Ah today has been a lovely Saturday... reading the paper and not really got dressed properly yet. Ace.
Shame this b and b room is so darned cold though! I read solidly about torture techniques and vileness for six hours yesterday in bed, it is that cold in the day here! Then DB and I went out for some cider and had a lovely evening chewing the fat. Bit dopey today but a-ok. Daydreaming about my house again. I am completely obsessed. I want to get in so soon!! I hope we can move next weekend - I have friends who want to come and see me the weekend afterwards (yay!) to christen mah new housey and for a pre-beeday celeberation so i hope we are moved in! My ma is probably coming to stay for some time after that weekend, she is feeling very blue after the death of my Dad and I am worried about her and think my new housey will be a fabulous antidote. It is cosy and cute and right by the canal and glen for walks and head-clearingness. We are going away for my birthday (apparently?! DB has not organised anything but because it is my beeday I have been ordered out of any organising. Is killing me!) so she can have the place to herself for a few days which might be nice considering she doesn't really have a home in the UK at the moment.
And workwise I am cramming in the reading as much as possible - and am getting new leads in the paper every day which is great for my PhD, but sad for the possible state of the world :0( . The work I do is so depressing sometimes and makes me such a cynical old goat. Because I work in humanitarianism and world politics I cringe whenever Bono et al come on screen and so am getting pyschologically geared up for the shallow sob-and-pity fest that is Comic Relief. yes, I am so cynical I have issues with comic relief (a massive multi-charity fundraiser in the UK held every other year for those in other lands. It raises millions and everyone gets involved. Everyone but me that is. I just sit analysing the discourses and themes - as a PhD student is wont to do. Continuously and forever, unless inebriated or asleep. Maybe). I will have to work very hard in all hours i can really. No more fixed hours - I feel like I can see the finish line now and so am ratcheting it up for this six month stretch. I want to read and write like bonkers, and then go to India and finish the research (yaya!) then come back and work and get pregnant and hand in. It won't work like that but hey, it is a plan, and plans are always good. I am meeting my Sup on weds so should work out something to talk about. Well, I have lots to talk about but I need to structure it so I don't waffle or miss the important points. After the meeting we are having a chap from a big ol' publishers come and give us a talk about how to publish our PhDs. I would just wet myself if I got my PhD published. It is my ultimate goal. Wet. My. Self.
I am going to go for a walk in a min, then come back and snuggle (not in a romantic by-the-fireside way, more in a grinch-tramp kind of way with gazillions of jumpers and socks on to keep out the cold) and watch 'come dine with me'. Truly, it is my new favourite programme which I scorned for many years but have now come to recognise its sarcastic genius. I loves it.
Oh, and I will read the rest of the book about torture and evil politicians.
Hmmph DB is going to the gym instead of coming for a walk with me. Going on my own seems a bit pointless? Just walking. On my own. Hmm.
x J
Saturday, 28 February 2009
Thursday, 26 February 2009
PS
I sent my Sup my plans and he said they were just fine and to write as much as I can before going out again. I am most pleased. Actually, I ought to arrange a meeting with him next week now I know I shall be up north...
It is strange to know think that all the writing I am doing is second draft, and closer to the final edit than ever... I am writing for keeps now! No more joking around, this puppy has to be finished by Sept next year! Arg!
Whatever will I do without it?
Oh I know - I will have a baby. Of a different, more squealy sort. Fabulous.
x J
It is strange to know think that all the writing I am doing is second draft, and closer to the final edit than ever... I am writing for keeps now! No more joking around, this puppy has to be finished by Sept next year! Arg!
Whatever will I do without it?
Oh I know - I will have a baby. Of a different, more squealy sort. Fabulous.
x J
Ok then...
Arg there is a vile smell in this B and B room. It is pretty subtle but ug, it is rancid and we can't find the source! I hope someone isn't buried under the floorboards...
So we are in the B and B for over another week - I am sick to death of b and b life I tell you! Eating sandwiches and restaurant food every day and having nowhere to wash clothes (spent this morning at the launderette) or just make a bowl of soup! I crave simple food! Just some broccoli and pasta, or a jacket potato or some veggies and mash. But it is a lovely b and b and we have very good rates, and it is only up the road from the village we want to move into so that is great. I haven't told my uni friends I am hanging around, I have gone to ground for a while just until we move then I shall invite everyone around for drinks and grub and be normal again. I am still finding it hard to talk to people I haven't seen since my Dad died and like keeping myself to myself really. We are pencilled to move in a week on Saturday. This is very very exciting news and means I can start planning my life. Until this morning we had no idea if it would be one week or five before we get to move in! I cannot express how happy I will be to move into this home. It has the loveliest atmosphere, it is cosy and very warm (yay!), it has a living room that you can shut the door to, so sit and be snug in it (all my other houses have had 'through' living rooms, so they are cold and not snuggy!), it has a door that you have to open to go up the stairs (!! AHH!!), and the bathroom has an enormous corner bath - and heated towel rails. My. Word. And there is a little yard. And it has arhced windows with stained glass flower patterns in. And beams in the bedroom! Beams! And there is a cellar which has a washing machine in it so you don't have to listen to it rattling away in the kitchen! How ace! Gosh it is amazingly lovely. And two seconds from the train station to Uni, from the local corner shop, from the pubs and waaaaaaa, the chippy.
