Hmmm, I did a bit of reading but nothing worth mentioning really...
Am going to leave it now and just see it as one of those weeks - part of the messy, incoherent transition from one chapter to another. Is so hard to just jump straight into another chapter - they demand so much creativity, work and commitment each that is pyschologically impossible to just start a new one without a break. What counts as a break is hard too, I had last week off in the lake district so that should have been enough... but wasn't. This week I have sat at my desk from 9.30am to at least 4.30pm each day and done little other than planning and realising this chapter will not be as quick as I thought but needs proper commitment and time. I am off to see my folks on Sunday and then to Cornwall to see the in laws for the last time before popping and will be back on Thursday. I will do planning and organising on Friday and then work properly on Monday. It is annoying and makes me stressed that I am wasting time and have too much work to do for a week off... but then again maybe it is exactly what I need, to get away from it and come back to it having had a decent stretch of a few weeks to put the previous chapter to bed and start this new one. I can hardly remember what this chapter is on, I am still half in and out of my old one!
Is only because I have the deadline of my Maternity leave that I am stressy. But then again, I can only do what I can do - I say this time and time again and always, *always* get the work done. Not to the inital schedule, admittedly, but I reach the desired standard which is more important and anyway, I have never ever been reproached for tardiness.
Righty. Am going to try and believe all this so I can spend my weekend and week off without flogging myself with guilt. Bah, it'll be fine. I'll do a little plan for myself now to prove it ;0)
x J
Friday, 30 October 2009
Umph
Well, yesterday was rubbish, so rubbish I had nothing to post.
Just sat around procrastinating really, really hard all day. I didn't have much sleep and just couldn't be bothered. Then comes along today... Thanks to my blooming pregnancy I went to sleep at 1.30am, woke at 5am and got up at 6am, unable to sleep at all - wide, wide awake. 3.5 hours sleep. Why? Whyyyyy? We all know I don't get up until 9am! Wasn't the Bean, he was fast asleep until 8am bless him.
So I am shattered, having had to spend the morning in front of GMTV - a televisual phenomenon hitherto foreign to me and boy I am glad I don't have to watch it every day. What drivel! They are so gloomy! Just talk about tragedy with no positive spin on anything. A good example is a random section where a girl who had had a negative reaction to a hair dye kit from Boots (Boots, you know - they made a thing about that like Boots had done it On Purpose) was on, with a picture of her (now healed and just dandy) burnt face. Well, the interviewer wasn't letting her tell her 'it turned out ok' story, no, instead she kept pointing out little scars on her face and drawing attention to how vile it all was. For what purpose? And Dr Hilary Jones was on whining about the automated services on phones. Why Dr? Why? And in between these things was the weather. Lots of weather. And adverts for CDs of music from soldiers in honour of those fallen in Afghanistan. UG.
Anyway, rant over.
Am completely starving.
I have all this work to do and I can honestly say I can hardly bear to look at it, let alone do any of it. Please let it be 4.30! I just want to slump in front of the tv with lots of food that is terribly bad for me. Pizza and chippies! yes, yes.
So, today my mission is to do *any* work!
Ug, hate it.
x J
Just sat around procrastinating really, really hard all day. I didn't have much sleep and just couldn't be bothered. Then comes along today... Thanks to my blooming pregnancy I went to sleep at 1.30am, woke at 5am and got up at 6am, unable to sleep at all - wide, wide awake. 3.5 hours sleep. Why? Whyyyyy? We all know I don't get up until 9am! Wasn't the Bean, he was fast asleep until 8am bless him.
So I am shattered, having had to spend the morning in front of GMTV - a televisual phenomenon hitherto foreign to me and boy I am glad I don't have to watch it every day. What drivel! They are so gloomy! Just talk about tragedy with no positive spin on anything. A good example is a random section where a girl who had had a negative reaction to a hair dye kit from Boots (Boots, you know - they made a thing about that like Boots had done it On Purpose) was on, with a picture of her (now healed and just dandy) burnt face. Well, the interviewer wasn't letting her tell her 'it turned out ok' story, no, instead she kept pointing out little scars on her face and drawing attention to how vile it all was. For what purpose? And Dr Hilary Jones was on whining about the automated services on phones. Why Dr? Why? And in between these things was the weather. Lots of weather. And adverts for CDs of music from soldiers in honour of those fallen in Afghanistan. UG.
Anyway, rant over.
Am completely starving.
I have all this work to do and I can honestly say I can hardly bear to look at it, let alone do any of it. Please let it be 4.30! I just want to slump in front of the tv with lots of food that is terribly bad for me. Pizza and chippies! yes, yes.
So, today my mission is to do *any* work!
Ug, hate it.
x J
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
Printing and organising
I have spent the day printing out reports and finding info and am getting quite a reading list...
I didn't want to have to print lots out, will use up all my ink! But then again, I can't read it all off the internet, it will take at least twice as long to write it all out as highlight it, let alone hving the temptations of the laptop!
Will carry on printing for a bit then head off. Is so weird working when it is so dark outside! feels really late!
x J
I didn't want to have to print lots out, will use up all my ink! But then again, I can't read it all off the internet, it will take at least twice as long to write it all out as highlight it, let alone hving the temptations of the laptop!
Will carry on printing for a bit then head off. Is so weird working when it is so dark outside! feels really late!
x J
Why oh Why
Is it never easy?!
After mulling over the future of this chapter last night I spent the whole evening in a total sulk having realised there was no way out of it: I am going to have to start this chapter again from scratch. That I have lost the notes doesn't really matter, reading the reports again is a very good idea anyway. I haven't looked at them for about 2 years so need to reaquaint myself with them and write better notes more suited to the way/direction in which I think now. (Still sulking about it though.) I have my original chapter and the references which are all online so know where to start. It will take me ages though, although I know it will be worth it and I will have a very good chapter to come back to. But it is sad that I will probably have half of the PhD done instead of the 'most' I wanted. Crippins.
I do know that I would rather come back and have the discussion chapter to do as that is actually interesting and the point of the whole PhD, rather than facing this chapter. Again.
Hmmph.
x J
After mulling over the future of this chapter last night I spent the whole evening in a total sulk having realised there was no way out of it: I am going to have to start this chapter again from scratch. That I have lost the notes doesn't really matter, reading the reports again is a very good idea anyway. I haven't looked at them for about 2 years so need to reaquaint myself with them and write better notes more suited to the way/direction in which I think now. (Still sulking about it though.) I have my original chapter and the references which are all online so know where to start. It will take me ages though, although I know it will be worth it and I will have a very good chapter to come back to. But it is sad that I will probably have half of the PhD done instead of the 'most' I wanted. Crippins.
I do know that I would rather come back and have the discussion chapter to do as that is actually interesting and the point of the whole PhD, rather than facing this chapter. Again.
Hmmph.
x J
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
Why is it never easy?!
Arf, doing a PhD takes so LONG!
I started re-reading what I have already for my chapter, reading some of my fieldwork journals and just getting to grips with how I want the chapter to go... and it turns out the writing I have so far is *ok* but not great; I need to re-read the source material to tighten it up. Great, that will take weeks. BUT, I also need to FIND this source material! I have the references, and are all reports from the internet. This is fine, but where are the notes I would have written on these 40 page+ reports?! I would have definitely written notes! And I have none. So do I re-read and re-write the notes, or stare around my room trying to work out where the hell the notes are?! I am loathe to start from scratch :0( It took me aaaaages before, and I remember by the end I was *sick* of reading these reports. They are so long I have to read them on my comp too which means they can't be annotated easily but I have to write out quotes etc in longhand. UG! There are LOADS of notes missing. Practically a whole chapter's worth. Which means they *must* be somewhere. But where? I have moved them into storage and into a new house since I last saw them :0( . Starting again would be a blessing in the way that I could do with getting to grips with this all from scratch, with my new knowledge and am just better at my job so the notes would also be better. (I wasn't very critical of the reports before, as they were 'local' so I assumed they were benign and less political than international reporting. This is naive though.) BUT, but, but. The reports are sooooooo long, detailed and boring!
I am going to go and have a think. SO yes, I have lost the notes (idiot), but the fact I need them anyway to read again from the start is quite a shocker - though how I didn't anticipate this I don't know. Then I have more reading to do from sources I found in India, and then I have my research to feed in. All of a sudden, instead of being a quick recap of a chapter it is turning into having a write a full chapter from scratch.
Now, I can either do this, or I can not. I really, really want to have the discussion chapter done before going on maternity leave. If I do this chapter in detail then there is no way I will have time for both. But, then again, how can I write a good discussion chapter without, er, the meat for the discussion fully researched?!
D'oh. I have to do this properly don't I? Pain in the BUM!
Where are those notes?!!
Right, am off for a think about how to do this.
I am so tired!
x J
I started re-reading what I have already for my chapter, reading some of my fieldwork journals and just getting to grips with how I want the chapter to go... and it turns out the writing I have so far is *ok* but not great; I need to re-read the source material to tighten it up. Great, that will take weeks. BUT, I also need to FIND this source material! I have the references, and are all reports from the internet. This is fine, but where are the notes I would have written on these 40 page+ reports?! I would have definitely written notes! And I have none. So do I re-read and re-write the notes, or stare around my room trying to work out where the hell the notes are?! I am loathe to start from scratch :0( It took me aaaaages before, and I remember by the end I was *sick* of reading these reports. They are so long I have to read them on my comp too which means they can't be annotated easily but I have to write out quotes etc in longhand. UG! There are LOADS of notes missing. Practically a whole chapter's worth. Which means they *must* be somewhere. But where? I have moved them into storage and into a new house since I last saw them :0( . Starting again would be a blessing in the way that I could do with getting to grips with this all from scratch, with my new knowledge and am just better at my job so the notes would also be better. (I wasn't very critical of the reports before, as they were 'local' so I assumed they were benign and less political than international reporting. This is naive though.) BUT, but, but. The reports are sooooooo long, detailed and boring!
