get wed, just the three of us and strangers for witnesses, not tell a soul, and celebrate with a fancy spa hotel for a couple of nights. Bliss! OR we could get married and hop on a plane and go on holiday for a week, which is the preferred option but we are short on time seeing as we are moving house and have people coming to visit. Obviously getting married in this way is rather selfish but we hope to appease our Mums (we have no Dads) by saying that we want to have another baby soon, which in fact we do. Hurrah! And we can always have a blessing and party another time, when we are more into it ;0) The wedding venue is being a very expensive pain, I don't want to be 'given away', I don't want certain family coming but can't get the guts up to tell them, some key people can't come, I don't want to wear a traditional wedding dress, I don't want to be a show pony for the day, I don't want a wedding cake or top table or any of it! I really am not into it at all! So DB and I thought what we really want and it is just to be married, rather than a wedding, So we talked a lot about that over a bottle of wine last night. Not sure if we will really go through with it, but I am game! I know you can have a wedding without any of these things, but at the end of the day when you have 100 guests coming it will have to be structured in some way and certain traditional boxes ticked (like walking up an aisle and having a venue and nice food and music and stuff which is actually a PITA to organise, am not enjoying it at all). And we don't really want to wait until next year either. Which is ace because I am super keen to have another baby soon :0) I aim to finish the PhD in March but definitely by the end of May so as long as I don't pop before then. I know there is my VIVA to think about too, not sure when that will be - is so hard to guess! I reck maybe I should avoid having a baby before July... we shall see.
I have a heating gas man coming round in a bit which is the only thing coming between me and the whole shop full of schnaffles ;0) Am starving today. munchies.
Better get my work out. I have been spending the morning perusing holiday deals, looking at floral maxi dresses to get married in and wondering if a sausage or bacon sandwich would be best. I have neither sausages nor bacon so I am sad.
I have a few more nasty articles to read then should be on the open road with reading material that doesn't seem to clog up my mouth as I read. I am hoping to finish reading at the end of July... please please finish! My PhD friend was badgering me to start writing. she says I should write all the time. but how can I when I don't know what to say and my ideas and thoughts are changing all the time as a consequence of reading? I felt some self doubt but then decided to forge on in the way that suits me best.
Laters!
x J
Thursday, 16 June 2011
crackers
Arf am feeling a bit crackers...
I am on a huge hunt for books, just googling and looking up peeps on amazon and the uni library database to get an idea of what literature is out there for a sub topic I am yet to start reading on... soon, soon. These searches always make me a bit manic, and on top of that I have the 'Time! Time!' issue as every minute draws me closer to when I have to go and pick up the Bean and my work time closes for a few days. I mean, I will work in front of the tv in the evenings reading but not doing this kind of stuff. I am yet to do any printing which was a goal I had for today. I shall see how things stand after lunch, I feel a bit of time away from searching like a loon would be good ;0)
I did discover the other day, sadly, that my epiphany was a bit rubbish. However, that realisation has led onto knew knowledge and nuance so not all bad. Really. No, really. Alright, I was darned crushed.
Gosh am hungry.
I got a dress today (in the post) for an evening do I am going to next week for a weddin'. I really like the dress and absurdly it makes me look all nice. But I thought it was coral, and in fact it verges on neon pink! Oh my crikey. In private I really like it, but at the wedding I will be with friends who are more surf dudes than city-ites and I might stand out rather too much. Is it silly to send something back because you tou wonder what other people might say, even if it does actually look nice? Hmmmph. All my friends there are boys so I am particularly sensitive. Am stupid though, I should just stand proud and go with what I like. Am running out of time too, only have until tues before we leave to go South.
Am not really looking forward to going South for another week. Feel like we just got back; and although am getting on with the in laws pretty well these days in all honesty it isn't really 'fun' and is in fact quite stressful for me. Best behaviour and all that.
I have a weird illness at the mo! My sinuses behind my nose are really dry and sore and like I have a cold, and I have had a pressure feeling like I have a bug in my ear, crawling around and being horrible. Is gross. I think it might be from swimming...
No news on house, are going through the motions...
Work: going through the pages and pages of refs I have built up and seeing what is in the library and what i will have to order. Then looking through the ideas I wrote yesterday and hopefully liking them. Then choosing and starting on my next articles.