To have my *own* space! My own kitchen! To be able to have people round for wine and cakes! It is my 30th birthday on 21 march (I know, but I am happy to get old so it is a-ok) so I am busy planning what on *earth* to do about it. Now I know we should be moved in and settled I am most pleased and think I will see if my bestest london friends (only two of them around! booo) can come and see me the weekend before, for a wee housewarming and pre-beeday celebration, as DB is off to cornwall for a mate's beeday that weekend and I shall have a boy-free house... DB is adamant that he is planning a surprise for my actual beeday weekend so I am not allowed to plan anything... and the week afterwards we will go and see my family for a birthday dinner. Which will be lovely. Not quite the same as snorkelling in the tropical paradise that is the andaman islands but hey... seeing friends and family will be a boon I say, a BOON.
And work... I am doing some! Huzzahs! I have started reading and have re-organised my chapter outline again. Does anyone else find themselves doing this very often?! I am probably on my fifth 'definite' outline. I am happy with it though, and each time I feel like new ideas have been given space and other naff ones, or ones that aren't as important as once I thought, have less space. I have decided I will go back to India and like it goddamn, but that I will have a niche focus and not get bogged down. I will also have a focus that I like. I am really into the idea of 'aid spaces' at the moment. Yes, I know, yawn yawn.
I have also given up chocolate for Lent. I am not a religious person in any way, but am into the ritual and so have decided this year to do the lent thing and give somethning up, just to be disciplined. And I am getting far to reliant on chocolate for inner cuddles, which in time will only serve to make me look increasingly 'cuddly'. I say no! DB has given up chips, which is evil because it is our favourite food and means I will have to eat them in secret so he doesn't cry all over them.
Nothing else to report. I have no internet access apart from DB's remote jobby so can only use it when he out. So will pop in and out.
Oh, I am going to do some dog walking and baby sitting for extra cash when we are moved in. Will be very easy round these parts and even 20 squids a week would help towards decorating my new lovely housey...
ahhhhh. My house.
Must read about torture! About neo-marxist philosophical appraoches! And Foucault! Ta ra.
x J
Ug, the SMELL.
So we are in the B and B for over another week - I am sick to death of b and b life I tell you! Eating sandwiches and restaurant food every day and having nowhere to wash clothes (spent this morning at the launderette) or just make a bowl of soup! I crave simple food! Just some broccoli and pasta, or a jacket potato or some veggies and mash. But it is a lovely b and b and we have very good rates, and it is only up the road from the village we want to move into so that is great. I haven't told my uni friends I am hanging around, I have gone to ground for a while just until we move then I shall invite everyone around for drinks and grub and be normal again. I am still finding it hard to talk to people I haven't seen since my Dad died and like keeping myself to myself really. We are pencilled to move in a week on Saturday. This is very very exciting news and means I can start planning my life. Until this morning we had no idea if it would be one week or five before we get to move in! I cannot express how happy I will be to move into this home. It has the loveliest atmosphere, it is cosy and very warm (yay!), it has a living room that you can shut the door to, so sit and be snug in it (all my other houses have had 'through' living rooms, so they are cold and not snuggy!), it has a door that you have to open to go up the stairs (!! AHH!!), and the bathroom has an enormous corner bath - and heated towel rails. My. Word. And there is a little yard. And it has arhced windows with stained glass flower patterns in. And beams in the bedroom! Beams! And there is a cellar which has a washing machine in it so you don't have to listen to it rattling away in the kitchen! How ace! Gosh it is amazingly lovely. And two seconds from the train station to Uni, from the local corner shop, from the pubs and waaaaaaa, the chippy.
To have my *own* space! My own kitchen! To be able to have people round for wine and cakes! It is my 30th birthday on 21 march (I know, but I am happy to get old so it is a-ok) so I am busy planning what on *earth* to do about it. Now I know we should be moved in and settled I am most pleased and think I will see if my bestest london friends (only two of them around! booo) can come and see me the weekend before, for a wee housewarming and pre-beeday celebration, as DB is off to cornwall for a mate's beeday that weekend and I shall have a boy-free house... DB is adamant that he is planning a surprise for my actual beeday weekend so I am not allowed to plan anything... and the week afterwards we will go and see my family for a birthday dinner. Which will be lovely. Not quite the same as snorkelling in the tropical paradise that is the andaman islands but hey... seeing friends and family will be a boon I say, a BOON.