I am going to go and have a think. SO yes, I have lost the notes (idiot), but the fact I need them anyway to read again from the start is quite a shocker - though how I didn't anticipate this I don't know. Then I have more reading to do from sources I found in India, and then I have my research to feed in. All of a sudden, instead of being a quick recap of a chapter it is turning into having a write a full chapter from scratch.
Now, I can either do this, or I can not. I really, really want to have the discussion chapter done before going on maternity leave. If I do this chapter in detail then there is no way I will have time for both. But, then again, how can I write a good discussion chapter without, er, the meat for the discussion fully researched?!
D'oh. I have to do this properly don't I? Pain in the BUM!
Where are those notes?!!
Right, am off for a think about how to do this.
I am so tired!
x J
Monday, 26 October 2009
Hmmmm
I did bu*ger all today!
Nothing! I read about the Bean... (only ten weeks to go until my due date! Is starting to occupy my thoughts a lot as you can imagine. Oh well, tomorrow is another day. I am working full time until at least the beginning of Dec, though really until term ends on the 18 Dec. Then shall wind up for xmas and holeeeday!) Well, I sorted out that paper for the journal. It is the first day back after a week off so just sitting here is pretty good! (Look at me trying to cheer my lazy arse up!)
Tomorrow I will work, honest. May mean not turning on the laptop though.
To be honest, I really don't want to trawl through my old fieldwork nonsense. Reading journals etc. So time consuming and to glean what? And I don't *like* it, it makes me feel creepy - I think because of my Step Dads death at the end of it all. Just don't want to think about it much. But I have to! Sigh. I shall think on it tonight and turn myself on to it.
ALSO, I have just realised, I *always* have a few weeks of active procrastination between chapters. Weeks! Then the deadline looms (whatever it is, meeting with Sup/Conference/going away on fieldwork etc) and I get busy. Sugar, I really have to make sure I don't slip into this - in weeks' time it will be mid november and I have two chapters to write before I stop work on the 18 Dec. Come ON!
Ok, maybe I shall arrange to send it to Sup for 16 Nov. Lordy, even without procrastination I am in the middle of Nov! This week = work; next week I am away! It is my sister's beeday so am going to spend Sunday with my family en route to my last visit to the inlaws (and only my second during my pregnancy so they are keen to see me and Bump as you can imagine) in cornwall, before we have a Bean. We are there until Weds/Thurs next week. So if I have the whole of the next week and weekend that brings me to the 16 Nov! O.M.G. There is no way I am stopping work in the beginning of Dec then. I definitely have to get my discussion chapter down before Mat leave.
Sheeeeeeit.
x J
Nothing! I read about the Bean... (only ten weeks to go until my due date! Is starting to occupy my thoughts a lot as you can imagine. Oh well, tomorrow is another day. I am working full time until at least the beginning of Dec, though really until term ends on the 18 Dec. Then shall wind up for xmas and holeeeday!) Well, I sorted out that paper for the journal. It is the first day back after a week off so just sitting here is pretty good! (Look at me trying to cheer my lazy arse up!)
Tomorrow I will work, honest. May mean not turning on the laptop though.
To be honest, I really don't want to trawl through my old fieldwork nonsense. Reading journals etc. So time consuming and to glean what? And I don't *like* it, it makes me feel creepy - I think because of my Step Dads death at the end of it all. Just don't want to think about it much. But I have to! Sigh. I shall think on it tonight and turn myself on to it.
ALSO, I have just realised, I *always* have a few weeks of active procrastination between chapters. Weeks! Then the deadline looms (whatever it is, meeting with Sup/Conference/going away on fieldwork etc) and I get busy. Sugar, I really have to make sure I don't slip into this - in weeks' time it will be mid november and I have two chapters to write before I stop work on the 18 Dec. Come ON!
Ok, maybe I shall arrange to send it to Sup for 16 Nov. Lordy, even without procrastination I am in the middle of Nov! This week = work; next week I am away! It is my sister's beeday so am going to spend Sunday with my family en route to my last visit to the inlaws (and only my second during my pregnancy so they are keen to see me and Bump as you can imagine) in cornwall, before we have a Bean. We are there until Weds/Thurs next week. So if I have the whole of the next week and weekend that brings me to the 16 Nov! O.M.G. There is no way I am stopping work in the beginning of Dec then. I definitely have to get my discussion chapter down before Mat leave.
Sheeeeeeit.
x J
Back to work!
I had a lovely week off and now am back to work! Had a lovely extra hour this morning of course, with the clocks going back yesterday, except I went to sleep very late last night so woke up at 9.30. Thought 'oh, it doesn't matter, it is actually 8.30,' and snuggled down for more snoozy then realised I had changed my clock so it really was coming up to 10am.
So far this morning then I have checked my banks and, as I suspected, I am skint. Have also skimmed through my paper for the conference (yuk, again, am sick of it) and submitted it for publication though it won't be accepted as am up against some Proper Names in the Field - nice try anyway ;0)... Turns out the original paper I wrote before the conference really was only for the eyes of other panellists and the chair. Now I have to write a proper paper for publication but luckily I have already done it so sent that off and now, really honestly now, I shall never look at it again. PHEW!
So today I am going through my fieldwork info! I have two weeks to write it up... I have about 3,000 words of this chapter written already, as info from local NGOs and papers etc. I now need to add my interview findings and bring the total up to 8,000 which should be doable. Although I only have two weeks I really just need to get down what I can, so I have at least a skeleton for this chapter that I can then fill out when *someone* - ANYONE - translates my interviews for me! Oh well, I have a year... I shall use the notes I have for now and my journal and own interviews to create an idea of what peeps think and feel about the aid effort. Is a strange coincidence that I am starting this on the same day we had packed up and travelled to london to go to India last year... I was so excited! Now I couldn't bear doing it all again - all that unpredictability and strangeness! But it was great at the time, we had so long! From now until April! What a trip. So much has changed since then. Doing fieldwork is so good for helping you grow up in your PhD I reckon. It really taught me about how unpredictable and uncontrollable doing research is, and how the info is beyond your making really. But also taught me to relax about this and just get on with it each day as best I could. I made some mistakes - settling in a city wasn't that useful, I was never going to fit in culturally, I volunteered in a position that gave nothing to my research for too long out of politeness and fear (much more gumption and assertion now! I would be out of there!), and didn't assert my goals in the volunteering org early or clearly enough - I was very polite and acted though I really was there to volunteer rather than get soemthing out of them back. I also believe that research trips cannot be compared. Yours will be *yours* and you can't compare how you did on it with other peeps. You have different strengths and weaknesses and these really come out in research. You also have enironmental constraints/opportunites that differ. Travelling and seeing the region was a brilliant idea, if I hadn't done that when I could I would have no idea of anything. Seeing really is believing, even on a whirlwind tour. I also had a lot of FUN, going out, meeting people and making friends, settling in to a routine and relaxing. I shouldn't have felt so guilty about that. Mainly though, it is hard bloody work as you can never leave the field until you leave the country. You are always looking around you for info and everyone you speak to could be a potential informant. It is *exhausting*! However much I whine about India I would not change the experience for the world. It was amazing, and in the end it worked! I did research!
So better have a look at it.
So angry with my RA. Still. How long will this simmer for?!
x J
So far this morning then I have checked my banks and, as I suspected, I am skint. Have also skimmed through my paper for the conference (yuk, again, am sick of it) and submitted it for publication though it won't be accepted as am up against some Proper Names in the Field - nice try anyway ;0)... Turns out the original paper I wrote before the conference really was only for the eyes of other panellists and the chair. Now I have to write a proper paper for publication but luckily I have already done it so sent that off and now, really honestly now, I shall never look at it again. PHEW!
So today I am going through my fieldwork info! I have two weeks to write it up... I have about 3,000 words of this chapter written already, as info from local NGOs and papers etc. I now need to add my interview findings and bring the total up to 8,000 which should be doable. Although I only have two weeks I really just need to get down what I can, so I have at least a skeleton for this chapter that I can then fill out when *someone* - ANYONE - translates my interviews for me! Oh well, I have a year... I shall use the notes I have for now and my journal and own interviews to create an idea of what peeps think and feel about the aid effort. Is a strange coincidence that I am starting this on the same day we had packed up and travelled to london to go to India last year... I was so excited! Now I couldn't bear doing it all again - all that unpredictability and strangeness! But it was great at the time, we had so long! From now until April! What a trip. So much has changed since then. Doing fieldwork is so good for helping you grow up in your PhD I reckon. It really taught me about how unpredictable and uncontrollable doing research is, and how the info is beyond your making really. But also taught me to relax about this and just get on with it each day as best I could. I made some mistakes - settling in a city wasn't that useful, I was never going to fit in culturally, I volunteered in a position that gave nothing to my research for too long out of politeness and fear (much more gumption and assertion now! I would be out of there!), and didn't assert my goals in the volunteering org early or clearly enough - I was very polite and acted though I really was there to volunteer rather than get soemthing out of them back. I also believe that research trips cannot be compared. Yours will be *yours* and you can't compare how you did on it with other peeps. You have different strengths and weaknesses and these really come out in research. You also have enironmental constraints/opportunites that differ. Travelling and seeing the region was a brilliant idea, if I hadn't done that when I could I would have no idea of anything. Seeing really is believing, even on a whirlwind tour. I also had a lot of FUN, going out, meeting people and making friends, settling in to a routine and relaxing. I shouldn't have felt so guilty about that. Mainly though, it is hard bloody work as you can never leave the field until you leave the country. You are always looking around you for info and everyone you speak to could be a potential informant. It is *exhausting*! However much I whine about India I would not change the experience for the world. It was amazing, and in the end it worked! I did research!
So better have a look at it.
So angry with my RA. Still. How long will this simmer for?!
x J
Sunday, 18 October 2009
The Presentation...