Laters!
x J
I am on a huge hunt for books, just googling and looking up peeps on amazon and the uni library database to get an idea of what literature is out there for a sub topic I am yet to start reading on... soon, soon. These searches always make me a bit manic, and on top of that I have the 'Time! Time!' issue as every minute draws me closer to when I have to go and pick up the Bean and my work time closes for a few days. I mean, I will work in front of the tv in the evenings reading but not doing this kind of stuff. I am yet to do any printing which was a goal I had for today. I shall see how things stand after lunch, I feel a bit of time away from searching like a loon would be good ;0)
I did discover the other day, sadly, that my epiphany was a bit rubbish. However, that realisation has led onto knew knowledge and nuance so not all bad. Really. No, really. Alright, I was darned crushed.
Gosh am hungry.
I got a dress today (in the post) for an evening do I am going to next week for a weddin'. I really like the dress and absurdly it makes me look all nice. But I thought it was coral, and in fact it verges on neon pink! Oh my crikey. In private I really like it, but at the wedding I will be with friends who are more surf dudes than city-ites and I might stand out rather too much. Is it silly to send something back because you tou wonder what other people might say, even if it does actually look nice? Hmmmph. All my friends there are boys so I am particularly sensitive. Am stupid though, I should just stand proud and go with what I like. Am running out of time too, only have until tues before we leave to go South.
Am not really looking forward to going South for another week. Feel like we just got back; and although am getting on with the in laws pretty well these days in all honesty it isn't really 'fun' and is in fact quite stressful for me. Best behaviour and all that.
I have a weird illness at the mo! My sinuses behind my nose are really dry and sore and like I have a cold, and I have had a pressure feeling like I have a bug in my ear, crawling around and being horrible. Is gross. I think it might be from swimming...
No news on house, are going through the motions...
Work: going through the pages and pages of refs I have built up and seeing what is in the library and what i will have to order. Then looking through the ideas I wrote yesterday and hopefully liking them. Then choosing and starting on my next articles.
Laters!
x J
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
Brainwave!
At last! I have made a step forward in my PhD hurrah!
It has taken aaaaages and a *lot* of reading (and a lot more to come - my reading list for the lit review stands at a foot high in printed journal articles and eight pages of references still to obtain eek!) but today I made the epiphany that closes the loop of my ideas and makes a lovely, tight little circle where all ideas meet :0) is most excellent and am really looking forward to emailing the outline of it all to my Sup. I have celebrated with a packet of mini chedders and a lunchtime episode of spaced. Spaced is a bit stupid and not really my cup of tea but is a comedy and silly so am reet in the mood.
Other news: house move proving a nightmare and still not officially got house. Am so very keen to get packing though have cleaned the house so just need to stuff things in boxes. Can't wait to get a bigger house and my OWN OFFICE!!!!! Need to pick up the baby (18 months old tomorrow and in full, exasperating toddler swing. he broke my glasses this morning which was my fault leaving them out but still... CHUH!) in an hour boo, is annoying to have my thoughts/flow hindered! Have cancelled the triathlon I wanted to do at the end of next month because we are moving house, but actually because I haven't trained enough and am terrified. The thought of it was stressing me out and making me eat too much ;0) We are going South to a weddin' next week for a week UG I don't have the time (or the figure!) but it must be done. Also seeing the catering lady for our wedding which should be good. Not doing any wedding stuff now until Sept.
So PhD wise I just need to type up all the thoughts I have scribbled in my PhD book and make them coherent and (ahem) scholarly and email to Sup in anticipation of lots of praise. I hope I hope! And just Keep. On. Reading. Hope to finish reading end July... Maybe first week Aug. Bezzy mates are coming up on weekend of 6 aug so will make that my reading deadline then write the bugger up for September. After this the rest should technically fall into place. I hope so as I want to have my first draft done for september. But if I have the intellectual framework, the theses, the theory and the empirical research sorted, then it just needs writing... doesn't it?
So pleased I am making progress!
x J
It has taken aaaaages and a *lot* of reading (and a lot more to come - my reading list for the lit review stands at a foot high in printed journal articles and eight pages of references still to obtain eek!) but today I made the epiphany that closes the loop of my ideas and makes a lovely, tight little circle where all ideas meet :0) is most excellent and am really looking forward to emailing the outline of it all to my Sup. I have celebrated with a packet of mini chedders and a lunchtime episode of spaced. Spaced is a bit stupid and not really my cup of tea but is a comedy and silly so am reet in the mood.