And work... I am doing some! Huzzahs! I have started reading and have re-organised my chapter outline again. Does anyone else find themselves doing this very often?! I am probably on my fifth 'definite' outline. I am happy with it though, and each time I feel like new ideas have been given space and other naff ones, or ones that aren't as important as once I thought, have less space. I have decided I will go back to India and like it goddamn, but that I will have a niche focus and not get bogged down. I will also have a focus that I like. I am really into the idea of 'aid spaces' at the moment. Yes, I know, yawn yawn.
I have also given up chocolate for Lent. I am not a religious person in any way, but am into the ritual and so have decided this year to do the lent thing and give somethning up, just to be disciplined. And I am getting far to reliant on chocolate for inner cuddles, which in time will only serve to make me look increasingly 'cuddly'. I say no! DB has given up chips, which is evil because it is our favourite food and means I will have to eat them in secret so he doesn't cry all over them.
Nothing else to report. I have no internet access apart from DB's remote jobby so can only use it when he out. So will pop in and out.
Oh, I am going to do some dog walking and baby sitting for extra cash when we are moved in. Will be very easy round these parts and even 20 squids a week would help towards decorating my new lovely housey...
ahhhhh. My house.
Must read about torture! About neo-marxist philosophical appraoches! And Foucault! Ta ra.
x J
Ug, the SMELL.
Wednesday, 25 February 2009
Quick Update!
Hellllllooooo!
I have been away for so long! I have no access to internet because we love in a b and b - and are there such things as internet cafes any more? Are there heck.
BUT we got the cottage! we put down the deposit monday am, and signed all the docs and are now waiting to hear about our references, bank checks, and to hear when we may be able to move in. So atm we are in a b and b, treading water. Went to Uni today though and got a stack of books I am very excited about! I love books! I am so happy and fulfilled in fact, I am off to the pub to get a burger and a pint and feel happy that I am back in the game.
Am also trying to juggle my PhD so I don't have to go back to India to do any more research. Or any research, as we know. I can't I can't! I hate it! India is fab - but working there? Impossible!!
Off now for a chow down and a cider with DB.
Will email more when I have time! It is not often that DB is ready before me! Woot.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I have been away for so long! I have no access to internet because we love in a b and b - and are there such things as internet cafes any more? Are there heck.
BUT we got the cottage! we put down the deposit monday am, and signed all the docs and are now waiting to hear about our references, bank checks, and to hear when we may be able to move in. So atm we are in a b and b, treading water. Went to Uni today though and got a stack of books I am very excited about! I love books! I am so happy and fulfilled in fact, I am off to the pub to get a burger and a pint and feel happy that I am back in the game.
Am also trying to juggle my PhD so I don't have to go back to India to do any more research. Or any research, as we know. I can't I can't! I hate it! India is fab - but working there? Impossible!!
Off now for a chow down and a cider with DB.
Will email more when I have time! It is not often that DB is ready before me! Woot.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
Plans of plans...
So I am back to work!
Well, sort of. I managed to sit down yesterday in front of a whole load of mindless tv (scrubs, airline (I know! I hate this show normally but hey, I have no brain atm), countdown (?!) and deal or no deal (??!!)) and wrote out several plans and ideas of what I want to achieve for my meeting with my Sup, and all the way through to how long I want to stay in the UK (and so when I am off to India) and what I want to achieve in that 6 months. I have decided thus:
Meeting with Sup:
I feel most pleased about this. I now have to start doing it, and have managed admirably to avoid work so far today. Instead I found a house to view that I am completely in love with and can't stop daydreaming about. We have a viewing at 5.10pm on Saturday... I can only hope it is still on the market then. I am leaving it in the hands of providence - if it goes I was just not 'meant' to have it. And that is that.
But I love it!! It has two double bedrooms (so hard to find in this wee cottages), is right in the middle of town, has character features, has a little table in the kitchen, has bookshelves in alcoves... and we can afford it!! Arg arg, it is so painful being so far away!
But it gives me hope in my heart that we will get somewhere soon, and something to make me look forward to the future!
I am going out with DB for a meal with all our friends tonight. How lovely! We went over to a married friends' housey last night for dinner and that was lovely too - she actually asked me about my Dad and said she was sorry, which means a lot because no-one else has dared say anything which has made me feel really weird. It was lovely of her, and she also made good ol' English food to welcome us home, including cake. Hurray! What lovely people.