It went really well! I did it! It is done! I am freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Literally got in the door about half an hour ago, to my lovely warm cosy house :0) So happy! The night before the presentation I went out to my friend's dinner party which was *amazing*, the food was delicious and it was just great to see all my friends - and show off my bump! Left at about 2am and got a taxi back to my mate's flat where I lay awake all night until 6am, when I managed to sleep until 7.20am and then lay awake until it was time to get up... It was horrific. During my hour long sleep I dreamt about being late for the presentation and having all my clothes in a locker with no key... typical stress dreams! Was so stressed out but felt better once I had left the house, on time, and was on my way. Found the venue easily and got there with 5 mins to spare, found the lecture theatre where the intro was being held and which would be where my presentation would be... it was a lovely theatre and quite small, so probably about 200 people at the entire conference? I realised if there are about 4 panels occuring at the same time then shan't be as many people as I feared. The panel was on a plinth, behind a lovely big desk and the presentations were done behind a big lecturn that came up to your shoulders! Nicely hidden. Couldn't have been more comforting really. So I started to breathe again... found my Sup straight away who was with a couple of peeps from the panel and my Uni and sat with them and just stayed in that lecture theatre until lunchtime... went for a walk to expel some nervous energy and made myself eat some sandwich and a biscuit (very proud of myself!) and then it was time! Sat up on the plinth and was ok - I didn't have the dry mouth or twitchy eye but was a bit shaky and cold (typical nerves). I was last up to do my reading and realised mine was so much more of a 'presentation', when the others' were all more like lectures, or sort of overviews of their papers. A lot of the others also seemed relatively unprepared, either rattling through their speeches or running wildly over time. Mine was bang on 10 minutes, didn't need to be told to hurry up, read it out slowly and clearly and maintained eye contact across the room. People seemed to be enjoying it - as in they weren't yawning/fiddling with things/talking - but listening, my colleagues (I know, but they are now I suppose!) were smiling and the people on my panel I could see out of the corner of my eye seemed very engaged. So I took heart from that and just got on with it. When I finished I went to sit down and one guy on my panel, an *amazing* academic who is incredibly famous in my field and who I am in awe of nodded his approval at me (whoopee!) and my Sup was beaming and said it was terrific! Terrific no less! He is not a complimenter, he says either bad things or that it is good, but doesn't gush or anything. I was so pleased! And the discussant chappie picked my paper out in particular while summing up and said that he really enjoyed it and that it was very good and succinct and some other lovely things that I can't remember. It couldn't have gone any better. I was asked a couple of questions and answered ok, not very well really - If I could have answered them straight away it would have been better but you get a few questions in a row then have to answer them as a panel one by one so can be a good 20 mins before you get to answer it, by which time I had overthought it and forgotton my answers so sort of fluffed and guffed. Afterwards I went to the coffee break to schmooze and a couple of other people said they really liked it too! Brilliant stuff. After that I stayed for the rest of the day and finally left at about 6.30 - I was falling asleep and completely starving so thought it best I nick off! Had a lovely evening feeling as light as a feather that it was all done, and watching x factor and eating chilli with my friends :0)
And now I am home! Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and happy! Am going to sleep well tonight and sleep in tomorrow, have a bath and slob around reading my book and eating! Am on holiday for the week now, DB is home tomorrow evening and we are off for our few days in the lakes on Tues am.
I just feel brilliant that i have done my first conference presentation, that I worked hard for it and it paid off, but also that it was a positive experience (not the compliments, that I could *do* it without vomiting!) and so next time it should be a bit easier. Maybe I'll sleep the night before the next one... I feel like I have done another initiation test for Uni and passed another test to be a grown up in my field (not that I want to be an academic!). Also, the mega famous guy on my panel is going to be my external examiner! My Sup is friends with him and asked him if he would do it and he said he would like to! We disagree on one point I made which is great, makes me realise that I have got to the stage now where I am not writing to be told that my work has merit or not, it is taken for granted that I can say what I want to say - it is what I am saying that is taken to task. I am taken seriously! Haha! What a joke!! ;0)
So all is good for now. Another milestone reached and passed and some time off is well deserved!
x J
Literally got in the door about half an hour ago, to my lovely warm cosy house :0) So happy! The night before the presentation I went out to my friend's dinner party which was *amazing*, the food was delicious and it was just great to see all my friends - and show off my bump! Left at about 2am and got a taxi back to my mate's flat where I lay awake all night until 6am, when I managed to sleep until 7.20am and then lay awake until it was time to get up... It was horrific. During my hour long sleep I dreamt about being late for the presentation and having all my clothes in a locker with no key... typical stress dreams! Was so stressed out but felt better once I had left the house, on time, and was on my way. Found the venue easily and got there with 5 mins to spare, found the lecture theatre where the intro was being held and which would be where my presentation would be... it was a lovely theatre and quite small, so probably about 200 people at the entire conference? I realised if there are about 4 panels occuring at the same time then shan't be as many people as I feared. The panel was on a plinth, behind a lovely big desk and the presentations were done behind a big lecturn that came up to your shoulders! Nicely hidden. Couldn't have been more comforting really. So I started to breathe again... found my Sup straight away who was with a couple of peeps from the panel and my Uni and sat with them and just stayed in that lecture theatre until lunchtime... went for a walk to expel some nervous energy and made myself eat some sandwich and a biscuit (very proud of myself!) and then it was time! Sat up on the plinth and was ok - I didn't have the dry mouth or twitchy eye but was a bit shaky and cold (typical nerves). I was last up to do my reading and realised mine was so much more of a 'presentation', when the others' were all more like lectures, or sort of overviews of their papers. A lot of the others also seemed relatively unprepared, either rattling through their speeches or running wildly over time. Mine was bang on 10 minutes, didn't need to be told to hurry up, read it out slowly and clearly and maintained eye contact across the room. People seemed to be enjoying it - as in they weren't yawning/fiddling with things/talking - but listening, my colleagues (I know, but they are now I suppose!) were smiling and the people on my panel I could see out of the corner of my eye seemed very engaged. So I took heart from that and just got on with it. When I finished I went to sit down and one guy on my panel, an *amazing* academic who is incredibly famous in my field and who I am in awe of nodded his approval at me (whoopee!) and my Sup was beaming and said it was terrific! Terrific no less! He is not a complimenter, he says either bad things or that it is good, but doesn't gush or anything. I was so pleased! And the discussant chappie picked my paper out in particular while summing up and said that he really enjoyed it and that it was very good and succinct and some other lovely things that I can't remember. It couldn't have gone any better. I was asked a couple of questions and answered ok, not very well really - If I could have answered them straight away it would have been better but you get a few questions in a row then have to answer them as a panel one by one so can be a good 20 mins before you get to answer it, by which time I had overthought it and forgotton my answers so sort of fluffed and guffed. Afterwards I went to the coffee break to schmooze and a couple of other people said they really liked it too! Brilliant stuff. After that I stayed for the rest of the day and finally left at about 6.30 - I was falling asleep and completely starving so thought it best I nick off! Had a lovely evening feeling as light as a feather that it was all done, and watching x factor and eating chilli with my friends :0)
And now I am home! Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and happy! Am going to sleep well tonight and sleep in tomorrow, have a bath and slob around reading my book and eating! Am on holiday for the week now, DB is home tomorrow evening and we are off for our few days in the lakes on Tues am.
I just feel brilliant that i have done my first conference presentation, that I worked hard for it and it paid off, but also that it was a positive experience (not the compliments, that I could *do* it without vomiting!) and so next time it should be a bit easier. Maybe I'll sleep the night before the next one... I feel like I have done another initiation test for Uni and passed another test to be a grown up in my field (not that I want to be an academic!). Also, the mega famous guy on my panel is going to be my external examiner! My Sup is friends with him and asked him if he would do it and he said he would like to! We disagree on one point I made which is great, makes me realise that I have got to the stage now where I am not writing to be told that my work has merit or not, it is taken for granted that I can say what I want to say - it is what I am saying that is taken to task. I am taken seriously! Haha! What a joke!! ;0)
So all is good for now. Another milestone reached and passed and some time off is well deserved!
x J
Thursday, 15 October 2009
Getting better... :0)
I did the presentation in front of DB and am feeling much *much* better about it all now.
I was so nervous, he suggested I do it and I said no, am feeling way too fragile today and figured it is too late to change anything now anyway. Then I thought about it and it made me so nervous I thought I really should do it, give it a go and see how it works out. So I did and bizarrely started crying after the intro, I felt so unsure and shy about it. Silly rabbit. Then got up some steam and carried on. I wasn't brilliant, I was quiet and a bit fidgety and I couldn't really practice looking up as I would just have to keep looking at him, all earnest like, and it would make me feel very silly, so sometimes I looked out of the window which just made me look a bit bored I suppose. Anyway, he said it was good and that even he (as in non-IR) managed to get the point of it and it didn't feel like 10 minutes. Very good, can't be too boring then. We talked about it a bit more and he gave me some nice feedback and reassured me that it was good and I should be pleased with it. I feel a lot better for this, and for having my panic attack when doing it in front of him and not waiting until the day.
Feel sooooooo much better. Like a cloud has lifted. It is surprising how important having someone listen to it and not laugh or throw things at me or look at me like I am mental is.
Roll on Saturday! ug.
x J
I was so nervous, he suggested I do it and I said no, am feeling way too fragile today and figured it is too late to change anything now anyway. Then I thought about it and it made me so nervous I thought I really should do it, give it a go and see how it works out. So I did and bizarrely started crying after the intro, I felt so unsure and shy about it. Silly rabbit. Then got up some steam and carried on. I wasn't brilliant, I was quiet and a bit fidgety and I couldn't really practice looking up as I would just have to keep looking at him, all earnest like, and it would make me feel very silly, so sometimes I looked out of the window which just made me look a bit bored I suppose. Anyway, he said it was good and that even he (as in non-IR) managed to get the point of it and it didn't feel like 10 minutes. Very good, can't be too boring then. We talked about it a bit more and he gave me some nice feedback and reassured me that it was good and I should be pleased with it. I feel a lot better for this, and for having my panic attack when doing it in front of him and not waiting until the day.
