My Marmee is coming in ten minutes!
Needless to say I have done nothing regarding my work but put it away somewhere to get dusty for two days, and am looking forward to a naughtily early glass of wine with my Ma! I haven't seen her since my Dad's funeral, so ostensibly she was coming up once we had settled in to chill for a bit and grieve away from people. Now though she is coming to my new cottage, and to see her daughter who is now 30, and is now engaged! So more of a celebration than a wake, and I am most glad for it.
I went to the coop to get some boozey and the lady at checkout managed to smash a bottle of pear cider all over me (by accident). So kindly I hope they will foot a dry cleaning bill that I was about to stump up myself anyway. Picking bits of glass out of ones very smart coat is not cool though...
The weather is typical April, doesn't know whether to shine or rain its heart out.
x J
Thursday, 26 March 2009
Mother's Day!
Well, not officially but my ma is coming to stay today so lots of wine and chats will be had from 4pm! In the meantime I could not sleep until gone 2am - for no reason at all, I was knackered - and so got up late again today. I know, I am horrendously lazy. I am quite cross - in a lazy, not that bothered way.
The not botheredness worries me. How long will this last for?! I need to be scared! Motivated! Moved into action!
Well, that can only come from me. All I can do to help it is go to uni next week and feel like I have a 'place' and start organising a routine for my life with the exercise and volunteering. The refugee place called back so I hope to meet with them next week and start on the Friday! I think it will be a regular gig which will be nice. I have also thought that perhaps I am rallying against organising the life I had before India again where I spent every day on my own working on my PhD, had hardly any social life and would go for far too long without leaving the house. Trying to do that again as I have been has not been working - I need to have other things to do as well! So with the baby sitting and dog walking, exercise evenings and one day volunteering - plus research groups in uni - I should be fairly busy and sociable, and so in the time I am at home I can sit still and work on my PhD.
Plan Stan.
It is a horrible windy day today. I have to go out and buy some food - DB would normally do this seeing as he holds the pursestrings usually but I think he will relinquish his debit card so I can go and do the honours. Need a lot of wine, some cava, and lots of good food. Tis one's ma after all...
Got a facebook email from some of DBs friends who are gorgeous but we only ever get to see them at weddings and they happen to be in cornwall over easter - along with all DBs normal friends who are all on holidays from school (all of them are teachers!) so that sounds like an engagement party right there! My word. 'Tis the 12th April - when on earth am I going to spend any time at home working? Am basically booked until the 19 April when am back from London from a night with my maties. Just one night mind so shouldn't be soooo bad.
I think in a way it is telling that my PhD is supposed to be a job and alongside my job I have a Life. But the fact that I am stressed about having a life and not giving everything full time to my PhD shows an element of dedication at least. Even if it produces no actual work - the worry and concern is there and that's half the battle with motivation. So there, I do care after all.
Now to go and make up my ma's bed and vacuum and buy food and anything that isn't work.
Lordy.
x J
The not botheredness worries me. How long will this last for?! I need to be scared! Motivated! Moved into action!
Well, that can only come from me. All I can do to help it is go to uni next week and feel like I have a 'place' and start organising a routine for my life with the exercise and volunteering. The refugee place called back so I hope to meet with them next week and start on the Friday! I think it will be a regular gig which will be nice. I have also thought that perhaps I am rallying against organising the life I had before India again where I spent every day on my own working on my PhD, had hardly any social life and would go for far too long without leaving the house. Trying to do that again as I have been has not been working - I need to have other things to do as well! So with the baby sitting and dog walking, exercise evenings and one day volunteering - plus research groups in uni - I should be fairly busy and sociable, and so in the time I am at home I can sit still and work on my PhD.
Plan Stan.
It is a horrible windy day today. I have to go out and buy some food - DB would normally do this seeing as he holds the pursestrings usually but I think he will relinquish his debit card so I can go and do the honours. Need a lot of wine, some cava, and lots of good food. Tis one's ma after all...
Got a facebook email from some of DBs friends who are gorgeous but we only ever get to see them at weddings and they happen to be in cornwall over easter - along with all DBs normal friends who are all on holidays from school (all of them are teachers!) so that sounds like an engagement party right there! My word. 'Tis the 12th April - when on earth am I going to spend any time at home working? Am basically booked until the 19 April when am back from London from a night with my maties. Just one night mind so shouldn't be soooo bad.
I think in a way it is telling that my PhD is supposed to be a job and alongside my job I have a Life. But the fact that I am stressed about having a life and not giving everything full time to my PhD shows an element of dedication at least. Even if it produces no actual work - the worry and concern is there and that's half the battle with motivation. So there, I do care after all.
Now to go and make up my ma's bed and vacuum and buy food and anything that isn't work.
Lordy.
x J
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
New Dawn, New Day
Righty then! Today I am definitely going to do some work! I can feel it in my bones!
I know it is late to be starting work but I did do a bit of engagement celebrating last night, I confess. BUT I have woken this morning and am just wanting to work now, like I have done lots of talking and stuff and can concentrate a little more on everyday things. And this morning I have also volunteered to help out a refugee agency down the road next Friday for the day. I would really like to do that so I hope they accept my help. I would like to have something to do once a week that was meaningful, busy, and with other people - it would be a total contrast to the unstructured everyday life of isolation that is doing a PhD! If they have someone already/a better offer then that is good and I will do something else maybe. I was quite surprised I volunteered actually but it seemed to make sense.
DB and I need to go and get my ring re-sized today. We ought to go now actually, I ought to try and prise him from his chair.
My ma is coming tomorrow! I can't wait to celebrate with her! She will stay until Monday, which will mean work is fairly compromised *still*, and then we will drive her home and go out for beeday/engagement dins with the rest of the family. Then on Tuesday DB and I are off to a theme park for some rollercoaster action for my beeday (was meant to be gliding but the weather is too rubbish!) and then we are home and normal life shall be resumed! Which is why I thought the volunteering thing would be good - get me out and doing something. I shall also start my new exercise club on Thursday eve. So I am starting to see how my life may settle into a happy routine of work, exercise and sociable work.
Pleasing! Am going to annotate these slides I should have done yesterday now then. Well, will go and get the ring sorted actually. gah! I will work, promise.
The apprentice starts tonight! I LOVE that show!!!
x J
I know it is late to be starting work but I did do a bit of engagement celebrating last night, I confess. BUT I have woken this morning and am just wanting to work now, like I have done lots of talking and stuff and can concentrate a little more on everyday things. And this morning I have also volunteered to help out a refugee agency down the road next Friday for the day. I would really like to do that so I hope they accept my help. I would like to have something to do once a week that was meaningful, busy, and with other people - it would be a total contrast to the unstructured everyday life of isolation that is doing a PhD! If they have someone already/a better offer then that is good and I will do something else maybe. I was quite surprised I volunteered actually but it seemed to make sense.