I guess I shall try the national express website again to see if we can get a coach up north on friday (in case we have not yet purchased a car!) but it is not working. There is nothing that makes me want to fight someone more than a continuosly 'loading' web page. Nonsense and fiddlesticks.
x J
Well, sort of. I managed to sit down yesterday in front of a whole load of mindless tv (scrubs, airline (I know! I hate this show normally but hey, I have no brain atm), countdown (?!) and deal or no deal (??!!)) and wrote out several plans and ideas of what I want to achieve for my meeting with my Sup, and all the way through to how long I want to stay in the UK (and so when I am off to India) and what I want to achieve in that 6 months. I have decided thus:
Meeting with Sup:
- Have written out what I did in India, what I was doing, and what I planned to do. email this before our meeting, along with an outline of what I intend to do over the coming months.
- Have a focus for the PhD to go to India with (off in beginning Sept). I know I shan't know what the heck all this is about until I submit/after my Viva, but I can dream...
- read through and revise two chapters already done, and write up methodology chapter
- Write the outline of the intro and lit review
- Have all sources filed and easily accessible. Invest in Endnote. Have all sources for each lit review argument listed, so just need to join the dots when 'writing up' (err, now?!)
- Have a clear idea of Foucault and Critical Theory - read everything!
- Read latest books and journals - two solid weeks in library please
- Join journals and BISA (I know, I am slow on this). Look up conferences - and go!
- Work out a paper to write and get published
- Read about how to do fieldwork, ethnomethodology, interviews and stuff for when go back to India.
I feel most pleased about this. I now have to start doing it, and have managed admirably to avoid work so far today. Instead I found a house to view that I am completely in love with and can't stop daydreaming about. We have a viewing at 5.10pm on Saturday... I can only hope it is still on the market then. I am leaving it in the hands of providence - if it goes I was just not 'meant' to have it. And that is that.
But I love it!! It has two double bedrooms (so hard to find in this wee cottages), is right in the middle of town, has character features, has a little table in the kitchen, has bookshelves in alcoves... and we can afford it!! Arg arg, it is so painful being so far away!
But it gives me hope in my heart that we will get somewhere soon, and something to make me look forward to the future!
I am going out with DB for a meal with all our friends tonight. How lovely! We went over to a married friends' housey last night for dinner and that was lovely too - she actually asked me about my Dad and said she was sorry, which means a lot because no-one else has dared say anything which has made me feel really weird. It was lovely of her, and she also made good ol' English food to welcome us home, including cake. Hurray! What lovely people.
I guess I shall try the national express website again to see if we can get a coach up north on friday (in case we have not yet purchased a car!) but it is not working. There is nothing that makes me want to fight someone more than a continuosly 'loading' web page. Nonsense and fiddlesticks.
x J
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Arrrg stressed!
I have so much to do!! we are at my 'in-law's' in Cornwall... I am struggling with everyday life, I keep feeling so sad or even tearful at the most inopportune moments, and DB is in his element here with all his friends so it's all rather lonely.
He has looked after me so well this past week and so I can't really badger him for more attention so am going it alone. But it is so lonely! I have no friends here, no one I can really talk to - all those from when I lived here have left/been split up with by DB's male friends. I just want to go home - but I have no home!! So have been frantically house hunting and DB is trying to get us a car to get up north with to find this home. we are planning to see stuff at the end of this week. I can only cross my fingers. I have found a lot of 'Ah! how lovely! It is in budget! Oh, a single spare room...' places that we are going to see anyway...
Work wise I can't concentrate on anything. I want to, but am so conscious of other immediate things that I can't think. I said that I would be full speed by the end of the week, which is pretty much all I can hope for at the mo.
I think I will go out for a run. Well, extremely slow jog in all my clothes (I have no exercise clothes!). Try and jiggle about and feel better - all this western food of bread and fat is making me feel so sluggish! Although I did not prefer Indian food it is soooooooo much better for you!!
There is such a grumpy atmosphere here all the time. I don't like it and want to go where there are terms of endearment and hugs and red wine and laughing and music and you aren't noticed so much.
I just need a faffing cuddle. One I don't have to ask for you know?
x J
Ps I have found a job that I really want to do here for after my PhD! well, an organisation I want to work for. I am excited! I shall schmooze over the next 18 months... I would adore to move here if I had my *own* home and friends. Love, love, love.
He has looked after me so well this past week and so I can't really badger him for more attention so am going it alone. But it is so lonely! I have no friends here, no one I can really talk to - all those from when I lived here have left/been split up with by DB's male friends. I just want to go home - but I have no home!! So have been frantically house hunting and DB is trying to get us a car to get up north with to find this home. we are planning to see stuff at the end of this week. I can only cross my fingers. I have found a lot of 'Ah! how lovely! It is in budget! Oh, a single spare room...' places that we are going to see anyway...
Work wise I can't concentrate on anything. I want to, but am so conscious of other immediate things that I can't think. I said that I would be full speed by the end of the week, which is pretty much all I can hope for at the mo.