Feel sooooooo much better. Like a cloud has lifted. It is surprising how important having someone listen to it and not laugh or throw things at me or look at me like I am mental is.
Roll on Saturday! ug.
x J
Cripes
Ug, I have been up since 7am as there was an almighty bang and a car crash outside our house! Luckily no one was hurt, DB ran outside to see if he could help anyone and I stayed in bed all freaked out. Was horrible actually.
Didn't get back to sleep and am now feeling achy and shivery and nasty. I really, really don't want to be ill! What on earth should I do if I have flu tomorrow? Should I stay at home or go with my germs?! Would I need a doctors note? Doctors won't see you if you have flu actually, you have a ring a special line as, well, a) it is a virus so is nothing they can do anyway and b) it could be the piggy flu which spreads like wildfire, funnily enough they don't want it in their waiting rooms.
Am being very presumptious, am sure I will be as right as rain after a shower.
Will have said shower and then run through my presentation. Today is our changeover week day, so are 29 weeks preggers! Can't WAIT for next week and being 30 weeks - we shall be on holiday then too so can really chill and celebrate. Anyway, means we have to get celebratory grubbins which would be a takeaway but we have our antenatal class all evening so may get a bacon buttie - though am feeling sickly now :0( To the shower!
SOOOO, will read through the pres, have some food, hopefully feel better, and I want to go though my interviews from India so I have a better understanding of the emipirical side to my arguments for the conference. Will generally make me feel quite thorough in my knowledge and so, more confident. I am fine about it, really, what can happen. I vomit all over myself, I mutter the presentation, I get asked questions I can't possibly answer and then run away afterwards and don't go back. I don't want to be an academic anyway so their opinions, if negative (!) don't mean anything apart from to my *pride*. Obviously, I have coined this new concept and term and would dearly love it to take off in IR speak and become something worth talking about, I would love to be published and for people to be interested in my ideas... but this is just ego. When I have finished this PhD, it is finished. I will write it into a book that no one wants to publish, have another gorgeous baby, and then look around me when I am about 35 and work out my next manoevre - porobably into a local charity or policy for local government.
It will be FINE.
Is it just me, overreacting and being so nervous? I haven't done public speaking for a couple of years - I did a presentation at the end of my first year - which, incidentally, was *terrible*. I tried to say too much, too fast and was quite shrill and incoherent. It was at the end of a long, long day of other (boring) presentations, to an intimate gathering of 10, and I was so lonely and unconfident and hadn't practised enough. (Got a merit for it though ;0)) Anyway, this time it is well practiced, has been months in the making in general, has been vetted (sort of) by my sup who said I will be a star (high praise indeed from someone who doesn't do praise!), will be in the middle of the first day, after lunch, in a biggish lecture hall (I think it is the biggest hall actually as it is where the keynote address is and the morning welcome chat...) and with a panel. I am horribly nervous. Worth it though for when it is done, I will be so proud of myself and can slowly let myself slip slide into the vagueness of pregnancy and motherhood knowing I have left my work, for now, on a high :0)
Begone darned virus! Begone!
x J
Didn't get back to sleep and am now feeling achy and shivery and nasty. I really, really don't want to be ill! What on earth should I do if I have flu tomorrow? Should I stay at home or go with my germs?! Would I need a doctors note? Doctors won't see you if you have flu actually, you have a ring a special line as, well, a) it is a virus so is nothing they can do anyway and b) it could be the piggy flu which spreads like wildfire, funnily enough they don't want it in their waiting rooms.
Am being very presumptious, am sure I will be as right as rain after a shower.
Will have said shower and then run through my presentation. Today is our changeover week day, so are 29 weeks preggers! Can't WAIT for next week and being 30 weeks - we shall be on holiday then too so can really chill and celebrate. Anyway, means we have to get celebratory grubbins which would be a takeaway but we have our antenatal class all evening so may get a bacon buttie - though am feeling sickly now :0( To the shower!
SOOOO, will read through the pres, have some food, hopefully feel better, and I want to go though my interviews from India so I have a better understanding of the emipirical side to my arguments for the conference. Will generally make me feel quite thorough in my knowledge and so, more confident. I am fine about it, really, what can happen. I vomit all over myself, I mutter the presentation, I get asked questions I can't possibly answer and then run away afterwards and don't go back. I don't want to be an academic anyway so their opinions, if negative (!) don't mean anything apart from to my *pride*. Obviously, I have coined this new concept and term and would dearly love it to take off in IR speak and become something worth talking about, I would love to be published and for people to be interested in my ideas... but this is just ego. When I have finished this PhD, it is finished. I will write it into a book that no one wants to publish, have another gorgeous baby, and then look around me when I am about 35 and work out my next manoevre - porobably into a local charity or policy for local government.
It will be FINE.
Is it just me, overreacting and being so nervous? I haven't done public speaking for a couple of years - I did a presentation at the end of my first year - which, incidentally, was *terrible*. I tried to say too much, too fast and was quite shrill and incoherent. It was at the end of a long, long day of other (boring) presentations, to an intimate gathering of 10, and I was so lonely and unconfident and hadn't practised enough. (Got a merit for it though ;0)) Anyway, this time it is well practiced, has been months in the making in general, has been vetted (sort of) by my sup who said I will be a star (high praise indeed from someone who doesn't do praise!), will be in the middle of the first day, after lunch, in a biggish lecture hall (I think it is the biggest hall actually as it is where the keynote address is and the morning welcome chat...) and with a panel. I am horribly nervous. Worth it though for when it is done, I will be so proud of myself and can slowly let myself slip slide into the vagueness of pregnancy and motherhood knowing I have left my work, for now, on a high :0)
Begone darned virus! Begone!
x J
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
Where's the day gone?
Oh I am confused! It was lunchtime, and now it is dinner time?
I did set about trying to re-organise my presentation, then wise words from a friend who has completed her PhD alerted me to the fact that if it was already good and ready to go and I was happy with it, why change it? And that often tinkering with things at the last minute is unwise... Sitting and thinking about it I realised that I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to change the work to... it would take a lot of jigging about and if it was really important and necessary I would know what needed doing and set about it easily. The fact I couldn't quite work out what to change it to meant I wasn't as sure as I thought and so could just leave it. I read through it and thought, well, it's ok?! And then did a dress rehearsal! Got my smart trousers out (can't do them up but my trunk holds them in place quite firmly ;0)) and the tops I plan to wear, made sure everything was covered as I want it to be (don't want people actually knowing my trousers aren't done up!) and did a wee practice, and it was my best run through yet. Was helpful actually because in my other run-throughs I have had my hand in my pocket quite a lot, but these trousers don't have pockets! So it was kind of hanging around for a while... but then I started using it. Anyway, all went a-ok. I also realised that if I concentrate on my presentation and what I am saying then the environment sort of disappears, my breathing regulates and I slow down, so shall try and do that on the day - just focus on what I am trying to say, rather than who I am saying it to ;0)
I just can't wait for it to be over. OVER.
Other than that I filled out expenses forms, read through some of the interviews from my fieldwork, pranced about in my conference clothes and ate a lot of jam on toast.
Ug the guy who lives opposite me still has a hacking cough - has had it since we got back from India at the beginning of August - and is outside his house coughing his lungs up and smoking a fag. RANK! I would be so embarrassed to cough like that and be smoking! (though have ben there and done that, though for a bout of tonsilitus as a student, not this guys chronic, and very loud, lung issues!)
Wonder if I am turning into a non-smoker? Hmmm.
Gosh, is 6pm! Will hang around for a bit then gratefully slink off, am not feeling too hot still and really can't wait to just be able to lie on my bed. Will have a bath I think. Am avoiding the sitting room tonight as it has been commandeered for the football. Boooooooring. And so noisy! Such shouty boys.
x J
I did set about trying to re-organise my presentation, then wise words from a friend who has completed her PhD alerted me to the fact that if it was already good and ready to go and I was happy with it, why change it? And that often tinkering with things at the last minute is unwise... Sitting and thinking about it I realised that I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to change the work to... it would take a lot of jigging about and if it was really important and necessary I would know what needed doing and set about it easily. The fact I couldn't quite work out what to change it to meant I wasn't as sure as I thought and so could just leave it. I read through it and thought, well, it's ok?! And then did a dress rehearsal! Got my smart trousers out (can't do them up but my trunk holds them in place quite firmly ;0)) and the tops I plan to wear, made sure everything was covered as I want it to be (don't want people actually knowing my trousers aren't done up!) and did a wee practice, and it was my best run through yet. Was helpful actually because in my other run-throughs I have had my hand in my pocket quite a lot, but these trousers don't have pockets! So it was kind of hanging around for a while... but then I started using it. Anyway, all went a-ok. I also realised that if I concentrate on my presentation and what I am saying then the environment sort of disappears, my breathing regulates and I slow down, so shall try and do that on the day - just focus on what I am trying to say, rather than who I am saying it to ;0)
I just can't wait for it to be over. OVER.
Other than that I filled out expenses forms, read through some of the interviews from my fieldwork, pranced about in my conference clothes and ate a lot of jam on toast.
Ug the guy who lives opposite me still has a hacking cough - has had it since we got back from India at the beginning of August - and is outside his house coughing his lungs up and smoking a fag. RANK! I would be so embarrassed to cough like that and be smoking! (though have ben there and done that, though for a bout of tonsilitus as a student, not this guys chronic, and very loud, lung issues!)
Wonder if I am turning into a non-smoker? Hmmm.
Gosh, is 6pm! Will hang around for a bit then gratefully slink off, am not feeling too hot still and really can't wait to just be able to lie on my bed. Will have a bath I think. Am avoiding the sitting room tonight as it has been commandeered for the football. Boooooooring. And so noisy! Such shouty boys.
x J
All good plans...
Or is it 'the road to hell...'?!
Realised last night when going through my presentation that my Sup had been keen on me 'grounding' the conceptual ideas therein with my own empirical findings, to make it subjective and therefore less open to attack. Thought I could and should do this, I could cut a load out and make two of my points in one, and then stick in a few hundred words on my findings. This was great last night but today not so great...