DB and I need to go and get my ring re-sized today. We ought to go now actually, I ought to try and prise him from his chair.
My ma is coming tomorrow! I can't wait to celebrate with her! She will stay until Monday, which will mean work is fairly compromised *still*, and then we will drive her home and go out for beeday/engagement dins with the rest of the family. Then on Tuesday DB and I are off to a theme park for some rollercoaster action for my beeday (was meant to be gliding but the weather is too rubbish!) and then we are home and normal life shall be resumed! Which is why I thought the volunteering thing would be good - get me out and doing something. I shall also start my new exercise club on Thursday eve. So I am starting to see how my life may settle into a happy routine of work, exercise and sociable work.
Pleasing! Am going to annotate these slides I should have done yesterday now then. Well, will go and get the ring sorted actually. gah! I will work, promise.
The apprentice starts tonight! I LOVE that show!!!
x J
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
Ok, ok,ok
Yes, I know, I haven't done anything again.
Well, I have eaten a packet of squirrel flavour crisps and some biscuits and emailed my bridesmaids (aka best friends) all day about being a bridesmaid and having a wedding. It is the first proper chat we've had so was all rather excitable and fantastic fun. And I asked my best mate who is currently travelling through central america (and therefore out of internet action mostly so she will have to guess) and my sis, who is most pleased.
DB has only been a little bit cross that I have broken my promise to not do wedding stuff till after the PhD and I reminded him that it is 30th birthday week (he said we would do activities every day but so far he has just worked since we got home!) and so we are going to have some wine and sort out a guest list later! Excellent! I need to tel him lots of my thoughts before my Mum comes and I end up telling her first.
Workwise, not so good. I will do some work now though until I am relieved of my duties by my betrothed. Tomorrow I shall be hungover I expect, but having let off some steam may be able to be a bit calmer...
x J
Well, I have eaten a packet of squirrel flavour crisps and some biscuits and emailed my bridesmaids (aka best friends) all day about being a bridesmaid and having a wedding. It is the first proper chat we've had so was all rather excitable and fantastic fun. And I asked my best mate who is currently travelling through central america (and therefore out of internet action mostly so she will have to guess) and my sis, who is most pleased.
DB has only been a little bit cross that I have broken my promise to not do wedding stuff till after the PhD and I reminded him that it is 30th birthday week (he said we would do activities every day but so far he has just worked since we got home!) and so we are going to have some wine and sort out a guest list later! Excellent! I need to tel him lots of my thoughts before my Mum comes and I end up telling her first.
Workwise, not so good. I will do some work now though until I am relieved of my duties by my betrothed. Tomorrow I shall be hungover I expect, but having let off some steam may be able to be a bit calmer...
x J
Back on it...
Today is a Very Important Day. I have tidied my housey and later we are going out to get my ring re-sized so it doesn't fall off in the washing up/cake mix/soup/bed and then, of all places, to Asda to go and get some housey supplies.
But in the meantime I have heard from my Sup who is - phew! - very pleased for me, has sent me the slides for the presentation I missed yesterday due to my gallivanting, and has put himself forward to be a bridesmaid. I told him it was quite a frightening prospect but he assured me he would scrub up well... So I have relented and told him to shave and wear clean trainers cause there ain't no scruffy bridesmaids at my weddin'.
So I have the slides which I will use first to ease me back into work. I have little knowledge of postcolonial thinking - another swathe of literature I am pretty sure I have forgotton to include in my planning! Oh my WORD so much reading to do. Relentless reading. I just wish I was at that stage where you are up every day and not working seems crazy you are so used to it. But I am quite the opposite! Which is why today is very important, I need to psychologically get myself back into work and not beeday/romance/grieving/moving house moods like I have been! What a blinkin rollercoaster this year has been.
I have pretty much relinquished my study to DB for now. I think it is preferable he sits upstairs - when he is working he is actually a bit of an evil troll with no humour or tolerance for anyone in the world and it isn't much fun trying to watch Corrie next to that. And he is a mess so the sitting room is a state if he is in it! I can't cope! So I have sent him upstairs - learning to be a bit less psycho protective of my workspace may be a good thing - what if I have to hot-desk in my new job?!! Eek! Also, I am tidier so should play to that strength, and at the moment I am just reading and writing notes - I don't need a special desk in a speical room to do that. And I should be in Uni more too so, you know, he needs the space and his using it does keep me in champagne - what can I say?!! AND, finally, I don't even like it up there much - it is a bit lonely! I prefer the kitchen, hub of all happinesses are kitchens. And now I have my laptop I can work anywhere, super.
SO today. Read through the slides, make notes and maybe try and develop a mental map of neocolonial discourses, then try and understand how I really only have a month left to read for and write my methodology, and try and sit and gt into reading about habermas - I am running out of time!!! I must motivate myself.
x J
But in the meantime I have heard from my Sup who is - phew! - very pleased for me, has sent me the slides for the presentation I missed yesterday due to my gallivanting, and has put himself forward to be a bridesmaid. I told him it was quite a frightening prospect but he assured me he would scrub up well... So I have relented and told him to shave and wear clean trainers cause there ain't no scruffy bridesmaids at my weddin'.
So I have the slides which I will use first to ease me back into work. I have little knowledge of postcolonial thinking - another swathe of literature I am pretty sure I have forgotton to include in my planning! Oh my WORD so much reading to do. Relentless reading. I just wish I was at that stage where you are up every day and not working seems crazy you are so used to it. But I am quite the opposite! Which is why today is very important, I need to psychologically get myself back into work and not beeday/romance/grieving/moving house moods like I have been! What a blinkin rollercoaster this year has been.
I have pretty much relinquished my study to DB for now. I think it is preferable he sits upstairs - when he is working he is actually a bit of an evil troll with no humour or tolerance for anyone in the world and it isn't much fun trying to watch Corrie next to that. And he is a mess so the sitting room is a state if he is in it! I can't cope! So I have sent him upstairs - learning to be a bit less psycho protective of my workspace may be a good thing - what if I have to hot-desk in my new job?!! Eek! Also, I am tidier so should play to that strength, and at the moment I am just reading and writing notes - I don't need a special desk in a speical room to do that. And I should be in Uni more too so, you know, he needs the space and his using it does keep me in champagne - what can I say?!! AND, finally, I don't even like it up there much - it is a bit lonely! I prefer the kitchen, hub of all happinesses are kitchens. And now I have my laptop I can work anywhere, super.