I think I will go out for a run. Well, extremely slow jog in all my clothes (I have no exercise clothes!). Try and jiggle about and feel better - all this western food of bread and fat is making me feel so sluggish! Although I did not prefer Indian food it is soooooooo much better for you!!
There is such a grumpy atmosphere here all the time. I don't like it and want to go where there are terms of endearment and hugs and red wine and laughing and music and you aren't noticed so much.
I just need a faffing cuddle. One I don't have to ask for you know?
x J
Ps I have found a job that I really want to do here for after my PhD! well, an organisation I want to work for. I am excited! I shall schmooze over the next 18 months... I would adore to move here if I had my *own* home and friends. Love, love, love.
Friday, 13 February 2009
UK
So we flew back to the UK and landed last Friday, and have been in a vortex of sadness and practical organising for the funeral.
We stayed at a family friend's house near the home where my Step Dad had been living before he passed away, and had the funeral yesterday. Me and my Ma organised most of it, talking to the vicar etc. It is a very peaceful, traditional part of the countryside - I even had to go to church on Sunday!! I didn't go up in flames so all was ok. And I was rewarded with a roast dinner, red wine and rhubarb crumble and custard. YUM!!!
So today DB and I are in yet another hotel room but in a part of the westcountry that holds lots of happy memories for us, and is by the sea for some lovely walks. DB understood that I wouldn't necessarily want to go straight to see friends and start talking about it all to peeps outside the fmaily straight away so got us into this hotel for a couple of nights to get my head straight. And for us to discuss our next move!
What to do? My Sup has been totally lovely and told me that I can suspend my registration if I need to. I shan't though, mainly because I won't get paid then (not exactly a de-stressing idea that one!), but also because I would like to work anyway. I like my work and don't like to be away from it for too long. It is like a friend in some ways. I have intimated to Uni and my Sup that I will stay in the UK now until the Indian summer vileness is over, then go out for a bit longer than I planned to later in the year. I have a terrible aversion to India at the mo. even though i really loved it, I really hated it too, and am not keen to go back. I just want to get the work done and get back here. I don't know why exactly. I wonder if it is tainted because I was ill all the time and because it is where I heard the news and then scarpered from? I dunno. Anyway, I am not keen to get back there so shall use this time to plan and organise my trip out to be as efficient as possible.
So we shall need to get a home! How strange, we are so used to being hobos now. Although it is not funny carrying around this winter wardrobe I have gathered! My poor ma had to get me a whole new wardrobe - it is unbelievably cold here. There was snow everywhere when we landed, I have never known anything like it.
I can't believe we have only been in the UK for a week. It is crazy.
I aim to be back to Uni work at the end of next week. We shall line up some house viewings for probably the end of next week? That seems so soon. Hmmmm.
I fancy going to the cinema.
Thanks so much for lovely comments peeps, I really appreciate it.
x J
We stayed at a family friend's house near the home where my Step Dad had been living before he passed away, and had the funeral yesterday. Me and my Ma organised most of it, talking to the vicar etc. It is a very peaceful, traditional part of the countryside - I even had to go to church on Sunday!! I didn't go up in flames so all was ok. And I was rewarded with a roast dinner, red wine and rhubarb crumble and custard. YUM!!!
So today DB and I are in yet another hotel room but in a part of the westcountry that holds lots of happy memories for us, and is by the sea for some lovely walks. DB understood that I wouldn't necessarily want to go straight to see friends and start talking about it all to peeps outside the fmaily straight away so got us into this hotel for a couple of nights to get my head straight. And for us to discuss our next move!
What to do? My Sup has been totally lovely and told me that I can suspend my registration if I need to. I shan't though, mainly because I won't get paid then (not exactly a de-stressing idea that one!), but also because I would like to work anyway. I like my work and don't like to be away from it for too long. It is like a friend in some ways. I have intimated to Uni and my Sup that I will stay in the UK now until the Indian summer vileness is over, then go out for a bit longer than I planned to later in the year. I have a terrible aversion to India at the mo. even though i really loved it, I really hated it too, and am not keen to go back. I just want to get the work done and get back here. I don't know why exactly. I wonder if it is tainted because I was ill all the time and because it is where I heard the news and then scarpered from? I dunno. Anyway, I am not keen to get back there so shall use this time to plan and organise my trip out to be as efficient as possible.
So we shall need to get a home! How strange, we are so used to being hobos now. Although it is not funny carrying around this winter wardrobe I have gathered! My poor ma had to get me a whole new wardrobe - it is unbelievably cold here. There was snow everywhere when we landed, I have never known anything like it.
I can't believe we have only been in the UK for a week. It is crazy.
I aim to be back to Uni work at the end of next week. We shall line up some house viewings for probably the end of next week? That seems so soon. Hmmmm.