*am meant to be going into uni, but if I am rewriting my pres is no way am leaving my house. I only have today and tomorrow to write and practice it, am on the train to london Fri lunchtime...
*am not feeilng very well - I think I have DBs lurgy
*am suffering preghead, a wonderful pregnancy symptom that means my thoughts turn into butterflies dancing above my head. Catching and holding on to one for long enough to make any sense is really, really hard. I can hardly remember the thought I am trying to get hold of, let alone get it and work with it. Other, less verbose, people probably just say they are feeling forgetful.
*Oh, and am shattered. Don't know why. Am still in my jammies which is something I haven't done for *years* and the plumber is coming round in an hour or two. SO have to get dressed but really can't be bothered.
I don't want to go to London the day after tomorrow! I just want to go to bed :0( Bad london.
SOOOO am re-writing and not working on my new chapter as I so confidently predicted yesterday. AND I spent half an hour looking for those notes yesterday and can't find a single one. Where the blo*dy hell are they? I can't believe I have lost all that work?
So that's me. Am a useless heap o' junk!
How to make this better:
*Open the window to cool down (! am so hot!)
*Get dressed
*Make DB my slave
*Try and find the work that apparently provides empirical evidence of my thesis. (It does exist, it is in one of my chapters but I can't remember which one or why - this, my dears, is preghead. All I need to do is locate it and copy it into my pres but um, I can't do this because I can't think.)
Ummmmmmmmmm. Yep.
x J
Realised last night when going through my presentation that my Sup had been keen on me 'grounding' the conceptual ideas therein with my own empirical findings, to make it subjective and therefore less open to attack. Thought I could and should do this, I could cut a load out and make two of my points in one, and then stick in a few hundred words on my findings. This was great last night but today not so great...
*am meant to be going into uni, but if I am rewriting my pres is no way am leaving my house. I only have today and tomorrow to write and practice it, am on the train to london Fri lunchtime...
*am not feeilng very well - I think I have DBs lurgy
*am suffering preghead, a wonderful pregnancy symptom that means my thoughts turn into butterflies dancing above my head. Catching and holding on to one for long enough to make any sense is really, really hard. I can hardly remember the thought I am trying to get hold of, let alone get it and work with it. Other, less verbose, people probably just say they are feeling forgetful.
*Oh, and am shattered. Don't know why. Am still in my jammies which is something I haven't done for *years* and the plumber is coming round in an hour or two. SO have to get dressed but really can't be bothered.
I don't want to go to London the day after tomorrow! I just want to go to bed :0( Bad london.
SOOOO am re-writing and not working on my new chapter as I so confidently predicted yesterday. AND I spent half an hour looking for those notes yesterday and can't find a single one. Where the blo*dy hell are they? I can't believe I have lost all that work?
So that's me. Am a useless heap o' junk!
How to make this better:
*Open the window to cool down (! am so hot!)
*Get dressed
*Make DB my slave
*Try and find the work that apparently provides empirical evidence of my thesis. (It does exist, it is in one of my chapters but I can't remember which one or why - this, my dears, is preghead. All I need to do is locate it and copy it into my pres but um, I can't do this because I can't think.)
Ummmmmmmmmm. Yep.
x J
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
Weee! New Chapter Started
Sooo, after spending this morning putting my old chapter away, have now definitely started on my new one :0)
I have got out all of my fieldwork notes and have separated them into primary evidence (newspaper clippings, reports, interviews and stuff), my workings out (my gibberings from start to finish re: methods, places to study and visit, journal diaries, volunteering info), my general tsunami info (on er, the tsunami and aid effort), and academic articles re: the aid effort and interviews. And a pile of a few reading lists I have compiled along the way... Have looked at the chapter as it is at the moment and it isn't bad at all.
Plan of action then:
To pull out a few other reports I know exist but must be in a different chapter box
To read through all this gumpf
To analyse my fieldwork data (the interviews as they stand, which is not much to be honest. I need those translations! GRRR).
Write my fieldwork data into my chapter
*Finish*
I am not really enjoying this I have to say, I really didn't enjoy my fieldwork much and don't really want to have to revisit it! But getting it out of the way, kind of 'blitzing' it will be good. Even theraputic? Well, I didn't not like it that much. It just makes me feel weird! We left for trip #1 a year ago on the 27 October! How weird is that? Am looking forward to that date coming and going and still being here... Am looking forward to my first English autumn and winter for two years - my favourite seasons - looking forward to Christmas here, New year, and then finally looking forward to the 4 February, when I found out about my Step Dads death and flew home. I think I shall put the whole weirdness I feel about India behind me then.
Am going to read through my presentation - but not out loud - then leave work for the day. I can't read it out loud much more as am starting to race through it and not pay attention - don't want to sound completely bored and rehearsed on the day and is only Tuesday :0) Oh, I'll get out the other reports and NGO commentaries I know I have knocking around. They were for my previous chapter originally but are now for ths one. The writing has been done but I would like the sources too, to refresh one's memory.
Tomorrow I am in Uni from 12ish till 5. Long, long time. Bet I don't last the course, am already thinking of excuses. Is one lecture I have to go to, and one that I should go to but don't really care if I do or not. I know what my issue is at the heart of it - I have a fear my Sup will ask me to the pub *again* with him and the other lecturers and the guest speaker all of whom I am doing the panel with this weekend, all of whom are lovely, and all of whom many people in my field would give their eyeteeth just to meet let alone be able to schmooze down the pub with. BUT sadly also all of whom I am very very shy around and can't even have a drink to chill out as am so pregnant, tired and, well, pregnant. So I would desperately want to say no and come home and would seem rude *again*.
Arf, I am rubbish!
Well, off to get those notes out and then skip off and read my lovely new book about babies ;0)
x J
I have got out all of my fieldwork notes and have separated them into primary evidence (newspaper clippings, reports, interviews and stuff), my workings out (my gibberings from start to finish re: methods, places to study and visit, journal diaries, volunteering info), my general tsunami info (on er, the tsunami and aid effort), and academic articles re: the aid effort and interviews. And a pile of a few reading lists I have compiled along the way... Have looked at the chapter as it is at the moment and it isn't bad at all.
Plan of action then:
To pull out a few other reports I know exist but must be in a different chapter box
To read through all this gumpf
To analyse my fieldwork data (the interviews as they stand, which is not much to be honest. I need those translations! GRRR).
Write my fieldwork data into my chapter
*Finish*
I am not really enjoying this I have to say, I really didn't enjoy my fieldwork much and don't really want to have to revisit it! But getting it out of the way, kind of 'blitzing' it will be good. Even theraputic? Well, I didn't not like it that much. It just makes me feel weird! We left for trip #1 a year ago on the 27 October! How weird is that? Am looking forward to that date coming and going and still being here... Am looking forward to my first English autumn and winter for two years - my favourite seasons - looking forward to Christmas here, New year, and then finally looking forward to the 4 February, when I found out about my Step Dads death and flew home. I think I shall put the whole weirdness I feel about India behind me then.
Am going to read through my presentation - but not out loud - then leave work for the day. I can't read it out loud much more as am starting to race through it and not pay attention - don't want to sound completely bored and rehearsed on the day and is only Tuesday :0) Oh, I'll get out the other reports and NGO commentaries I know I have knocking around. They were for my previous chapter originally but are now for ths one. The writing has been done but I would like the sources too, to refresh one's memory.
Tomorrow I am in Uni from 12ish till 5. Long, long time. Bet I don't last the course, am already thinking of excuses. Is one lecture I have to go to, and one that I should go to but don't really care if I do or not. I know what my issue is at the heart of it - I have a fear my Sup will ask me to the pub *again* with him and the other lecturers and the guest speaker all of whom I am doing the panel with this weekend, all of whom are lovely, and all of whom many people in my field would give their eyeteeth just to meet let alone be able to schmooze down the pub with. BUT sadly also all of whom I am very very shy around and can't even have a drink to chill out as am so pregnant, tired and, well, pregnant. So I would desperately want to say no and come home and would seem rude *again*.
Arf, I am rubbish!
Well, off to get those notes out and then skip off and read my lovely new book about babies ;0)
x J
Weeee! Goodbye chapter!
And so I am another chapter down!
Still, sadly only on three chapters completed though! However, because I took half of the one I just completed out and replaced it, I have that other half now in my new chapter... so am starting this chapter with a head start of 3,000 words, and all the academic/theorising has been done. Just need to write 5,000 on my fieldwork and that chapter is also done.
I thought it would take me ages to sort out this chapter and write the paper into it, but actually really didn't. I will not pretend it is polished or in a state I would want anyone to have to try and read it, but it is: * in the order it will be in in the final edit
* all written bar a small section on some academic critique that may go in here or my discussion chapter
* 7,800 words
* Fully referenced
SO when I come back I can read the printout I have of the current messy version and with new eyes and enthusiasm I shall edit it and it shall be DONE! This is my most completed chapter. Well, my methodology is very completed too.
Am so pleased! I have opened my next chapter and will try and get that done as much as possible for the end of the month. Then I will have most of Nov and half of Dec to write up my discussion chapter, which actually I have 3,000 *good* words down for already. Wee! Shaping that chapter will be very important, and generally means the rest of it should write itself - the intro and conclusion will be writable once I have the discussion chapter done (and know my general focus, which I do know but it is knowledge that is 'floating' around my brain and not very sophisticated or nuanced as of yet) and the lit review is ongoing as usual.
So is all coming along!
Have been practising my presentation too, and am at the stage were I feel comfortable with it so it is time to take it to the public - i.e DB. I really don't want to, am very nervous and know he will be quite critical. So I don't want to do it in front of him, but know that if he says it is good and I am fine with reading pace and mannerisms etc then it will give me sooo much confidence. And if it is a bit rubbish he will tell me why, I can fix it and will then be more confident. If he likes it, it must be ok ;0)
Other than that am just desperate to head downstairs and get myself a tasty bacon buttie! Celebration!