SO today. Read through the slides, make notes and maybe try and develop a mental map of neocolonial discourses, then try and understand how I really only have a month left to read for and write my methodology, and try and sit and gt into reading about habermas - I am running out of time!!! I must motivate myself.
x J
Monday, 23 March 2009
WOWSERS!!
My word! I am pleased to announce that I am 30 and still alive, and I am engaged!!! DB proposed!!! On the eve of my beeday! We had a sumptious weekend up north, after doing some rock climbing, and spent every day having breakfast in bed, drinking champagne, and then going out for steak dinners! fabulous.
Wooo! I have a ring and everything!
Downside is a cc-ed email from my sup regarding two seminars today directly related to my PhD, which was sent no doubt becuae I also missed a very important seminar last Thursday... So I am almost in the naughty books, and not going today probably put me in them for sure - and I am NEVER naughty. So I had to email him and 'fess up that I have been gallavanting around the country doing a lot of celebrating and no work. But I will start working tomorrow! I am back on it - I have had my break, my head is sorted and looking to the future more than the past, and I have to start getting back into the good books. My ma is coming to stay on Thursday though - to celebrate my new house, my 30th beeday and now also my engagement. Something tells me much work will not be done on Friday!!!
I will work hard though, tomorrow. For now I eat chocolates DB got me for my beeday and watch the wire snuggled up with my fiance. !!!!!!!!!
I hope my sup is pleased for my engagement and not sniffy about being slack with the PhD. I can't bear for him to think badly of me!!
We shan't get married until easter 2011 - well after the PhD is completed and I can concentrate on planning a wedding!!!! DB is very strict about that so I am ignoring him and looking at dresses and venues. Hehe. What a wayward wife I will be! Funny just how much a PhD takes over your life. No children, no weddings, no holidays, no nuffin'. Just PhD. Ah well, it's not for long now, head down, reading goggles on and blast it!
Tomorrow anyway...
x J
Wooo! I have a ring and everything!
Downside is a cc-ed email from my sup regarding two seminars today directly related to my PhD, which was sent no doubt becuae I also missed a very important seminar last Thursday... So I am almost in the naughty books, and not going today probably put me in them for sure - and I am NEVER naughty. So I had to email him and 'fess up that I have been gallavanting around the country doing a lot of celebrating and no work. But I will start working tomorrow! I am back on it - I have had my break, my head is sorted and looking to the future more than the past, and I have to start getting back into the good books. My ma is coming to stay on Thursday though - to celebrate my new house, my 30th beeday and now also my engagement. Something tells me much work will not be done on Friday!!!
I will work hard though, tomorrow. For now I eat chocolates DB got me for my beeday and watch the wire snuggled up with my fiance. !!!!!!!!!
I hope my sup is pleased for my engagement and not sniffy about being slack with the PhD. I can't bear for him to think badly of me!!
We shan't get married until easter 2011 - well after the PhD is completed and I can concentrate on planning a wedding!!!! DB is very strict about that so I am ignoring him and looking at dresses and venues. Hehe. What a wayward wife I will be! Funny just how much a PhD takes over your life. No children, no weddings, no holidays, no nuffin'. Just PhD. Ah well, it's not for long now, head down, reading goggles on and blast it!
Tomorrow anyway...
x J
Thursday, 19 March 2009
Endofday
Well, I did try and do some work, and I wrote out a sentence about Habermas' critique of Marx's assumptions. All very basic stuff. But it just isn't going to go in to my brain, I just know it.
I know, that even though I am washing and cleaning and cooking and being ok I am not in any way able to work. Also, this is work that I could do in two hours another day but sit in front of for the entire day atm, and not take anything in. I cannot afford to not internalise this reading, I need to internalise it, make it mine, put my spin on it, and then write it - there is no regurgitation going on here. PhD level for goodness sake! So, for now, I have again decided to leave it. I can properly leave it now, I am most relieved to say, because it is Thursday evening and tomorrow is the start of my birthday shenanigans! It was meant to start today but DB is late (!!) but anyway, this evening I am having a glass of wine, cooking a spag bol with garlic bread, lighting a fire, reading my book and eating cookies in my cute cottage. Lovely! (And how English?!! Come stay, we can have cream teas and crumpets!)
Tomorrow we have to be somewhere for lunchtime and I need my tracksuit and trainers (?!)... Apparently it isn't something mindblowing but is something we (or 'he' did he say? I don't remember!) haven't done for a while. Maybe mountain biking or something? Something outdoors anyway, which sounds good to me. I have been hinting about going to a gorgeous city up the road for a cosy hideaway, and rich, lengthy three course meals with ale and wine and a log fire... Just spending some time with DB would be fantastic! Nothing too swish, may be a ghost tour or two... !!
Well, I don't suppose I will get to blog tomorrow seeing as I am being whisked away, so this will probably be my last entry as a lady in my twenties... 30! What a fantastic age to be, I can't wait. I can't believe I am actually going to be a grown-up! Super.
x J
I know, that even though I am washing and cleaning and cooking and being ok I am not in any way able to work. Also, this is work that I could do in two hours another day but sit in front of for the entire day atm, and not take anything in. I cannot afford to not internalise this reading, I need to internalise it, make it mine, put my spin on it, and then write it - there is no regurgitation going on here. PhD level for goodness sake! So, for now, I have again decided to leave it. I can properly leave it now, I am most relieved to say, because it is Thursday evening and tomorrow is the start of my birthday shenanigans! It was meant to start today but DB is late (!!) but anyway, this evening I am having a glass of wine, cooking a spag bol with garlic bread, lighting a fire, reading my book and eating cookies in my cute cottage. Lovely! (And how English?!! Come stay, we can have cream teas and crumpets!)
Tomorrow we have to be somewhere for lunchtime and I need my tracksuit and trainers (?!)... Apparently it isn't something mindblowing but is something we (or 'he' did he say? I don't remember!) haven't done for a while. Maybe mountain biking or something? Something outdoors anyway, which sounds good to me. I have been hinting about going to a gorgeous city up the road for a cosy hideaway, and rich, lengthy three course meals with ale and wine and a log fire... Just spending some time with DB would be fantastic! Nothing too swish, may be a ghost tour or two... !!
Well, I don't suppose I will get to blog tomorrow seeing as I am being whisked away, so this will probably be my last entry as a lady in my twenties... 30! What a fantastic age to be, I can't wait. I can't believe I am actually going to be a grown-up! Super.
x J
I am capable! Now on to some work...
Today I have been the best housewife, in the world, Ever.