I fancy going to the cinema.
Thanks so much for lovely comments peeps, I really appreciate it.
x J
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Research, interrupted
I am flying back to the snowy, arctic UK tonight because sadly my dear Step-Father has passed away.
He has been terribly ill for a number of years and although we knew it could happen any day, it didn't and now it has I realise I stopped expecting it to.
So I am flying home with DB to be with my family. I shall arrive with a pair of jeans that are two sizes too big and numerous flimsy t-shirts under my only jumper. I shall look like a clown. Some shopping is in order I think! I have let everyone know I am leaving... I could do with some time in England so shan't hurry back. I desperately want some advice on my 'progress' and plans, and need to see a doc and put on some lbs. Ug my family are going to freak when they see how skinny I am.
I will be away for a bit obviously, but then who knows.
Give a special squeeze to those you love.
:0(
x J
He has been terribly ill for a number of years and although we knew it could happen any day, it didn't and now it has I realise I stopped expecting it to.
So I am flying home with DB to be with my family. I shall arrive with a pair of jeans that are two sizes too big and numerous flimsy t-shirts under my only jumper. I shall look like a clown. Some shopping is in order I think! I have let everyone know I am leaving... I could do with some time in England so shan't hurry back. I desperately want some advice on my 'progress' and plans, and need to see a doc and put on some lbs. Ug my family are going to freak when they see how skinny I am.
I will be away for a bit obviously, but then who knows.
Give a special squeeze to those you love.
:0(
x J
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
Gawd
I wrote that blog entry on word at nine thirty. It is now eleven thirty and I am, again, ill.
ILL!
I sound hearty but I am blinkin' miserable.
:0(
ILL!
I sound hearty but I am blinkin' miserable.
:0(
When planning and hunches pay off...
...It is divine!! I have had the best two days ever! I didn’t get home from researching until half seven last night and then went out for dins straight away so didn’t have time for any blogging. Yes, I have been busy researching!
Yesterday I went to the volunteering organisation that I have been interested in working with here and they have been amazing! Exactly as I hoped that my org in Chennai would have been like but just soooo weren’t. These guys only deal with fisher people, and by default that means people who were affected by the Tsunami. They have their work and projects they have done all over their walls, and last night we went to see some of their work. I say ‘we’ because two other peeps, A and J, came to see about volunteering just after me and they are lovely! I am very happy! Weirdly though they are treated like VIPs because they have been referred by a US organisation that they found on the internet who funds a lot of this Indian org’s work, and I think that got lost in the translation and this organisation thinks they are actual representatives from the US NGO – rather than just peeps off the street! So I was pretty much hustled out of my meeting with them for these new volunteers from the mega-NGO ‘Vanda’ (not its real name :-b) and apparently talked at for two and a half hours! I want to be talked at for two and a half hours!! And they are always introduced as ‘from Vanda’ which is not actually true, and elicits quite a strange, sycophantic response from those who hear these immortal words. I wish they were used to introduce me but alas, this is not so. The sycophancy is in itself interesting to see though – aid-actor hierarchies, big-fish-little-fish and all that...
ANYWAY, back to my story, we went to this village in the middle of nowhere, via a very squashed bus (yes, I hung out of the door – woo!!) which we got off by a tree (of course you know, the Tree, everyone knows it is a bus stop!). We then caught a rickshaw taxi, which should seat six adults but actually seated eight and two children, for a couple of miles and got off again in the middle of nowhere. I would never make my own way there! And then we wandered down a little very tidy path until we reached a village and a teeny thatched building with a whole load of children in it at their after-school club. They sang and did maths for the people from ‘Vanda’ (and me, whatever), we were in a lot of photos (the day the ‘sponsors’ came to visit!! Eek) and were adorable as always. Then we made the long journey home on another very squashed bus. Fantastic. I have a lot of writing and thinking to do. The village wasn’t quite my target population but as an experience of aid at the very bottom level of the international food chain it was excellent to see. They also used educational kits from my last aid organisation I worked for (and summarised for marketing!) so was great to see them in action! And it joins the two experiences – what luck!
Today I had an idyllic day. I went to the volunteering org at about half eleven, after some brekky and a peruse of another room that is bigger, and cheaper than the one we have now, and worked reading their audit reports and annual reports until lunchtime. Then we all had a meeting when A and J (from ‘Vanda’!) arrived about what we could do for the org. A and J are just on holiday and love volunteering and can teach English so we are doing some of that with the adults and local teachers. On Saturday we are meeting local teachers working with the organisation and will set up a workshop to teach both English and ways of teaching English for them. I have no idea but am following J’s rather superb lead...