Oh, and I have a sore throat. Bah.
x J
Still, sadly only on three chapters completed though! However, because I took half of the one I just completed out and replaced it, I have that other half now in my new chapter... so am starting this chapter with a head start of 3,000 words, and all the academic/theorising has been done. Just need to write 5,000 on my fieldwork and that chapter is also done.
I thought it would take me ages to sort out this chapter and write the paper into it, but actually really didn't. I will not pretend it is polished or in a state I would want anyone to have to try and read it, but it is: * in the order it will be in in the final edit
* all written bar a small section on some academic critique that may go in here or my discussion chapter
* 7,800 words
* Fully referenced
SO when I come back I can read the printout I have of the current messy version and with new eyes and enthusiasm I shall edit it and it shall be DONE! This is my most completed chapter. Well, my methodology is very completed too.
Am so pleased! I have opened my next chapter and will try and get that done as much as possible for the end of the month. Then I will have most of Nov and half of Dec to write up my discussion chapter, which actually I have 3,000 *good* words down for already. Wee! Shaping that chapter will be very important, and generally means the rest of it should write itself - the intro and conclusion will be writable once I have the discussion chapter done (and know my general focus, which I do know but it is knowledge that is 'floating' around my brain and not very sophisticated or nuanced as of yet) and the lit review is ongoing as usual.
So is all coming along!
Have been practising my presentation too, and am at the stage were I feel comfortable with it so it is time to take it to the public - i.e DB. I really don't want to, am very nervous and know he will be quite critical. So I don't want to do it in front of him, but know that if he says it is good and I am fine with reading pace and mannerisms etc then it will give me sooo much confidence. And if it is a bit rubbish he will tell me why, I can fix it and will then be more confident. If he likes it, it must be ok ;0)
Other than that am just desperate to head downstairs and get myself a tasty bacon buttie! Celebration!
Oh, and I have a sore throat. Bah.
x J
Monday, 12 October 2009
Presentation, presentation
Today I have been alternately sorting out my house, doing my presentation and working the paper into my chapter.
Yesterday avo I went through the presentation and wrote a better ending, so today I have again re-edited and am alllll done with it. Have been reading it a lot, find I get very out of breath even just practising it myself but am getting the feel of it and is becoming pretty predictable... I worked on it on Friday until 7pm, didn't want to leave it until it was pretty much all written and it took ages! Had to keep practising it to see if it was 10 mins or not. Is 10/11 minutes now, am thinking I have a 10-15 minute slot so should be ok. The 11 minute is with lots of pauses, the 10 mins is pretty speedy but not superfast. Will probably deliver it in a whitewash of panic and so be on superspeed... ;0)
DB has got a horrible cold so am hoping either a) I get it and is so bad I can't go (won't happen, I will go whatever) or b) he keeps it to himself. Is these antenatal classes, full of teachers with lurgy. Speaking of which we had the antenatal class all day on Sat, which was great but exhausting! Sooooo tired. Yesterday tried to clean the house, failed and went out with DB for the afternoon to buy some shirts for him and then worked in the afternoon (in front of the tv) and so am up and about today, feeling ok but is why am having lots of breaks as well as working, instead of making myself sit here all day bar a break for lunch. Think today is mainly about feeling confident that the presentation will work and makes sense, and getting th main points in my brain so I can start to read it on autopilot and make lots of eye contact, despite reading it from the sheet. Am remembering to slow down, to enunciate and to take breaths between sentences. And hold my chin up so I project my voice. DB is out for most of today which is helpful.
Oh my word! It is 3pm! I just saw! Goodness me, I thought it was about 1.30 maybe. I shall practice it again and then look at the chapter. I totally forgot that I had yet to write this paper into the chapter and so that will put writing the Indian chapter back yet again - I am away all next week too (YAY!) so basically, if I want to get it done by the end of the month I have one week to do it in! Cripes. We know that isn't going to happen but am not happy at rescheduling yet so am in denial.
This PhD malarky is complicated.
x J
Yesterday avo I went through the presentation and wrote a better ending, so today I have again re-edited and am alllll done with it. Have been reading it a lot, find I get very out of breath even just practising it myself but am getting the feel of it and is becoming pretty predictable... I worked on it on Friday until 7pm, didn't want to leave it until it was pretty much all written and it took ages! Had to keep practising it to see if it was 10 mins or not. Is 10/11 minutes now, am thinking I have a 10-15 minute slot so should be ok. The 11 minute is with lots of pauses, the 10 mins is pretty speedy but not superfast. Will probably deliver it in a whitewash of panic and so be on superspeed... ;0)
DB has got a horrible cold so am hoping either a) I get it and is so bad I can't go (won't happen, I will go whatever) or b) he keeps it to himself. Is these antenatal classes, full of teachers with lurgy. Speaking of which we had the antenatal class all day on Sat, which was great but exhausting! Sooooo tired. Yesterday tried to clean the house, failed and went out with DB for the afternoon to buy some shirts for him and then worked in the afternoon (in front of the tv) and so am up and about today, feeling ok but is why am having lots of breaks as well as working, instead of making myself sit here all day bar a break for lunch. Think today is mainly about feeling confident that the presentation will work and makes sense, and getting th main points in my brain so I can start to read it on autopilot and make lots of eye contact, despite reading it from the sheet. Am remembering to slow down, to enunciate and to take breaths between sentences. And hold my chin up so I project my voice. DB is out for most of today which is helpful.
Oh my word! It is 3pm! I just saw! Goodness me, I thought it was about 1.30 maybe. I shall practice it again and then look at the chapter. I totally forgot that I had yet to write this paper into the chapter and so that will put writing the Indian chapter back yet again - I am away all next week too (YAY!) so basically, if I want to get it done by the end of the month I have one week to do it in! Cripes. We know that isn't going to happen but am not happy at rescheduling yet so am in denial.
This PhD malarky is complicated.
x J
Friday, 9 October 2009
Another week! Come back!
Oh my, time is going by too fast!
I didn't post yesterday, it was such a bad day. I was all of a dither and a blather and got nothing done. Today, however, I have written certainly the first draft of the presentation if not the final edit. It is 10 minutes, well, just under (by 30 seconds) and so I hope with some practising and a bit of conjugating it shall be a-ok. I don't know if it hits the mark yet, I have had to cut soooo much out - entire arguments and angles - that I hope it still makes a point! I will test it out on DB probably on Monday afternoon, just to check it makes any sense though I doubt he will get it so will criticise it for all the wrong reasons and I will be blue.
Writing a short presentation for a conference:
* Remember this is more to showcase your idea, the proper ideas are in your paper, you don't want to explain every tangent and argument in thick description.
* If you are new, state at the beginning that this is a working idea, part of your PhD and you would welcome comments. This makes the audience more friendly and less of a baying mob, you are working together, you see (you hope!). Briefly (so briefly) outline what your PhD is about to give the presentation context.
* Don't put in quotes, they take too long to read out so paraphrase. If quite a few people are saying something similar, lump them together and then say what they have generally been saying - you will be more specific in your accompanying paper.
* Have about three main points. Your intro should be to the point 'I am saying this, this and this...' and the conclusion is literally to round it up in a sentence.
* It takes about 3 mins to speak 500 words. Is not much when you are talking about a 7,000 word paper! You will have to cut it down to about 1,500 words for a ten minute presentation !
* Try and feed in some of your own findings if you can. This will make your findings more specific and less open to criticism. I haven't though.
Is all I can think of for now, main points anyway. By now we have done a few presentations in our time!
Got an email from my Sup today asking if I wanted to do a lecture for an MA group on the 14 Dec... by 'wanted to do' I am assuming, maybe unfairly, that he means 'will do'. I will be 38 weeks pregnant though, or with a very new baby! I don't know really, it needn't be hard (is on 'humanitarianism' - a very broad topic am sure I can get something out of - is great for the ol' CV and could only be a couple of hours. However, I will be 38 weeks pregnant, is again compromising the promise I made to myself (and that I have been holding to my chest with glee) that I will make this presentation next week my last major work commitment and making me most unhappy. I don't want to play :0( I will stress about it as much as, if not more than, the conference (this is 10 minutes, a whole lecture is a big deal! Especially with smartarse MA students! ;0)) and this can affect Beanie and make him sad. I can't do it, I really can't. Maybe I can do it next year.
I emailed my RA earlier to kick his arse about not doing his translations for me. I even threatened to come to India and do more research! Put the guilt on him saying that I have the presentation next week and can't use anything we worked on in India... I want to start writing up my fieldwork next week. Am sick to death of thinking and worrying about it, I am even dreaming about it! Every night, honestly, it is such a weight on my mind. I *need* the interviews translated or they are worthless! And I have paid him already. UG I am so annoyed.
Have a whole day of antenatal classes tomorrow! Am actually looking forward to it, we went last night and it was good. Shame no Saturday lie in but will have a nice day on Sunday doing nothing. Will have to practice this presentation though. Am so bored of it but at least it is starting to take shape in my mind, which is the first step to learning it. I will take the sheet in, I won't do it all from memory or even from memory cards but kind of read it animatedly I think.
Have good weekends all! Am going to print my presentation off, read through it a couple of times and edit if needs be, then jump in the bath and start my weekend. I have the new Audrey Niffinegger book which I have been saving. And am going to chat to my little bubs, I miss him when I have been working hard!
x J
I didn't post yesterday, it was such a bad day. I was all of a dither and a blather and got nothing done. Today, however, I have written certainly the first draft of the presentation if not the final edit. It is 10 minutes, well, just under (by 30 seconds) and so I hope with some practising and a bit of conjugating it shall be a-ok. I don't know if it hits the mark yet, I have had to cut soooo much out - entire arguments and angles - that I hope it still makes a point! I will test it out on DB probably on Monday afternoon, just to check it makes any sense though I doubt he will get it so will criticise it for all the wrong reasons and I will be blue.