I have cleaned the bathroom and washed two lots of clothes, which are now drying outside in a very pleasing, nature-loving way. And I made dippy eggs and toast and tea for lunch, and THEN I thought I better use up the broccoli that would go off while we are away over the weekend (for my Birthday - big 30 - don't know if I've mentioned it?!) so made a broccoli, bacon and lentil soup! To go in the freezer no less! And later I shall make spag bol for dins... I am feeling very rightous and 'normal'. Woo! Now, I think I shall do some work! For an hour, then stop - no point freaking myself out by thinking I will do seven hours straight and then sitting avoiding it for, er, seven hours. So just one hour will do for now thank you.
Or maybe I shall read my book.
No, I shall work. Arg don't wanna! But I shall! Now! While I am in army-cadet shouting mood! Go Go GO!!!!
x J
I have cleaned the bathroom and washed two lots of clothes, which are now drying outside in a very pleasing, nature-loving way. And I made dippy eggs and toast and tea for lunch, and THEN I thought I better use up the broccoli that would go off while we are away over the weekend (for my Birthday - big 30 - don't know if I've mentioned it?!) so made a broccoli, bacon and lentil soup! To go in the freezer no less! And later I shall make spag bol for dins... I am feeling very rightous and 'normal'. Woo! Now, I think I shall do some work! For an hour, then stop - no point freaking myself out by thinking I will do seven hours straight and then sitting avoiding it for, er, seven hours. So just one hour will do for now thank you.
Or maybe I shall read my book.
No, I shall work. Arg don't wanna! But I shall! Now! While I am in army-cadet shouting mood! Go Go GO!!!!
x J
Oh SO much better
I have woken up this morning and just feel sooooo much better. I feel like I have an iota of verve, of cheer, of 'botheredness'. Thank goodness! I just hope it lasts...
I have planned to clean the bathroom - which definitely means something is up because I haven't even been bothered to clean myself of late - and will do some clothes washing and will then make some coffee and breakfast, then plan some luncheon and come up and... do some work! I think I will do some work today but won't cut my head off I don't. There is a research seminar at Uni that I am expected at and really ought to go to but I am just not there yet. I will go back to uni proper at the beginning of April, when everything is done birthday-wise and also, 7 April is when I was always meant to be home from India, so things should stop feeling so weird and 'why am I here?! Oh yes. Oh yes.' Cue sobbing...
And 30 March I start my new hardcore exercise group and hopefully make some friends, and when I am home most weekends, I can start my dog walking and baby sitting shenanigans and be NORMAL! And I will work every day except Sunday. Week days I will work from 9.30 - 6.30 and Saturday I will work in the afternoon for a couple of hours. Then, most probably, I shall get drunk and then loll around all the following Sunday waiting for someone (me) to make me a roast dinner, and then I shall curl up and watch The Wire with DB in front of my log fire in the living room... What a nice life eh? Just not right now- this is the last day of me being a proper wastrel. In a perverse way I can quite enjoy it, without it being suffocating and miserable like it has been.
I did think yesterday that I should go out today and I will do if I start getting miserable again. I have decided that the moment it starts going wrong and I get miserable I am donning my earphones and am out for a mood-lifting jog. Jogging is supposed to be fabulous for curing mild-misery but the only snag is that when you feel mildly miserable you really don't want to go outside and have people goggle at you. Wierdly I actually forget how to dress for other people and am used to my scarecrow/makeup all over face from days ago/mismatched-two-sizes-too-big clothes/spotty socks-and-stripey ballet-pumps look - but yesterday I went to the shop to get some chocolate and halfway there just realised what I look like. It was very colourful and slightly eccentric an outfit but I just couldn't work out how to fix it - because I just didn't care. But today I hope I do care and these things will come back to me.
I am still not a fan of reading Habermas. Maybe I ought to read something else for a while, or find something else (filing?!) to do that is PhD related. But then again, engaging my brain may be a good thing and get some thoughts and confidence flowing... Yeah, I feel some energy for that.
The sun seems keen to come out again. My new house has back yard terraces just like on coronation street so out of the office window I can see yards for miles, with their clothes drying and wee garden pots, and benches in the sunshine and doggies and children. It looks lovely and I want to join in so much! My yard has some knackered wood plonked in the middle of it and some pots with very unhappy and ugly foliage in. I don't know what to do with them to make them well again, or even if I can use the soil? I would like to garden. My ma is coming to stay at the end of next week and she will show me the way. I am very looking forward to it.
Well, I better surf the internet for a while - DB is organising something beeday-wise downstairs so I am banned! Then as I said, I shall clean the bathroom, drink a cup of coffee (no more than one today please! Then drink water and be good again like the auld days!!), go to the shop and make us some eggs and toast for our lunch. I have decided. Veg curry for tea may be wise, seeing as I have a lot of veg!
See me being coherent!
x J
I have planned to clean the bathroom - which definitely means something is up because I haven't even been bothered to clean myself of late - and will do some clothes washing and will then make some coffee and breakfast, then plan some luncheon and come up and... do some work! I think I will do some work today but won't cut my head off I don't. There is a research seminar at Uni that I am expected at and really ought to go to but I am just not there yet. I will go back to uni proper at the beginning of April, when everything is done birthday-wise and also, 7 April is when I was always meant to be home from India, so things should stop feeling so weird and 'why am I here?! Oh yes. Oh yes.' Cue sobbing...
And 30 March I start my new hardcore exercise group and hopefully make some friends, and when I am home most weekends, I can start my dog walking and baby sitting shenanigans and be NORMAL! And I will work every day except Sunday. Week days I will work from 9.30 - 6.30 and Saturday I will work in the afternoon for a couple of hours. Then, most probably, I shall get drunk and then loll around all the following Sunday waiting for someone (me) to make me a roast dinner, and then I shall curl up and watch The Wire with DB in front of my log fire in the living room... What a nice life eh? Just not right now- this is the last day of me being a proper wastrel. In a perverse way I can quite enjoy it, without it being suffocating and miserable like it has been.
I did think yesterday that I should go out today and I will do if I start getting miserable again. I have decided that the moment it starts going wrong and I get miserable I am donning my earphones and am out for a mood-lifting jog. Jogging is supposed to be fabulous for curing mild-misery but the only snag is that when you feel mildly miserable you really don't want to go outside and have people goggle at you. Wierdly I actually forget how to dress for other people and am used to my scarecrow/makeup all over face from days ago/mismatched-two-sizes-too-big clothes/spotty socks-and-stripey ballet-pumps look - but yesterday I went to the shop to get some chocolate and halfway there just realised what I look like. It was very colourful and slightly eccentric an outfit but I just couldn't work out how to fix it - because I just didn't care. But today I hope I do care and these things will come back to me.
