I am out of the swamp! Out of the PhD induced swamp of misery hurrah!
Since my big chat with myself last week I have been busy busy. I have completed my triathlon, which was hellish, took ages, hurt like billy-o and was great. Am most pleased. I have been working in the evenings as and when and have re-adjusted my aims and expectations for the ol' PhD...
Before I wanted to hand in asap. Whatever the cost (ie happiness and sanity). Now, I have realised that instead of being June, I will be lucky if I get my first draft in in December. December! Wow what a difference. Now, I haven't told anyone this. If anyone asks me from now on when I expect to finish I shall be noncommittal and make mutterings about how I have until June next year to hand in. No more grand announcements that it *shall* be done this year. That it shall be done at all should be achievement enough ;0) Hmmm, I haven't really talked about it with DB either which I should considering I shan't be 'working' but won't because actually, I am working and if he can afford for me to not have a job I ain't complainin'. I have realised that I am a stay at home mum who does a PhD on the side, basically. And I am very happy with this! I don't see why I should make myself feel guilty. If DB wants me to get out to work because we need the dosh then of course I shall! As long as I am actually working and not just picking my nose and watching reruns of corrie I know he will support moi.
And onto my other realisation: that my PhD is for *me*, and not my Sup... I mentioned this previously and it has really given me food for thought. I actually feel quite liberated now, rather than lost and abandoned. Because now I don't feel that I have anyone watching me my creativity can be let loose ;0) I don't have to follow certain theories because my Sup does, or because he has warned me that my life would be easier if I did! No, I shall go my own way. I am empowered and freeeeee to do my PhD as I want hurrah! And because of this, I feel I have sorted out a nasty blockage in my brain and feel happy that my thesis is mine again. I think I just lost a lot of confidence after maternity leave and now I am reading the literature I am feeling knowledgable and enthused again, and out of this comes confidence.
All well again. now, if you will excuse me I must read and then go out for lunch with my boyfriend (soon to be hubby as we have finally put the deposit down on our lovely lovely countryside weddin' venue. huzzahs).
x J
Since my big chat with myself last week I have been busy busy. I have completed my triathlon, which was hellish, took ages, hurt like billy-o and was great. Am most pleased. I have been working in the evenings as and when and have re-adjusted my aims and expectations for the ol' PhD...
Before I wanted to hand in asap. Whatever the cost (ie happiness and sanity). Now, I have realised that instead of being June, I will be lucky if I get my first draft in in December. December! Wow what a difference. Now, I haven't told anyone this. If anyone asks me from now on when I expect to finish I shall be noncommittal and make mutterings about how I have until June next year to hand in. No more grand announcements that it *shall* be done this year. That it shall be done at all should be achievement enough ;0) Hmmm, I haven't really talked about it with DB either which I should considering I shan't be 'working' but won't because actually, I am working and if he can afford for me to not have a job I ain't complainin'. I have realised that I am a stay at home mum who does a PhD on the side, basically. And I am very happy with this! I don't see why I should make myself feel guilty. If DB wants me to get out to work because we need the dosh then of course I shall! As long as I am actually working and not just picking my nose and watching reruns of corrie I know he will support moi.
And onto my other realisation: that my PhD is for *me*, and not my Sup... I mentioned this previously and it has really given me food for thought. I actually feel quite liberated now, rather than lost and abandoned. Because now I don't feel that I have anyone watching me my creativity can be let loose ;0) I don't have to follow certain theories because my Sup does, or because he has warned me that my life would be easier if I did! No, I shall go my own way. I am empowered and freeeeee to do my PhD as I want hurrah! And because of this, I feel I have sorted out a nasty blockage in my brain and feel happy that my thesis is mine again. I think I just lost a lot of confidence after maternity leave and now I am reading the literature I am feeling knowledgable and enthused again, and out of this comes confidence.
All well again. now, if you will excuse me I must read and then go out for lunch with my boyfriend (soon to be hubby as we have finally put the deposit down on our lovely lovely countryside weddin' venue. huzzahs).
x J
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