Writing a short presentation for a conference:
* Remember this is more to showcase your idea, the proper ideas are in your paper, you don't want to explain every tangent and argument in thick description.
* If you are new, state at the beginning that this is a working idea, part of your PhD and you would welcome comments. This makes the audience more friendly and less of a baying mob, you are working together, you see (you hope!). Briefly (so briefly) outline what your PhD is about to give the presentation context.
* Don't put in quotes, they take too long to read out so paraphrase. If quite a few people are saying something similar, lump them together and then say what they have generally been saying - you will be more specific in your accompanying paper.
* Have about three main points. Your intro should be to the point 'I am saying this, this and this...' and the conclusion is literally to round it up in a sentence.
* It takes about 3 mins to speak 500 words. Is not much when you are talking about a 7,000 word paper! You will have to cut it down to about 1,500 words for a ten minute presentation !
* Try and feed in some of your own findings if you can. This will make your findings more specific and less open to criticism. I haven't though.
Is all I can think of for now, main points anyway. By now we have done a few presentations in our time!
Got an email from my Sup today asking if I wanted to do a lecture for an MA group on the 14 Dec... by 'wanted to do' I am assuming, maybe unfairly, that he means 'will do'. I will be 38 weeks pregnant though, or with a very new baby! I don't know really, it needn't be hard (is on 'humanitarianism' - a very broad topic am sure I can get something out of - is great for the ol' CV and could only be a couple of hours. However, I will be 38 weeks pregnant, is again compromising the promise I made to myself (and that I have been holding to my chest with glee) that I will make this presentation next week my last major work commitment and making me most unhappy. I don't want to play :0( I will stress about it as much as, if not more than, the conference (this is 10 minutes, a whole lecture is a big deal! Especially with smartarse MA students! ;0)) and this can affect Beanie and make him sad. I can't do it, I really can't. Maybe I can do it next year.
I emailed my RA earlier to kick his arse about not doing his translations for me. I even threatened to come to India and do more research! Put the guilt on him saying that I have the presentation next week and can't use anything we worked on in India... I want to start writing up my fieldwork next week. Am sick to death of thinking and worrying about it, I am even dreaming about it! Every night, honestly, it is such a weight on my mind. I *need* the interviews translated or they are worthless! And I have paid him already. UG I am so annoyed.
Have a whole day of antenatal classes tomorrow! Am actually looking forward to it, we went last night and it was good. Shame no Saturday lie in but will have a nice day on Sunday doing nothing. Will have to practice this presentation though. Am so bored of it but at least it is starting to take shape in my mind, which is the first step to learning it. I will take the sheet in, I won't do it all from memory or even from memory cards but kind of read it animatedly I think.
Have good weekends all! Am going to print my presentation off, read through it a couple of times and edit if needs be, then jump in the bath and start my weekend. I have the new Audrey Niffinegger book which I have been saving. And am going to chat to my little bubs, I miss him when I have been working hard!
x J
Wednesday, 7 October 2009
presentation... nearly there...
I really wanted to have this presentation done by last Monday but am still doing it!
I have managed to get the first draft done, it says pretty much what I want it to, by copying and pasting mostly from my paper... but it is waaaay too long! The paper is 5,000 words, and the presentation cannot be more than 1,500 or it is over 10 minutes! I really need to pare it back, which, admittedly is easier than adding to it or writing it in the first place. Then I need to make sure it says what I want to say eloquently and simply but with a decent punch. Then, it should be done. So, realistically, I am not expecting to totally finish it until tomorrow evening. Which is annoying! But incredibly necessary, I can get another day back for the chapter I want to be working on now by working on a weekend, but need all the time I can get to prepare the presentation: is a week on Saturday! Am not nervous any more, am kind of up for it. I would not want to have to write the paper or prepare this again though, no wonder I was nervous, but now I am much more in control, I am nearly there! The rewards of a) having done it b) having finished the last horrid piece of work before maternity leave and c) going away for a few days the week afterwards *almost* make it worth doing ;0)
Irritatingly, before I can get this chapter totally out of the way though I do need to relate it more obviously to my PhD which could take a few days. I had better do it now though or by the time I come back to revise it I will have forgotton lots of the points. Gah! It just goes on and on!
Am so tired, but kind of wired from working. Will have a look through it and slope off in half an hour.
x J
I have managed to get the first draft done, it says pretty much what I want it to, by copying and pasting mostly from my paper... but it is waaaay too long! The paper is 5,000 words, and the presentation cannot be more than 1,500 or it is over 10 minutes! I really need to pare it back, which, admittedly is easier than adding to it or writing it in the first place. Then I need to make sure it says what I want to say eloquently and simply but with a decent punch. Then, it should be done. So, realistically, I am not expecting to totally finish it until tomorrow evening. Which is annoying! But incredibly necessary, I can get another day back for the chapter I want to be working on now by working on a weekend, but need all the time I can get to prepare the presentation: is a week on Saturday! Am not nervous any more, am kind of up for it. I would not want to have to write the paper or prepare this again though, no wonder I was nervous, but now I am much more in control, I am nearly there! The rewards of a) having done it b) having finished the last horrid piece of work before maternity leave and c) going away for a few days the week afterwards *almost* make it worth doing ;0)
Irritatingly, before I can get this chapter totally out of the way though I do need to relate it more obviously to my PhD which could take a few days. I had better do it now though or by the time I come back to revise it I will have forgotton lots of the points. Gah! It just goes on and on!
Am so tired, but kind of wired from working. Will have a look through it and slope off in half an hour.
x J
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
Professional pride, begone
Oh well. I am in the middle of editing my paper, not a too strenuous job but necessary, and I get an email from the conference organisers saying that the papers re: my panel are here! Well, *my* paper actually, as I am the only one keen enough to hand it in straight away. Turns out they would be grateful if those who haven't submitted their papers yet did so asap. Other than that, nothing. I should have kept mine back too! Now mine is the only one handed in, and it is toss!
I am embarrassed. I am with IR royality and handed in toss. I have learnt two lessons: 1) don't hand in toss and 2) don't be so keen.
I have actually only really started working just now, I have spent much of the day skiving and daydreaming as we had a Bean scan earlier! He is definitely a 'he', (excellent) and weighs 2lbs 5 oz which is spot on, and is marvellous complete with chubby cheeks.
I bought a new work desk yesterday on some kind of high induced by a severe sugar crash in Staples. It was actually a bargain, a small computer desk and chair for £30, student offer and the last in the shop so snapped it up, though now I am much prefering my big kitchen table desk. How fickle! No, I will use it, I am going to take down this megalith of a desk when we have our next guest as it really does take up all the spare room and in future I want to use this room as a beanie play room and spare room for our multitude of long term guests next year. I also don't want this hulking desk to be whining 'work' at me every time I pass the room! So it is being dismanteled at the end of November. Exciting!
Well, better get one with the paper I am editing for no reason (oh, shame is me) and definitely by the end of tomorrow I shall be done with this and move on to writing up the fieldwork. Darned RA is still on the skive. GRRRRRR.
Laters!
x J
I am embarrassed. I am with IR royality and handed in toss. I have learnt two lessons: 1) don't hand in toss and 2) don't be so keen.
I have actually only really started working just now, I have spent much of the day skiving and daydreaming as we had a Bean scan earlier! He is definitely a 'he', (excellent) and weighs 2lbs 5 oz which is spot on, and is marvellous complete with chubby cheeks.
I bought a new work desk yesterday on some kind of high induced by a severe sugar crash in Staples. It was actually a bargain, a small computer desk and chair for £30, student offer and the last in the shop so snapped it up, though now I am much prefering my big kitchen table desk. How fickle! No, I will use it, I am going to take down this megalith of a desk when we have our next guest as it really does take up all the spare room and in future I want to use this room as a beanie play room and spare room for our multitude of long term guests next year. I also don't want this hulking desk to be whining 'work' at me every time I pass the room! So it is being dismanteled at the end of November. Exciting!
Well, better get one with the paper I am editing for no reason (oh, shame is me) and definitely by the end of tomorrow I shall be done with this and move on to writing up the fieldwork. Darned RA is still on the skive. GRRRRRR.
Laters!
x J
Monday, 5 October 2009
Monday! Not Wednesday!
I keep thinking it is Wednesday today! It is definitely not. Maybe it is because i did some work yesterday?!
Went into Uni earlier, was going to re-register so I can use the library again (and not get bleeped when I try to use the online catalogue and told that I have no more 'patron priviledges') but it was full of freshers. Very young people these freshers! So full of energy! And there is me, just trying to find a loo (of course) and with bump. Is strange to be in a Uni and pregnant! I ignored the queue and will go back another day. Met with Sup who said that my presentation will be great (yaya!) and was really into my ideas and is confident about my progress (phew!) so was all excitable after that. Then went with him to a meeting about my research group which turned out to be a faculty member-only meeting - no other students were there! I was given some funny looks and I silently cursed my Sup for telling me to come along when I was blatently not meant to be there, introduced myself, and actually was of some use as could say what students wanted from the meetings instead of it being all about what the lecturers want us to do/achieve. Was good to meet some other members of the dept too and get a bit of an insider view of what they all get up to for the students! Felt quite grown up ;0)
Then went to New Look and tried on some maternity clothes that made me look like a dumpy pregnant smurf and went to Greggs the baker and came out with a sandwich, having successfully bypassed all the doughnuts, sausage rolls, pastries and crisps. Go me! Was going to get my hair cut but was knackered so crawled onto the train and came home. I like home. Am back in again next week but think am free until then. Was good to go in and feel part of the faculty again, tout myself round a bit and feel that I do have a home! Can feel quite unmoored and alienated being at home all the time, even though it is what I would choose if I could. So is good I *have* to go in because I do benefit from it.
I was meant to finish my paper and presentation this afternoon but haven't. I shall do some work on it now for an hour or so.