I am still not a fan of reading Habermas. Maybe I ought to read something else for a while, or find something else (filing?!) to do that is PhD related. But then again, engaging my brain may be a good thing and get some thoughts and confidence flowing... Yeah, I feel some energy for that.
The sun seems keen to come out again. My new house has back yard terraces just like on coronation street so out of the office window I can see yards for miles, with their clothes drying and wee garden pots, and benches in the sunshine and doggies and children. It looks lovely and I want to join in so much! My yard has some knackered wood plonked in the middle of it and some pots with very unhappy and ugly foliage in. I don't know what to do with them to make them well again, or even if I can use the soil? I would like to garden. My ma is coming to stay at the end of next week and she will show me the way. I am very looking forward to it.
Well, I better surf the internet for a while - DB is organising something beeday-wise downstairs so I am banned! Then as I said, I shall clean the bathroom, drink a cup of coffee (no more than one today please! Then drink water and be good again like the auld days!!), go to the shop and make us some eggs and toast for our lunch. I have decided. Veg curry for tea may be wise, seeing as I have a lot of veg!
See me being coherent!
x J
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
well...
I didn't do anything, as promised. I did have a bath eventually, and walked around the house and made some french toast. And did a LOT of research about where to go for my beeday (DB thinks barcelona - our local airport says perhaps not unless you are a squillionnaire) and worked out that I would really like to go snowboarding but can't afford the lift passes.
I also realised I can join this hardcore exercise outfit when they start up in my area at the end of March. I get to exercise with other people! Woo! They meet almost outside my house three times a week and it is like army training and personal trainer-ing all in one. Excellent. And they do triathlons and stuff! How exciting! So I promptly tucked into an illicit box of brownies in anticipation of all the sit ups and press ups I shall be doing...
And that was my day! How productive!
Am now going to wander downstairs and be a little bit bored there, instead of upstairs in the blinding sunshine.
x J
I also realised I can join this hardcore exercise outfit when they start up in my area at the end of March. I get to exercise with other people! Woo! They meet almost outside my house three times a week and it is like army training and personal trainer-ing all in one. Excellent. And they do triathlons and stuff! How exciting! So I promptly tucked into an illicit box of brownies in anticipation of all the sit ups and press ups I shall be doing...
And that was my day! How productive!
Am now going to wander downstairs and be a little bit bored there, instead of upstairs in the blinding sunshine.
x J
Sun?! Not today of all days!
Arg the sun has come out! I hate it! It fills me with guilt at being a recluse and makes me feel that I ought to find a field riddled with daisies and cavort wildly in a white cotton dress and some long blonde hair... See me dance my pagan dance!
I have met this compulsion halfway and got out of my pyjamas and into clothes. But I will not shower. I refuse! Hmmmm. I think I will go out and get some thank-you cards for DBs family - they looked after my plants and they are lustrous! Well, apart from the two in plant hospital but they are tricksy bug*ers anyway. Maybe I will just wander around - my village is a bit pretty and has great little vintage shops and a canal to wander by. I feel like everyone will stare at me though. And I might smell. So I would have to have a shower. And then, if I have had a shower I might as well admit my commitment to the land of the living and go for a jog or do some work. Gosh being on holiday is confusing.
I haven't cried yet today though! Wooty!
I think I will go out; just do it and get rid of this obsessive feeling that I ought to take advantage of the sun. And sun is suppoed to cheer one up is it not? And I haven't actually left the house since Saturday. Yes, I know.
I wish I knew how to do gardening! how do I do that? All I know is it involves money, and heavy things like compost and tubs and so I would need the car and I don't want to drive anywhere at all. Otherwise I would do some pottering in my yard. Tidy it up a bit. Arg but then I meet the neighbours and what if I start crying? Yes, I am actually concerned I may do this because I have already done this. My poor supervisor.
Maybe I shall bake something or something. Or maybe I shall do some uni reading/organising! At this rate it may actually turn into a preferable option to all these choices I seem to have, which are rendered impotent by my sincere and chronic laziness. At least then I have a reason to stay in and just sit!!! Oh, the irony.
x J
I have met this compulsion halfway and got out of my pyjamas and into clothes. But I will not shower. I refuse! Hmmmm. I think I will go out and get some thank-you cards for DBs family - they looked after my plants and they are lustrous! Well, apart from the two in plant hospital but they are tricksy bug*ers anyway. Maybe I will just wander around - my village is a bit pretty and has great little vintage shops and a canal to wander by. I feel like everyone will stare at me though. And I might smell. So I would have to have a shower. And then, if I have had a shower I might as well admit my commitment to the land of the living and go for a jog or do some work. Gosh being on holiday is confusing.
I haven't cried yet today though! Wooty!
I think I will go out; just do it and get rid of this obsessive feeling that I ought to take advantage of the sun. And sun is suppoed to cheer one up is it not? And I haven't actually left the house since Saturday. Yes, I know.
I wish I knew how to do gardening! how do I do that? All I know is it involves money, and heavy things like compost and tubs and so I would need the car and I don't want to drive anywhere at all. Otherwise I would do some pottering in my yard. Tidy it up a bit. Arg but then I meet the neighbours and what if I start crying? Yes, I am actually concerned I may do this because I have already done this. My poor supervisor.
Maybe I shall bake something or something. Or maybe I shall do some uni reading/organising! At this rate it may actually turn into a preferable option to all these choices I seem to have, which are rendered impotent by my sincere and chronic laziness. At least then I have a reason to stay in and just sit!!! Oh, the irony.
x J
Tuesday, 17 March 2009
Rethink!
I have tried to work. Not very hard, because I don't want to work. In fact, I find the whole thing totally pointless and a drain. Why on *earth* do I care about Habermasian interpretations of Marxist theory?! My brain is just not bothered to think about it, let alone any possible connotations these interpretations have for my PhD's methodology. I also know this is not a constant lethargy that I battle with but temporary, and therefore I am going to leave it for now. I think I shall off until I am back from my B'day break - about this time next week. I am going to sleep, have baths, go jogging, read novels in the spring sun by the window, go on the internet, make a herb garden, make my Dad's wee memorial garden, have my birthday and just take time off. I haven't had any time off for months anyway - I had a week in India and I don't remember my last structured break before that. Spain in June I expect.