Then we all had lunch, they got us all a ‘meal parcel’ – takeaway lunch in the local style of rice on a banana leaf, dhal, sambar, veg, curry and a popadam – and ate on the floor with everyone in a ‘fellowship meal’. This is all what I missed in my org in Chennai – they would eat without me, and I even know everyone’s name in this office and knew none in my last. And I feel like a volunteer here, rather than as if I am on the payroll. I feel much freer. And they smile! And are keen to talk! Hurray!
After lunch I worked a bit longer on the reports (analysing focus of projects and use of language to later compare with INGO-speak, as well as learning what they did during the tsunami relief) and then left at four to go for a swim in a lovely pool at a local hotel. And then sunbathed and read for half an hour, then went back out at six to meet with A and J and talk through some teaching strategies... then ate some delicious mamos (Nepalese dumplings – heaven) for dins and now I am writing this, stuffed to the brim and really tired out! I have all sorts of pictures to annotate and thoughts to have but am so tired! Please don’t make me! I really am going to have to chill for now (is half nine) and then get some good sleep (hard here when the restaurant over the road starts setting up shop and dragging chairs all along the ground at 6.20am!) and move housey tomorrow to our new room, and start work! My days are going to get very long, but really this is GREAT! It means I am doing work! Am too tired to know what work and how it figures into anything but, it is WORK! And I have a guy at work who I can ask questions to, and he answers them and I get information! Hurrayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!
Tomorrow I will go and finish the reports I have been reading, possibly read through the parts I am not allowed copies of again, and then meet with A and J for more teaching plans, learn some Tamil with a couple of the girls from the office, and at around 5 will go out and see another project. That will probably be until about 7-8pm. Then write-up and dinner and bed!
Major problem is my lack of Tamil and also my strange accent. I sound extremely posh I have noticed on my tape recordings, and my words are very clipped and said strangely. I need to be more generic (in life too – what an annoying accent! When did I get this?!!). So I am not understood often. Arg!
Generally though, I have been here for coming up to the end of my second full day here and am feeling like I have been here or 5/6... Long may it last!
X J
Yesterday I went to the volunteering organisation that I have been interested in working with here and they have been amazing! Exactly as I hoped that my org in Chennai would have been like but just soooo weren’t. These guys only deal with fisher people, and by default that means people who were affected by the Tsunami. They have their work and projects they have done all over their walls, and last night we went to see some of their work. I say ‘we’ because two other peeps, A and J, came to see about volunteering just after me and they are lovely! I am very happy! Weirdly though they are treated like VIPs because they have been referred by a US organisation that they found on the internet who funds a lot of this Indian org’s work, and I think that got lost in the translation and this organisation thinks they are actual representatives from the US NGO – rather than just peeps off the street! So I was pretty much hustled out of my meeting with them for these new volunteers from the mega-NGO ‘Vanda’ (not its real name :-b) and apparently talked at for two and a half hours! I want to be talked at for two and a half hours!! And they are always introduced as ‘from Vanda’ which is not actually true, and elicits quite a strange, sycophantic response from those who hear these immortal words. I wish they were used to introduce me but alas, this is not so. The sycophancy is in itself interesting to see though – aid-actor hierarchies, big-fish-little-fish and all that...
ANYWAY, back to my story, we went to this village in the middle of nowhere, via a very squashed bus (yes, I hung out of the door – woo!!) which we got off by a tree (of course you know, the Tree, everyone knows it is a bus stop!). We then caught a rickshaw taxi, which should seat six adults but actually seated eight and two children, for a couple of miles and got off again in the middle of nowhere. I would never make my own way there! And then we wandered down a little very tidy path until we reached a village and a teeny thatched building with a whole load of children in it at their after-school club. They sang and did maths for the people from ‘Vanda’ (and me, whatever), we were in a lot of photos (the day the ‘sponsors’ came to visit!! Eek) and were adorable as always. Then we made the long journey home on another very squashed bus. Fantastic. I have a lot of writing and thinking to do. The village wasn’t quite my target population but as an experience of aid at the very bottom level of the international food chain it was excellent to see. They also used educational kits from my last aid organisation I worked for (and summarised for marketing!) so was great to see them in action! And it joins the two experiences – what luck!
Today I had an idyllic day. I went to the volunteering org at about half eleven, after some brekky and a peruse of another room that is bigger, and cheaper than the one we have now, and worked reading their audit reports and annual reports until lunchtime. Then we all had a meeting when A and J (from ‘Vanda’!) arrived about what we could do for the org. A and J are just on holiday and love volunteering and can teach English so we are doing some of that with the adults and local teachers. On Saturday we are meeting local teachers working with the organisation and will set up a workshop to teach both English and ways of teaching English for them. I have no idea but am following J’s rather superb lead...