Am so pleased my Sup likes my presentation (although it is rather late if he didn't!) and also really pleased that I came up with the ideas for it and executed them all by myself. Another step taken towards academic independence... Eek!
x J
Went into Uni earlier, was going to re-register so I can use the library again (and not get bleeped when I try to use the online catalogue and told that I have no more 'patron priviledges') but it was full of freshers. Very young people these freshers! So full of energy! And there is me, just trying to find a loo (of course) and with bump. Is strange to be in a Uni and pregnant! I ignored the queue and will go back another day. Met with Sup who said that my presentation will be great (yaya!) and was really into my ideas and is confident about my progress (phew!) so was all excitable after that. Then went with him to a meeting about my research group which turned out to be a faculty member-only meeting - no other students were there! I was given some funny looks and I silently cursed my Sup for telling me to come along when I was blatently not meant to be there, introduced myself, and actually was of some use as could say what students wanted from the meetings instead of it being all about what the lecturers want us to do/achieve. Was good to meet some other members of the dept too and get a bit of an insider view of what they all get up to for the students! Felt quite grown up ;0)
Then went to New Look and tried on some maternity clothes that made me look like a dumpy pregnant smurf and went to Greggs the baker and came out with a sandwich, having successfully bypassed all the doughnuts, sausage rolls, pastries and crisps. Go me! Was going to get my hair cut but was knackered so crawled onto the train and came home. I like home. Am back in again next week but think am free until then. Was good to go in and feel part of the faculty again, tout myself round a bit and feel that I do have a home! Can feel quite unmoored and alienated being at home all the time, even though it is what I would choose if I could. So is good I *have* to go in because I do benefit from it.
I was meant to finish my paper and presentation this afternoon but haven't. I shall do some work on it now for an hour or so.
Am so pleased my Sup likes my presentation (although it is rather late if he didn't!) and also really pleased that I came up with the ideas for it and executed them all by myself. Another step taken towards academic independence... Eek!
x J
Sunday, 4 October 2009
Eh?!
I am working, on a Sunday. I am not sure why, I just thought I would do something... And then I realised I am not working, I am skiving on the internet and feeling guilty!
How stupid! It took me a while to remember it is Sunday - my day off - I can go downstairs and read the internet to my heart's content if I want!
Have booked mine and DBs holiday away this morning! Am sooooo excited, it will be so lovely and is the perfect antidote to work stress... will be the last time we go away pre-bubs and finishing the PhD too so is a biggun! Saying that, we are only going for three nights but it will be a lovely three nights at lake windermere - never been to that part of the world so am really looking forward to it, sounds perfect for a lazy pregnant couple!
So, let us focus, why am I working?! I have a meet with Sup tomorrow about my presentation and kind of wanted to have it organised in time but am not going to work for *that* long to re-write it! Certainly not stuck in my office anyway. May do some in front of the tele later. I suppose I just wanted to have a look at it and a think, no more really.
I shall do that then! And then go out into the sunshine! Is a glorious day.
Ug, am getting all pregnancy puffy now :0( Have chubby chipmunk cheeks and my engagement ring fits! (it was loose) Eek! got beanie's moses basket yesterday though, am completely smitten and although I was quite scared of it I am sort of getting used to its huge, hulking presence. Am having a baby! Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.
x J
How stupid! It took me a while to remember it is Sunday - my day off - I can go downstairs and read the internet to my heart's content if I want!
Have booked mine and DBs holiday away this morning! Am sooooo excited, it will be so lovely and is the perfect antidote to work stress... will be the last time we go away pre-bubs and finishing the PhD too so is a biggun! Saying that, we are only going for three nights but it will be a lovely three nights at lake windermere - never been to that part of the world so am really looking forward to it, sounds perfect for a lazy pregnant couple!
So, let us focus, why am I working?! I have a meet with Sup tomorrow about my presentation and kind of wanted to have it organised in time but am not going to work for *that* long to re-write it! Certainly not stuck in my office anyway. May do some in front of the tele later. I suppose I just wanted to have a look at it and a think, no more really.
I shall do that then! And then go out into the sunshine! Is a glorious day.
Ug, am getting all pregnancy puffy now :0( Have chubby chipmunk cheeks and my engagement ring fits! (it was loose) Eek! got beanie's moses basket yesterday though, am completely smitten and although I was quite scared of it I am sort of getting used to its huge, hulking presence. Am having a baby! Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.
x J
Saturday, 3 October 2009
Bit better now ;0)
Well, my friend came to stay and it was much better and just as bad as I feared!
First day was good, didn't get any work done and did walk around a lot looking at estate agents and houses which was enjoyable but non pregnant people are very fast movers! I was *shattered* by the end of the day, and on top of that had the most awful nights sleep. Am terrible at sleeping with people I don't really know coming to stay, I get all anxious that they are uncomfortable/cold/hungry/bored, plus my house is very small and I have to get up a lot in the night, being up the stick... is quite embarrassing! So next day, Thurs, I was soooooo tired and grumpy! Tried not to be but when she complained about a perfect house being not quite perfect enough because it 'might' be cold (it's a cottage, yes, but with huge radiators and a fire - what do you want woman?!) and planning another trip back... which would invariably mean staying here again... NOOOOOO! I was quite stressy but really trying to be polite, made us nice lunch and bit my tongue. Then DB and I went out for the evening and had a fantastic time watching Tim Minchin - he's an Aussie comic (doesn't like to be called a comic, he is a performer apparently) and very rude and witty. Bean danced along to the filthy songs! Atta boy, hehe.
Yesterday afternoon I finally got some work done! I managed to write out my presentation (roughly) and insodoing also managed to edit the paper I have written, so is all ready for a nice new, final edit that makes sense. I shall write this on Monday avo. The presentation is coming along quickly which is fabulous. I am seeing my Sup on Monday morning, I am going in to Uni to help organise a research group, then will have a quick chat with Sup about my work so far and should be free at about 1pm. Will get some library books, try and get a haircut and get some maternity tops from new look - my normal tops are now officially too small for my bump. I recieved some lovely ebay jeans today too - they are *great*, look lovely and are flattering and were only £7! Wooty!
Am still very nervous about the presentation but mostly feel in control and confident it will be good, so shouldn't have too much to worry about on the day. I will have it all written and ready to go for Tuesday and practice it and tweak every day then until I do it - 17 Oct... not long now! I do have a sweetener though as DB and I are going away for 2/3 nights on the 20 Oct for his beeday and our 'babymoon' break (stupid phrase that means going away for the last time before you become parents!). Can't WAIT! Am researching where to go today. Will be in the UK and am hoping for a last minute deal...
After Tues I am starting to research and write up my fieldwork chapter... I have someone in India translating an interview for me, I just hope it works ok! My RA has disappeared again. I really resent him for this stress. If only it were done I could move on! I mioght be naughty and pretend I am planning a trip back to India soon - that would put a rocket up his ar*e! hehe!
My Sup said I won't have my monitoring meeting in Dec now as I won't have written a first full rough draft. This makes me feel a bit bad, but not too bad as it was always a big call. Am ahead of my colleagues still, many of them have only written one chapter and have bits and bobs of other chapters.
Am off now to get some jam on toast and some coffee and research hotels! Is sooooo windy and autumnal here, can't feel guilty for not going out at all - would be horrible out there!
x J
First day was good, didn't get any work done and did walk around a lot looking at estate agents and houses which was enjoyable but non pregnant people are very fast movers! I was *shattered* by the end of the day, and on top of that had the most awful nights sleep. Am terrible at sleeping with people I don't really know coming to stay, I get all anxious that they are uncomfortable/cold/hungry/bored, plus my house is very small and I have to get up a lot in the night, being up the stick... is quite embarrassing! So next day, Thurs, I was soooooo tired and grumpy! Tried not to be but when she complained about a perfect house being not quite perfect enough because it 'might' be cold (it's a cottage, yes, but with huge radiators and a fire - what do you want woman?!) and planning another trip back... which would invariably mean staying here again... NOOOOOO! I was quite stressy but really trying to be polite, made us nice lunch and bit my tongue. Then DB and I went out for the evening and had a fantastic time watching Tim Minchin - he's an Aussie comic (doesn't like to be called a comic, he is a performer apparently) and very rude and witty. Bean danced along to the filthy songs! Atta boy, hehe.
Yesterday afternoon I finally got some work done! I managed to write out my presentation (roughly) and insodoing also managed to edit the paper I have written, so is all ready for a nice new, final edit that makes sense. I shall write this on Monday avo. The presentation is coming along quickly which is fabulous. I am seeing my Sup on Monday morning, I am going in to Uni to help organise a research group, then will have a quick chat with Sup about my work so far and should be free at about 1pm. Will get some library books, try and get a haircut and get some maternity tops from new look - my normal tops are now officially too small for my bump. I recieved some lovely ebay jeans today too - they are *great*, look lovely and are flattering and were only £7! Wooty!
Am still very nervous about the presentation but mostly feel in control and confident it will be good, so shouldn't have too much to worry about on the day. I will have it all written and ready to go for Tuesday and practice it and tweak every day then until I do it - 17 Oct... not long now! I do have a sweetener though as DB and I are going away for 2/3 nights on the 20 Oct for his beeday and our 'babymoon' break (stupid phrase that means going away for the last time before you become parents!). Can't WAIT! Am researching where to go today. Will be in the UK and am hoping for a last minute deal...
After Tues I am starting to research and write up my fieldwork chapter... I have someone in India translating an interview for me, I just hope it works ok! My RA has disappeared again. I really resent him for this stress. If only it were done I could move on! I mioght be naughty and pretend I am planning a trip back to India soon - that would put a rocket up his ar*e! hehe!
My Sup said I won't have my monitoring meeting in Dec now as I won't have written a first full rough draft. This makes me feel a bit bad, but not too bad as it was always a big call. Am ahead of my colleagues still, many of them have only written one chapter and have bits and bobs of other chapters.
Am off now to get some jam on toast and some coffee and research hotels! Is sooooo windy and autumnal here, can't feel guilty for not going out at all - would be horrible out there!
x J
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