Now I am thinking of taking some time for myself I realise that although I have not been productive these past few weeks it has not been time 'off' in any way. I mean, I haven't benefitted from it by feeling stronger and rejuvenated when I sit to work. Quite the opposite in fact. I mean, this year I have abruptly moved from one country to another, moved house, and had to organise and go to my Dad's funeral. And my darling little brother is now suffering from depression and my Mum needs looking after while she comes to terms with being a Widow. Any one of these is bad enough stress-wise and a bit draining. It took me the weekend to realise I felt tired and stressed, and yesterday and today to realise that I can't just get back into life yet. But I have realised and that is the main thing. I read a wonderful article in the Guardian about a woman who had lost her husband of 60 years, and how she is getting on with her life. In it there were two great nuggets of advice for how to cope after a horrible bereavement; 1 - you are not going to be able to do very much for the next few weeks, you won't want to go out much or see many people - but that is ok. For a while. And another; 2 - go under or get on with life. So some time for myelf is needed to get stronger and come to terms with these feelings I have - but then back to work and life, in a new and changed - but not necessarily worse - way.
I am sure I am always saying on this blog that I am not going to work! I can't imagine anyone reading it would think I actually do any work to take off from... But then, so much of this PhD is about becoming mature in your own self-confidence, in making decisions despite imaginings of what others may think of you (slacker, not dedicated, going to fail). Because at some point you realise those imaginings are just you commenting on yourself - OR, if other people think these things - let them think them. I can stand up for myself. And so that is that. I work no more. I shall return, with some verve and post-holiday blues (hopefully! that would mean it worked!) in a week. I may even take two weeks if that is necessary. I will blog though, just for a gabble.
I am off to make a sweet cup of tea and read my book on a bean bag in my Darling Boy's big ol' hoody.
x J
Now I am thinking of taking some time for myself I realise that although I have not been productive these past few weeks it has not been time 'off' in any way. I mean, I haven't benefitted from it by feeling stronger and rejuvenated when I sit to work. Quite the opposite in fact. I mean, this year I have abruptly moved from one country to another, moved house, and had to organise and go to my Dad's funeral. And my darling little brother is now suffering from depression and my Mum needs looking after while she comes to terms with being a Widow. Any one of these is bad enough stress-wise and a bit draining. It took me the weekend to realise I felt tired and stressed, and yesterday and today to realise that I can't just get back into life yet. But I have realised and that is the main thing. I read a wonderful article in the Guardian about a woman who had lost her husband of 60 years, and how she is getting on with her life. In it there were two great nuggets of advice for how to cope after a horrible bereavement; 1 - you are not going to be able to do very much for the next few weeks, you won't want to go out much or see many people - but that is ok. For a while. And another; 2 - go under or get on with life. So some time for myelf is needed to get stronger and come to terms with these feelings I have - but then back to work and life, in a new and changed - but not necessarily worse - way.
I am sure I am always saying on this blog that I am not going to work! I can't imagine anyone reading it would think I actually do any work to take off from... But then, so much of this PhD is about becoming mature in your own self-confidence, in making decisions despite imaginings of what others may think of you (slacker, not dedicated, going to fail). Because at some point you realise those imaginings are just you commenting on yourself - OR, if other people think these things - let them think them. I can stand up for myself. And so that is that. I work no more. I shall return, with some verve and post-holiday blues (hopefully! that would mean it worked!) in a week. I may even take two weeks if that is necessary. I will blog though, just for a gabble.
I am off to make a sweet cup of tea and read my book on a bean bag in my Darling Boy's big ol' hoody.
x J
Righty
Today is going ok methinks. I am still feeling rubbish but have way more strength to cope today - having DB around is a total tonic.
Today I have to look after my plants in plant hospital, eat some food, make the kitchen table and put all the last bits and bobs of our stuff we don't need into the cellar. Wash some clothes. Organise council tax and a parking permit... and do some work!
Work. I will aim today to do two hours of reading. I really like the reading, I think I just need to get into it again and get my brain thinking. I also need to calm my mind down - I should go running or something but, you know, one thing at a time!
Am making DB and I some housewarming dins tonight. I am not sure what to make but have a feeling it may be my least romantic dish ever of tuna and pasta bake... lucky boy!! Then I have booked him for the night to sit and watch tele or a DVD with me. No work!
Sleepy!
x J
Today I have to look after my plants in plant hospital, eat some food, make the kitchen table and put all the last bits and bobs of our stuff we don't need into the cellar. Wash some clothes. Organise council tax and a parking permit... and do some work!
Work. I will aim today to do two hours of reading. I really like the reading, I think I just need to get into it again and get my brain thinking. I also need to calm my mind down - I should go running or something but, you know, one thing at a time!
Am making DB and I some housewarming dins tonight. I am not sure what to make but have a feeling it may be my least romantic dish ever of tuna and pasta bake... lucky boy!! Then I have booked him for the night to sit and watch tele or a DVD with me. No work!
Sleepy!
x J
Marnin!
DB is back! PHEW! I slept and everything and this morning I have had a shower and am dressed and at my desk...
I now need some coffee and to move a couple of plants around downstairs (plants came home yesterday too) as I know I will have to compulsively, then I shall return.
Speak soon!
x J
I now need some coffee and to move a couple of plants around downstairs (plants came home yesterday too) as I know I will have to compulsively, then I shall return.
Speak soon!
x J
Monday, 16 March 2009
Endofday... of doing nothing!
Hallo
Well, I did nothing today as promised. It doesn't even feel like it has got any later.
Am not going to worry about it too much, I have been feeling rubbish today and have been assured by more than one person (thanks JoJo) that I am being all quite normal which is good to know. But then I have to work. I forgot when I posted this morning that I shan't be going into uni at the end of the week because it is my beeday weekend! DB is taking me away. I didn't think that would appeal to me but actually it really does - even though I have been in India, then a guest in someone elses home, and then two weeks in a B&B down the road. I move into my house for a week and am dying for a break! haha. I keep telling DB i would be happy to stay here though! I hope he isn't listening to me, but then of course he would be if he knows what is good for him - control freak shines through again! I fancy a couple of nights at a plush hotel, with a big ol' three course meal and loveliness, and maybe a day out at a theme park to go a bit nuts. Or a zoo. I likes that kind of thing. Or abroad actually. Just to spend some time with DB too, just together - not working, or worrying, or talking about houses or cars or bickering. Just being together for together's sake. Yum.
I think I might ask him to marry me actually. I would say I need him around a lot - I am a bit rubbish when he is away, but more than that this weekend has made me realise how much he is like part of me, and a good part at that. And he makes me feel better than if I am left to myself. So I should try and nab him really, It is our 9 year anniversary next weekend too! I keep forgetting - in fact I have been going on about organising my beeday meal with my family on that very night! How rubbish is that?!! hehe.