Then we all had lunch, they got us all a ‘meal parcel’ – takeaway lunch in the local style of rice on a banana leaf, dhal, sambar, veg, curry and a popadam – and ate on the floor with everyone in a ‘fellowship meal’. This is all what I missed in my org in Chennai – they would eat without me, and I even know everyone’s name in this office and knew none in my last. And I feel like a volunteer here, rather than as if I am on the payroll. I feel much freer. And they smile! And are keen to talk! Hurray!
After lunch I worked a bit longer on the reports (analysing focus of projects and use of language to later compare with INGO-speak, as well as learning what they did during the tsunami relief) and then left at four to go for a swim in a lovely pool at a local hotel. And then sunbathed and read for half an hour, then went back out at six to meet with A and J and talk through some teaching strategies... then ate some delicious mamos (Nepalese dumplings – heaven) for dins and now I am writing this, stuffed to the brim and really tired out! I have all sorts of pictures to annotate and thoughts to have but am so tired! Please don’t make me! I really am going to have to chill for now (is half nine) and then get some good sleep (hard here when the restaurant over the road starts setting up shop and dragging chairs all along the ground at 6.20am!) and move housey tomorrow to our new room, and start work! My days are going to get very long, but really this is GREAT! It means I am doing work! Am too tired to know what work and how it figures into anything but, it is WORK! And I have a guy at work who I can ask questions to, and he answers them and I get information! Hurrayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!
Tomorrow I will go and finish the reports I have been reading, possibly read through the parts I am not allowed copies of again, and then meet with A and J for more teaching plans, learn some Tamil with a couple of the girls from the office, and at around 5 will go out and see another project. That will probably be until about 7-8pm. Then write-up and dinner and bed!
Major problem is my lack of Tamil and also my strange accent. I sound extremely posh I have noticed on my tape recordings, and my words are very clipped and said strangely. I need to be more generic (in life too – what an annoying accent! When did I get this?!!). So I am not understood often. Arg!
Generally though, I have been here for coming up to the end of my second full day here and am feeling like I have been here or 5/6... Long may it last!
X J
Sunday, 1 February 2009
At Site One - Mama
Oh my god. I just wrote the most enormous entry and google let me know they had a problem as I went to publish it. I can't write it again, I just can't.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!
Basically, I am in Mama - site one, I have a lovely room with balcony and everything and am sure they are going to say we can't have it for our time here two months! (tho they seem to think we can) We are trying it out for tonight as it is important to know how noisy it is outside of a morn! I can't believe it is february already and don't want to leave India in April any more, I am really nervous about tomorrow as it is my first day of research - I feel like it is my first day at school, and am really very scared of ringing two people tomorrow. I may ring one, and see if the other responds to my email and will ring them on Tues if not. I am a phone-chicken. I am going to spend tomorrow reccying the area on my feetsies and seeing what tsunami memorials there are, and am really unsure what to do about all the begging and hawking - the women and children and old men. Old people I don't mind and tend to give them money though know they can often be exploited too. The children break my bitter, cold heart but I can't reward their begging. I will teach them english and chat with them but no money. Hopefully some volunteering will make me feel better about this.
Going now - I have notes to type up at my room from today. W got a rickshaw up the coast and so have lots of pics and info from the journey which is great - but pretty boring!
Will write again tomorrow about my first day!
PS
Ahhh... a man just came and put all these yellow and pink flowers around my computer! :0) I think tonight is a special Hindu night because there are more incense sticks burning than usual... and then these flowers. You would think I would know these things. But I don't :0s Though how to keep up with them all I don't know...
x J
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!
Basically, I am in Mama - site one, I have a lovely room with balcony and everything and am sure they are going to say we can't have it for our time here two months! (tho they seem to think we can) We are trying it out for tonight as it is important to know how noisy it is outside of a morn! I can't believe it is february already and don't want to leave India in April any more, I am really nervous about tomorrow as it is my first day of research - I feel like it is my first day at school, and am really very scared of ringing two people tomorrow. I may ring one, and see if the other responds to my email and will ring them on Tues if not. I am a phone-chicken. I am going to spend tomorrow reccying the area on my feetsies and seeing what tsunami memorials there are, and am really unsure what to do about all the begging and hawking - the women and children and old men. Old people I don't mind and tend to give them money though know they can often be exploited too. The children break my bitter, cold heart but I can't reward their begging. I will teach them english and chat with them but no money. Hopefully some volunteering will make me feel better about this.
Going now - I have notes to type up at my room from today. W got a rickshaw up the coast and so have lots of pics and info from the journey which is great - but pretty boring!
Will write again tomorrow about my first day!
PS
Ahhh... a man just came and put all these yellow and pink flowers around my computer! :0) I think tonight is a special Hindu night because there are more incense sticks burning than usual... and then these flowers. You would think I would know these things. But I don't :0s Though how to keep up with them all I don't know...
x J
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