Other news: house move proving a nightmare and still not officially got house. Am so very keen to get packing though have cleaned the house so just need to stuff things in boxes. Can't wait to get a bigger house and my OWN OFFICE!!!!! Need to pick up the baby (18 months old tomorrow and in full, exasperating toddler swing. he broke my glasses this morning which was my fault leaving them out but still... CHUH!) in an hour boo, is annoying to have my thoughts/flow hindered! Have cancelled the triathlon I wanted to do at the end of next month because we are moving house, but actually because I haven't trained enough and am terrified. The thought of it was stressing me out and making me eat too much ;0) We are going South to a weddin' next week for a week UG I don't have the time (or the figure!) but it must be done. Also seeing the catering lady for our wedding which should be good. Not doing any wedding stuff now until Sept.
So PhD wise I just need to type up all the thoughts I have scribbled in my PhD book and make them coherent and (ahem) scholarly and email to Sup in anticipation of lots of praise. I hope I hope! And just Keep. On. Reading. Hope to finish reading end July... Maybe first week Aug. Bezzy mates are coming up on weekend of 6 aug so will make that my reading deadline then write the bugger up for September. After this the rest should technically fall into place. I hope so as I want to have my first draft done for september. But if I have the intellectual framework, the theses, the theory and the empirical research sorted, then it just needs writing... doesn't it?
So pleased I am making progress!
x J
Monday, 6 June 2011
Television
I have discovered the joy of letting the tv babysit my toddler... I never thought I would do that!!
BUT it means I can work for an extra hour a day! He just sits and giggles and I can work! Am a bad mummy aye but in another way, we are both happy ;-)
Work is coming on ok... have been busy as we went to visit family for a week and the week before that the childminder was on holiday so haven' had the same routine and time for work as usual - have still been plugging away though! momentum is key. I try not to think too much about how slowly I am working and how I am doing so little in comparison with pre-bubba and just get on with it. Can see the end of the lit review I think which is something!
Oh and am moving house! we have a lovely place half a mile up the road :0) Big garden, two big reception rooms and upstairs has two double rooms and two single - the singles will be our studies :0) Hurray at last a lovely workspace to myself. We will move at the end of the month when we get back from another trip saaaath for a wedding. Very busy. We were meant to go on holiday this month but when we got the house on Saturday ralised that that would have to bite the dust for a few months. Too much to do and we are anxious about fittiing in work time.
So beanie bean is back to the childminder tomorrow! Am sad and relieved at the same time ;0) Looking after an 18 month old who is not sleeping and crranky as a result is hard going yet always when I am happiest. Still, can't say it won't be lovely to be back to work properly - my space, my time all to meeeeeee for a few precious hours. he is going tues, weds and thurs now for five hours a pop, hopefully he won't be as ragged as before!
Not heard from my Sup since our last meeting in March. This makes me sad on the one hand but ok on the other - as long as I am working I must tell myself I am doing ok. I am nowhere near missing my course deadline of 31 May next year yet so all is well. Not even behind on my schedule to finish the lit review reading by July, though if this lags by a month it won't really matter. I am so super keen to get some writing done to send my Sup to show that i am still a-ok you know? That I am working and thinking still!
x J
BUT it means I can work for an extra hour a day! He just sits and giggles and I can work! Am a bad mummy aye but in another way, we are both happy ;-)
Work is coming on ok... have been busy as we went to visit family for a week and the week before that the childminder was on holiday so haven' had the same routine and time for work as usual - have still been plugging away though! momentum is key. I try not to think too much about how slowly I am working and how I am doing so little in comparison with pre-bubba and just get on with it. Can see the end of the lit review I think which is something!
Oh and am moving house! we have a lovely place half a mile up the road :0) Big garden, two big reception rooms and upstairs has two double rooms and two single - the singles will be our studies :0) Hurray at last a lovely workspace to myself. We will move at the end of the month when we get back from another trip saaaath for a wedding. Very busy. We were meant to go on holiday this month but when we got the house on Saturday ralised that that would have to bite the dust for a few months. Too much to do and we are anxious about fittiing in work time.
So beanie bean is back to the childminder tomorrow! Am sad and relieved at the same time ;0) Looking after an 18 month old who is not sleeping and crranky as a result is hard going yet always when I am happiest. Still, can't say it won't be lovely to be back to work properly - my space, my time all to meeeeeee for a few precious hours. he is going tues, weds and thurs now for five hours a pop, hopefully he won't be as ragged as before!
Not heard from my Sup since our last meeting in March. This makes me sad on the one hand but ok on the other - as long as I am working I must tell myself I am doing ok. I am nowhere near missing my course deadline of 31 May next year yet so all is well. Not even behind on my schedule to finish the lit review reading by July, though if this lags by a month it won't really matter. I am so super keen to get some writing done to send my Sup to show that i am still a-ok you know? That I am working and thinking still!
x J
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