Well, I am going to call it a day on any guilt I may feel for not working today, and carry on hanging around aimlessly. Well, I did some chores like changed my addresses and caught up on emails and things...
and I am giving up smoking again. I smoke so much when I drink booze that I may as well smoke constantly for the heart rate I have the following day. I am actually out of breath when I am watching tele?!!! Eek!
So today is just a total non-day. Tomorrow I shall hopefully hopefully wake up later than blinkin' 7am and actually get into clothes and have a care enough to get my books out.
Jeez just reading through this blog entry makes me realise how skittish my brain is. It's all over the place! Imagine trying to write a chapter on philosophical influences in this state?! My sup would be reaching for his opium pipe in seconds.
x J
Well, I did nothing today as promised. It doesn't even feel like it has got any later.
Am not going to worry about it too much, I have been feeling rubbish today and have been assured by more than one person (thanks JoJo) that I am being all quite normal which is good to know. But then I have to work. I forgot when I posted this morning that I shan't be going into uni at the end of the week because it is my beeday weekend! DB is taking me away. I didn't think that would appeal to me but actually it really does - even though I have been in India, then a guest in someone elses home, and then two weeks in a B&B down the road. I move into my house for a week and am dying for a break! haha. I keep telling DB i would be happy to stay here though! I hope he isn't listening to me, but then of course he would be if he knows what is good for him - control freak shines through again! I fancy a couple of nights at a plush hotel, with a big ol' three course meal and loveliness, and maybe a day out at a theme park to go a bit nuts. Or a zoo. I likes that kind of thing. Or abroad actually. Just to spend some time with DB too, just together - not working, or worrying, or talking about houses or cars or bickering. Just being together for together's sake. Yum.
I think I might ask him to marry me actually. I would say I need him around a lot - I am a bit rubbish when he is away, but more than that this weekend has made me realise how much he is like part of me, and a good part at that. And he makes me feel better than if I am left to myself. So I should try and nab him really, It is our 9 year anniversary next weekend too! I keep forgetting - in fact I have been going on about organising my beeday meal with my family on that very night! How rubbish is that?!! hehe.
Well, I am going to call it a day on any guilt I may feel for not working today, and carry on hanging around aimlessly. Well, I did some chores like changed my addresses and caught up on emails and things...
and I am giving up smoking again. I smoke so much when I drink booze that I may as well smoke constantly for the heart rate I have the following day. I am actually out of breath when I am watching tele?!!! Eek!
So today is just a total non-day. Tomorrow I shall hopefully hopefully wake up later than blinkin' 7am and actually get into clothes and have a care enough to get my books out.
Jeez just reading through this blog entry makes me realise how skittish my brain is. It's all over the place! Imagine trying to write a chapter on philosophical influences in this state?! My sup would be reaching for his opium pipe in seconds.
x J
Monday
My computer is being weird, but for now I shall ignore it... it just shut itself down and started up again with no warning. Eek!
Today is a tricky day. Doing stuff is hard and I feel like rubbish. I have made myself a cup of tea though and got some tabs for my head which is fizzing in a way that usually precedes a lovely migraine. I have tidied the house and have the tv on for company. I never watch morning tv so have been unpleasantly surprised at the vicious, ignorant bear baiting that is the Jeremy Kyle show, and very pleasantly surprised by the thoughtful intelligence on display on the Wright Stuff. DB watches the latter and I laugh at him for working and watching daytime tv - a cardinal sin in my world of home-working - but it is rather good.
I have been wondering what to do with myself today. I am not a happy bunny and reading in my new 'study' seems a bit scary and lonely. I need the tv and chat and noise outside my head. My head is a bit crazy - I think now everything is 'done' moving in wise etc I am starting to feel things that so far I have been too preoccupied to address. I don't like it but know I will be ok when DB is back. Love that boy.
So. I can't take any more time off. I am behind my schedule and starting to become dangerously pressed for time. I hate thinking about India and about work and humanitarianism. Well, my whole PhD. It seems rubbish and pointless. But I have to do it. So today I shall get my books in a bit and try and do some reading. I may go for a walk later to clear the cobwebs and get some enthusiasm for you know, stuff, and should also try and eat once this head calms down. By Thursday I want to be going in to Uni to work. I think I may have exhausted my desire for working at home you know. I think I like the idea of working somewhere else! Away from home and too much privacy. I need people, busyness, change of scenery. To be away from home! So I shall go and do that, which is quite a mind shift. I don't even have a pass for the research room yet I go in so rarely. Well, maybe I will work in the normal library anyway. And I could meet a friend for coffee! How nice.
I am so tired. I don't sleep well at the moment and am getting up at 7/7.30am - hours earlier than my normal 9 o' clock!! And I can't sleep until early hours of the morning - even though I am shattered. I don't like it. I suppose I have two options: I can carry on working through it, or can take a few days off and try to address my personal issues, then get back to work for full speed next week. But it isn't that easy is it? I have to work. I can't be sure that a few days will suffice. I just need some rest and a cuddle.
x J
Today is a tricky day. Doing stuff is hard and I feel like rubbish. I have made myself a cup of tea though and got some tabs for my head which is fizzing in a way that usually precedes a lovely migraine. I have tidied the house and have the tv on for company. I never watch morning tv so have been unpleasantly surprised at the vicious, ignorant bear baiting that is the Jeremy Kyle show, and very pleasantly surprised by the thoughtful intelligence on display on the Wright Stuff. DB watches the latter and I laugh at him for working and watching daytime tv - a cardinal sin in my world of home-working - but it is rather good.
I have been wondering what to do with myself today. I am not a happy bunny and reading in my new 'study' seems a bit scary and lonely. I need the tv and chat and noise outside my head. My head is a bit crazy - I think now everything is 'done' moving in wise etc I am starting to feel things that so far I have been too preoccupied to address. I don't like it but know I will be ok when DB is back. Love that boy.
So. I can't take any more time off. I am behind my schedule and starting to become dangerously pressed for time. I hate thinking about India and about work and humanitarianism. Well, my whole PhD. It seems rubbish and pointless. But I have to do it. So today I shall get my books in a bit and try and do some reading. I may go for a walk later to clear the cobwebs and get some enthusiasm for you know, stuff, and should also try and eat once this head calms down. By Thursday I want to be going in to Uni to work. I think I may have exhausted my desire for working at home you know. I think I like the idea of working somewhere else! Away from home and too much privacy. I need people, busyness, change of scenery. To be away from home! So I shall go and do that, which is quite a mind shift. I don't even have a pass for the research room yet I go in so rarely. Well, maybe I will work in the normal library anyway. And I could meet a friend for coffee! How nice.
