I'm still really down. Can barely face work at the mo. I think I am so stressed about it - especially as my funding runs out in a couple of months and I think I have to find £400 to stay on the course - that it is completely stifling any creativity. I can't move in my brain for worry.
Life is pretty hard for me at the mo. My relationship with DB is at breaking point; work is piling up and yet I seem to have less time or personal energy for it than ever; I have no money; and because I am stressed and worried my parenting is not that hot at the mo. Everything is sh*t.
One good thing though - I have decided to put bean into childcare for just two days a week instead if three but for two hours extra on those days, so only losing 10 minutes of actual overall work time but gaining a whole day of fun times with my baby. This should be fine with Bean now and will be excellent for me as it is summer and I want to be with him as much as possible. It also means that - particularly now I am in the reading phase - I will have lots of continuous time to sit and read, instead of just a couple of hours.
That's another thing, I have so much work and really need to do it at weekends when DB can have Bean. But we are so stressy with each other at the moment that i daren't ask for more time for the PhD. I almost feel like I might have to jack it in to save my family. DB thinks I should work more evenings. I try and say about how tired I am in the evenings but I know it looks weak. I should work more. I wonder if he would understand more if he did nighttime parenting though. We don't share it, I do it all night every night and rarely get more than 2.5 hours sleep in a row. Then Bean and I are up, getting dressed, washed, breakfasted, cleaning up after breakfast then we are out and so on and so forth. He goes to work, comes home, eats dinner, does more work. I wash up, cook, tidy, put Bean to bed. The only time I have to sit and be normal is about 3 hours of an evening around 8-11. Obviously the last thing I want to do then is PhD work. I am completely knackered and totally unmotivated. I know I am whining and need to get over it - life is tough, I know, I know. I am tired of being whiny.
I am so unbelievably sad and am just failing everyone at every turn. What can I do? Something has to give but I just cannot work out what. I wonder if it would help if I worked out of the house - especialy while I am reading. All i need are a notepad, pen and the book. Maybe I should go into Uni and use the library a couple of evenings a week and at the weekend. Then I definitely can't get blamed for not working enough, can't do housework (cooking, cleaning ooooh what i wouldn't give for a dishwasher ;0)) and DB can do more evening parenting with Bean. Bean won't like this much but he's of an age where he can get over it after a few times i reckon.
Ok. Deep breaths. Onwards and upwards :0)
Thanks for listening :0)
x J
Life is pretty hard for me at the mo. My relationship with DB is at breaking point; work is piling up and yet I seem to have less time or personal energy for it than ever; I have no money; and because I am stressed and worried my parenting is not that hot at the mo. Everything is sh*t.
One good thing though - I have decided to put bean into childcare for just two days a week instead if three but for two hours extra on those days, so only losing 10 minutes of actual overall work time but gaining a whole day of fun times with my baby. This should be fine with Bean now and will be excellent for me as it is summer and I want to be with him as much as possible. It also means that - particularly now I am in the reading phase - I will have lots of continuous time to sit and read, instead of just a couple of hours.
That's another thing, I have so much work and really need to do it at weekends when DB can have Bean. But we are so stressy with each other at the moment that i daren't ask for more time for the PhD. I almost feel like I might have to jack it in to save my family. DB thinks I should work more evenings. I try and say about how tired I am in the evenings but I know it looks weak. I should work more. I wonder if he would understand more if he did nighttime parenting though. We don't share it, I do it all night every night and rarely get more than 2.5 hours sleep in a row. Then Bean and I are up, getting dressed, washed, breakfasted, cleaning up after breakfast then we are out and so on and so forth. He goes to work, comes home, eats dinner, does more work. I wash up, cook, tidy, put Bean to bed. The only time I have to sit and be normal is about 3 hours of an evening around 8-11. Obviously the last thing I want to do then is PhD work. I am completely knackered and totally unmotivated. I know I am whining and need to get over it - life is tough, I know, I know. I am tired of being whiny.
I am so unbelievably sad and am just failing everyone at every turn. What can I do? Something has to give but I just cannot work out what. I wonder if it would help if I worked out of the house - especialy while I am reading. All i need are a notepad, pen and the book. Maybe I should go into Uni and use the library a couple of evenings a week and at the weekend. Then I definitely can't get blamed for not working enough, can't do housework (cooking, cleaning ooooh what i wouldn't give for a dishwasher ;0)) and DB can do more evening parenting with Bean. Bean won't like this much but he's of an age where he can get over it after a few times i reckon.
Ok. Deep breaths. Onwards and upwards :0)
Thanks for listening :0)
x J
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