I am so tired. I don't sleep well at the moment and am getting up at 7/7.30am - hours earlier than my normal 9 o' clock!! And I can't sleep until early hours of the morning - even though I am shattered. I don't like it. I suppose I have two options: I can carry on working through it, or can take a few days off and try to address my personal issues, then get back to work for full speed next week. But it isn't that easy is it? I have to work. I can't be sure that a few days will suffice. I just need some rest and a cuddle.
x J
Sunday, 15 March 2009
Sunday
Oh dear. I have had my bestest friends to stay for the weekend and they have gone now...
I am pretty bereft. I think that with moving etc etc I have been ok - but DB is in cornwall for the weekend and I am alone in our new house and I am seriously lonely. I think perhaps my feelings about my Dad's death are starting to kick in... I have been too busy to really think in the past month - so busy I can't believe we have been back for only a month. And now I am alone. It is not good. And tomorrow I have to start work properly! I don't know how that is going to happen. I don't feel like I have any head space - I am not thinking about anything in particular, but just have a buzzing in my head that is kind of like white noise, and makes it hard to concentrate on anything.
What to do? I just want it to go away. To be normal, and work and eat pizza and be happy.
Oh DB why do you have to be away?! I need you, you monkey. And will I tell you? Will I tell anyone that I am not ok? Will I 'eckers. I am a perfectionist control freak!
I am FINE.
x J
I am pretty bereft. I think that with moving etc etc I have been ok - but DB is in cornwall for the weekend and I am alone in our new house and I am seriously lonely. I think perhaps my feelings about my Dad's death are starting to kick in... I have been too busy to really think in the past month - so busy I can't believe we have been back for only a month. And now I am alone. It is not good. And tomorrow I have to start work properly! I don't know how that is going to happen. I don't feel like I have any head space - I am not thinking about anything in particular, but just have a buzzing in my head that is kind of like white noise, and makes it hard to concentrate on anything.
What to do? I just want it to go away. To be normal, and work and eat pizza and be happy.
Oh DB why do you have to be away?! I need you, you monkey. And will I tell you? Will I tell anyone that I am not ok? Will I 'eckers. I am a perfectionist control freak!
I am FINE.
x J
Friday, 6 March 2009
Only 18 months left! Nooooo!
It may sound like a lot, but, like, totally OMG.
I have only a short time while DB is in the shower...
Move house on Monday! Only the weekend to go!
This week has been very eventful - I had a massive brainwave on Mon and Tues regarding my thesis, scribbled it all down and took it to my Sup for our meeting on Weds and he was very pleased! Yaya! I was also very pleased and got rather boozey on Tuesday evening so managed to blag my way through our lovely meeting. My sup and associated sup are so lovely, they are like my favourite uncles (not in a pervy faux-uncle way) the way they look out for me.
And I have written an extensive plan of my time until I finish, but mainly until I go back to India in Sept. I have a *lot* of reading to do. My sup mentioned that it is impossible to know when to finish researching, and told me to read only information that is directly relevant to my thesis, or that I may be asked in my viva's - if I am reading stuff not directly relevant, ditch it. So I shall. He also, wonderfully, said that I shouldn;t worry about publishign anything until after I submit - just to concentrate on getting the PhD done, then send out a couple of chapters to a couple of journals and go to a couple of conferences. And he said I didn't have to present at any confs if I didn't want to - apparently I can make up for this by asking a couple of very smart questions. Hurray and twice hurray! We also had a meeting with a guy from Routledge about publishing our PhDs. Wow, it is hard work - and you won't make any money peeps.
Other than that I have been spending the week drinking too much (I know, but I am in a bedsit with DB and we work in it all day and so *have* to get out, and the best place is the pub. Such boozy antics will cease when we have moved - honest), being chuffed that I have made us something healthy armed with only a plate, a blunt knife and a kettle; and reading a *lot*. Lots of reading. Still more reading.
Arg also, this place is freezing in the day - yesterday I was in bed reading, with five jumpers on! Five! Sooooo cold.
Hmm DB is back. We are off out to get the deposit money for the house on Monday, then hopefully I shall be fed something hot and greasy. Then I shall come back and get into bed like an old person, and read and drink tea. I should get some fingerless gloves to finish off the picture...
I shall post better when I have some internet next week! yaya!
x J
Ps. I am already starting to have a crisis about what I am going to do after the PhD. I love my PhD! What shall I do? then I remember I am having time off to become a doley and have a baby. My Sup suggested being an academic... Hmmm. It is the perfect job for me on paper - why don't I want to do it?
I have only a short time while DB is in the shower...
Move house on Monday! Only the weekend to go!
This week has been very eventful - I had a massive brainwave on Mon and Tues regarding my thesis, scribbled it all down and took it to my Sup for our meeting on Weds and he was very pleased! Yaya! I was also very pleased and got rather boozey on Tuesday evening so managed to blag my way through our lovely meeting. My sup and associated sup are so lovely, they are like my favourite uncles (not in a pervy faux-uncle way) the way they look out for me.
And I have written an extensive plan of my time until I finish, but mainly until I go back to India in Sept. I have a *lot* of reading to do. My sup mentioned that it is impossible to know when to finish researching, and told me to read only information that is directly relevant to my thesis, or that I may be asked in my viva's - if I am reading stuff not directly relevant, ditch it. So I shall. He also, wonderfully, said that I shouldn;t worry about publishign anything until after I submit - just to concentrate on getting the PhD done, then send out a couple of chapters to a couple of journals and go to a couple of conferences. And he said I didn't have to present at any confs if I didn't want to - apparently I can make up for this by asking a couple of very smart questions. Hurray and twice hurray! We also had a meeting with a guy from Routledge about publishing our PhDs. Wow, it is hard work - and you won't make any money peeps.
Other than that I have been spending the week drinking too much (I know, but I am in a bedsit with DB and we work in it all day and so *have* to get out, and the best place is the pub. Such boozy antics will cease when we have moved - honest), being chuffed that I have made us something healthy armed with only a plate, a blunt knife and a kettle; and reading a *lot*. Lots of reading. Still more reading.
Arg also, this place is freezing in the day - yesterday I was in bed reading, with five jumpers on! Five! Sooooo cold.
Hmm DB is back. We are off out to get the deposit money for the house on Monday, then hopefully I shall be fed something hot and greasy. Then I shall come back and get into bed like an old person, and read and drink tea. I should get some fingerless gloves to finish off the picture...
I shall post better when I have some internet next week! yaya!
x J
Ps. I am already starting to have a crisis about what I am going to do after the PhD. I love my PhD! What shall I do? then I remember I am having time off to become a doley and have a baby. My Sup suggested being an academic... Hmmm. It is the perfect job for me on paper - why don't I want to do it?
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